Why was Aion running?
Why did he run with all his might toward the crying Luna?
What about her made him push so hard?
He's seen hundreds of rejections in real life and fiction.
He's seen them cry. He's seen them get angry. And he's seen them fall into despair.
Of course, it hurts. When witnessing it, he felt the pain that the rejected character does. But it's a reality he would always accept.
A reality he had to accept.
So why was his heart telling him to reject this narrative?
Why was his heart telling him to act?
This was a dream. A fictitious reimagining of a novel. The events are set in stone. The events that he has no control over will always exist within that novel.
This dream doesn't have power over the novel.
Much like how he's never had any power over any works of fiction.
He was an observer. A being outside of everything.
He could sympathize and empathize all he wanted, but he could never reach his hand out to help.
There is an uncrossable wall between real and fake.
He was real.
Luna was fake.
So his actions were meaningless.
Everything in this world of Crystal Machinations has been meaningless.
His friendship with Luna.
His connection to Aira.
His impression of Alexander.
His liking of Sam.
And his dislike of Alphonse.
All of it was pointless—a complete waste.
And yet, one after another, his feet stomped furiously into the ground below.
He moved forward toward that crying girl.
Toward that meaningless action.
* * *
A light snow was falling as Aion slowed down. Breathing heavily, he looked at the sob-ridden girl. She sat, curled up, against the door of Lunalis Temple.
It was near dark at this point, with sunset almost being over. Thus, the cold was starting to get much worse than the day.
One step.
Two steps.
Three steps.
Aion took all three toward Luna, still racked with heavy sobbing. Despite coming here, Aion didn't have a clue on what he wanted or should say. He had been so swept up in getting here he hadn't considered what to say.
No, that wasn't quite right.
He wouldn't have found the right words to begin with. All he could do was spout off generic platitudes, like he has done so often in the past.
But this time, he couldn't even will himself to do that.
"Why?" Luna's quiet voice interrupted Aion's self-deprecation.
"Why? Why what?" Aion asked.
"Why did you follow me?"
"That's…that's what friends are for…"
Aion felt sick. Despite not feeling like it only a few seconds ago, he spouted off a generic platitude.
"Because we're friends?" Luna looked up at Aion, her face stained with tears.
"Yeah…"
"That's funny. You didn't even want to be friends, right?"
"It's not quite that…"
"Then what is it?"
"I…" Aion trailed off.
Luna laughed bitterly. "I guess if I never forced this stupid friendship thing on you, I would be alone like I wanted."
"That's not true…"
"So what, you're some sort of guy who can't watch a girl cry without stepping in?"
"..." Aion didn't say anything.
"No, someone like you could probably watch a girl cry and feel nothing at all."
"Why—"
"Hey, Aion, you came here because we're friends, right?"
"Yeah."
"Then can you do something for me?"
"What is it?"
"Can you do it for me?"
"I need to know what it is."
"I guess that's fair."
"Of course it is."
"Then, Aion, can you kill me?"
"Huh?"
Aion's eyes bugged out for a moment. He couldn't believe it. He must've misheard her. But her face stared at him with pleading eyes, and her expression longed for death. It was an expression he'd long gotten used to.
"I want you to kill me," Luna repeated the request.
"Why? Why do you just want to die like that!?" Aion's voice raised in anger.
"Aion, do you know what it's like to be hated by everyone?"
"Uh, no…"
"Do you know what it's like to be treated like the spawn of evil?"
"That's…"
"Do you know what it's like to be scorned for your own appearance?"
"I—"
"Do you know what it's like to be hated by your own parents?"
Aion wanted to say something, but Luna continued.
"Do you know what it's like to be treated like I have some sickness?"
"Do you know what it's like to be told I can never be redeemed?"
"Do you know what it's like to be treated as something so foul that associating with me for too long could tarnish you?"
"Do you know what it's like to exist in a group of friends that want nothing to do with you?"
"Do you know what it's like being rejected by someone you love so dearly?"
