Chapter 6 – The Service Club Begins Its Farce
"…As expected, you are very impolite, Senpai."
The black-haired girl opened her mouth and bit into the apple with noticeably more force than before, as if venting on behalf of someone else. The crisp sound of her bite echoed softly through the hospital room, and sunlight spilled across the bedsheets, outlining her slender frame in quiet warmth.
"Then I'll do something polite to make up for it," Narumi replied, his voice carrying that familiar teasing tone which always seemed to pull reactions out of her.
After much back and forth, their banter returned to the topic that Narumi Toru was most concerned about.
"Yukino, does your Service Club—or is that what it's called—need an assistant to help you recruit members and collect requests?"
Narumi Toru's map of Japan was only this long—short, direct, and utterly self-contained.
"It's hard to recruit new members when the club's just starting out," he continued, leaning back against the chair. "Plus, with your health, having an extra pair of hands might make things easier."
"…Is this also one of your ways of getting on my good side, Senpai? Or is it just my sister's task?"
That sharp intuition again. Typical Yukino. Unfortunately for her, it still left Narumi enough room to twist things however he wanted.
"Because I'm bored."
"This explanation is not as good as the two previous statements," she said flatly.
"But it's true. You can't possibly think it's because I have inappropriate thoughts about Yukino, who happens to be a minor high school girl, can you?"
"Now that you mention it," Yukino murmured, eyes glancing upward, "it seems we can't rule out that possibility either."
"So, you really think I have that terrible of an image?"
The relaxed conversation, half-serious and half-mocking, seemed to smooth the edges of Yukino's usual composure. The faint tension around her brows softened. The corners of her lips almost lifted — barely noticeable, but there.
"Since my sister doesn't care," she finally said, turning away, "and you have nothing better to do, then you can become my assistant if you wish."
The girl rose from her bedside, stretching a little before looking out the window. The light caught in her hair, making it gleam like ink under the sun.
"Or perhaps," she added lightly, "you've come to act as the surveillance camera my sister sent to monitor me?"
"I feel like I've been objectified a lot today," Narumi sighed. "Even I would be sad."
His tone was dry, but his faint smile gave him away.
"…I'm sorry. I was a bit rude."
Yukino hesitated, realizing her earlier sharpness had gone too far. For someone so composed, she could still sound very human when she admitted fault.
"I'll go back to school after a few days of rest," she said softly. "I'll need your help at the Service Club then."
"Don't you think I should be given some authority as an assistant?"
"Oh?" Yukino turned, curious. Her eyes met his for the first time in a while — cool, calm, but subtly inquisitive.
"It's not impossible," she said, "but what do you mean, Senpai…?"
---
————
Yukino Yukinoshita returned to school that day.
The crisp spring air brushed past her as she stood before the club recruitment board in the first-floor corridor. Students bustled past, whispering about exams, new classes, and romance — all things that felt distant to her.
Her expression was more complicated than usual as she read the bold text of her own notice:
> [Our clup has no interest in ordinary humans. If any of you are aliens, time travelers, people from another world, or superpowered individuals, or if you encounter any insurmountable problems, please come to us!
— Respectfully, Yukino Yukinoshita, President of the Service Club!]
"…"
"Oh my, does Yukino Yukinoshita talk in such a chuunibyou way?" someone whispered.
"You can't judge a book by its cover. These days, the ice queen with a soft heart trope is pretty popular."
"I never expected this… I'm joining immediately!"
Amidst the laughter and murmurs, Yukino tore down the notice without a word. The faintest twitch of irritation crossed her face as she turned and walked toward the clubroom.
She pushed the door open.
"The most abnormal person here — the one who most needs to be expelled — is you, Senpai!"
Her declaration cut through the air like a blade.
Narumi Toru, seated comfortably at the club table with a cup of red tea, didn't even flinch. He looked entirely too pleased with himself.
Fortunately, this was just a simulation, Yukino reminded herself. She repeated that three times in her mind to keep herself from dying of secondhand embarrassment.
"Wow, I put so much thought into coming up with that brilliant copywriting for you," Narumi said brightly. "It's amazing to receive such high praise."
He gestured toward the room. "I also cleaned the place up for you, by the way. You're welcome."
"I wasn't planning on thanking you."
For a moment, Yukino could only glare, then realized she had been thoroughly manipulated. Again.
"A rude president won't leave a good impression on new members, Yukino," Narumi said, smirking.
Her eyes narrowed — then followed his glance toward the other side of the room.
There sat a boy with a cowlick, slouched posture, and the dullest eyes she had ever seen. His expression screamed I'd rather be anywhere but here.
"…Excuse me," Yukino said carefully. "I am Yukino Yukinoshita, the president of the Service Club. May I ask who you are?"
"…Hikigaya Hachiman."
The boy fidgeted, avoiding her gaze. "I'm sorry, I'm not an alien or a superpowered person. I'm just an ordinary high school student who got dragged here by my teacher."
"Whether that's true remains to be seen," Narumi said solemnly, raising his finger like a philosopher delivering divine truth.
