---- Dae ----
When Dae awoke he could taste smoke. It coated his mouth, throat, and lungs. Filling every part of his being. He didn't need to check his records to know which guide attended to him. He stared out across the sterile, white hospital room with a familiar emptiness creeping up as Nox's energy faded.
There was another guide in the room. Someone wearing a hospital guide's uniform. She looked to be early twenties, dark hair messily tied back, fatigue pinching her round features and turning her deep citrine skin sallow and waxy. Her eyes were fluttering and her head was bobbing as she clearly fought a losing battle against her own fatigue. When Dae sat up she bolted upright.
"Esper Kane! I'm Guide Selene Weise, S-rank. I have been in charge of your care since you were stabilized, let me know if you need any additional guiding!" Dae gave her a half hearted smile and a soft 'thanks'.
"I don't think I'll need guiding for a while," as Dae spoke Selene's body clearly relaxed and she breathed an obvious sigh of relief.
"The guide who responded in the field did an amazing job. Was that you?" Dae asked, despite already knowing the answer.
Selene shook her head and held her hands out, clearly reluctant to take credit away from Nox, "No! A government A-rank responded in the field. He did amazing! He wanted to stay with you but…" She trailed off, eyeing Dae anxiously, clearly regretting oversharing.
"What happened to Guide Nox Levi?" Dae tried his best to keep the tension he was feeling out of his voice. Selene began to tremble under his gaze making it clear he failed.
"O-oh so you know Guide Nox! Um… Then I guess it's ok to tell you." Selene swallowed dryly and leaned towards Dae, "I'm sure you know that guiding you is…um… challenging. Well Guide Nox had to guide both you and the child you were rescuing."
Dae felt sick. He clamped his hand over his mouth and struggled to swallow the fear and regret creeping up his throat. Selene jumped up and put a hand on his back. She rubbed it in a soothing circular motion and snatched an emesis bag from a nearby cabinet. She shoved the bag into his hands and called out for a nurse.
A tall slim man in scrubs rushed in and began to check Dae's vitals, "He was stable just a second ago, but his HR spiked out of nowhere! Guide Selene what happened!"
Dae could hear blood pumping in his ears, muffling the conversation happening around him. He could vaguely recall the feeling of Nox's lips pressed on his, and the taste of blood. The memory tipped him over the edge. Despair flitted out away from him and all the metal in the room began to rattle and inch away from him.
In an instant, lips pressed over his and a tongue was down his throat. He suppressed his distress and allowed the intrusion of both guiding energy and Selene's tongue until the pulsing in his ears stopped. He felt an unwelcome coldness form in his core, it began to spread out and numb his whole body. It felt like frostbite, dragging its claws through him and creating tendrils of searing pain in its wake. Dae panted as Selene pulled away from him. Her eyes looked glossy and unfocused.
"Guide Nox is fine!" Selene turned to the nurse, "Please get someone to switch out with me I can't do anymore."
The nurse frowned but nodded and pressed a few buttons on his watch. Dae waved his hand dismissively, still panting from Selene's guiding and the fear that had gripped him seconds ago. He went to cancel the guiding request and realized it was different.
A memory of him throwing his old watch to Kris flickered in his mind.
I should have gotten further away. Dae wanted to pummel his past self, I should have lured it away then Nox would have only needed to focus on the kid.
"Esper Kane, we don't have anyone qualified to attend to you if your corruption spikes-" the nurse started to scold but Dae cut him off with another wave.
"I'm not a field Esper, today was a fluke. Don't waste guides on me."
Selene looked at him with sparkling admiration and gratitude. Dae had been told before that his attitude towards Guides came off as very considerate. It always made a pit of guilt in his stomach. His motivations were far from altruistic.
"Can you tell me where Guide Nox is staying?" Dae asked as he stood up.
The nurse gave Dae Nox's room number and pointed Dae in the right direction despite his clear disapproval of Dae getting up. Normal people tended to fold easily when it came to Espers. For all the talk of Espers being heroes, they were often treated more like an unstable bomb that could go off at any second. For once Dae felt grateful for this.
The minute it took to get to Nox's room felt like an eternity. Dae could feel his heart in his throat. He tried not to speculate on Nox's condition. As he lifted his hand to knock on the door he heard muffled voices coming through the crack in the door.
Not wanting to intrude but unwilling to leave until he was certain Nox would be ok, he leaned against the wall outside to wait for Nox's current visitor to leave. This had the unfortunate side effect of allowing Dae to hear the conversation happening in the room.
