You sneak to the dorm bathroom a little past 2 in the morning, a box of bleach and violet hair dye in your bag.
For the next 3 hours, you bleach and dye your hair, rinsing the color down the drain once you're through. You look at yourself in the mirror, smiling at your reflection.
You go back to bed and sleep until your alarm goes off a few hours later.
Dakota wakes up before you, tossing a throw pillow your way. "Wake up, purple!" She says, smirking. "It looks awesome, by the way!"
You chuckle and sit up, running your hand through your hair. "Thanks. Beckett's idea, actually."
She nods, eyeing you. "How are things with Jasper?"
You purse your lips, letting out a breath. "He's good to me."
She raises an eyebrow. "But...?" She says, waiting.
You sigh. "But... He says things sometimes that make me really question a lot."
She cocks her head to the side. "What do you mean?"
You shrug. "Like, he keeps saying that Beckett only sticks around because he wants something out of me." You say quietly, picking at the loose strands on the corner of your blanket. "He says that about all my friends."
Dakota's face scrunches up and she rolls her eyes. "What an asshole!" She says, standing up. "That's totally not true. Have you seen the way Beckett looks at you? That boy thinks you hung the moon!"
You chuckle, shaking your head. "It's not even like that, Dakota."
She claps her hands once. "No. It is like that, Maren! Everyone sees it but you. Jasper is jealous. That's it. He wants you to question your relationship with Beckett in hopes that you end it."
You shake your head. "I wouldn't do that."
She nods. "I know you wouldn't. Because Beckett is your person. So, Jasper better get used to that."
She crosses her arms across her chest. You stand from the bed, gathering your clothes for the day.
"Jasper's a good guy.. I think he just..cares too much." You say.
Dakota sighs, throwing her bag over her shoulder. "Yeah, maybe. But just be aware of when 'care' becomes control."
You nod, heading into the bathroom to change for the day.
Dakota's words are still sitting heavily while you walk toward the campus cafe. But, when Beckett sees you walk through the doors, he grins and your heart melts.
He walks over to you and wraps you in a hug. "It looks exactly like I pictured. You look amazing, Maren." He says softly before pulling away.
You smile up at him, running your hand through your hair. "You have good judgment, Ford."
You sigh and purse your lips, looking up at him. "Hey.. I'm sorry.. For snapping at you."
He rolls his eyes and nudges you with his elbow. "I don't take your bark seriously, Mare." He smirks.
You swat at his arm, laughing. "It is so a bite."
He laughs and shakes his head. "I'm a whole foot and a half taller than you, Wells. Nothing you could ever do would actually bite."
"I could kick your ass up and down this campus, Ford." You say, your eyes narrowing.
"Sure you could." He says, rolling his eyes.
You both walk over to the corner booth where Hannah and Priya sit, chatting over coffee. When they spot your hair, Hannah grins.
"Hey, hey, Violet Queen!" Hannah says, scooting over. You slide in beside her and Beckett slides in beside you.
"More like Violent Queen. She threatened me over there." Beckett says, frowning over his coffee.
You roll your eyes. "You're dramatic."
The bell above the door chimes and Jasper walks in, eyes scanning the cafe until he spots you.
He walks over and eyes your hair, then eyes Beckett, before his eyes land on you again.
"Purple?" He asks, raising an eyebrow.
Beckett looks down into his coffee, suddenly very interested in the steam coming off the top.
"Violet, actually." You correct, smiling up at him. "Good morning."
He slides into the booth beside Hannah. "Morning. You didn't tell me you were thinking of dyeing your hair again."
You smile and nod. "That's me. I don't really tell anyone. I just..do it."
Beckett chuckles. "We've been best friends for 15 years and I've never once had a heads up."
Jasper looks at Beckett, then nods, chuckling once. Your chest starts to feel heavy, and you feel Beckett's leg press against yours--reassurance. You press against his leg once and see the corners of his mouth quirk up for just a second.
