The clubroom fell silent because of Hikigaya's words.
"Eh? Wait, what do you mean, Hikki?"
Yui tilted her head in confusion, her index finger pointing at Hachiman's hand.
"If that's not your phone, then why have you been playing with it this whole time? Ever since you entered the clubroom, you haven't let go of it at all! Yukinon saw it too, right?" Yui turned toward Yukino, seeking confirmation.
Yukino closed the book she had been reading with a soft sound, then looked at Hachiman with a cold, piercing gaze.
"Hikigaya-kun… I already knew you weren't a creature blessed with excessive intelligence, but to the point of forgetting what your own phone looks like?"
A long sigh escaped her lips, as if she were facing a hopeless case.
"Have your brain cells begun to rot? Or perhaps you've developed early-onset Alzheimer's at your already pitiful age?"
Hearing the sharp insult, a vein twitched at Hachiman's temple.
"Oi, watch your mouth," Hachiman shot back. "If I really did have Alzheimer's at this age, the very first thing I'd erase from my memory would be your existence."
He snorted, spinning the flip phone in his hand, pretending to stay calm while his mind raced.
"And to answer your question… it's not about forgetting. I just… got carried away. Yeah, that's right. Maybe Komachi swapped my phone with this retro toy as a prank this morning. Little sisters are troublesome, you know?"
"'Retro toy'? A truly pathetic excuse, even by your already low standards, Hikigaya-kun."
"You think I'm that foolish? It's obvious that object isn't yours. You must have picked it up—or worse, stolen it—from some unfortunate person, correct? My best advice: turn yourself in at the police station immediately. If you show remorse, perhaps your sentence will be slightly reduced."
Then Yukino continued,
"Listen carefully, Criminal-kun. Your act of taking someone else's property fulfills the elements of Article 235 of the Japanese Penal Code regarding Theft. The penalty is imprisonment for up to ten years or a fine of up to 500,000 yen."
"And since you brazenly opened its contents without permission, you could also be charged under the Unauthorized Computer Access Prohibition Act, Article 3. Accessing an electronic device protected by access codes that belongs to another person is a serious criminal offense. Additional penalty: imprisonment of up to three years or a fine of up to one million yen."
Yukino stared directly at Hikigaya.
"You would do well to confess your crime before you find yourself behind cold iron bars."
The clubroom fell silent again after Yukino's words.
"Wow… Yukinon! That's amazing! You memorized all that by heart! So cool!" Yui exclaimed with sparkling eyes, clapping lightly.
Yukino merely flicked her long hair gracefully, her expression remaining flat.
"It's basic knowledge, Yuigahama-san. I just happened to memorize it to… 'educate' certain pests in the past. Legal threats are usually effective enough to make fools know their place."
Gulp.
The sound of Hikigaya swallowing hard echoed in the quiet room. His face turned pale.
"This woman… who is she really? The reincarnation of a legendary prosecutor? Or a judge from hell?" Hikigaya thought in horror.
Even so, his survival instinct forced him to argue back.
"B-but… you don't have concrete proof that I stole it!" Hikigaya retorted, his voice rising slightly as he searched for a logical loophole. "Maybe someone careless accidentally put it in my bag? Or maybe I picked it up by mistake? Where's the evidence?! The presumption of innocence still applies in this country, you know!"
But the universe seemed to be conspiring against him.
Right after his defense ended, the mysterious flip phone lying on the table suddenly vibrated violently and rang loudly, shattering the silence.
Drrt… Drrt…
Yukino glanced at the phone, then looked back at Hikigaya with a thin, terrifying smile.
"Ara, perfect timing," she said coldly. "It seems the original owner—or perhaps their family—is trying to contact you."
She crossed her legs elegantly.
"You'd better answer it quickly, Hikigaya-kun. And my advice… start thinking about which affordable lawyer will defend you in court later."
Yui stood up and approached Hachiman, patting his shoulder with exaggerated sympathy.
