The night transformed into a nightmare in the dark corridors of my mind. I found myself alone in the institute's massive presentation hall, under the spotlights. Before me stood my ten-person group, their faces shrouded in shadows. The presentation was over, and a deadly silence had engulfed the hall. Then, Professor Aurex Cassimar's mocking, soul-piercing laughter echoed from the front row. The laughter grew, bouncing off the walls and rolling toward me like an avalanche.
"So this was it, Octavian Corvus?" Aurex's voice filled the hall like thunder. "This is the result of all that genius of yours?"
My eyes searched for someone in the crowd. Ella was there. But she wasn't looking at me with those warm, reassuring gazes as always. There was only disappointment in her eyes. That look hurt more than Aurex's laughter.
I woke up drenched in sweat, my heart pounding as if it would break through my ribcage. The silence of the room made me think for a moment that the nightmare was continuing, but the digital numbers on my wall clock brought me back to reality. I took a deep breath.
Calm down, I told myself. This was just a dream. But the fear underlying the dream was real: the fear of failure, the fear of disappointing others.
I got out of bed and walked to the window. Apexia's silhouette, illuminated by the first rays of light, stood before me. Pull yourself together, Octavian. The new me doesn't give up so easily. My mind immediately began listing counter-arguments. Yes, Aurex had set a trap. But I had beaten Flavia's trap. Yes, Luna was playing a dangerous game. But I had gained a sincere friend like Ella. There were plenty of things I had done right. This wasn't defeat. This was a new phase of the battle.
With these thoughts, I felt somewhat reassured and went downstairs. My mother Aurelia was in the kitchen, and the aroma in the air instantly brought a smile to my face. She had made my favorite spicy sausage and melted cheese toast just for me.
"Good morning, sleepyhead," my mother said, placing the plate in front of me. "You look like you have an important day ahead."
I nodded silently. My mother's small gestures meant much more than words ever could.
After breakfast, when I went up to my room, I saw clothes laid out on my bed. It was Marcella's work. A dark green shirt with small geometric patterns that I would normally never touch, and perfectly fitted black pants.
When I put them on and stood in front of the mirror, I felt foreign to myself. This wasn't the usual Octavian. This was someone more... assertive. My father entered the bathroom as I was trying to fix my hair and handed me a small, elegant box. "Try this," he said. Inside was a hair wax that was obviously expensive. With my father's silent support, I styled my hair. When I looked in the mirror one last time, I was embarrassed. Did I overdo it? This isn't the look of someone "just going to buy books."
Then the analytical voice in my mind kicked in. This is also good imagery for your meeting with Flavia. It shows that you take yourself seriously and are confident. This rationalization was enough to suppress that strange shame inside me.
When I left the house, the cool morning air hit my face. As I boarded the bus, I began observing people as usual. But this time, my analyses were superficial. My mind was constantly elsewhere. What would I say to Flavia? What would I talk about with Ella at that bookstore? What if I said something stupid again?
When the institute's massive gates came into view, I took a deep breath. This was my battlefield. Last night's nightmare was just a pale reflection of the reality here. I got off the bus, straightened my shirt collar, and began climbing the marble steps with confident strides.
Today I would fight on two fronts. One was a strategic struggle against a general who had captured my mind and forced me into defense. The other was an uncertainty I couldn't name that made my heart race. And I wasn't sure which was more dangerous.
As I left the institute's main hall and climbed the stairs leading to the upper floor where the professors' offices were located, I felt the atmosphere change instantly. This was my first time coming up to this floor. The noise and energy of the student crowd below gave way to sounds absorbed by carpeted floors, heavy seriousness, and an almost tangible expectation. The walls were decorated with oil paintings telling the institute's history and busts of successful former graduates. This wasn't the students' place, but the generals' headquarters.
At the beginning of the corridor, Professor Livia Valeria emerged from the room whose door was ajar. When she saw me, that warm smile appeared on her face as always.
"Octavian! Good morning. I've never seen you around here."
"Good morning, Professor. I had an appointment."
Livia's eyes immediately understood. "With Flavia, right? She's a tough woman but her intentions are good. Stop by my office after you're done, I'll treat you to tea. We can chat a bit."
"I'd be delighted, Professor."
This brief and sincere conversation somewhat calmed the tension inside me. As I continued on my way, I passed Professor Quentillus Ventorius's office. His door was wide open. Inside, he sat at his desk, doing nothing, staring at the opposite wall with a blank expression. When he noticed me, his eyes wandered meaninglessly over my face.
"Professor," I greeted him.
He only responded with a barely audible grunt. That was expected from him. As I approached the end of the corridor, I saw the door I feared most: A. Cassimar. The fact that the door was closed spread indescribable relief through me. I'm lucky I didn't run into him today.