"How many organs am I going to have to sacrifice for you?" a low, silky, feminine voice spoke. Dae held his breath waiting for Nox to respond.
"It doesn't count as a sacrifice if you can just grow them back in less than a minute." To Dae's relief Nox sounded like his usual self, if a little tired.
Dae heard the gentle thud of someone smacking someone else playfully. Another feminine voice, this one thinner and higher pitched spoke.
"Stop giving him a hard time! You know how much he helped me at the center! And he almost died like an hour ago." Dae felt dizzy and buried his face in his hands.
"Almost died" is a little dramatic. But yeah, I'm not gonna do a cleanse and dual guiding simultaneously again."
Things started to click into place for Dae. He hadn't even considered how Nox was able to stop him following through on Kris' command. Nox wouldn't have been able to overpower Dae. The only other option was a cleanse.
A guiding cleanse was used in the case of energy contamination from other Espers and gates. The guide fully fills the Esper with their own energy, effectively filling a cup of wine with water until all the wine was so diluted it turned to water. It was an exhausting endeavor. Most Guides would be out of commission for at least three days, especially if they had been guiding above their rank like Nox had been.
Nox had not only cleansed Dae but had also managed to guide Dae and Kris. It wasn't a shock that Nox was talented. Dae had known how amazing Nox was from the first moment he felt Nox's energy run off.
Dae had almost robbed the world of that talent. Nox had to get an organ transplant. Dae had pushed Nox's body into organ failure. The gentle hum of Nox's conversation with his friends blurred in Dae's mind. He thought back to the schematics sitting on his worktable. An early prototype of the device Nox had asked for when they first spoke.
Dae had always felt like the completion of the device would give him the perfect excuse to meet Nox. But even after years of research, he had nothing to offer Nox. All he could do was take.
"I've mentioned Esper Kane to you before." The sound of his name coming from Nox's lips was almost as soothing as his guiding, "He's the one from the center I trained at."
"Now that you mention it I remember you talking about it after you read that interview he did." the higher feminine voice responded excitedly.
"Holy Shit! You knew Esper Kane when he was still a trainee."
"Ehh," Nox intoned indifferently, "Not really when he was training. We met the day of his test. I was there to guide someone else but it had been a rough day and my guiding was all out of whack so I offered to guide him before the test. His energy was really something else. It felt like floating suspended in deep space. I couldn't feel the edges. No matter how much I poured my energy in, it still felt empty. I always regretted that day you know…" Nox trailed off at the end of his sentence, sounding dejected.
Dae was starting to think that this was the worst day of his life. Not only had he nearly killed himself, in front of a child no less, but he had also nearly killed Nox. AND discovered that Nox regretted meeting him. Dae slid down to a crouching position and moaned softly. He felt so emotionally and physically drained.
He had wanted to thank Nox in person but he wasn't brave enough to face the person he's been pining after for nearly a decade. Not, knowing that said person was disappointed in him. So he ran away again. The binding feeling in Dae's chest felt the same as it had the first time he'd done this. It was wound around his heart and tightening with every step he took away.
---- Nox ----
Nox hated the look of concern on Airi's face. She'd been flitting around the hospital room since Nox woke up. Her presence was a surprise. If he'd had his way he wouldn't have mentioned the incident. Airi reminded him of his sister. It was hard to see her as someone Nox could lean on despite her proving herself time and time again.
She explained that someone working at the center texted her after getting the notice that Nox was injured in the line of duty. Lily had playfully complained about Airi dragging her out of her rest week to help Nox out again.
Nox would have felt guilty. But he knew that Lily had reached her limit on organ donation for the year. Which meant she would have had to ask for a special exemption. The paperwork was a headache by itself and the time crunch that came with it meant few Espers considered it. Lily wouldn't have done that if she didn't want to.
This was the second time Lily had donated to Nox. The first time she shrugged off Nox's gratitude and said, "Well you took such good care of my guide before we got together. Think of it as payment for all those coffees and pain patches!"
Nox didn't miss the way she pulled Airi closer to her as she said the words 'my guide.' He was happy for Airi, but their relationship made something ugly and painful tug at his chest.
That same feeling tugged at him as he watched Airi playfully smack Lily's back only to wrap her arms around Lily's neck and give her a peck on the cheek.
Nox looked down at his blanket and anxiously twisted it. Thankfully, Airi was too preoccupied with her Esper to notice Nox's uncharacteristic show of genuine emotion. By the time she looked back, Nox's face wore a neutral mask.
