Alyssa was waiting outside my house yet... again. A small part of me half-expected her to not be there, just like she wasn't at lunch yesterday. Maybe she was already moving on... and I was too stupid to let it go.
I guess everything hadn't changed.
Same smile. Same routine. Same everything.
"Morning," she said, her voice soft and as warm as usual.
"Morning," I replied, my words drained of any warmth. I hated how easily it came out like that... Like I was giving up and trying to shut down everything that mattered.
She fell into step beside me, fiddling with her sleeve. "Are you feeling better Mr. Grumpy?"
"I wasn't trying to be cold. You just seemed busy with your new crowd." I averted my gaze.
"Busy?" she frowned. "I just walked with my new friends for a bit. Why be dramatic over that?"
I stopped walking, my voice catching in my throat. "You really don't hear yourself, do you?"
Her expression faltered. "What's that supposed to mean?"
I turned toward her, trying to stay calm, but there was a tremor in my voice. "You think it's 'dramatic' to care that the girl I grew up with, who tells me everything, made out with a stranger at a party full of drunk idiots while I stood right there?"
Her jaw tightened. "It wasn't a stranger. It was Jason. And it was a dare."
"A dare," I echoed. "That makes it better?"
She sighed, like I was the one being unreasonable. "You're overreacting. It didn't mean anything."
"That's exactly the problem."
"What?"
I met her eyes, not angry, just steady. "It didn't mean anything to you. You could kiss anyone, let them cheer, laugh about it after… and it wouldn't even cross your mind that maybe someone who's always been there for you might feel like they just got kicked in the teeth."
Her expression cracked. "Noah, I didn't—"
"I know," I said, cutting her off. "You didn't think. You never do when it comes to me. Because I'm me, right? I don't get mad. I don't walk away. I just wait around for you to remember I exist once you've had your fun."
Her voice trembled, but I could hear the defensiveness in it. "That's not fair."
"It's not supposed to be," I said quietly, my words sharp but honest. "You can't expect me to see you the same way after that. I tried. I really did. I see you as cheap now." My fingernails dug into my palm, but I didn't care.
"I get it... I know! I'm in the wrong here! I don't own you, or your life, or your decisions! You aren't someone who exists to be who I want you to be. But it doesn't change how I feel. So yeah it's unfair, but it doesn't change that it happened, and that I was hurt."
"You have feelings for me...-"
"Had..." I muttered, correcting her silently.
"Right... Had." She lowered her head, a shadow of thought obscuring her face.
A long silence stretched between us. I didn't know what I expected from her anymore. But her saying nothing more was like an answer in itself. I couldn't keep waiting for something that wasn't coming.
A car passed by. A bird chirped somewhere behind the fence. She finally spoke.
"So what, you're done with me now?"
I looked down the street. "No. I'm just… done pretending you're who I thought you were. You've changed, and I can't keep waiting for you to come back."
She bit her lip, eyes glassy, but her pride wouldn't let her say what she wanted to.
Her phone scren flashed in her hand. Jason.
I nodded toward it. "You should get that."
She swallowed. "You really hate me right now, don't you?"
"No," I said. "That'd mean I still cared enough to."
I turned away not wanting to see the look on her face.
***
School felt like static... noise, movement, and nothing sticking.
People whispered, laughed, lived their lives. I existed somewhere in the margins of it.
When lunch came, I didn't bother looking for her.
I took an empty table, set down my tray, and let my mind drift. The cafeteria buzzed with the same recycled conversations, dating rumors, weekend plans, arguments about teachers. Everything that used to sound like life now felt hollow.
Then, cutting through the hum, a voice:
"Mind if I sit here?"
I looked up. Sana stood there, calm and composed, her tray in one hand, her silver hair glinting faintly under the cafeteria lights.
"Sure," I said. "Go ahead."
She sat beside me like it wasn't a big deal. To everyone else, it was. Heads turned. A few whispers started up immediately.
Within a minute, three more joined her, Kenji with his easy grin, Miri with her purple pigtails and endless energy to match, and Rei with her quiet smile behind thick glasses, yawning like she'd just woken up. The student council in full force.
"Yo," Kenji said, dropping into a chair. "You're the guy who stepped in for Sana yesterday, right?"