"Do you know what it's like having the person who treated you normally just disappear!?"
Luna yelled the last question as more tears streamed down her face.
Aion was stunned into silence, leaving him only able to stare at her with saddened eyes.
Luna was forced to the back by Alphonse. Esme and Sam hadn't even bothered talking to her at the time. When Aion had been walking with her every time in town, no one called out to her. No, but—
"You have Aria and Aira, right?" Aion asked.
"Aria and Aira?" Luna said quietly. She gritted her teeth and spat out, "What do you know about those two!? You have no clue what they're like or why they treat me like they do!"
"Then tell me!"
Luna glared at Aion and stood up to match his gaze. "Oh yeah? How could they ever be my friend when I killed their parents!?"
Aion was hit with a massive wave of nausea.
"What? No, that's, that's not, no, that's—"
"I know Aira hates me, and Aria is just taking pity on me!"
"Just hope she doesn't resent you." Aion's words returned to him along with Luna's reply of "It's fine. Nothing's changed and nothing will."
"I can never be happy in this place, so when I had finally met someone who treated me normally, I was so happy," Luna started speaking again. "They treated me like a person, not some cursed being forsaken by Lunalis herself. So why? Why did he have to leave me!?"
Aion took a step back, his eyes flaring with a multitude of emotions.
"Hey, Aion, why did he leave me? Why?"
"How—how am I supposed to know?"
Luna laughed bitterly and said, "Of course you wouldn't know. You're just a damn stranger."
"Huh? Damn?"
"But Aion, you're my friend, right? You're looking out for me, right? You're not like the people of Magna, right?"
"Wait, just wait—"
"So please," Luna grabbed his hands and held them in hers. "Please kill me. Kill me so I can escape this Hell. Kill me so I can be free from this filthy body of mine!"
Luna's eyes were filled with desperation. It was like she had nothing else left.
No, she had nothing else left.
"Aion, this is the only thing I want from you. After this, you can forget I ever existed. You can finish what you've started. You can finally achieve what you've been searching for all this time."
"What?" Aion barely let out the word; he was being overwhelmed.
"I'm sure you can find more helpful people than me, people who can give you what you're looking for. You can find happiness, so please, just give up on me!"
"What the hell? What the hell are you talking about!?"
Luna laughed and said, "Oh God! Why, why, why!?"
"God? Why are you crying out to God now!? Why do you suddenly say all this shit!?"
"What does it matter!?" Luna screamed the question. "Why are you suddenly making it about something that just doesn't matter!? It doesn't fucking matter! Just kill me!"
Luna grabbed Aion's collar forcefully and pulled him in closer.
Aion shoved Luna away and said, "If you want to die, just kill yourself. I'm not going to kill you; do it yourself."
"No! I can't! If I do, if I do, I'll be damned!"
"Isn't your life Hell anyway? Then what does it matter? You'll just go to another Hell!"
"I don't want to go to Hell!"
Aion laughed. "Oh yeah? You suddenly know what Hell is? Were you just fucking with me the entire God damned time!?"
"No! I wasn't! Why would you think that!?"
"Hey," Aion said, much quieter than normal. "When we met at the shack, you said how you were surprised to see me out of it. Why is that? It's almost like you already knew I was there."
"Huh? No, that's—"
"And then there was how when you heard I lost my memories of how I got there, suddenly you happily introduced yourself. You quickly got over all the confusion that you had. Why is that?"
"Why are you suddenly—"
"And then my name—why were you so surprised at my name?"
"Your name is—"
"And then there was the weird insistence on explaining random things involved with Magna. Why?"
"I—"
"Then there was the impression of me you had, that I'm average. Why?"
"Why's that—"
"And you wanted to be friends with me so desperately, you even made a story of how it was only to gain information, right?"
"No—"
"And then there was your surprise at me being polite. Anyone thinking logically could realize that it isn't that surprising I was rude to you and not someone else, so why?"
