Greg needed some time off. He was more stressed than he had ever been in either of his lives because of the constant visitors, the women who were arguing, and the royal summons that were always hanging over his head. Greg saw it as the perfect chance to do something simple and relaxing when the village chief's wife asked him to make a tea kettle because hers had broken.
He muttered to himself, "Just a tea kettle, nothing more," as he heated his forge.
"Something that makes me feel calm and peaceful. No combat uses, no strange side effects, just a lovely kettle for making tea."
By now, he should have known better. Greg took his time shaping the copper into a beautiful vessel with a comfortable handle and a spout that wouldn't leak.
He thought about peace as he hammered. The kind that got into your bones and made you feel like everything was right with the world where that was the peace he had been looking for since he was reborn.
The runes were soft silver and swirled around the kettle in shapes that looked like steam and falling leaves. They pulsed with a soft warmth that made Greg's shoulders relax just by being near them.
[Crafting Done!]
[Item Made: Tea Kettle of Eternal Comfort]
[Quality Rank: SSS]
[Special Properties: Can't be broken, Makes the best tea every time, gives off a calming aura, and puts everyone nearby into a deep state of relaxation.]
[Warning: Effects may be very strong]
[Achievement: Peace Weaponized (Again)]
Greg looked at the warning. "How bad could it be?"
"It's just tea." His word, as always, will raise a red flag.
...
Three hours later, he learned. The village chief's wife was thrilled with the kettle and used it right away to make tea for the people who came to Lylia's restaurant in the afternoon. The effect was immediate and scary.
Greg got to the restaurant and saw that all of the customers were sitting quietly, with cups of tea in their hands that were getting cold. Their faces showed perfect happiness, with their eyes half-closed and smiles that were calm and peaceful.
No one was eating, and even weirder, there was no talking. They were just sitting there, giving off a sense of peace.
"Uh, is everyone all right?" Greg asked.
"Mm," someone said in a dreamy voice. "Everything is great."
Another person said, "So peaceful."
Lylia came out of the kitchen looking worried. "Greg, I don't think the tea kettle is working right."
"People have been here for an hour. They won't go away, and they won't even eat all of their food."
"Where is the kettle now?"
"It's in the kitchen. I was going to make another pot of coffee because..." Lylia's voice trailed off, and her face became blank.
"That sounds wonderful, actually. Right now, a cup of tea sounds great." She changed the subject real fast with her calm face.
"No, no, don't go near it!" Greg grabbed her arm, but she was already moving toward the kitchen with the slow, dreamy walk of someone who is remembering something nice.
Greg ran into the kitchen and saw the tea kettle on the stove, surrounded by a silver light that he could see. He wanted to sit down and relax for a few decades just being near it. He could feel the stress leaving his body and his worries fading away like morning mist.
Greg said firmly, "No," and shook his head to clear it.
"Bad kettle."
"Stop being so calm."
He took a cloth and carefully wrapped the kettle, trying to hide its glow. As soon as he touched it, even through the fabric, he felt waves of calm wash over him. His knees gave out.
He wasn't concerned about all the stress that came with having visitors, being famous, and getting royal calls. Why worry about anything when you could just sit and relax?
"Master Greg?"
Marina's voice brought him back to reality. She stood in the door and looked worried. "Why is everyone in the restaurant just sitting there and smiling at nothing?"
"It was the tea kettle's fault, it's cursed!" Greg said through gritted teeth, trying not to sit down and never get up.
"It's making everyone too calm. It needs to be put somewhere private before the whole village turns into meditation zombies."
"Oh no," Marina said, and then she looked at the wrapped kettle. "Is that all? Can I see it?"
"NO! Don't look at it, don't think about it, and for sure don't drink anything that came out of it!" Greg backed up toward the door, making sure to keep the kettle away from Marina.
"Where is Seraphine?" I need her to put up a magical wall or something.
"She is at your workshop. She mentioned that she is organizing your commission requests." Marina was still staring at the kettle with an odd focus.
"Greg, I really want a cup of tea right now."
"Everyone wants tea all of a sudden! That's the issue!" Greg got outside and saw right away that things were worse than he thought.
The peaceful feeling had spread outside of the restaurant. People who had been working in their gardens were now sitting quietly among the plants. The storekeeper next door had put down his sign and was happily staring at nothing. The chickens even looked more relaxed than usual.
Thomas walked by, or more like floated by, with the calmness of a monk. "Hi, Master Greg. Isn't it a lovely day? Everything is so calm."
"Thomas, you have to go home right now!"
"But I'm home. We're all at home. Everything is in its right place." Thomas sat down in the street.
"I think I'll just sit here for a while."
"This is a disaster," Greg said under his breath as he ran to his workshop.
The kettle was warm in his hands, and he could still feel happy through the layers of cloth. He could feel it trying to convince him that he didn't need to run and should just slow down and enjoy the moment.
At his workbench, he saw Seraphine surrounded by papers. She looked more relaxed than he had ever seen her. She was humming to herself softly, and her usually perfect posture was relaxed, almost slouched.
"Seraphine! Please help me!"
"Mmm? Hey there, Greg." She smiled at him, without the usual analytical edge.
"Hey, I've been thinking. I put in too much work."
"Everyone has contributed a significant amount of work. We might need to take a break. A long break. Maybe forever."
"Holy fuck. Did the kettle get to you too?" Greg looked around in a panic.
"How far has this gone?"