At the same seat, I rested where they stayed quiet, carefully watching me. But relaxation didn't last long when I felt her. I jolted, slamming my hand on the table, frowning, trying to control the overwhelming mate bond coming from my wife. If she was not invading me through irritation, she crawling under my skin through our mate bond. I had been feeling that all day. If her presence wasn't around, it annoyed me too. But Mirxalyn's presence as of the moment wasn't nearly her usual unreadable, unpredictable facade. She was a walking storm, furious, but I was not cowering anymore. We had our mutual agreement - our new rhythm.
I kept myself calm. "So, you finally found me." With coldness in my tone, I sarcastically said as soon as I felt her near me. "I thought you were everywhere, but it seems like you're not."
I was still surprised where my sternness came from, but I was certain that her unpredictable swings were already rubbing off on me. I admit I couldn't read it well, but her rawness was enough to cover it up. I could feel it - her mixed emotions openly expressed as she stepped closer behind me, and I shivered. I held myself still, not letting her presence melt me again until she leaned in and her lips brushed against my ears. I got goosebumps.
"I am everywhere, but don't test my patience..." With a hoarse and cold voice, she whispered. I can't deny how it tingles my skin, making my hand white from clenching it too much. "…I could be worse when the time comes, my love."
"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" I growled. Then my hand moved before my mind could process anything and flipped her on the table. Allison and Almira were surprised, but my wife was amused. Her smugness annoyed me; that's when I realized what she was playing at. I grumpily groaned. "You're testing me."
"And it's working." Mirxalyn wasn't hiding her amusement, and I felt my cheeks heating up.
I pinched the bridge of my nose, masking my blushing cheeks before sighing, "Mirxa, just stop, please. We're not alone. You said -"
Mirxalyn's jaw clenched before leaning her temple against mine, catching me off guard. "I know what I said, but you made me worry. And it's them." Her voice was raw and vulnerable, softening my heart, and she continued. "I know I said I'm everywhere, but something suddenly blocks your presence from me, like something took you away, and it had me panicked."
"Wait, a second, what do you mean by that? I don't get it." I was frowning, confused.
"I don't either, but I'll find it." She softly looked at me, admitting what she had no idea about.
I nodded before asking, "Would you tell me?"
"I will." She replied and pulled away. She offered her hand, saying, "Now, let me take you with me. So we could talk more privately." I sighed. Without hesitating, I took her hand before she warned them. "And you two, not a single thought or word about what you witnessed here. You know what I can do."
They were still speechless, but they understood what she meant. I sighed, squeezing her hand, stopping her from threatening them. "Mirxa, you don't need to scare them. They already get it." I turned to them and excused myself first. "See you tomorrow."
***
By the time we entered our bedroom and the door was closed, Mirxalyn quickly embraced me like I was the only thing keeping her sane. I hold her back, soothing her back when I feel wet on my shoulder. I frowned and pulled away. I shocked. My heart was aching at how little Mirxalyn looked as she cried quietly before me.
"Mirxa..." I called softly, afraid to break her more.
Mirxalyn pulled away, shaking her head apologetically, "Sorry,"
"Don't be." I quickly shook my head, smiling genuinely before adding, "I could see you're trying to make this work. To make me trust you." I cupped her face, wiping those tears away, and when she leaned on my touch, my heart throbbed hard. Her vulnerable gesture was new to me and was only reserved for me. That's when I realized something. "I know I can't promise anything, but if you let me, let me try it too."
Mirxalyn studied me for a while with her signature jaw clenching as if she was having an internal battle, before, in a click, they were softening and saying, "I know there might be times you're going to doubt our marriage, but keep in mind that it's real, we're getting real." She guided me by the edge of our bed, where she sat beside me, continuing, "You felt it, our mate bond, didn't you? And you tried to resist it, right?"
I nodded, not hesitating, making a point of what she made me feel during those moments of tug of war. "I did, because I hope our mate bond won't be based on its pull. And you're more on the pulling away instead of guiding me in." My eyes softened and watered, hitting her chest a little, where I saw guilt in her eyes, smiling apologetically at me. "You know, I feel them a lot, and your unpredictable facade is not even helping. It's annoying."
"I'm sorry." Her voice was soft, almost sounding as if she were whispering. "I'm truly sorry if my controlling side confused you too much. You already knew the reason, that's why we're here, talking." She wiped my tears away before caressing my face, making me look at her vast orbs. "All I'm asking is don't make me lose my control because I don't like that side of me."
I frowned a little, wondering what she meant, and asked. "What are you talking about?"
"You've been warned by them already. My temper was worse than wolves when I lose control, so do me a favor, don't test it." She said softly, trying not to surprise me, and pulled away.
"Show me. Let me at least be ready when you do." My tone softened too, trying to understand where she was coming from.
