The ninety-minute journey each morning had become a ritual for my mental preparation. While the bus engine's monotonous hum shrouded the outside world in a haze, I rehearsed scenarios for the new life I was building within myself. I gazed out the window at Apexia's flowing buildings but saw none of them. Before my eyes were only scenarios, possible dialogues, and strategies distilled from a year's worth of reading about human behavior. The old Octavian, that angry and lonely child, wasn't on this bus—he remained at home, in the past. Today, the 'new me' would enter through the gates of Minerva Institute. This thought suppressed my stomach's tension with artificial confidence. Control was mine. At least, it should be.
After getting off the bus, I began walking toward the institute's massive gates. This deep state of distraction and endless internal monologue prevented me from noticing the danger right beside me.
That's why I didn't see her.
Just as I was about to be swept up in the crowd's flow, I felt a sudden touch on my left arm. This wasn't like Ella's fearful, harbor-seeking grip. This was different; fingers gently but firmly latched onto my arm. Her presence was like an anchor that instantly vaporized all the newfound freedom and control I'd gained. When I turned my head, I was met with Lunaria's—or Luna's, as she now existed in my mind—bright smile.
My mind immediately went to red alert. Is anyone watching? What does this mean? Why did she suddenly take my arm? What should I do? The old me was about to drown in those familiar waters of panic. But no. The new me wouldn't allow that.
I took a deep breath. I needed to approach this tactically.
Trying to suppress the tension in my voice, I asked in as calm a tone as possible, "Luna, what are you doing?"
She blinked and leaned toward my face. The playful tone in her voice was the strongest evidence that this was a planned move. "What's wrong, Octa?" she whispered, using that fake intimacy created by shortening my name. "Did having such a sweet girl touch you make you lose your mind?"
That's when lightning struck in my mind. This was a test. She was competing with me. She thought I couldn't respond to her bold touch, this flirtatious challenge. She saw me as someone too inexperienced and tense to react.
She was wrong.
With this thought, a cold determination rose within me. I would respond to her move with her own weapon. Without breaking eye contact, I slowly raised my free right hand and placed it over her hand that was holding my arm. My fingers gently grasped hers. Her touch loosened with momentary surprise.
"I understand what you're trying to do," I said, my voice now clearer and more controlled. "But you're wrong. Your touch didn't make me nervous, it just surprised me."
With my words, I removed her hand from my arm and took a step back. That mocking smile on her face seemed to fade for a moment, replaced by pure surprise. But it only lasted an instant. She quickly recovered, moved close to me again, and this time gripped my arm even tighter than before.
"Octa, you're really sweet," she murmured, almost leaning against me as we began walking.
A voice inside me said I should resist this clingy behavior, that I needed to draw a line. But another voice, more arrogant and new, prevailed. I wouldn't be the loser who reacted to such things anymore. Strong people ignored such petty provocations. Clinging to this thought, I decided to ignore her presence on my arm. I continued walking straight ahead, paying no attention. Internally, I was proud of how maturely I was handling this situation.
This strange walk of ours continued until we heard familiar voices in the institute courtyard.
"Ooh, Luna, who have you charmed this time?"
Both of us paused at this cheerful voice I didn't recognize. Two people were approaching us. One seemed energetic and outgoing, the other calmer and more observant. The moment she saw them, Luna released my arm as if nothing had happened and stepped away from me.
"See you later, Octa," she said, winking before gliding toward them.
The cheerful one winked at me as he passed by, murmuring, "Good start, buddy." The other just nodded with a slight smile. I didn't know who they were, but it was clear they were from Luna's circle.
As they walked away and I watched them confidently, my eyes caught sight of the other side of the courtyard. There was that quiet boy standing alone... This was my comrade Marcus. He was looking at us, or rather, at me. There was neither jealousy nor curiosity on his face. Just... a sad expression, as if disappointed. My mind immediately began analyzing the situation. I remembered how he had perked up whenever Luna's name was mentioned during lunch. Of course he liked her.
That was the reason for this sad expression; seeing the girl he liked appearing so intimate on another person's arm had disappointed him. But he couldn't see that Luna was just playing a game. He was too good-natured to notice the manipulation behind this fake closeness. A protective instinct suddenly awakened within me.
Someone like me, who now understood these games, needed to protect someone inexperienced like Marcus. Yes, this should be part of my new identity too. I would talk to him at the first opportunity. Not to explain things, but to warn him. I needed to show him Luna's true face and that of people like her, so his heart wouldn't be broken in the future. This thought gave new meaning to my victory. This wasn't just a personal triumph—I now had the power to protect others as well.
