After hanging up the phone, Sophie stood frozen in place for a long time, clutching her mobile.
Her two Chinese roommates, both university students, stood at the door and asked with concern, "Sophie, what's wrong? Has your mom's condition been stable lately?"
"I'm fine. Mom had surgery yesterday and she's stable now. Thank you! I'm okay, just a little tired." She forced a smile, shook her head, and gently closed the bedroom door.
Sitting down at her desk, her gaze fell on the photograph of her and her mother.
In the picture, both of them were beaming. Anyone could see at a glance that they were a mother and daughter bound by deep, overflowing love.
"Mom… I know I shouldn't have fallen in love with Ned, but I want to follow my heart just this once. Would you support me?" Sophie whispered to the photograph, staring at it intently.
Then, scene after scene from the past six months came flooding back, vivid as if they had happened only yesterday.
She pulled her long-neglected diary from the drawer, hesitated for a moment, picked up her pen, and began to write on the narrow ruled lines:
It feels like everyone is against it…
I know I've made a decision that far exceeds what I'm capable of handling. Even without others reminding me, I'm fully aware of how vast the gulf is between our backgrounds and statuses.
But the path just keeps stretching forward, and I always feel that God is guiding me from somewhere beyond, pointing me in a direction I didn't choose myself.
Is this what people call fate? Is a person's fate decided the moment they're born?
If that's true, then why do we humans struggle so desperately?
Perhaps fate is a kind of trial. Like a video game—only by giving everything you have in the battle can you safely pass the level. Or maybe fate is a kind of setting, a design meant to purify us.
Lara wasn't wrong. Because of me, so many people have been hurt. I've let down so many people, but they have their own trials to endure, don't they?
They're grieving because they can't have what they want, and they too have obstacles they must overcome.
But what is my trial? How do I face this test in a way that is true to myself?
If I completely give up this love, everyone else will be happy, everyone else will be satisfied, and all their wishes will come true.
And me? Only I will be unhappy. Only I will be unfulfilled. Only I will be shackled! What about what I want? God can't treat me this unfairly!
That's why I want to walk this path that has been laid out for me in the shadows, even if it means being shattered to pieces, even if the whole world points fingers at me. This is my trial!
Staring at the diary page, she realized the small sheet was already filled to the brim.
Slowly, she closed the diary and sat there in a daze until her phone on the desk suddenly buzzed.
She jumped, startled, then snapped out of her trance and picked it up. It was Ned calling.
"Hey, are you resting already?" His low, warm voice came through the receiver.
"I…" She scrambled for an excuse. "I was organizing my notes, so it got late…"
"University lecture notes? Which professor? What class?" Ned pressed gently.
"Don't you believe I was organizing notes?" She tried to steady her emotions.
"Your voice sounds so melancholy." He didn't answer directly. "If something's wrong, you have to tell me the truth."
She took a deep breath and forced a smile. "It's nothing…" Her eyes lifted to the photo of her mother, and her voice dropped, heavy with sorrow. "I've just been thinking about Mom a lot."
Ned was silent for a moment. "Do you want me to come over and be with you?"
Sophie froze. "Be with me?"
"I can come tonight and stay with you, or I can send a driver to bring you here."
"Why?"
"Right now you must be feeling terrible. In times like this, I don't want you to be alone."
For some reason, Sophie suddenly couldn't speak. A wave of sourness surged up in her chest…
"I'm coming over right now."
He was about to hang up when Sophie hurriedly stopped him. "No, don't come!" She quickly explained, "My room is really tiny, and next door there are two Chinese girls studying here. If you came, I wouldn't be able to sleep all night."
He let out a low, rumbling chuckle. "That sounds pretty suggestive."
Sophie's face instantly burned. "I mean it would feel strange having you here. I'm not used to anyone else being in my room. I wouldn't be able to fall asleep."
He grinned. "Won't you have to get 'used to it' eventually? You might as well start practicing now."
In the mirror on her desk, Sophie caught sight of her own flushed cheeks. She deliberately ignored the implication. "If my roommates leave in the morning and see your shoes at the door, or bump into you, I wouldn't know how to explain it."
"Then don't explain. Unless your roommates are particularly dense." Ned was clearly holding back laughter.
She gasped. "You're not like this at all! That was way too much!"
He laughed softly again. "Are you really sure you don't want me to come keep you company? If your place isn't convenient, then come to C&C and stay with me, okay?"
"No." She answered petulantly.
"Really no? It's totally free!" He teased, trying to lure her.
Sophie's eyes widened. "James Harrington!"
He burst out laughing.
"Hmph! I'm hanging up. I'm not talking to you anymore!" She was half-annoyed, half-amused.
"Sophie?" he suddenly called her name gently. "Whether you're happy or sad, remember that I'm here. Don't ever think you're alone and forget about me, alright?"
She didn't speak.
His sudden words caught her off guard, and tears quietly slipped down her cheeks before she could stop them.