"Not yet, Bernila." She held herself, dropping the subject gently. "You're not strong enough to withstand it."
Something twisted in my chest, and I didn't like how her words sounded to me. "So that's it, you're going to leave me in the shadows?" I scoffed, running my hand on my hair before standing away from the bed, away from her, before continuing. "I understand you want the best for me, but you're my wife, and I don't want my go out there, giving all of her shit while I was stuck in darkness. I don't want that, Mirxalyn."
Mirxalyn's chest rose, gritting her teeth as she tried to suppress her growing temper. Then she defensively said, "I am protecting you by keeping away from it until you're ready."
Before she could continue, I snapped like any wolf would. "THEN HOW WOULD YOU KNOW IF I'M READY WHEN YOU'RE NOT EVEN GIVING ME A HEADS UP ABOUT IT?!" I roared, not caring how the walls vibrated through my imperious voice. I kept ranting, pouring my thoughts about our situation, our topic, and feelings all at once. "I thought we'd already had our new rhythm to make this marriage work, make us work, and not be dependent on our mate bond." My voice cracked. My eyes filled with tears as I openly shared what I had been trying and hoping she would notice. "Can you see, I want to know you more. I want to see the real you. Your truth, even though they were devastatingly scary, I want to know. I have the right to know, Mirxa. You're my wife whether you like it or not. We're married. You married me in case you forgot that..."
I might have sounded broken as I said them, but Mirxalyn has been wounded by my words, cutting her in some ways I didn't realize it would. She clenched her jaw, fist turning white on her lap, controlling herself from breaking down. She was trying so hard. She was hard on herself, too. But when she closed her eyes and approached me, I was stunned at her gesture. She removed her armor, on her bended knees, and said the words I didn't realize she would ask.
"What do you want me to do?" Mirxalyn softly and gently asked, but seeing her ask as if she was surrendering herself to me hit my heart differently. I feel it, her sincerity, and somehow her broken soul too, that hadn't been out for years or maybe for decades. "How can I make you trust me and everything that I'm doing is for us?"
I was speechless because she was not being a queen; she was being my wife in front of me, like the mysterious woman who held me in my restless nights, whispering encouragement. She's here, the vampire who saved me from drowning too much in my misery. I didn't realize my tears had already fallen.
I covered my mouth, trying to suppress my tears, but I couldn't. I kept crying until I collapsed before her. "You're unfair."
"Tell me, my love." She softly said, as her hands cupped my face delicately, making me lean on them, melting again. I hated this effect she had on me, but I can't deny it. I can't deny that she was becoming more than a mate. "Say it. Name it. I'll try to make it in the very possible way that I can."
Again, I don't know what to say. She left me speechless again, but I closed my eyes, letting my tears fall as I savored the gentleness draped around us, around me at this moment. I don't want to wake from this dream, but I knew this wasn't a dream anymore. We had our new rhythm, and we promised to try it at least. I took a deep breath, settling my heart and my mind from racing too much.
As I opened my eyes, I searched for her truth, the real Mirxalyn behind those controlling facades, before answering her question. "Don't leave me in coldness. Stay with me. Watch me change for the better. Hold me when I weaken again. Be honest as much as you can. Express yourself. Make your intention clear as sky, as I'll do the same, even if it gets hard. Can you do that?" She hasn't said anything. She was careful about how she should respond. Then I added softly, "I understand if you can't..."
"No, it's not about not being able to do them." Mirxalyn quickly said, wiping the rest of my tears away from my eyes before adding, "I'm only wondering what made break like this?"
I was taken aback, softening as I squeezed her hand. "Like you, it's my story I'm not ready to tell. But once I do, promise me not to do anything harsh behind my back."
"Why would..." She tried to reason, but I didn't let her by pecking her lips.
"Promise me." I smiled sadly.
"Then don't smile at me like that." She sighed and suddenly pinched my cheek. "But I'll take note how stretchable your cheek was."
I frowned, but seeing her smile like a child, I couldn't help but feel warm and chuckled. "Be grateful, I love you." Mirxalyn stopped breathing, and I frowned. For a second, I didn't get what made her stun until I recalled what I had said. I looked horrified at her, but she grinned. Now, my cheeks heated up, embarrassed as I started cursing myself. "Stupid mouth. Why did you have to ruin the moment!"
"Hey, stop that." She stopped my grumpiness, lifting my chin to meet her gaze. They softened, and her smile was loving before saying, "I'll pretend you didn't say that. But I hope that you will say it one day and mean it." She kissed my forehead, reassuring me. "Go and rest. It's late."
As if on cue, I yawned, but I asked. "And you?"
"I'll work here beside you. So, retire for the night." She replied surely, and I agreed. I did my night routine and let my body rest on our bed.