Finally, I reached the door I was looking for. I took a deep breath and knocked.
"Come in."
I opened the door at Flavia's clear voice from inside. Her office was a reflection of her character. There were no unnecessary items. Everything was arranged in military order, furnished with sharp-lined furniture. Only a large map of the Valerian Republic hung on her wall.
"Professor."
Flavia was sitting at her desk, surveying me. Her eyes scanned every detail from my new shirt to my carefully styled hair. "You're punctual, Corvus. And you've taken care of your appearance. You have an immature personality but these are steps taken in the right direction."
This was a compliment in her language. "Thank you."
"In the last class," she continued, immediately changing the subject. "You presented me with a solution. Ruthless but effective. However, the path to that solution was the product of last-minute improvisation, not being prepared."
"Professor, I'm always prepared," I defended myself. "But as you also pointed out, memorized preparation is the greatest trap. I just created a new model using the data at hand in the most correct way."
Flavia leaned back. There was neither anger nor appreciation in her eyes; just pure, analytical curiosity. "So, what do you want to become, Octavian Corvus?"
This question caught me unprepared. I hadn't thought about the answer. The words that spilled from my mouth were unplanned, completely instinctual.
"I want to become myself."
"What kind of 'self' is this?"
"Strong," I said, the determination in my voice surprising even me. "A me that carves his own path, doesn't remain in others' shadows. But... I can't break away from my nature so quickly. This is a process."
Flavia listened to me silently for a moment. "Based on this year's final performance, I'm thinking of taking a student as an advisor next year to work on a project with me. This is one of the most prestigious positions at the institute. But that person needs to keep up with my harsh discipline and expectation of absolute dedication." Her eyes looked directly into mine. "I haven't yet figured out whether you have that potential."
This wasn't an offer, it was bait. She was testing me.
"Professor," I said in as respectful but clear a voice as possible. "Your considering me as a candidate for this position is an honor for me. But if you'll allow me, I'd also like to give this decision when the time comes. If I feel it from within and believe I can work with you, then I'll consider this offer. I want to be someone who has a say in their own choices, not a pawn that others drag along."
An expression I had never seen before appeared on Flavia's face. Surprise and... appreciation. The corner of her lips barely curved upward.
"Good," she said simply. "Then prove yourself, Corvus." She gestured toward the door with her hand. "You may go."
As I left the office, I began walking down the corridor with the slight relief brought by the small victory I had won.
Just then, the door of the adjacent office opened and a shadow fell into the corridor.
Professor Aurex Cassimar was leaning against his doorframe, arms crossed over his chest, looking at me with that ever-present pleased, devilish smile.
"Octavian Corvus," he said, his voice hissing like a snake in the corridor's silence. "What are you doing on the nobles' floor?"
Professor Aurex Cassimar's voice stabbed into the corridor's silence like a dagger. For a moment, I felt my blood freeze. The small sense of victory brought by my meeting with Flavia instantly evaporated with this man's presence. I couldn't step back; that would mean admitting I was prey.
I took a deep breath, suppressed the panic in my mind, and put as calm an expression as possible on my face.
"I'm here because I had a meeting with the nobles, Professor," I said, taking care that my voice didn't tremble. "How are you?"
Aurex's pleased smile widened even more with my answer. Unexpectedly, he let out a mocking laugh. "Clever boy. I liked that." His eyes gestured toward Flavia's closed door. "So you met with General Flavia. This is your first time on this floor, isn't it?"
"Yes, Professor."
"Tsk," he said with fake disappointment. "I missed the pleasure of being the first to call you to this floor. Well, never mind. But since you've learned the way, you'll stop by my office too from now on. Come next week, same day, same time. It'll be fun."
This wasn't an invitation, it was an order. Before I could respond, he continued. "I have a class with the engineers now, so I'll continue your interrogation later." His eyes surveyed me from head to toe. "I also liked this fancy look of yours. Do your hair like this in my class too and always wear colorful clothes like this. Maybe you'll add some color to my monochrome world through you, make the classes more beautiful."
As soon as he finished his sentence, he approached me and hit my shoulder hard like Flavia did. But this wasn't congratulation, it was a show of power. Then he turned his back and walked away down the corridor.
I released the breath I was holding with his departure. I felt like I had survived a storm. At that moment, I understood I had made the right decision in my meeting with Flavia. That woman hated weakness, and my upright stance at that moment had earned her respect. But how working with her would affect my life was impossible to predict right now. I thought, I really said what came to mind at that moment. As I remembered the bold sentences I had constructed against Flavia, I felt a bit embarrassed.
"How much longer are you going to wait there, Corvus?"
Professor Livia's voice interrupted my thoughts. She was standing at her door threshold, smiling at me. "The tea is getting cold."