A vein popped at Yukino's temple. "As an assistant, being too outspoken will get you fired, Senpai."
"As expected," Hachiman muttered, "this man isn't a high school student. He reeks of the cunning stench of adulthood…"
"I completely agree with that, Hikigaya-kun," Yukino said immediately.
The boy blinked. "Ah, uh… thanks?"
"Oh, you two reached an agreement so fast," Narumi said cheerfully. "That's great! But for the record, I'm not a working adult — just an ordinary college student."
Something about his tone made Hachiman's dead-fish eyes narrow. He didn't like how easily Narumi seemed to take control of the mood.
"So… why is a college student involved in a high school club?" he asked.
"Oh, because I'm Yukinoshita's ex-boyfriend," Narumi replied with disarming casualness.
The black-haired girl froze mid-motion, her hand trembling slightly as she picked up a tea bag.
"…What?"Now it was Hachiman's turn to lose his composure.
As everyone knows, couples in real life have the unique ability to irritate those around them simply by existing — breathing, smiling, or sharing eye contact.
Hachiman Hikigaya was currently feeling that exact irritation.
It was bad enough that his teacher, Hiratsuka Shizuka, had dragged him into a club with a name that sounded like a dating agency, but now he was suddenly in the middle of some love triangle involving a handsome college student and an ice queen?
That was definitely above his social pay grade.
Fueled by frustration, he activated his ultimate move: Dead Fish Eyes Stare!
"What, are you looking at me like that, Hachiman-kun?" Narumi said, smiling. "Do you want to be my current boyfriend?"
The attack failed.
[Achievement Completed — "Is Narumi really me? Not sure, let me take another look."]
"…W–I didn't mean that!" Hachiman stammered, mentally taking damage.
Yukino's lips twitched slightly, amusement flickering in her expression before she schooled it back to calm.
You gay men… she thought silently.
"Let me clarify something," she said, placing her cup down with a soft clink. "This Narumi Toru is my sister's ex-boyfriend. He's a college student, but he became our assistant out of boredom and a supposed need for 'research.' I have absolutely no relation to him."
She paused, then added coldly, "And my taste in choosing a boyfriend is definitely superior to that of my sister."
Such words, Narumi thought with amusement, were practically a flag.
"Hello, hello, Hachiman-sama~" he greeted with an exaggerated flourish.
Hachiman recoiled slightly. Beneath Narumi's easy grin, he could sense a cool detachment — like someone who was only half-invested in the scene before him.
Still, compared to Yukino's sharp tone, Narumi seemed approachable.
Narumi Toru's affection level with Hikigaya Hachiman: 1. (Unnecessary affection points increased.)
"Speaking of which," Hachiman muttered, "are you perhaps a novelist?"
"Oh, it's also possible I just enjoy watching chaos," Narumi said, snapping his fingers playfully.
"He's both an unknown writer struggling for inspiration and a hot potato my sister threw at me," Yukino said dryly.
"Haha, that's right!" Narumi laughed, completely unbothered by her jab.
"Yes, that's the truth. We're all rats in the gutter, shameful bugs curled up in the corners of youth's sunlight, self-righteous and complacent by observing others — that's why we've been exiled here, little penguin rat!"
"…Please don't drag me into this," Hachiman sighed. "And what's with that nickname? It's not even hard to pronounce."
For once, Hachiman felt like the most normal person in the room.
Yukino, hiding a small smile, began to brew her tea with practiced grace.
"Hachiman, don't let Narumi's cheerful appearance fool you," she said smoothly. "He's quite good at twisting conversations and creating chaos."
"Oh, thank you for calling me a silly handsome guy, Yukino!"
"…Did I mention the word 'handsome' in my sentence?"
"Being handsome is an objective fact," Narumi replied, grinning. "But I'll take it as a compliment."
"Then I'll reject it without any subjective feelings," Yukino shot back without hesitation.
"Since President Yukinoshita has praised me so highly," Narumi said, leaning forward, "I think it's only fair that I return the favor. I've already written a detailed psychological profile of you, perfectly fitting your personality. Would you like to read it?"
"…Although I didn't praise you," Yukino sighed. "Wait, when did you even do that?"
Narumi cleared his throat dramatically. "Ahem — Yukinoshita Yukino: a strong woman in thought if not in body, upright, unyielding, incorruptible—"
"…I shouldn't have asked." She sipped her tea calmly. "Your description is exactly what a failing writer would come up with."
"The topic is already shifting again!" Hachiman protested. "And please, don't start calling me Hachiman like Narumi does!"
The boy's deadpan expression only reinforced what he was thinking: Narumi Toru was a dangerously charming manipulator who thrived on social chaos.
He's a sly, smooth-talking fox who could toy with anyone. If a girl were in his position, she'd already have him under her control…
Wait, no — even if not a girl— No, no, no!
Hachiman Hikigaya, you're an upright high school boy! Upright! Stay upright! Don't fall for the Western path!
End of chapter-6