[Same moment - In front of the Department - Marcus's perspective]
The morning coolness of Apexia had settled into the institute's stone walls, covering everything in familiar silence. As always, I was early. I sat on one of the benches in the courtyard, waiting for Gaius and Cassius to appear from some corner with their familiar energy. I loved the tranquility of these early hours; those precious moments when I could be alone with my thoughts before the crowd arrived...
But that morning, that tranquility was cut like a knife. The scene I witnessed shattered all the calm within me like glass shards piercing through. They were there. Octavian and... Lunaria. They weren't just walking side by side; Luna's arm was linked with his, their relaxed, natural manner seeming like the result of a years-long habit. At that moment, I felt my heart break into a thousand pieces.
Just yesterday... just yesterday, my friend who had asked me "are you satisfied with who you are?" and said "let's become better together," was now walking arm in arm with the girl I liked, with an intimacy I didn't even dare dream of. This sight caused a sharp pain to pierce my stomach. This wasn't just jealousy; this was deep disgust and an even worse feeling of worthlessness.
Octavian really was an expert. While all I could do for days was look at her from afar and occasionally stammer a greeting, he had closed this distance in just a few hours. I was just a spectator, an extra standing on the sidelines of my own life. I didn't know what I should feel or what I should do. My brain was frozen, as if the blood in my veins had been drained.
What would his reaction be if I went to him and told him I liked Lunaria? Even this thought was terrifying. What if he said the thing I feared most? "I like her too." This possibility choked my breath. While experiencing my feelings so deeply, it was already impossible for him to notice this. I was invisible.
While I was drowning in these thoughts, I saw Luna go to her friends and Octavian was left alone. We made eye contact for a moment. He looked at me with his confident manner, with the pride of his victory. And then... he began walking toward me. My heart was pounding against my chest.
When he reached me, there was an expression on his face that I couldn't read, analyzing. Just as I was about to open my mouth and say something, he acted before me. "Hi Marcus," he said. "I need to talk to you about something before Gaius and Cassius arrive."
[Same moment - In front of the Department]
When I reached Marcus, I was rehearsing the sentence I was about to construct in my mind. This wasn't a simple conversation; this was an operation. Objective: Remove Marcus from Luna's sphere of influence and take him under my protection. The broken expression on his face reminded me how delicate the first phase of my plan needed to be. One wrong word and I could lose him completely.
I adjusted my voice to the softest, most non-judgmental tone possible; this was the first rule of building trust. "Marcus," I said, keeping my eyes on him even when he wasn't looking at me. "I'm going to ask you something, but I want you to be completely honest with me." I paused for a moment, measuring the effect of my words. "You... might you have feelings for Luna?" I asked the question gently but directly, like inserting a needle.
My question hung in the silent void between us. Marcus's face was like the stage of an amateur actor who couldn't hide his thoughts. First, surprise flashed in his eyes—he was caught. Then his eyebrows furrowed slightly, as if searching for a denial but unable to find one. Finally, his shoulders sagged, he looked away from me, and with painful acceptance, he nodded slightly. He didn't need to speak. His body language was the clearest confession. Data collected. Analysis complete. Now it was time for the second phase of the operation.
I took a deep breath, a small moment I gained to plan my next move. "Look," I began, with absolute certainty in my voice. "Then let's put the most important truth on the table first: I don't like her one bit. Zero. For me, she's nothing more than an equation to be solved." I paused to try to read the expression on his face. "I'm aware of how heartbreaking what you saw must have been from your perspective. Our closeness at that moment might have broken your heart. That's why... I apologize." This apology was a strategic retreat. I needed to lower his guard first. "But that's not the real issue. The real issue is that Lunaria isn't the type of opponent you can handle alone."
My last sentence had worked. Marcus's head shot up quickly. Hurt anger flashed in his eyes. "What does that mean? Isn't she worthy of me?"
"Don't be stupid!" I said, trying to keep my voice under control. "That's not the point. Look, that girl isn't what she appears to be. Every move, every word she says is calculated. Even her touching me this morning was planned. She thought I was too inexperienced to respond to this move. If I had pushed her away angrily, I would have proven what she wanted—that I was weak. I responded to her game with her own rules, that's all."
The anger on Marcus's face gave way to stubborn suspicion. "I don't think that's true. Maybe she was just... being sincere."
His naive stubbornness showed me I needed to make a small adjustment to my plan. Theoretical explanations would be insufficient; I needed to present him with concrete evidence. I set a determined expression on my face. "Fine. Then okay, Marcus. I'll show you her true face. I promise. I'll get you very close to her and you'll see with your own eyes what kind of person she is when she's with you. I'll even try to set you two up if possible."
Just then, a cheerful voice rose from the other side of the courtyard: "Hey! Who are you setting up with whom, matchmaker?"