"That's me."
He slapped the table with a grin. "You've got stones, man. Minato's been a pain for months. You did us all a favor."
Miri rolled her eyes. "You mean you were too scared to do anything about it."
Kenji gasped. "I was strategically patient!"
"Uh-huh. Sure," Rei said softly, not even looking up from her notebook.
Sana smirked. "You see what I deal with?"
"Yeah," I said. "It's impressive you haven't quit."
That earned a quiet laugh from her. "You get used to it. They grow on you. Like mold."
"Hey!" Kenji protested. "That- I actually don't have a comeback for that..."
Sana giggled, and I snorted before I could stop myself.
What a bunch of weirdos. The teasing lightened my mood, but I still couldn't shake that feeling, that weight in my chest. I didn't feel exactly happy, but for the first time since that night, it made me feel like I didn't need to drown in all that mess with Alyssa.
Kenji pointed at me with his chopsticks. "There! See? He laughs. He's got potential."
"Potential for what?" I asked.
"To be more than a loner who sits in the corner avoiding social interaction like he's allergic. With your build you could be like uh..." Kenji rubbed his hand through his spiky blonde hair, words slow to form. "Like a Council security guy yeah?"
"Security detail?" Miri echoed. "What, is he gonna body-slam freshmen who forget their hall passes?"
Kenji grinned. "Exactly! Miri you understand me so well!" He proclaimed, faking tears of joy.
Sana shook her head. "Ignore them."
Rei smiled. "We could always use someone who doesn't talk too much."
"Hey!" Miri said. "That's my role!"
"You talk constantly," Rei muttered shyly.
Their banter filled the air, light and harmless.
I found myself smiling, quietly, without realizing it.
Kenji elbowed me lightly. "Man, I'm glad we decided to meet you today. Sana was bragging about how handsome and heroic you are, and we just had to put a face to the name."
"That is a lie and you know it!" Sana puffed her cheek before poking Kenji's chest accusingly.
"The council is always up for applications big guy. Maybe you should think about it." Kenji replying, ignoring Sana completely.
"Applications?" I asked, amused.
"Yup. Requirements: good posture, decent moral compass, and a willingness to listen to Miri complain."
Miri threw a napkin at him. "Shut up."
Rei looked at me, warm but cautious. "It's not easy to become a part of the council, but maybe it would be good? We just met... so I want to know you a bit better before we go that far..."
"Yeah," Sana said, softer. "You did me a favor yesterday. Consider this repayment. I told them about you, and how you seem like a good guy. They all... wanted to meet you, like Kenji said."
I looked around in surprise, and all of them worse smiles some wider than others, looking at me with warmth.
"N-nice to meet you all." I stumbled over my words.
"Likewise." Kenji held up a fist, and I met it with my own.
The others picked up their conversation again — something about a fundraiser gone wrong — and I sat there, half-listening, half-existing.
This was definitely better than sitting alone.
From across the cafeteria, Alyssa's laughter echoed, too bright, too loud. Jason sat beside her, hand brushing hers on the table. She laughed harder at something he said.
But when I turned slightly, I caught her looking at us.
Her smile faltered.
And for the first time since that night, I didn't feel sick watching her.
Just done.
***
The school emptied out faster than usual. The late-afternoon quiet carried that emptiness that brought peace to the mind.
I was just packing up when Sana appeared beside my desk, leaning against it like she'd been waiting.
"Got a second?" she asked, drawing stares from the few students that were still around.
"Sure..."
"Good. You still owe me free labor."
"Ah, right. The council office."
She smirked. "Glad you remember. Come on, gloomy."
I frowned. "Gloomy?"
"Yeah," she said as she walked ahead. "Gloomy is the right word no doubt."
The student council office was smaller than I expected; More of a glorified storage room with paperwork, empty energy drink cans, and a lamp that flickered every minute or so. It smelled faintly of dust, printer ink, and a lot of stress.
Sana set her bag down, booted up an old computer, and pointed to a stack of folders. As she did, her eyes flicked to me calculating, like she was weighing something inside her mind. There was a reason for everything she did, I just didn't know what that was yet.