"Don't worry, Hikki! No matter what happens, we'll protect you! We'll definitely testify in your favor during the trial!" she declared enthusiastically, as if his imprisonment were already decided.
"Oi, oi… why are you two already assuming I'm getting dragged to court, huh?" Hachiman complained. His hand trembled violently as he moved his finger toward the accept button.
"Turn on the loudspeaker," Yukino ordered flatly, her eyes fixed on the phone. "We need to hear this conversation directly to ensure you don't make the situation worse."
Click.
Hachiman swallowed hard and stiffly brought his face closer to the phone.
"H-hello…?" he greeted, his voice slightly strained.
"Ara~ Hello? Hello there~? Are you the one holding that strange antique flip phone?"
A woman's voice came from the speaker. Her tone was cheerful, clear, and melodious—so strikingly beautiful in contrast to Hachiman's gloomy voice.
Hachiman's body instantly stiffened like a statue. His eyes widened in horror. Cold sweat poured down his temples.
A woman. That was a real woman's voice! And not his mother's or his sister's!
"Wow… her voice is so pretty, right? Even a simple greeting sounds so beautiful," Yui commented in awe.
Yukino stared blankly at the frozen Hachiman. Her gaze carried condescending pity.
"Such an excessive physical reaction… Hikigaya-kun, this is merely a procedural question, but… have you ever spoken to a female member of the human species over the phone in your entire life?"
A vein bulged on Hachiman's forehead. His embarrassment turned defensive.
"Hey! What kind of rude question is that?! Of course I've talked to women on the phone! Frequently, even!" Hachiman protested in an unconvincingly panicked tone. 'Komachi and Mom… they count as women biologically, right? So technically I'm not lying!'
Yukino simply shrugged indifferently.
"I only asked because you're trembling like a frightened chihuahua. I was worried you might commit verbal sexual harassment unconsciously due to nervousness," she said sharply. "Remember, if you say something disgusting to that caller, your punishment will increase beyond mere theft."
Hikigaya opened his mouth to retort, but the voice on the other end cut in again—this time softer, swaying, yet somehow sending chills down the spine.
"Moshi moooosh~? Are you still alive over there~? Hellooo~?"
The voice sounded incredibly sweet.
Hikigaya froze. His tongue felt numb. He stared at the phone as if it had just turned into a ticking time bomb.
"Hikki! You can do it! Don't lose to your nerves!" Yui cheered with misplaced enthusiasm.
Hachiman's face darkened further.
'Ugh… why are you acting like a cheerleader now? Are we in some kind of world championship final? The Loneliness Olympics?' he ranted internally.
Pressed by the situation and the syrupy voice on the phone, Hikigaya finally forced his voice out.
"A-a-a… W-what is it?"
The words came out stuttering. He nearly bit his own tongue from nervousness. His face burned red all the way to his ears, shame scorching his pride as a loner.
Across the table, Yukino quickly turned her face toward the window. Her shoulders trembled slightly.
"Pft—"
A small laugh escaped her lips despite her attempt to hide it.
Meanwhile, Yui's expression drastically changed—from energetic to deeply sympathetic.
"Hikki…" she murmured softly, looking at him like a severely wounded puppy.
'Arggggghhh!!'
Hachiman screamed in his mind.
'Why is this happening to me?! Yuigahama's pity hurts more than Yukinoshita's insults! Damn it! I want to die! Let me disappear from the face of the earth right now!!'
The woman's voice returned, now rapid and without pause, as if venting irritation.
"Finally you speak! Good grief, that took forever! I thought you'd turned to stone over there."
"Listen, forget the polite introductions! Kuroneko already told me how 'realistic' and skeptical your friend is, so I know you'll have trouble believing what I'm about to explain. But just so you know, my mood is completely ruined because of that old fossil! I don't have the patience to give a long explanation!"
Hikigaya pulled the phone slightly away, wincing.
