I didn't know how long I ran.
Seconds?
Minutes?
Or even where I was running to, all I knew was that I just ran.
Well, the running had to end, and it ended at the back of our house. My legs felt weak, like they didn't belong to my body anymore. I dropped to my knees so hard that I felt pain, but at that moment, nothing could compare to the ache inside my chest.
I couldn't breathe right. My hands were shaking. My whole body felt like one big mistake.
And then came the tears, I couldn't stop it.
Everything crashed over my face at once. Mason's kissing, me kissing him back, whispering Ethan's name which was my own stupid mistake.
God, I hated myself immediately.
Why did I do that?
What was wrong with me?
Why do I always ruin everything?
I ruined Mom's life and now I'm ruining mine and everyone's too?
My hands brushed the rough wall beside me and scraped my skin, leaving a faint bruise on my left arm. Good, I deserved worse.
I pressed my forehead to my knees, trying to keep calm, but the tears still wouldn't stop. I felt embarrassed.
Then I heard footsteps— slow and dragging, familiar enough to make my stomach drop.
Lyra? I heard my name, from a very familiar voice. It sounded stressed, faint, broken, nervous, fear-filled and sharp with exhaustion. I could tell who it was immediately.
Mom? The moment she saw me crying, her face changed. She looked scared. It's been a long time since I saw such fear in her eyes.
Why are you out here crying? Who did something to you?
Her words came out fast and anxious, like an interrogation. Did someone say something? Did you get bullied again? Did someone touch you? Lyra, talk to me please.
I couldn't. My throat wouldn't move, it felt tight. If I opened my mouth, everything would fall out and I couldn't do that. Not to her.
I just stayed quiet, kept my head down like a kid caught doing something bad.
She let out a heavy sigh, and said. "Come on, let's go inside."
I followed her, not because I wanted to. But because I didn't want her to see me fall apart again.
Inside, the house felt too small for everything in my chest. I didn't say a single word. I just sat on my bed and hugged myself tighter, trying to think straight. But thinking only made it worse. Being an overthinker was a curse no one warned me about.
I thought of what would have happened if I didn't call Ethan's name.
I thought of what Mason would do, he would probably tell his dad or worse Aurora. I was sure he was going to cut me off for good.
My mind drifted to the worst-case scenarios and instances. Like it was doing a rehearsal for pain.
The truth became more visible, loud and ugly. I couldn't stop thinking about Ethan, and I couldn't stop thinking about Mason either.
Mason didn't deserve the shitstorm I dropped on him.
He was too good, too sweet, too kind and too everything. And I guess I just ruined it all.
But Ethan… God. Thinking about him made my heart betray me.
I lay down eventually, exhausted and swallowing tears I didn't want to admit were still coming.
I must have slept off, because the next thing I knew, I was dreaming. But this time, it wasn't just Ethan, it was both of them.
Mason's smile, it felt so real.
Ethan's hands, I only felt them in my dreams, yet they felt too familiar.
Both of them were pulling me, I've never seen Mason fight so hard. In some scenes, I was kissing Mason, while Ethan was trying so hard to pull me away. While in others, it was the opposite.
Then, a sound.
This was real, not from the dream. My eyes opened.
One slow step, then another. Soft and careful, it was almost like someone didn't want to scare me but still needed me to hear them.
Lyra?
I heard a voice, calling my name like both a warning and whisper filled with secrets.
My heart stopped. Because it wasn't my Mom, and whoever it was, they were already inside having a full-blown conversation with my Mom.
My chest tightened instantly. I knew that voice. I got up too fast as the shadow moved closer. A familiar perfume drifted in.
My breath disappeared.
The room door slung open, it was Aurora.
In our house, inside my room.
Looking at me like she already knew something… or came to say something I wasn't ready for.
My heart dropped straight to my stomach.
Why was she here?
Did Mason tell her?
Did Ethan know?
Did she come to warn me?
To expose me?
To talk to my mom?
Her mouth opened softly.
"Lyra, we need to talk."
And that was the moment everything inside me broke wide open.