"We have the school's Christmas party coming soon. In that folder is a list of all student profiles, the volunteer events they have done, and their behavior records."
"I see."
"You're going to alphabetize them in order. We're going to voluntell the ones with the worst behavior, or lowest volunteering history to help out. It's good for troublemakers to be productive after all. It's going to take a while, so might as well start now."
"Wow." I said. "You are amazing at motivating people."
"That's my charm.:
We worked in silence for a while. Papers shuffling, the faint hum of the computer fan, and a few long exhales from Sana. It wasn't awkward, but more so peaceful. I didn't feel on edge around this oddball girl.
She finally spoke.
"You're really planning to go your whole life looking like this Noah?"
"Like... what?"
"Like you haven't outgrown your middle school self," she said flatly. "You wear baggy hoodies, and your hair is a mess. Not even a model could pull off the clothes you're wearing."
"That makes me feel like I'm special. Thanks."
She turned her chair towards me huffing her chest. "Don't 'thanks' me. You dress like you gave up halfway before getting ready in the morning. You've got the face, but you hair sags like it's holding trauma. And don't even get me started on your posture."
I raised an eyebrow, her words stinging. "That's pretty brutal even for you. You sound like you're about to start a makeover montage."
"Good," she said, tapping a pen against her desk. "Because that's exactly what we're doing."
I stared at her. "What?"
She smirked. "You're officially my new project."
"Project?"
Was this girl insane?
"Yeah. Operation: Make Noah Less Lame."
I laughed under my breath at how ridiculous Sana sounded. "You're not serious are you? I didn't sign up for this."
"Completely serious." she leaned back, eyeing me from head to toe. "You helped me yesterday. I still feel like I owe you. So I'm paying you back by fixing whatever this... is."
She gestured vaguely at me like I was a piece of broken furniture.
"I don't need fixing," I mumbled, sounding less sure of myself.
"That's something some who needs fixing would say."
"Ouch. You're pretty to the point."
"I'm efficient."
I sighed, setting down the folders. "Alright, fine. What's our first mission?"
She crossed her arms, pretending to think hard. "Haircut. You've got the kind of face that could actually pull off short hair, but right now it's like your bangs are fighting gravity and losing."
I ran a hand through it self-consciously. "It's not that bad."
"Tell that to your split ends."
"Okay noted." I said, smirking despite myself. "What's next?"
"Clothes. You don't have to dress rich, but at least wear stuff that fits. Baggy hoodies don't count as fashion."
"Damn there goes my identity..." I sighed, taking mental notes. It didn't feel like I had a choice in this.
She smiled. "And confidence. You talk like you're apologizing for existing."
"That's not true."
"Really?" She tilted her head.
I sighed. "You're enjoying this way too much."
"Obviously," she said. "You're fun to tease. But…" her tone softened, "you're not hopeless, Noah. You're just stuck. And people don't deserve to stay stuck if they're actually trying."
She turned back to her desk, tapping her pen absently. "You helped me when I didn't ask. So… yeah. I'm returning the favor in my own way."
I looked at her. "You really don't owe me anything."
She shrugged. "Doesn't matter. I feel like I do."
We fell quiet again, but this time the silence felt warm. She typed something, muttering about forms, and I went back to sorting. The light from the window faded to orange, catching the edges of her hair.
After a while, she said, almost casually, "You know, if you're gonna be part of my project, you're gonna have to stop moping every time life punches you."
I smiled faintly. "I'll add it to the list."
She smirked. "Good. Tomorrow after class, we're getting you a haircut."
"Wait, what-"
"Nope. No arguments. You've lost your autonomy until further notice."
I laughed quietly. "You're insane."
"Probably," she said, smiling at the screen. "But you'll thank me later."
When we finally finished, the sun had dipped low enough to turn the windows amber.
We walked out together through the empty hallways, our footsteps echoing.
Sana stopped by the door. "See you tomorrow, project."
I rolled my eyes. "See you, control freak."
She grinned. "That's the spirit."
And as I watched her walk away confident, unapologetic a realization hit me harder than a truck.
I hadn't texted Mary that I would be late.
I sighed, mentally preparing for her to lecture me when I got home.
All in all though, today wasn't so bad.