*I was no longer in the infirmary; I was back in that dark, cold ocean, the weight of my failure pressing down on me. I could feel the ghost of Ax's blood on my hands, not from a wound, but from the memory of how I had left him.*
*Alone. The word echoed in the oppressive silence of my mind. He was gone, and I had run. The word 'coward' tasted like ash on my tongue. He had given his life for me, a final, brutal act of protection, and what had I done? I had fled like a frightened rabbit, leaving him to face Gorm and his men alone. I had survived, but at what cost? The weight of that survival was a crushing pressure on my chest, a physical pain that mirrored the ache in my arm.*
"Ax..." *The name was a broken sob that clawed its way out of my chest, he memory of his face, illuminated by the hellish glow of the burning camp, slammed into me with the force of a physical blow. Not the fierce, protective warrior he had always been, but the face of a man who was already broken, already bleeding, yet still finding the strength to fight for me.*
*He had always protected me. The realization was a painful ache. He had shielded me from his own rage, from the world, ... and from myself. I had been so consumed by my own shame, my own secret fear—the growing burden inside me, a constant, gnawing reminder of my mistake—that I had been blind to the fortress he had built around me.*
*The weight of the water, of my grief, of my guilt, became too much to fight. The effort to swim, to reach for a surface I couldn't even see anymore, felt pointless. A profound exhaustion settled over me, deeper than any physical pain. What was the point of surviving now? Ax was gone. My purpose, my anchor, had been ripped away. The only thing left was this cold, suffocating darkness and the crushing weight of a future without him.*
*So, I stopped struggling. I let my limbs go limp, allowing the current to pull me down, down, down into the silent, welcoming depths. It was easier this way. A release from the agony. I could feel the pressure building in my ears, the cold seeping into my bones, and a strange sense of peace began to wash over me. The screaming in my mind finally quieted. Death's embrace wasn't cold or frightening; it was a warm, final comfort, promising an end to the pain and the loneliness.*
*As the darkness deepened, a strange tranquility settled over me. The pressure in my ears faded, replaced by a profound silence. I was no longer sinking; I was simply… existing in the void.*
*But then, through the gentle current, I saw it. A faint light, far above me, growing brighter. And then, his face. Ax. He was there, suspended in the water as if it were the air itself, his form bathed in a soft, ethereal glow. He wasn't the broken, bleeding man from the camp. He was whole, his expression peaceful, a small, gentle smile playing on his lips. He looked at me with an infinite sadness, but also with a fierce, unwavering love.**His smile was a beacon in the crushing dark. He didn't speak, but his voice echoed in the hollow space of my mind, not as a sound, but as a pure, unadulterated feeling of command. It wasn't an option; it was a fact, as solid and unyielding as the mountains I had seen in the fjords.*
*Live.*
*The single word struck me with the force of a physical blow. It cut through my despair, my guilt, my desire for the sweet release of oblivion. He hadn't died so I could give up. He hadn't sacrificed himself for me to surrender to the water. He had done it for one reason and one reason only: so I could breathe. So I could see the sun again. So I could have the future he had been violently denied.*
*With a choked gasp, my eyes flew open. The sterile, quiet room of the infirmary rushed back in—the scent of herbs, the soft glow of a lamp, the quiet rustle of fabric.*
*The sharp pain in my arm was a brutal anchor, yanking me from the depths of my despair and back into the sterile reality of the infirmary. The scent of antiseptic and dried herbs filled my nostrils, a stark contrast to the saltwater phantom that had filled my lungs. A pair of large, calloused hands gripped my shoulder, their grip firm but gentle, an attempt to ground me. I turned my head, and there he was—Káre. His face was etched with exhaustion, the skin beneath his eyes dark and bruised from sleepless nights. His gaze, usually so sharp and calculating, was soft with a raw, desperate worry that seemed to bore right through me.*
"Thank the gods you finally woke up," *he breathed, his voice a low, gravelly rumble of profound relief. A ghost of a smile touched his lips, and he instinctively leaned in as if to embrace me, to pull me into the safety of his arms.*
*My body tensed, a flinch of pure instinct, and a sharp hiss of pain escaped my lips. The movement sent a fresh wave of agony through my stitched arm, and I fell back against the pillows, my breath catching. Káre froze, his arms hovering in the air, the aborted hug a silent testament to his care. He saw my pain, and his own expression crumpled with concern.*
*Slowly, my gaze drifted around the room. The soft glow of a single oil lamp, the quiet hum of the morning outside the high window, the scent of clean linen and drying herbs. It was real. The water, the cold, the suffocating despair—it was a dream. A nightmare. But Ax's final command, his outstretched hand in the depths, that had been real. A promise. A vow.*
*Whatever this was, I wouldn't let his sacrifice go to waste. I would live. For him.**Káre's worried eyes searched my face, trying to understand the storm brewing behind my own.* "Are you okay?" *he asked, his voice low and hesitant, as if afraid to startle me.* "What really happened out there?"