Gaius and Cassius had reached us. Gaius had his usual mocking smile. My mind immediately adapted to the new situation. Crisis management. Without a moment's hesitation, I put my arm around the shoulder of Marcus, who was frozen in shock. This physical contact was an action that sealed my words. He was now my responsibility. "No one specific," I said casually. "I was just going to help Marcus find a girlfriend. Right, buddy?"
Cassius looked me up and down. "Wow, there's no trace of last week's tension. What's with this ease?"
The group began walking toward the classroom with laughter. I walked with the satisfaction of the promise I'd given Marcus and my newly acquired 'protective' role. My mind was busy making plans for how to expose Luna in Marcus's eyes. Just as I was immersed in this analytical mood, I noticed some commotion among the corridor crowd.
Coming toward us with coffee in her hand was that quiet girl, Ella. She looked distracted. I noticed that as she walked looking into space, she tripped over someone in front of her. Time slowed down. Ella's body lurched forward, the cup in her hand tilted dangerously, and the brown liquid inside surged like a wave toward the girl in the white blouse right in front of her.
Dozens of scenarios flashed through my mind in a split second. Intervene. Don't. You'll embarrass yourself. You'll be a hero. What would the old you do? What should the new you do? While all these thoughts clashed in my brain, my body decided before me. I stopped thinking. I acted.
Reflexively, I lunged forward and touched the white-bloused girl's shoulder with my hand, pulling her back a step. This move saved her, but didn't stop Ella's fall. As soon as I released her, I turned to Ella, who was now tumbling into empty space. Just before she fell, I caught her by both arms.
Ella's body stopped as it hit mine. Her familiar hazel eyes, widened with shock, locked onto mine. There was almost no distance between us. The thick coffee aroma mixing in the air, the corridor's commotion, and the instant shock I saw in her eyes... All of it silenced my mind. There was no plan. No analysis. Only that moment existed.
The frozen moment was shattered like breaking glass by Gaius's laughter. "Well, well, well! Octavian in action! Hero of the day!" Cassius added with laughter, "He saved one girl and caught the other. Now that's versatility!"
Their mocking voices pulled me out of the trance I was in. First, I turned to the girl I had saved from spilling coffee. There was still a shocked expression on her face. "Are you okay?" I asked. "I'm sorry for touching you, it happened suddenly." The girl nodded and murmured "It's fine, thank you," before quickly walking away.
Then I gave all my attention to Ella in my arms. Her eyes were wide as saucers, constantly apologizing to me and about the coffee stain on the floor. "I'm so sorry, I was distracted... Are you okay? Did I cause you trouble, are you burned?" Her voice was so full of panic that this situation pressed my 'protective' button once again.
I shot a stern look at Gaius and Cassius. "You two go inside," I said in a clear voice. "And don't talk." Although both were surprised, they walked toward the classroom without saying anything.
I gently straightened Ella. "Wait," I said in a calm voice. I looked her up and down. No coffee had spilled on her. "Good, you're not burned." Then I looked at my own hands and t-shirt. There was nothing except a few small drops. When I heard Ella still whispering "I'm sorry, it's my fault," I couldn't stand it. "Don't act like this," I said. "Of course I'm going to protect you. Aren't you my friend?"
My words had silenced her. Her face blushed slightly. Just then, my eyes caught sight of her shoes on the ground. "Ah," I said. "I think I found the problem."
I bent down. The lace of her right shoe had come completely undone. Kneeling on the ground, I took the lace in my hand and carefully tied it. "You need to be more careful, okay?" I murmured without lifting my head. When I straightened up, with an instinctive movement brought on by the moment, without thinking about what I was doing, I reached out and patted her head.
The moment my fingers touched her hair, I realized what I had done. My mind immediately began screaming "MISTAKE! This wasn't planned! This is too much!" I quickly pulled my hand back as if I had touched fire. "I'm sorry," I said hastily. "For a moment... I think I went too far."
Ella said nothing. I just saw her cheeks redden even more. We both stood there in the middle of the corridor, not knowing what to say.
"Octavian, you're so kind."
Both of us startled and turned toward that voice. Professor Livia was smiling at us with books in her hands. "But we're going to be late for class, come on now."
As we walked toward the classroom behind Livia, the confusion in my mind was incredible. I should have made a joke to her. Something like 'You know, professor, I barely have time for class between dispensing justice.' Why did I stay silent? Why did I just walk like an idiot? The promises I made to Marcus, my victory against Luna, my rescue of Ella... Everything seemed to lose meaning all at once. At the end of the day, no matter how perfect my plans were, in those critical moments I was still the old, clumsy Octavian.