I'm feeeeeeeling good.
"I'm feeling good today" "already healed"
I raise my arms at jenna question. Stretching.
My lats, my back, is telling me something in morse I think. Something like 'FUCKING STOP NOW'
"Ah" seeing my grimace. Jenna understand my answer before I even say it. "Yes, Ah."
Annie make her food fall "fuck!" My eyes go to her as she grab her energy bar back.
Lalfoy look at her too. His eyes showing a bit more, confusion than mine. "Why....why? What prompted you to jump on the ground and crush yourself on the floor to grab it!?"
Ah, that's what caused the confusion. He should get used to this crazy mouse already.
Mousy, mousy as ever, lift up her head slowly to stare at malfoy. "What else could I have done?"
"Could I?" Annie tsk her tongue before he answer "you're a bad example, your fucking manner of speaking is rubbing on me"
Malfoy squint "That's good, with the amount of swears you pull out at the minute, less swearing would do you good"
Annie get up, slowly, extremely slowly. "Oh you pi-!" and I tune them out!
Hah! What a great day!
Wait no, no, what a bad day!
It's genuinely a bad day! Today I woke up, threw away what happened yesterday like a fucking badass.
The fact that I did that made me happy as fuck, so I pushed harder against negative feelings! And this in itself made me even more happy!
So yeah, a great day.
I mean bad day.
It's not confusing at all. Don't see what you're talking about. I'm a super normal and sensible guy.
Crushing my food under my teeths. My eyes roam around the room. We're all on our beds.
Well, everyone but mousy.
But like, mousy is mousy, so like, that doesn't count.
We pretty much woke up at the same time, the sun. Why the fuck am I calling this light source on the ceiling a sun now!? Whatever, it's barely up. It's soft, it's light though.
It's funny how well it can emulate the real sun.
In any case, we woke up, talked a bit, and we're now having breakfast together. As usual.
Jenna look at me from her seat on her bed, her eyes flashing toward the fight happening between malfoy and mousy.
What? What does she want now!?
She start doing some strange gestures. A NINJUSTU!? Oh no. She's just...worried as usual.
Putting my food in my mouth, my hand come up as I do a katon.
Right, right, no ninjutsu.
Shaking off my hands like I was possesed by something, I try to mime that she's being way too careful, or like, way too worried for nothing. They are just playfighting like usual.
"WHY ARE YOU BLOND ANYWAY!? I'M RACIST OF BLONDS"
Jenna stop for a second.
Look at me intently, and point at this.
Alright, annie isn't helping me much here.
Urgh, you know what? I'm in a good mood today, I'll just show off my amazing talking skills for a second.
Taking a big bite, chewing, and finishing it on record time, I speak up.
"Guys did you noticed how strange the sun is?" Annie is the first that jump on my bait "sun?" Malfoy is next "Ludger over here is talking about the light source above our head you idiot" jenna look at me, annie whip her head back to malfoy again.
Hmm, well, that's annoying. Luckily for them, I'm really the best at redirecting conversations!
"Yeah the sun, that's how I call it. Didn't you notice how good it is at emulating the sun it is? It's fucking weird" mousy go to look at the sun. Balrow is already staring straight at it, eyes open wide.
Fucking badass grandpa is in a one versus one against the sun, who will win!? His eyes!? Or the fucking sun!?
Dunno.
What I do know however is that jenna is giving me a thumbs up, and mouth something. Probably a thanks you.
Haaaaaaaaa! Mortals mortals, so weak to basic talk, MUAHAHAHAHAHA I AM TOO POWERFUL!
"It is odd" jenna is the one who talk next, using my opportunity well.
Yep, use this well legolas. As my control over fate is better than all!
I'm like the contrary of helpless, what I just did is the proof of it.
My eyes focus on the sun above us, relaxing with a crunch under my teeth.
....wait.
"It is odd" annie blink just after I speak, rubbing her eyes as she started too long.
Even malfoy don't comment on her dumbness, focused on the sun "it is indeed quite strange"
That's actually strange, WAIT A FUCKING SECOND!?
I don't even have the time to whip my head to balrow as he finish the circle "strange."
Oh right, annie didn't talk. "Aaaaaaaah my eyes fuccccck"
Well now the circle's done.
Jenna look at me "am I the only one noticing the....warmness?" Malfoy shake his head at jenna "no, it is....warm"
I lounge on my bed.
My food on the bed, beside me, as I lounge like a cat.
Huh, it does feel like I'm lounging on the sun.
Annie say my thoughts out loud "is this shit a miniature sun!?"
After annie words, we kinda all stop.
And stare at each other, my eyes go on balrow -how is his eyes fine!?- Then with jenna, then with malfoy, and finally with the teary eyes of mousy.
They all do the same, staring at everyone.
The silence is pretty heavy. And I don't like it.
Is it a miniature sun? My eyes get blurry as I stare straight into the light. It is warm, it move, it's....I don't know man.
Can the system make a sun?
It can teleport me.
And make perfect teamates for me.
The silence is heavy.
And I don't like it.
I can feel my emotions, raging, slithering under the surface like some kind of disease. Disgusting. Horrible. And so tasty at the same time.
I stare at everyone again. My thoughts widely different.
The silence is heavy.
But I'm not helpless.
Proof of it, I'll break it myself.
"Well, this place is kinda weird"
And like I'm in the middle of a classroom some rumbling and mumbling fill the room again, everyone saying their part.
The silence is heavy.
But it's not here anymore.
See, I'm not helpless.
Something rise in me again. It's nothing but a small act.
I just talked. But damn does it feel good to see that I can change this.
My feeling rise up. Fueling me. Drowning the helplessness plaguing my body secretely. Instead feeling me with a giddy sense of pride.
The kind that make the side of my lips rise up.
I focus on it. Yes. I stop everything and feel it, how it makes me want to jump up and scream in joy, in victory.
My mind push. Just trying to make the feelings bigger, more present. Fill myself with so mych of this giddyness that I won't ever ever ever NEED to feel helpless again!
It's a lie. But it's a damn comfortable and comforting one. Especially with the feelings flooding me right now.
It doesn't matter if the fucking system can rewrite reality or mess with my brain.
It doesn't matter.
Look at this, look at what I did.
I did that, I managed to do that. With some well placed words. And a standing in this group, I managed to redirect the direction of the conversation and break the silence.
It's not much.
It's not much compared to making a miniature sun, or teleporting people.
But it's still something.
I can do it.
I have my own tools.
Opening my eyes again, another thought come back. Snapping at attention. Making me curious.
Wait is this really a miniature sun?