*His question was a stone dropped into the still water of my thoughts. The truth was a tangled, dangerous web: a raid gone wrong, a betrayal, Ax's death. The Takér were my family, but Bjørn, the fact that I was carrying a child for a man who would see me hanged if he knew, Bjørn's justice was swift and brutal, and I had failed him. Ax's sacrifice was a weight on my soul, and this new life growing inside me felt more like a curse.*
*I couldn't tell him any of it. The words were too heavy, too dangerous. I flinched back from the truth, my mind scrambling for a shield. The lie felt like bile in my throat, but it was the only barrier I had.*
"Uhm... uhmmm..."*The lie tasted like ash in my mouth, a bitter, choking thing. I couldn't look at Káre, my gaze dropping to the rough weave of the blanket covering me. The silence stretched, thick and suffocating, filled only by the frantic thumping of my own heart against my ribs. I could feel his eyes on me, waiting, and the pressure was immense.*
*Finally, I forced the words out, my voice barely a whisper.* "I'm pregnant. The physician... he probably told you that already."
*I risked a glance up. The look on Káre's face was one of pure, unadulterated shock. His jaw was slack, his eyes wide. He hadn't known. The realization hit me like a physical blow. Oh gods. I had just confessed , I had just ratted myself out in the most spectacular way possible.*
*The silence that followed was deafening. Káre simply stared, his shock so profound it wiped all other expression from his face. He looked as though I had just announced I was going to fly. I watched the thoughts chase each other across his features—disbelief, dawning understanding, and then a flicker of something else. Anger? Disappointment? It was hard to tell.*
*I scrambled to fill the void, my voice gaining a frantic, defensive edge.* "At first, I didn't want to believe it," *I rushed on, the lies tumbling out faster now, a desperate attempt to build a wall around the truth.* "Then... I didn't want to involve you. But then I realized the child needs their father. On my way here, I got attacked," *I said, the words feeling hollow and pathetic even to my own ears.* "But I managed to make it."
*My breath hitched, waiting for his reaction, for the judgment in his eyes. But Káre just stared, his shock slowly hardening into something unreadable. He didn't move, didn't speak. The only sound was the frantic drumming of my own heart and the soft crackle of the lamp's flame. He wasn't buying it, not for a second. I could see it in the way his jaw tightened, in the way his eyes narrowed, not with anger, but with a sharp, analytical suspicion. He was a leader; he knew when a story didn't add up.*
*I shifted uncomfortably under his gaze, the lie suddenly feeling like a heavy shroud. The silence stretched, thick and suffocating, until I couldn't stand it any longer. I looked away, my gaze landing on my bandaged arm, a stark reminder of the real reason I was here. The lie was a failure, another thing I had gotten wrong. Another burden.*"So you're pregnant?" *His voice was flat, his eyes hollow as he stared at me, the question hanging in the air like a blade.* "Is it for me? Am I going to be a father?"
*I froze, the blood draining from my face.A cold dread washed over me. This was it. He would see the child as a liability, a weakness, a stain on his honor. He would end it. Right here. My throat tightened, and I could only manage a tiny, terrified nod.* "Yes... I am. And you are the father."
*Before I could even process the words, before I could brace myself for the blow, he moved. He dropped to his knees on the floor beside the bed, his big frame folding in on itself. He took my bandaged hands in his, his grip surprisingly gentle. And then, he started to cry.**Hot, heavy tears spilled from his eyes, tracing paths through the grime on his cheeks and dripping onto my bandaged hands. It was the last reaction I had expected. He just kept repeating it, his voice thick with emotion,* "Oh thank you, thank you..."
*I was utterly stunned, my mind a blank slate. This wasn't anger, or disgust, or calculation. It was... relief. Pure, unadulterated relief. I could only stare, my own shock mirroring his, as his tears soaked into the rough linen of the bandages. He was weeping for joy. For me. For this child. A knot of confusion tightened in my stomach, a stark contrast to the cold dread I had felt just moments before. What was happening?*
*After a long moment, he seemed to pull himself together, taking a shuddering breath. He looked up at me, his eyes red-rimmed but now shining with a fierce, bright happiness.* "Sorry you had to see me like that,"*He didn't move away. Instead, he leaned closer, sitting on the very edge of the bed, careful not to jostle my injured arm. A wide, almost boyish grin split his face, crinkling the corners of his eyes. He let out a short, breathless laugh, a sound so full of pure, unguarded joy it was almost shocking.*
"I'm just so happy," *he said, his voice a low rumble that vibrated with an energy I had never heard from him before. He looked like a young warrior who had just been commended by his jarl for a first great victory, his whole being radiating a simple, profound pride. He was lost in this bliss, a world away from here*
*I could only offer a faint, bewildered smile in return. My mind was reeling. This was not the reaction I had prepared for. I had braced for hatred, for disgust, for cold dismissal.**My smile was faint, a ghost of a movement on my lips, more a reflex than a genuine expression of emotion. Inside, my mind was a chaotic whirlwind of conflicting thoughts.*
*What have I gotten myself into? This was supposed to make things easier. If he had hated it, hated me, I would have had the justification, the cold, hard reason I needed to be rid of the curse inside me. It would have been a clean, logical choice. But this... this was a complication. This was a mess of emotion and responsibility that I was completely unprepared for.*
*Why did he accept it? Why did he accept me? The question echoed in the hollow spaces of my skull, a persistent, baffling puzzle. He wasn't a fool; he had to know the child was a complication, a vulnerability in this dangerous world. Yet here he was, radiating a happiness so pure it was blinding. It felt like a trap, a beautiful, terrifying snare, and I was caught right in the middle of it, utterly paralyzed.*