Yui tilted her head. "'Kuroneko'? Black Cat? Is that the original owner's name?"
Yukino touched her chin thoughtfully. "Perhaps she's a student from our school? No… impossible. No parent would be insane enough to name their child after a pet."
"Maa, maa~ Yukinon! Don't overthink it," Yui laughed awkwardly. "Maybe it's just a nickname between close friends?"
"A pathetic taste in nicknames," Yukino commented flatly, then glanced mockingly at Hachiman. "Though I suppose it's still slightly more dignified than being called 'Hikitani.'"
Hikigaya was about to protest—
but the woman's voice cut him off again with absolute authority.
"Oi! Stop spacing out! Listen carefully!"
Her tone allowed no refusal.
"I don't care what you're busy with—club activities, lamenting your single status, whatever—just follow my instructions now! Explaining over the phone is boring and inefficient. It's better if we meet in person!"
"Uwaa… she sounds really angry," Yui whispered.
'Wait… this angry stranger is asking to meet me? In person? Just like that?!' Hachiman panicked internally.
Before he could process it further—
"Follow my words right now! I don't like repeating myself!"
Hachiman's body moved automatically, guided by his pitiful corporate-slave reflex.
"E-eh?! Y-yes! Understood!" he blurted instinctively.
Yukino narrowed her eyes suspiciously.
"Hmm… her voice is different, but… why does that manipulative, domineering tone feel so familiar?" Yukino murmured darkly. "It's like hearing another version of 'my sister,' but more chaotic…"
Unconsciously, Hachiman had already followed the instructions. His finger hovered over the screen.
"Good. Now you see two icons on the screen, right? One with a single person, the other with a crowd. Choose the SINGLE person icon and click it. Quickly!"
Hachiman saw the two icons. His eyes focused on the "Single Person" icon.
But Yui suddenly interrupted.
"Eh? But Hikki… why is she telling you to do that?" Yui asked innocently yet sharply. "Weren't you supposed to ask about the phone's owner? Why are you acting like a slave being ordered around?"
His finger stopped one millimeter above the screen.
'She's right… why am I obeying like a trained dog?!'
Seeing his hesitation, Yukino stepped forward to grab the phone.
"Move aside, Hikigaya-kun. You're too pathetic to negotiate. I'll speak to this wom—"
Before Yukino could touch it—
"OI! WHY ARE YOU TAKING SO LONG?! WE'VE BEEN WAITING, YOU KNOW?! JUST CLICK IT, YOU SLOWPOKE!!"
"UWAAHH?!"
Startled, Hachiman's trembling thumb slipped.
Instead of pressing the "Single Person" icon, it landed squarely on the icon beside it—the "Crowd" icon.
Click.
One second of silence.
Then blinding light erupted from the old flip phone screen, swallowing the entire clubroom.
WUSSSSH!!
A violent gust of wind spiraled out of nowhere.
"KYAAAAA!!" Yui screamed.
"HIKIGAYA-KUN, WHAT DID YOU—?!" Yukino shouted.
"THIS ISN'T MY FAULT—!!" Hachiman protested.
And in the blink of an eye, the three high school students vanished from the clubroom without a trace, leaving behind silence and a still-warm cup of tea on the table.
---
On a remote island in the middle of the ocean, the scenery was breathtaking. Exotic flora bloomed with natural luminescence, while small fauna unknown to any biology textbook roamed freely.
Amid that hidden paradise, five figures stood waiting for their new guests.
Lady Avalon. Kuroneko. Belfast. Zelretch. And Yuuto Kido.
"Sensei… your voice was too loud earlier. He must've nearly died from shock," Yuuto complained while lowering the hand that had been covering his ear.
Yuuto's appearance was slightly different. He wore a white hooded cloak, and his face was hidden behind a white porcelain mask with minimalist carvings—the kind he had obtained from gacha, resembling one owned by a legendary Slime from another world.
