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Chapter 100 – Like a Monkey's Ass!!
Dumbledore looked seriously at Darren.
This child always moved him.
Before Darren returned to his life, Dumbledore would have said—with full confidence—that love was the greatest magic in the world.
But now?
Now he didn't dare praise Darren too easily.
He was afraid the boy might become even kinder, even more self-sacrificing.
Darren held his cypress wand, radiating the very qualities the wood represented—gentleness, loyalty, and a frightening willingness to offer himself up for others.
No, Darren surpassed every previous wielder of cypress wood.
He shone far too brightly.
Bright enough to make even an old, cynical wizard like Dumbledore feel… hopeful.
A dangerous thing.
"Mr. Draco Malfoy," Dumbledore said gravely, "I believe you require detention."
Draco jolted as though struck by lightning.
Detention? After apologizing??
"Yes," Dumbledore continued, "a full month. To be supervised by Professor Snape."
Draco's face twisted with pure horror.
He had already endured several detentions this semester.
He could barely survive another week—let alone a month—with Snape!
"And," Dumbledore added, "for your bullying of Mr. Longbottom, Slytherin loses twenty points."
He didn't pause.
"And Darren Porter—because you struck Mr. Malfoy, Slytherin loses ten points."
The Headmaster folded his hands calmly on the desk.
His long beard swayed with the motion, almost comical, except nobody dared laugh.
Professor McGonagall opened her mouth to speak—a rare sign she disagreed—but Dumbledore lifted a hand.
Silence returned instantly.
"As for your request to leave Hogwarts," Dumbledore said gently, "I must refuse. You are a young wizard, Darren. You must learn control. You do not want your magic to surge out of control and harm the people you care about… do you?"
Darren's face went white.
He shook his head quickly.
He hadn't realized his dramatic 'maybe I should leave Hogwarts' line would be taken this seriously.
[Ding. Father Points +20]
[Ding. Father Points +10]
[Ding. Father Points +5]
[Ding…]
The Father Points weren't worth much, but Darren happily collected them.
A wave was a wave.
He thought the matter was settled… until Dumbledore suddenly brightened.
"Now, punishments aside—it's time for rewards! Hermione Granger, Ronald Weasley, Neville Longbottom."
The three of them stiffened.
"For standing against wrongdoing in the face of pressure, and for acting responsibly by alerting professors, you each earn fifty points for Gryffindor."
Darren stared.
Well.
There went half of Snape's carefully hoarded points for the year.
He could practically hear Snape's future groan.
Poor Harry… Snape might have to take it out on him.
Darren was silently mourning Harry when he froze—Dumbledore had said his name.
"And finally: Darren Porter. Congratulations. You are awarded the Outstanding Character Award, as well as the Special Contribution Award."
Darren blinked.
What?
"Due to your actions," Dumbledore went on, "Hogwarts will establish a new rule: anyone who bullies their classmates will face detention with Mr. Filch."
A loud gasp erupted.
"FILCH?!" Draco squeaked, horrified.
Argus Filch—legendary for punishments that bordered on medieval torture—was the one student even pure-blood heirs feared.
"Yes, Mr. Malfoy," Dumbledore said warmly, "and it appears I have forgotten one more detail. In addition to your detention with Severus… you'll report to Mr. Filch for a full week."
"Oh—oh my God!" Draco cried.
"Father, save me!"
Lucius nearly choked.
He stepped forward, voice sliding dangerously.
"Albus… don't you think this punishment is a bit excessive?"
Dumbledore's expression hardened.
It was the cold, unforgiving face he reserved for only a handful of wizards—Lucius included.
"No, Lucius," Dumbledore replied. "Discipline at Hogwarts falls to the Headmaster."
"I am a Hogwarts school governor," Lucius hissed.
"My apologies," Dumbledore said lightly, "I spoke with the other governors earlier. They unanimously agreed that you… no longer hold decision-making rights."
"What?!"
Lucius Malfoy shouted—forgetting entirely to maintain his aristocratic composure.
How had he lost control of Hogwarts?
Those treacherous cowards—turning with the wind like weather vanes!
He grabbed Draco's arm hard enough to make the boy yelp.
"Well then," he said through clenched teeth, "we will discuss this later. Good day."
He swept out, furious beyond measure, Draco dangling like an angry, terrified ferret.
The moment they left and the door shut—
"PFFFF—HAHAHAHA!"
Ron exploded.
"Darren, did you SEE Malfoy's face? It looked like—like a toilet lid slamming shut!"
"Ron!"
Darren protested, slipping effortlessly back into his Holy Father tone.
But before he could glow like a saint again, Hermione grabbed his sleeve and pulled him out.
"Hermione," Darren said earnestly, "thank you."
His sincerity was overwhelming.
Hermione had been ready to scold him for threatening to drop out…
But now, faced with that sincere expression, she couldn't.
She looked away, face warm.
"No, it's nothing," she muttered. "My idea barely worked anyway. Once Malfoy realized you were Harry's brother, he stopped trying to get you expelled."
Clever girl. She had seen right through Lucius's motives.
Darren smiled—genuinely impressed.
"Hermione, you're brilliant. Truly. I dare say no witch in this school is smarter than you."
At least for first years… and in the original story, too.
Hermione's cheeks flamed.
She smiled shyly—
Then Ron burst back into view.
"Hermione! You left too early—you missed it! Professor McGonagall was so happy she hugged Neville and kissed him! I swear, she almost said she'd quit if Darren got expelled!"
He paused.
Then squinted.
"Hermione? Why's your face so red? It looks—wow—it looks like a monkey's ass!"
Hermione squeaked.
Darren sighed.
And the day continued just as chaotic as it began.
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