Muggle Studies was never a quiet class.
Half the students whispered jokes under their breath.
The other half whispered confused questions.
And Professor Lily Evans—bright, earnest, and absolutely acting delusional about how electricity worked—did her best to keep the lesson from devolving into the magical equivalent of a comedy show only by maintaining her composure.
Today, however, the class didn't get the chance to become a joke.
Because the Ministry arrived.
The door slammed open with a crack that silenced every laughing whisper.
A tall wizard in a perfectly pressed charcoal suit stepped inside.
His expression was carved of stone.
His eyes cold and assessing.
Behind him: two Ministry Hit Wizards, stiff, silent, and broad enough to block the light from the hallway.
The suited man held up a parchment.
"Professor Evans," he said, in a voice that demanded compliance by sheer force of tone. "We need a word with you—Now."
Lily froze mid-sentence.
Halfway through warning the class about the "volatile dangers of muggle bread-strikers."
Cassius leaned back in his chair.
Here we go.
The girls around him shifted immediately.
Daphne smirked, folding her arms.
Hermione sat ramrod straight, horrified.
One clearly expecting something to happen since the truant Cassius bothered attending when there wasnt a test, while the other jolted in the face of Wizarding World overall authority.
Lily swallowed nervously. "Ah—Inquisitor Coulson? I—This is quite unexpected, I—"
"Not at all," Coulson said, voice clipped. "Given the number of complaints received in the last couple of weeks, this visit is long overdue."
His eyes flicked across the classroom.
They paused momentarily on the posters of "muggle fire carriages" (cars), the "magical cable bindings" (extension cords), and the giant warning sign labeled:
DANGER: MUGGLE T O A S T E R S(do not approach without adult supervision)
Coulson's eyebrow twitched.
"Class," he announced, "what you witness today is an official Ministry educational audit. You will remain seated. You will remain silent. And you will observe."
Whispers broke out.
"Is she being fired?"
"Is Hogwarts shutting down the class?"
"Did a toaster kill someone?!"
Lily tried to regain composure.
"Inquisitor, surely this can wait until after lessons—"
"It cannot," Coulson cut in sharply. "We have received no less than five hundred formal complaints regarding your curriculum."
Lily paled.
"And," he continued, "these complaints are accompanied by hundreds—plural—of signatures from citizens demanding educational reform. Including multiple members of the Arcanum."
Coulson stalked toward the front of the classroom, pulled the textbook off Lily's desk, and flipped it open.
"Let's begin," he said icily. "Describe for the class what this… illustration… is meant to be."
The page showed a muggle plugging a toaster into a wall outlet.
Except the illustration artist had apparently never seen electricity before.
The prongs glowed like molten steel.
Lightning arced from the socket.
The muggle's hair stood on end.
The bread itself was comically depicted screaming.
Lily swallowed again. "That—ah—is a standard muggle device known as a toaster."
"Mhm." Coulson snapped the book shut. "And how precisely is it dangerous, Professor?"
Her voice trembled.
"Well, when exposed to electric currents—"
"What currents?" Coulson said sharply. "Please. Enlighten us."
Lily opened her mouth.
Closed it.
Tried again.
"E-Electricity is… a violent force of… contained lightning—"
Coulson's jaw flexed.
Cassius had to look away to hide his grin.
The entire class stared, horrified, as Coulson walked toward the wall.
He tapped a poster with his wand.
An illustration of a muggle vacuum.Labeled: HOUSEHOLD SUCTION BASED TORTURE DEVICE.
"Professor," Coulson said flatly, "when was the last time you personally lived in the muggle world?"
Lily's face went red. "Since—since I was a child. But the curriculum—"
"I see," he interrupted. "So as a muggle-born, in a muggle-studies class, you are endorsing this… nonsense?"
"I don't have control!" Lily blurted out, panic rising. "I teach the curriculum the school gives me!"
The class erupted in whispers.
'Were we being taught the wrong thing?'
'Were toaster actually not a threat at all?'
'What then about those pocket contraptions?'
Cassius leaned forward.
This was the moment from his vision.
On cue—like destiny's puppetmaster pulling the string—the door opened again.
And in swept Albus Dumbledore, robes drifting behind him like a storm.
His eyes were sharp.
Calculating.
And not remotely amused.
"Lily," Dumbledore said quietly, "I would advise caution in your next statement."
Her blood drained from her face.
Coulson turned toward Dumbledore.
"Headmaster," he said crisply, "Hogwarts has been found to be teaching demonstrably false information regarding muggle culture. This constitutes gross negligence. Especially under the direction of a professor who should have the competence to correct such errors."
Dumbledore's voice was calm.
Measured.
"We follow an approved curriculum—"
"Approved yes, but the previous approval on this course dates back more than fifty years since last a course correction was filed," Coulson shot back. "And you—Headmaster—have allowed this class to become a farce."
The tension in the room thickened.
Dumbledore inhaled slowly.
Coulson continued.
"Mrs. Evans, as a muggle-born, do you believe this curriculum accurately portrays the muggle world?"
"I—" Lily croaked. "I… I… follow instructions…"
"Do you," Coulson said softly, "believe teaching children that muggle hoses are venomous serpents is moral?"
Lily stared at the floor.
"Do you believe teaching students that toasters attempt to kill their users is responsible?"
Silence.
"Do you believe muggles are a barbaric people wielding dangerous household contraptions with murderous intent?"
Lily squeezed her fists.
Trembling.
"No," she whispered.
Coulson nodded once.
Slow.
Deliberate.
"Then why," he asked, "have you taught it for years?"
The silence was absolute.
Lily opened her mouth again.
Cassius could see the desperation.
She wanted to point at Dumbledore.
She wanted to say He makes me.
She wanted to turn the blame away—to pin this current mess on anyone except for her she just wanted to be near her darling son!
But Dumbledore's presence was a weight pressing on her spine.
If she blamed him here?
Or the school itself?
She was finished.
Harry would spend half a year away from her attentive eyes, bound to get himself into trouble or get hurt, or worse!
Coulson closed the textbook with a final, definitive thud.
"This," he announced, "is unacceptable."
Dumbledore's jaw tightened.
The man had navigated wars, political coups, and dark wizards.
But a Ministry audit driven by public outrage on a legitimate educational issue?
It left the headmaster reeling unable to resist the ministries attempts to interfere at hogwarts, a domain that previously was complelty under his own jurisdiction and above reproach due to the ministies own weak position.
Coulson turned to the students.
"This audit will continue," he declared. "Until such a time that this class either meets standards… or is dismantled."
More whispers.
Students buzzing with excitement and fear.
Cassius folded his hands behind his head.
Relaxed.
Satisfied.
Exactly as he'd seen it.
Coulson snapped his wand to extinguish the flickering torches.
"This class," he declared, "is suspended until further notice."
Hermione elbowed him furiously. "Cassius, this is a disaster!"