I followed her into her office. This was the complete opposite of Flavia's office. The walls were painted in warm colors, one corner of the room was covered with shelves full of books reaching to the ceiling. Instead of orderly file stacks on her desk, there were several potted flowers and old photographs. The air smelled of old books and freshly brewed tea.
"Sit down," she said, handing me my cup. "So, tell me. What did the General call you to her headquarters for?"
"Just... she said there were a few things I needed to correct, Professor," I said, not wanting to go into details.
Livia laughed. "Are you being this secretive even with me, Octavian? Come on, didn't she mention her project to you?"
What I heard made the tea go down the wrong way. When I started coughing, Livia's cheerful laughter filled the room.
"How did you...?" I asked after catching my breath.
"Flavia and I are old friends," she said as if stating the most natural thing in the world. "We discuss everything."
"But you two are so different," I said in amazement. "I mean, you're more compassionate, more supportive. Professor Flavia seems to believe that only the strongest should survive."
"Don't be fooled by appearances," Livia said. "Both of us try to reach the same goal through different paths: bringing out the potential within you. She makes steel by hammering iron with fire. I wait patiently for the soil to sprout by working it. Our methods are different, yes. But our intention is the same."
This explanation put many things in place in my mind.
"I'll have a project too," Livia continued. "But unlike Flavia, I won't say 'work with me.' If you want to participate, this offer will always be open to you. Just know that."
"Thank you, Professor."
As I stood up to leave, Livia also got up with me. She placed her hand on my shoulder. "I know you want to become someone new, Octavian. But remember; being strong doesn't just mean being prepared, tough, and disciplined for everything. Being strong means having the courage to listen to your heart when the time comes. Never forget that."
She patted my back. "Thank you, Professor," I said, with gratitude in my voice. As I left her office, the storm in my mind had calmed, replaced by clear tranquility.
I reached the end of the corridor and hesitated. My phone was in my hand. I brought my finger over Ella's name. Here was my safe zone: Messaging. Choose words, delete and rewrite until you find the perfect formula. Zero risk.
But Professor Livia's words echoed in my mind: "...the courage to listen to your heart."
My heart began pounding against my ribcage like a war drum. Was this a courage test? Or foolishness? My finger hovered over the call button for one second, two seconds, then, silencing all the logical warnings in my brain, I pressed it.
The mechanical ringing sound from the speaker was like a metronome counting a death row inmate's final steps.
(Ring...) What will I say now? "Hello, I'm Octavian." Too formal.
(Ring...) What if she's busy? Or worse, what if she answers and asks, "Is something wrong?"
(Ring...) Hang up. Hang up and send a message. This was such a stupid idea.
Just as I was about to press the hang-up button, the line connected.
Ella: "Hello?"
Her voice sounded clearer and a bit more surprised than I expected. Blood rushed to my brain.
Octavian: (Clears throat) "Ella? Hello. It's... Octavian." (Brilliant, genius boy. Who else would it be?)
Ella: (The surprise in her voice gave way to warm curiosity) "Octavian! Hello! Is there a problem, are you okay?"
Octavian: "No, no! There's no problem. Definitely no problem. Everything is... at optimal level. I just... I didn't bother you, did I?" (Optimal level? Really?)
I heard that sweet giggle from the other end of the phone. This sound momentarily calmed the panic inside me.
Ella: "No, what bother. I was just very surprised. You usually send messages, so I got worried for a moment."
Octavian: "Yes. I know. This time... I wanted it to be different." (Find a logical excuse, quick!) "I mean, I thought... voice communication has a higher data transfer rate than text-based communication. It would be more efficient to confirm today's plan details."
There was a momentary silence. Then I could almost hear the smile in Ella's voice.
Ella: "I see, 'Professor.' Don't worry, I didn't forget tomorrow's plan. We're going to the bookstore."
Octavian: "Great. My meeting with Flavia finished at noon. If it's convenient for you, we could meet around two o'clock in front of the big bookstore in the city center... would that work for you?"
Ella: "Perfect, that works great! I'll be there at two."
Octavian: "Then it's settled," I said with the air of a commander who had completed his mission. "See you tomorrow."
Ella: "See you, Octavian," she said, and just as she was about to hang up, she added. "By the way... I'm glad you called."
When I hung up the phone, I had to lean against the wall for a moment. My heart was still beating like a marathon runner's. Facing Flavia or Aurex seemed like child's play compared to this three-minute phone conversation.
I boarded the bus to the city center and found a seat by the window. The twenty-minute journey to get there felt like the longest twenty minutes of my life. At every notification sound, I jumped to my phone, and even while looking outside through the window, only she was on my mind. This excitement, this anticipation, was more intense than even the tension of the most difficult exams. And I didn't hate this feeling.