Somewhere near dawn. Mist curling over the swamp. My hair was full of leaves, my tunic was missing, and I had definitely screamed at at least three clouds on the way back.
I stumbled into camp like a drunk goat that lost a bet with reality. Collapsed face-first onto a patch of moss. Groaned.
The world was spinning. My teeth felt like they'd swapped places with my toenails. I could taste colours. The colour betrayal in particular.
Two shadows loomed above me.
"Did she finally crash?" Gregory asked, sounding unfairly smug for someone who'd spent the last twelve hours as a fungal disappointment.
The Dragon sniffed. "Looks like it. About time. She licked you at sunset. It's nearly breakfast."
I lifted my head an inch off the moss. "Did I… did I free you?"
Gregory smiled down at me. Naked, smug, and absolutely unbothered by the fact that his dick had moss on it. "You did, sweetcakes."
"Praise be," I muttered. "I knew love would save you."
The Dragon and Gregory exchanged a look. Then shook their heads in unison.
"No," the Dragon said.
"That's not love," Gregory added.
"This," the Dragon said, gesturing vaguely to my twitching, half-naked, bark-covered form, "is what you get for licking demon mushrooms."
Gregory nodded solemnly. "You didn't unlock salvation. You unlocked the astral lube dimension. I saw you humping a fern."
I whimpered. "It looked receptive."
Dragon sighed. "You howled at a tree for five straight minutes and accused it of sleeping with your sister."
"I don't have a sister!"
"That's what you said. Then you bit it."
Gregory crouched beside me, ran a claw gently down my arm. "Still. You tried. You licked. You conquered."
"I hallucinated time."
He grinned. "Did you see the part where your nipples were made of gold and your exes were being devoured by sentient jam?"
"…Yes."
"Yeah. That's the good part."
I groaned again and rolled onto my back. "This is what I get for trying to be a better person. For feeling things."
Dragon snorted. "No. This is what you get for feeling things for a demon goat mushroom."
Gregory nodded. "Also. You owe me another goat."
"You were the goat!"
He smiled sweetly. "Yes. But I remember everything. Especially the tongue."
I hissed and threw a stick at him. Missed.
They both stood over me like two judgmental gargoyles. One scaled. One hung. I closed my eyes.
"Just kill me," I mumbled. "Choke me with moss and tell the Sisterhood I died heroically."
"You're not dying," the Dragon said. "You're just coming down."
"I hate feelings."
Gregory crouched beside me again. "So. Want to try true love's second lick?"
I groaned and peeled one eye open. The world still shimmered. Gregory was still naked. The Dragon was still judging me like a disappointed headmistress. And I… well.
"So yes," I muttered into the moss, voice hoarse and full of existential regret, "true love won in the end."
They both stared.
"Okay, fine," I said, dragging myself up onto my elbows like a tragic swamp nymph who'd just failed her entrance exam. "Maybe love isn't the right word."
I waved a hand vaguely in the air. "But… you know… addiction? Maybe a bit of mutual obsession? Sprinkle in a dash of co-dependency. Trauma bonding. Weird sexual nostalgia. Whatever."
I pointed a shaky finger at the now fully restored Gregory, who looked like a cross between a sin and a smug afterglow. "That was something. Genuine. Right?"
The Dragon raised an eyebrow. "You hallucinated a wedding between your tits and a tree stump."
Gregory grinned. "But she did bring me back."
I nodded solemnly. "I brought him back. Me. Saya. Swamp-certified saviour."
I tried to stand. My knees folded like a bad chair. I hit the moss again with a wet squish.
Gregory knelt beside me and patted my back with disturbingly tender claws. "You did good, peaches. You licked a mushroom, screamed at eternity, confessed your love to a pile of rocks, and still got the job done."
The Dragon sighed and looked away. "I give up. Truly. This is beneath comment."
"Oh go ahead," I muttered. "Say it. 'I told you so.' 'Don't lick cursed demon fungus.' 'Feelings are not valid magical currency.' I know. But guess what—he's back. You're welcome."
Gregory leaned closer, voice soft. "Was it worth it, Saya?"
I glared at him, face half-covered in swamp muck. "I am never doing feelings again. Ever. Next time you get cursed, I'm eating the mushroom."
The Dragon folded his wings. "Fair."
Gregory just smiled.
I curled up in the moss with a groan. "Someone bring me a fig. Or a goat. Or just stab me."
"Love," Gregory said cheerfully, "always wins."
"Addiction wins," I corrected. "Love just tags along like a horny leech."