You clear your throat and look at Jasper. "What do you think our next assignment will be in Reyes' class?"
He takes in a breath, smile tight. "Not sure. Probably something about self-reflection knowing her."
You chuckle and nod. "I would like that assignment."
The silence sits heavy until Beckett slides out of the booth. "Coach will kill me if I'm late again." He says with a crooked smile.
You smile over at him, giving him a wave. "Kick ass." You say.
"Always!" He calls over his shoulder as he leaves the restaurant.
Hannah and Priya leave shortly after Beckett does, leaving you and Jasper in the booth.
He scoots beside you, voice low.
"Is it the attention?" He asks, tone gentle.
You look at him, brows furrowed.
"What?"
He smiles softly, his hand coming up to tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear.
"All these theatrics with your hair. It was pretty cool at first, but it kind of seems like you just want the attention." He says. His words cut deep, but his tone is so gentle. Confusion crosses your features.
"My hair is part of my art." You say, defensively.
He puts his hands up in innocence. "I don't mean anything by it. I just want to be honest with you so you're not blindsided by someone else."
You clutch your bag and stand from the booth, looking at him. "I have to go to class.."
He stands and grabs your wrist. "Maren, wait. I'm sorry." He pulls you toward him and you let out a breath, letting him pull you against his chest.
"I just..think it best to ask your boyfriend his opinion before making a big change like that." He says gently against your hair. "It looks good. I just would've liked a heads up."
You nod, finding it better just to agree rather than argue.
He pulls away and looks down at you, his hands going to either side of your face. He kisses you softly. "You're beautiful." He says, and you blush, looking down at the ground.
"Thanks." You say softly, turning and leaving the coffee shop more confused than anything else.
After class, you climb up to the roof of the dorm. You sit there alone for a few minutes before you take in a breath and send Beckett a text:
You: Roof?
The reply is immediate.
Beckett: Five minutes.
You smile, tucking your phone in your pocket and looking out across campus.
As promised, five minutes later, Beckett comes through the door. He walks over to the roof's edge and sits next to you.
"What's on your mind, Mare?" He asks, leaning back on his hands.
You shrug. "I'm confused."
He frowns, then nudges your leg with his knee. "About what?"
You look over at him, and concern is etched on his features.
"I just don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. Jasper says he likes my hair, but then makes comments like I'm just doing it for the attention.." You look down at your lap.
Beckett is silent for a moment, then he takes in a slow breath. "Jasper..." He says the name with venom. "Can go to Hell, Maren." He says, looking over at you. "Respectfully."
You chuckle once, shaking your head. "But, that's the thing. He's so sweet and so funny.. But then he makes backhanded comments and it's like.." You throw your hands up and let out a frustrated sigh. "I don't know, Beck. I'm just confused."
He puts his arm around your shoulders and pulls you into his side. You relax against his side.
"Jasper doesn't know how to be with someone as independent and outgoing as you. He's threatened by you, and he wants to make you smaller. This is the only warning I'll give you about him because I don't want to overwhelm you or make you mad at me. But I'm telling you now." He says, rubbing your arm. "Don't let him make you small, Maren. I'd have to kick his ass."
You laugh then, pushing him lightly. "No threats."
He shrugs. "It's the truth."
You shake your head, letting out a breath. "Thanks, Beck. I feel better now."
He smiles. "Of course. That's what I'm here for."
You both sit in silence for a while.
"Did coach say anything about the scouts that came last week?" You say after a while.
Beckett smiles a bit. "Not yet. But that's normal. You'll be the first to know."
You smile. "Good. Would you go? Pro, I mean?"
He shrugs, looking out across campus. "If I could balance veterinary school and playing, then yeah."
You smile. "I think you could do it."
He chuckles. "You have too much faith in me."
You shake your head. "No, I just know you better than you know yourself."
He shrugs. "Touche." He says, bumping your arm with his.
You sit up on the roof with him for another few minutes. Eventually, he speaks again.
"I have class. I'll see you later, Maren." He says, standing.
