"I don't want to lose anyone ever again..."
"Why did it have to be like this... NyanMelu, it's all my fault."
"If... if I just die like this, I won't have to lose anyone again, right..."
Michiru Matsushima knelt on the cold ground, wrapping her arms around herself. It felt as if the blood in her veins had lost all warmth, and a piercing chill threatened to freeze her solid.
Colder than her body temperature were Jhin's voice and eyes. His sky-blue pupils were like permafrost that would never thaw, devoid of the sun's warmth. Heartlessness and extreme cold were their eternal melody. "As promised, I will grant your wish."
That was the last thing Michiru Matsushima heard before she lost consciousness.
The sky was thick with dark clouds, and the falling rain seemed like teardrops shed for the girl. Jhin, holding a shovel, dug a large pit in the middle of a sea of flowers. He gazed at the black coffin placed within it, recalling the information he had read.
Michiru Matsushima had a congenital heart disease. She had been maintaining her condition with medication, but after witnessing an old friend commit suicide by jumping off a building right before her eyes, her condition deteriorated sharply. She had no choice but to undergo a heart transplant. The heart she received came from a girl who had fallen into a vegetative state after a car accident, and this was also the source of her other personality.
After the heart transplant surgery, her recovery was actually quite good. The medication she took on days when she felt unwell was meant to alleviate emotional and mental stress. So, while it looked like her heart condition was flaring up, it was actually her psychological trauma being triggered.
Because her other personality performed better in front of others, she would subconsciously choose to escape whenever she encountered a problem, leaving it for her other self to handle.
Michiru Matsushima opened her eyes. It felt as if she were trapped in a cramped space. A crack somewhere provided barely breathable, cold air, creating an extreme sense of suffocation and despair.
"Where... is this..."
"So you're finally awake, Michiru..." Jhin's words reached her from outside the space. It was the first time Michiru Matsushima had ever heard his voice so cold and devoid of any emotion.
"You remember our promise, right? I'm going to bury you in this sea of flowers that you love so much,"
"No matter how you struggle, I will see this promise through to the end. If you don't want to die, then fight with all your might to crawl out of there."
Soil rained down from above. With Jhin's every movement, Michiru Matsushima was buried, bit by bit, into a bottomless darkness, until she could no longer hear a single sound.
In a daze, Michiru Matsushima felt herself floating in the air, face to face with her other self.
"Why... when you're still alive, do you want to die?"
"Because I don't want to experience any more loss."
"Why, when I'm clearly still alive, do I have to die?"
"Then you can have this body. I'm sorry, it probably won't last much longer either."
"Why didn't you make a decision sooner? Whether it was giving the body to me or adopting NyanMelu."
"...I'm sorry."
"..."
"The only one who can change you is yourself. If you can't do it, then just rot in the darkness." With those words, her other personality drifted further and further away from Michiru Matsushima, dissolving into specks of light and disappearing, leaving Michiru alone once more in the suffocating darkness.
"Hey, Michiru, let's be together forever."
The familiar school rooftop, the familiar voice, but her old friend's face was already a blur. She stood by the railing in a tattered school uniform, extending a hand to Michiru Matsushima. A pitch-black fog spread out, forming tentacles that wrapped around her arm, impossible to shake off no matter how she struggled.
"Why are you still struggling? Aren't I your best friend?"
"Of course you're my best friend!"
"Then why not choose to be with me forever? That way, you won't have to worry about loss." Her old friend's whisper was like a demon from hell, luring a mortal to sign a contract selling their life.
"I..." Michiru Matsushima didn't know how to respond. The words of her other personality echoed in her mind.
The only one who can change you is yourself.
"I'm sorry..." Tears welled up in the girl's eyes as she offered the same happy smile she used to share with her friend long ago. "Because you're not a part of this world anymore. I... I want to live."
There were no vicious curses, no gentle blessings. The image of her old friend vanished without a trace, along with the despair-inducing black fog. Underneath the white indoor shoes by the rooftop edge lay the photo booth pictures they had taken together.
Michiru Matsushima gripped the cold handle of the rooftop door. As she pushed it open with all her strength, she also pushed open the gate that had been blocking her path forward for so long.
Cold air and raindrops fell on her cheeks. Michiru Matsushima had never felt so tangibly alive. The rain, mixed with her tears, trickled into her mouth, and the salty taste on her tongue told her this was no dream.
Jhin stood drenched by the rain, holding a shovel beside the freshly dug pit, motionless as a statue. Judging by the disturbed soil around him, he had been standing there for a very long time, like a knight guarding a sleeping princess.
"Jhin..." Michiru Matsushima's faint call came from the pit. She struggled to climb out of the coffin, her vision blurred by rain-soaked hair and tears.
A strong, powerful hand grasped Michiru Matsushima's mud-caked arm and pulled her out of the pit. "I only buried you three days ago. For someone who kept talking about wanting to die, you sure don't have much backbone, do you?"
"Why are you here?" Michiru Matsushima had thought he left long ago.
"I knew from the very beginning that you didn't really want to die. I did this to make you take that step to change yourself. So, no matter how long it took, I was going to wait for you to come out."
"What if... I'm just saying, what if I didn't come out?"
"Who knows? I never considered the possibility of you not coming out. It was reckless, but it doesn't matter now."
"You've been waiting here for me for three days?"
"Yes."
"...Have you eaten?"
"After burying a girl in a coffin, how could I have the nerve to eat? It's only been three days. The rainwater is enough to sustain me. Let's just call it a unique date experience. Come on, we've been gone for three days. Everyone must be worried."
"I'm... really alive right now, right?"
"That's right."
Jhin's simple two words made Michiru Matsushima shed tears of joy. She threw her weakened body onto Jhin's incredibly reassuring back. "Thank you, Jhin."
The rain that had persisted for three days finally stopped. Jhin carried Michiru Matsushima on his back as they walked the road back to school.
Michiru Matsushima's clothes were soaked through. She absorbed the warmth constantly radiating from Jhin's back, buried her head in the crook of his neck, and her wet golden hair slipped into his collar.
"What if I had really died in there?"
"Don't say such foolish things. I put plenty of emergency measures in that coffin. Even the dirt I buried you with was just for show."
"Is that so... Jhin, actually, about you..." Michiru Matsushima whispered her feelings into Jhin's ear. She didn't need his reply, because on the day they made the promise to bury her, she already had the answer in her heart.
The two returned to school and rested for a few days. After confirming that Michiru Matsushima had recovered from her weakened state, Jhin drove her to the home of her other personality's parents, meeting them under the pretense of thanking them.
Since then, her other personality seemed to appear more frequently. Of course, what surprised Michiru Matsushima the most was when Jhin brought back NyanMelu; the kitten that had died that day was just a toy doll he had arranged.
Jhin had braced himself for a slap from Michiru Matsushima, seeing as he had orchestrated the whole thing. However, she wasn't as angry as he had expected. She simply retaliated by leaving a bite mark on his neck, which just led to Jhin being questioned by everyone else for the next few days.
___
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