"Hmph! Whatever!" Lady Avalon snorted, snapping her flip phone shut. "I'm in a terrible mood because of that old vampire. Hachiman Hikigaya will arrive in a few minutes, so get ready."
She shot a sharp glance at Zelretch, who looked relaxed, enjoying the scenery.
"Hoo… so this is the island where you gather?" Zelretch murmured. His glowing red eyes scanned the surroundings.
"The concentration of Mana and True Ether here is abundant and pure. The air quality… this is almost comparable to the world's texture during the Age of Gods. Extraordinary."
He turned toward the hooded, masked Yuuto.
"This is the result of Sensei's and my efforts," Yuuto replied, his voice echoing slightly behind the mask. "We reconstructed the concept of 'Avalon' and adjusted this island's environment to approximate the Age of Gods. That way, we can train in optimal conditions."
"Don't look at my husband with those eyes. You're allowed here only because Honey permitted it. Otherwise, I would've kicked you out already," Lady Avalon snapped irritably.
"Wah, wah… why such a fierce face, Merlin? I only looked at Yuuto briefly. I'm not going to eat him—at least not yet," Zelretch teased, stepping closer.
He narrowed his eyes, studying Yuuto's aura.
"Hoo… remarkable," Zelretch muttered with genuine admiration. "I never imagined combining the concepts of 'Arthur' and 'Fae' would produce such a beautiful anomaly. The core of the Red Dragon and the authority of Nature… perfectly harmonized without rejection. Terrifying—in the best way."
Yuuto nodded politely, though Lady Avalon still clung possessively to his arm.
"This is all thanks to 'Brother's' guidance," Yuuto replied humbly. "Without the mental foundation and combat experience he once passed down to me, this much energy might've destroyed my body from the start."
Lady Avalon hugged his arm tighter.
Zelretch burst into loud laughter.
"Wahahahaha! But honestly, of all today's miracles, the most shocking is your marriage! You should've invited me!"
He wiped tears from his eyes.
"I thought it was just a joke or interdimensional prank. Hard to believe there's a being sane—or insane—enough to voluntarily marry a troublemaker like you!"
Lady Avalon's face flushed red.
"Hey! Watch your mouth, Old Man! What do you mean 'someone like me'?!" she protested. "Back in Camelot, I was extremely popular! I was an idol! My name always ranked number one on the 'Most Wanted Bride' lists among knights and nobles!"
Though she didn't mention she may have made that list herself.
Zelretch laughed again—then suddenly stopped.
His red eyes shifted to Kuroneko.
"By the way, child… are you sure your lungs won't explode here?" he asked casually yet ominously. "For a modern human like you, breathing air this saturated with True Ether is like inhaling pure poison. You could die of mana poisoning in seconds."
Kuroneko immediately hid behind Belfast.
"A-about that… you needn't worry, Mr. Zelretch…" she said politely. "Lady Avalon provided a special artifact—a protective device—so a mortal like me can breathe safely here."
Zelretch raised a brow.
"Hoo? The Flower Mage bothered making life-support equipment?" he teased. "How unusual for you to care about such trivial human safety."
"Kuroneko is one of my sisters. Of course I care," Lady Avalon huffed. "And Kuroneko! I told you repeatedly—don't call this living fossil 'Mister'! He doesn't deserve respect! And hide that item! If he sees it, he'll steal it or turn it into some bizarre experiment!"
Zelretch opened his mouth to retort—
VROOOOM!
A spatial distortion suddenly appeared not far from them…
Here is the English translation:
(For those of you who are worried, don't worry! In this story, Hachiman will not get NTR'd by Yuuto.
The relationship dynamics between Hachiman, Yukino, and Yuigahama will continue to follow their proper path. Yuuto will not become a homewrecker or try to steal the two of them away. The same goes for Komachi; the three of them will not become part of Yuuto's harem.
As the author, I deeply respect and like the character Hikigaya Hachiman, so I have no intention of ruining his happiness here.)