"Why do you regret that day with Kane?" Lily asked as Airi pulled away from her.
Nox shifted his gaze to the trees swaying in the wind outside the window. He let out a small sigh, "He had the highest score in the center's records."
"Isn't that a good thing?" Airi smacked Lily again and shushed her.
"Yeah, it was amazing! I was slated to guide him afterwards."
"Oh shit! Yeah he must have been crazy contaminated to do something like that."
"He turned down my guiding."
Lily looked aghast. Airi, who had already heard this story more than once, gave Nox a gentle, pitying look.
"It was the first time anyone turned me down. I've never had trouble guiding S-classes. I mean I know I'm slower than someone with the same grade would be but still…"
Airi sat down at the foot of Nox's bed and put a gentle hand on Nox's leg.
"Well I for one think you're the best Guide I've ever met. Anyways, you did great with him today! Everyone from Titan was saying they'd never seen his stats so good."
Nox sat up in his bed staring at Airi in disbelief, "No one told me that. Why wasn't I taken to his room as soon as I woke up? There's no way I fully stabilized him, he might not even be stable enough to wake up. I need to get over there now."
Both of the women stepped up on either side of Nox's bed and with gentle but firm hands pushed him back down into the bed.
Lily frowned and said, "Well first, you just got an organ transplant-"
"They adjust fast when they're from Espers and-"
"AND" Airi chimed in, cutting off Nox's argument, "You are neither his designated guide, part of his guild, or hospital staff."
Nox tried to protest again but Airi held out a hand, "They got several guides from his guild and the hospital to take care of him. All you need to do right now is rest."
That uncomfortable restricted feeling wrapped itself around Nox's chest and he tried his best to ignore it. He turned his head away from Airi and frowned, twisting at his bed sheets.
"What's the point if I can get the job done."
Lily grabbed Nox's face and forced him to look into her eyes, "The point is staying alive. I can't think of a single Esper who would be ok with a guide dying because of them. Our instinct is to protect you. The guilt would literally kill us."
"Oh that's why you take such good care of me," Airi said jokingly, trying to pull them out of the sudden serious air Lily had brought to the conversation, "It's just instinct?"
Lily's hand dropped away from Nox's face and she looked at Airi filled with panic, "No I didn't mean that! I mean it's like- I mean we just feel like we have to.. by the gate's I'm not making this better am I."
Airi's faux annoyance faded and she grinned at Lily.
"I know what you meant, I'm just messing with you."
But as Lily sighed in relief, Nox was able to sense a hint of truth in Airi's joke. It was hard to believe someone who relied on you to live truly loved you and not the service you provided.
There were constant stories shared about guides being abandoned by Espers who had once promised them the world. Those stories may have contributed to Nox's distaste for exclusive contracts. It didn't take many sobbing guides returning to the center after being abandoned by an Esper who'd promised them the world to make a man jaded.
---- Dae ----
Dae decided to walk back to the guild. His doctor protested him leaving early but folded as the nurse had. Dae hoped this trend of using his status to get away with things didn't become a habit. Jin-Won hated it when S-classes from other guilds abused their status. Dae wouldn't have considered it even without the threat of Jin-Won's wrath.
Including today, Dae could count the number of times he had abused his power on one hand. All of those instances had something to do with Guide Nox Levi. The walk back to Titan headquarters reminded him of his flight after their first meeting. Restrictive, bitter, and uncertain.
The nagging fear that he had hurt Nox was now solidified into certainty. Nox was only a year older than Dae but his hair was already fully white. In their brief interaction as teens Nox had implied the streak he had then was a result of multiple total drains. How many would it take for a full head of hair?
Nox was well enough acquainted with a regen Esper to request a transplant beyond the legal yearly limit. Dae wondered if Nox gave that Esper regular guiding at the center. A streetlight Dae was walking past began to rattle and a couple of women screamed. Dae held his hands up and apologized profusely.
"Are you Esper Kane from Titan?" One of the women said, her fear turning to excitement. Dae cringed but nodded his head slowly. The status of Esper came with the allure of celebrity mixed with the fear one might have of a rabid beast. Curiosity, admiration, disdain, it was impossible to tell how someone would react when they recognized Dae.
These two seemed to fall on the more positive side of things.
"Can we get a picture with you?"
Dae took a half step back and his hands twitched nervously. His bloody clothing had been tossed. Which left him with a mismatched combination of Titan merchandise the guild had provided to him on short notice. He was essentially a walking advertisement for the guild.
