The philosophy department was hosting its annual "Ethics Bowl," a notoriously dry event where students debated moral dilemmas with the ferocity of sedated sloths. Professor Higgins was judging. The Survivors Club was there for extra credit, and they were bored out of their minds.
The current topic: "Is it ethical to use AI to write a personal statement for a college application?"
A student from the debate team droned on about "the erosion of personal voice." Another mumbled about "algorithmic bias."
"This is insipid!" Alexander's voice hissed in their collective ears. He was invisible, floating somewhere near the ceiling. "They're treating ethics as a purely academic exercise! They have no fire! No passion! They've never had to make a truly existential choice!"
On stage, a nervous-looking freshman was stammering his way through a point about Kantian duty.
"I can't take it anymore!" Alexander declared. "They need a practical demonstration! A real-time ethical dilemma!"
"Oh no," Jade whispered. "What's he doing?"
They felt a familiar chill. The projector screen behind the debaters flickered. The slide showing "The Categorical Imperative" was replaced by a single, glowing question:
WOULD YOU CHEAT TO WIN THIS BOWL FOR $1,000,000 CASH, TAX-FREE, NO ONE WOULD EVER KNOW, AND IT WOULD SOLVE ALL YOUR FINANCIAL PROBLEMS FOREVER?
The room fell silent. Professor Higgins squinted at the screen.
Then, a duffel bag full of Monopoly money, which Alexander had psychokinetically liberated from the game closet in the student lounge, fell from the ceiling vent and burst open, scattering fake hundred-dollar bills all over the stage.
Chaos erupted.
The stammering freshman, whose name was Kevin, stared at the money at his feet. The promise of a million dollars, even a fake one, unlocked something in his soul.
"OF COURSE I WOULD!" Kevin screamed, grabbing a handful of Monopoly money and throwing it into the air. "I'D CHEAT SO HARD! I'D INVENT NEW WAYS TO CHEAT! I'D HAVE A GHOST WRITE ALL MY ARGUMENTS! SCREW KANT!"
His debate opponent, aghast, shouted back, "YOU MONSTER! THE ACT IS IMMORAL REGARDLESS OF CONSEQUENCE!"
"YEAH? WELL MY CONSEQUENCE IS A MILLION BUCKS AND YOUR CONSEQUENCE IS STUDENT LOANS!" Kevin yelled, now standing on his chair.
The audience, initially stunned, began to pick sides. Shouts of "Deontological ethics!" were met with "UTILITARIAN PRAAGMATISM, YOU COWARD!"
It was no longer a debate. It was a philosophical brawl. Higgins was blowing his whistle, but no one could hear it over the roar.
The Survivors Club watched in horrified fascination from the back row.
"He's weaponizing ethics," Ethan said, a note of awe in his voice.
"He's causing a riot over Monopoly money," Chloe corrected.
"Is it not magnificent?" Alexander whispered, reappearing in the empty seat beside them, his eyes glowing with pride. "Look at them! They are feeling the dilemma! They are embodying the conflict between duty and desire! This is pedagogy!"
Security was called. The event was shut down. Kevin and his opponent had to be physically separated after a heated argument about whether throwing fake money constituted "violent force."
Later, back in the dorm, they confronted him.
"Alex, you incited a near-riot in the philosophy building!" Jade scolded. "With fake money!"
"I facilitated an immersive learning experience!" he retorted. "Those students will remember the is-ought problem far more vividly now than they ever would from a textbook. I made ethics real."
"You made a freshman try to fight a junior over the works of John Stuart Mill," Mason said, scrolling through the video he'd captured on his phone. "This is pure gold."
"Indeed. And did you see the moment when young Kevin had his existential breakthrough? The raw, unfiltered id laid bare? It was beautiful."
"You're a poltergeist, Alex," Liam said, shaking his head. "A well-read, philosophical poltergeist."
Alexander drew himself up. "I prefer the term 'Pedagogical Agitator.' Or 'Socratic Menace.' I am not merely causing chaos; I am deconstructing the sterile environment of the classroom to reveal the messy, passionate heart of learning!"
He floated over to the window, looking out at the campus with a sense of profound satisfaction. The "Ethics Bowl" was the talk of the school. Kevin was a minor celebrity. Professor Higgins was reportedly drafting a very long, very confused paper on the event.
"They needed a shake-up," Alexander mused. "A little anarchy in the service of enlightenment. My work here is not yet done."
The others exchanged a look. They had stopped a digital god, won a roast war, and survived a para-scientist. But containing Alexander's newfound passion for "hands-on" teaching might be their greatest challenge yet. The campus, they realized, was his classroom. And no one was safe from the lesson plan.