"You're just—"
"Furthermore, whether my politeness is the real me or not, what the fuck was with that cryptic question? Not only that, you even started crying over the stupid interaction. Why?"
"Look, I can—"
"Additionally, your interest in my personal life was quite high. Why?"
"Can you—"
"But what confuses me even more is your disappearance. Why did you just disappear like that?"
"Why do you—"
"Everything you do is weird. What are you trying to accomplish? I don't understand. And now you're telling me to kill you!?"
"Can you just shut up!?" Luna screamed. "You're just going on and on about yourself and your own concerns; you're the one who didn't want to open up! You're the one who kept pushing me away! And now you're wondering why you can't understand me!? Think about it for more than a few seconds! You're just seeing a narrative you want to see, that I'm hiding something huge over here! Why? Why don't you trust me!? Why won't you grant me what I want!?"
"So is that all our friendship was? A fallback for you?"
"Yes! What of it!? You never cared about it to begin with, so I never bothered to care either!"
"Yeah, I guess you're right. I'm just some heartless person who didn't care. I didn't care when you started crying on the first day of our meeting. I didn't care when you just disappeared for several days. And I didn't care when you came back looking like you were crying! Is that what you believe!? That this entire time I didn't care?"
"If you cared so much, why did you treat me so badly!?"
"I thought we were just joking around!"
"Just joking around!? How is being terrible to someone else just joking around!? What kind of life have you lived!?"
"Don't you fucking dare talk about the life I've lived! You clearly had it so much worse than me, so why would you care!? You're the poor tragic heroine, while I'm the friend that's supposed to be good to you—is that what this is!?"
"Oh yeah!? Then what did you go through!? Did you have people shoving you down as you walked!? Did you have people telling you that you'll be damned for all of eternity!? Did you have your father yell at you because you merely existed!? Do you have people treating you like some evil being!? Well!?"
"Yeah, your life sucks. It's worse than mine, so you're right. I'm the piece of shit. I'm the one that doesn't deserve anything. Are you happy now? I'm the piece of shit that made you miserable."
Luna slapped Aion. The noise reverberated through the quiet place.
"And now you're acting all self-deprecatory? Seriously!?" Luna was enraged.
"Then what do you want me to do? Ask for forgiveness? What does it even matter if you just want to die!?"
"Ah, I guess you're right, it doesn't really matter. My life is terrible. I've killed so many people, and now I'm getting what I deserve."
"And there you go again, saying how you're a murderer. Are you ever going to explain, or are you just spouting off more shit to make me sympathize!?"
"Just go around town and ask them; I'm sure they'll be plenty happy to answer your questions!"
"Fine, I'll do just that! Since apparently anything to make me sympathize with you is fair game to share, but anything that makes you look bad? Absolutely not!"
"Then leave!"
"Luna Amaryllis," Aion began. "The hero you're looking for—they don't exist."
Then, Aion walked away, not bothering to hear what Luna had to say.
* * *
When Aion returned to his residence, Aira was missing. He supposed Alphonse ordered her to stay at the Manor tonight.
Standing in the dark, Aion felt his body still trembling.
Aion gritted his teeth and kicked the table. This, all of this, it's all a pain in the ass, Aion thought.
This was a dream. A dream!
And yet, why was he getting so worked up over such a stupid thing?
He didn't understand.
He couldn't understand.
All he could understand were the characters in this dream novel. They were fictional; thus, they were predictable.
He had been missing a piece to the puzzle that is Luna's character so he'd been caught off guard. He, of course, had hints toward it all. But he didn't bother noticing it. This was a dream; being observant was pointless.
This was all pointless.
He's told himself that again and again, but he continually lets himself get wrapped up in this terrible dream's problems.
But now, he's gone too far. This dream was controlling him, eating away at him, and reminding him of things he didn't want to think about.
Yeah, this wasn't a dream. When did Aion realize that? He wasn't quite sure.
But now, he can say with full confidence that this, this is not a dream.
It's a nightmare.