You stand with him and wrap your arms around him. He hugs you tight.
"Thanks for coming up here." You say, pulling away to look at him.
He smiles. "Of course. Anytime."
He waves over his shoulder and goes through the door.
You take out your phone to find two missed calls and four texts from Jasper.
Jasper: Where are you? I'm at your room and Dakota says you're not here.
Jasper: Are you okay?
Jasper: Maren, let me know you're okay.
Jasper:Can you answer your phone?
You sigh and head through the door, making your way down the stairs until you get to your room. Jasper is there. When he sees you, he walks over to you, pulling you into a hug.
"I got worried. Where were you?" He says, pulling away to look at you.
"I'm sorry. I was on the roof with Beckett." You say, giving him a soft smile. "I didn't mean to worry you."
Jasper's eyes darken and he frowns. "With Beckett? What were doing on the roof with Beckett?"
You furrow your brow and cross your arms. "Talking."
He blinks. "Talking? About what?"
You let out a humorless laugh. "Life."
He rolls his eyes. "You know, I've tried to tolerate all this, but I just can't anymore. I'm uncomfortable with the amount of time you spend with Mister Football."
You step back, blinking. "What are you saying?"
He shakes his head. "I don't want you spending time with him anymore. Not alone, at least."
You laugh, the concept inconceivable in your head. "That's not going to happen."
He steps forward, anger taking over his features. "So, you don't respect me, then?"
You furrow your brow. "What? That is not what that means."
He nods. "That's exactly what it means. I'm uncomfortable with the guy, and you couldn't care less."
You shake your head. "He's been my best friend since we were six years old, Jasper. You can't ask me to simply end that."
He throws his hands up in the air and they come down to slap his hips. "I'm not asking you to completely ghost him, Maren. I'm asking you to stop giving him so much of your time."
You sigh, looking down at the ground. "I can't just stop spending time with him."
Jasper steps forward, putting his hand on your chin to tilt your face up toward his. "You're not very experienced in being in a relationship. I get it. But there are boundaries that you shouldn't cross. I'm happy to teach you."
You look up at him, confused. He's not wrong; you're majorly inexperienced. But something about it feels wrong.
After classes, you head back to your dorm in a haze. Beckett had tried to flag you down in the hall but you pretended you didn't see him so Jasper wouldn't be upset.
Shortly after you get back to your room, a soft knock that only ever belongs to Beckett comes through. He opens the door and you sit up on the couch, giving him your best attempt at a smile.
He closes the door behind him and walks over to you. "Holy fake smile, Batman.." He says, a small smirk on his face. "What's up?"
You shake your head. "Jasper is..." You take a deep breath. "Uncomfortable... With you. With our friendship."
Beckett purses his lips and nods. "What did he say?"
You shrug. "He said he didn't like how much time we spent alone together and that if I respected him, I would stop."
Beckett lets out a dry laugh. "Typical." He shakes his head. "What did you say?"
You look at him. "That I couldn't just stop spending time with you. And he told me that I was inexperienced in relationships so I couldn't possibly understand the boundaries of one."
Beckett shakes his head again. "This guy is really something. You know he's manipulating you, right?" His voice rises.
You look at him, shaking your head. "No, he's just..jealous. He doesn't mean any malice."
"Bullshit, Maren. Bullshit. Ever since you started seeing him, your light has gotten dimmer and dimmer and I keep trying to just bring the light back." He looks down at his hands, brow furrowed. "Every time I light it back up, he just pinches it out again. And you don't even see it."
You don't trust your voice and your eyes burn with tears unshed.
He takes a breath in and then lets it out slowly. "He's stealing your personality. He's sucking you dry." He says, more calmly this time. "Please open your eyes to that."
You close your eyes, and tears fall down your cheeks. He sighs and pulls you close, his cheek resting on top of your head. "I just worry about you, Mare. You have always been unapologetically you. Stay that way."
You smile against his chest, feeling the tightness in your own chest loosening just a bit.