The woman was sure to upload the picture to social media. Which would notify Jin-won that Dae had left the hospital early. Dae had signed himself up for a mandatory training(torture) session by disregarding the doctors orders. Things would only be made worse if Jin-won found out before he was able to explain himself.
On the other hand, it would be even worse if a post went up about him losing control of his powers and then being rude to fans. Dae shoved his distaste for human interaction to the wayside and agreed to the picture. The women flanked him and one held up her phone. The one standing behind him put her hand on his back. He flinched away as her energy sent his head spinning.
"You're a guide?" He turned to the woman. She smiled sheepishly at him.
"Sorry! I know you're supposed to sign papers and stuff. But a friend of mine works at the guild you used to be with. He was talking about your energy being wild. Guess it's true how big your vessel is. Seems like he was lying about the high corruption though."
The other woman stepped between Dae and the guide. She pushed the guide away and apologized to Dae.
"I swear I didn't know she would do that!"
Dae shrugged and looked down at his hands in a daze.
"He would have been right about my corruption on any other day." He tried to fight off the melancholy sinking into his bones and aimed a disapproving look at the rogue guide, "He might have also mentioned that many of my guides suffered severe side effects. So it would be unwise to guide strangers from now on."
The guide looked amused but unapologetic, her friend on the other hand, had the decency to look ashamed. She grabbed the guide's hand and pulled her along mumbling 'can't take you anywhere.'
Dae wasn't sure if they had actually taken any pictures. But he thought it best to get ahead of things. Jin-Won picked up on the second ring.
"Esper Kane," her voice was clipped and strained, a clear red flag, "I hear you're well enough to be wandering the streets against medical advice. Do you think we pay for the best doctors money can buy just for you to ignore them?"
"No but I-" Dae was already on edge from the encounter with the rogue guide. The last thing he needed was to be bullied by his superior.
"I don't care how you thought you felt! You're a spoon bender! It doesn't matter how good you bend spoons, you don't have seniority over medical professionals!"
Dae frowned at the comparison but decided it was in his best interest to keep his grievances to himself. Jin-Won's voice had a sharp tilt to it that spelled combat training bordering on assault. Dae could already feel bruises forming.
"I was trying to be understanding when that hospital guide told me you had gone to see the guide that saved you. You looked like you'd seen a ghost so I thought he might be that guide you're always waxing poetic about. But now I see you were just using it as an excuse to slip away early!"
"He is the guide I've been looking for."
Jin-Won fell silent. Dae could almost see the expression she had on her face. A mix of indignation and concern. Jin-Won had always been the most understanding of Dae's fixation on 609.
One night, after a dangerous level of alcohol consumption, she confessed she had lost her fated guide a few years prior to Dae joining the guild.. Dae couldn't remember the guide's name but he could remember the way Jin-Won had spoken about him. There was a sparkling longing in Jin-Won's eyes Dae connected with.
Jin-Won decided to tell Dae because she had felt the same draw to her guide as what Dae described. She said it was instantaneous and life changing. The two of them had been able to bond over their shared hopeless longing as they gazed into their respective drinks.
They shared a toast to misery before Jin-Won pinned Dae's head to the bar and warned him that if he ever told anyone else she was a hopeless romantic she would change him to active duty for the rest of his life. A threat Dae knew she was more than willing to make good on.
That understanding most likely added fuel to the fire of rage she had burning against Dae at the moment.
"YOU FOUND HIM AND JUST FUCKING LEFT HIM!"
"He would have been better off never crossing paths with me again. I almost killed him." Dae's voice cracked with emotion and he was shocked to see tears falling to the sidewalk.
"That's what every guide signs up for." Jin-Won's voice was shockingly gentle and soft. It was finally hitting him how pathetic he had been. Thinking about Nox for a decade, refusing guiding and field work in his name without him even knowing.
"He didn't want to see me."
"Oh." Jin-Won's voice sounded weak and broken. Dae wished he could have had this conversation with anyone else. Tessa would make fun of him for being a loser. Neil would make him tea and let him sit silently with his emotions. Even his mother would have just laughed him off and moved on to asking when he was coming to visit again.
But he was talking to Jin-Won Song. The woman who had nearly retired when her guide died. The woman who had wrapped an arm around Dae in that bar and nearly cried describing the bond she felt with her guide.
He cleared his throat but his voice still came out strained and hoarse, "Have the guild contact him. Guide Nox Levi, working with the local Esper/Guide center. Give him anything he wants."
"Will do." Jin-Won shifted back to her commanding no-nonsense tone. It gave Dae the confidence he needed to keep walking.