Chapter 17: Steve: So You Can Fudge Expense Reports Like That? Got It.
Looking at the exploding villa...
Steve Rogers gripped his shield, a look of loss in his eyes. "Detective Lynn… is he dead?"
Hearing Steve's somber tone, Natasha lay in the car, her mind flashing back to the future visions she'd seen when the resonator first turned on.
"He was a hero."
Before Natasha could speak, Steve continued, "No matter what he said about himself—greedy, lazy, a womanizer—he just gave his life for this planet."
"For that, he deserves to be praised. Even if no one ever knows what he did."
Seeing Steve's solemn expression, Natasha finally said slowly, "I don't think Lynn would die that easily."
"He loves this world too much. And there are way too many beautiful women waiting for him. I don't believe a simple explosion could take him out."
Hearing this, Steve frowned at her.
He was just about to speak when Lynn's casual voice cut in, "See? It looks like Natasha is the one who really gets me."
Hearing Lynn's voice, both of them snapped their heads up.
They saw Lynn, his clothes just a little dirty, giving them a raised eyebrow.
Steve let go of his shield and breathed a long sigh of relief. "It's good you're okay."
"Of course I'm okay. But from now on, I'm staying far away from you superheroes."
"Hanging out with you guys is way too dangerous."
Lynn opened the car door. Seeing the other two were still immobilized, he started the car and began to drive away. "Oh, right. You two will be reporting this incident when you get back to SHIELD, won't you?"
"Of course."
Steve shifted into a different position on the seat. "It was a big incident, and a dozen researchers died. We can't cover this up."
"How about we make a deal?"
Lynn turned to look at them. "In your reports... can you leave my name out of it? Or just... hide the stuff I did?"
"I have no interest in getting on SHIELD's radar. It would bring way too many unnecessary problems into my nice, quiet life."
At Lynn's request, Natasha and Steve looked at each other.
Natasha was the one who made the call. "No problem. I won't write anything about you in the report."
"But... can you tell me what your powers are?"
She propped herself up, resting her chin on the back of the driver's seat, and smiled at Lynn. "When we left the villa, even Steve lost all his strength."
"You were the only one who could not only move freely, but also go back and plant the bomb."
"So, I'm really curious. What's your ability? And that blue potion... it actually slowed down that horned demon. That was incredible."
"Are you a wizard? Or an alchemist?"
Natasha's head was resting on the seat, only a few inches from his face.
The faint scent of her perfume drifted into Lynn's nose.
"I'm not a wizard, and definitely not an alchemist. But you can think of me as an... apothecary."
"As for other abilities... I don't have any."
"Tsk."
Natasha clearly didn't believe him, but since he was unwilling to say, she didn't press.
Everyone had their secrets. Prying was rude.
She leaned back in her seat, then suddenly turned to Steve. "Steve, you still haven't told me. Who won the bet, me or Lynn?"
"What?"
Steve had been trying to figure out how to write the report and keep Lynn out of it.
Hearing Natasha, he asked, "What bet?"
"The bet about whether or not you were still a virgin."
Facing Natasha's sparkling, gossip-hungry eyes...
Steve was silent for a moment, then turned to look out the window.
His silent answer told Natasha everything she needed to know.
She pulled twenty dollars from her pocket and handed it to Lynn. "Looks like you win."
Lynn took the money without any hesitation. "Natasha, next time you have a bet this easy, don't forget to call me."
"You know, as an NYPD detective, my salary isn't exactly high."
"I know, I know. Otherwise, all those girls you 'date' wouldn't be the ones paying for the hotel rooms."
"Hmm?"
Steve, as if sensing some prime gossip, looked at Lynn in surprise.
Seeing Steve's expression in the rearview mirror, Lynn said, completely deadpan, "It's called love, Steve."
"Hah. Love."
***
Once they were a hundred meters from the villa, the magnetic field weakened, and the aching numbness in Natasha and Steve's bodies finally faded.
The moment his strength returned, even Steve let out a clear sigh of relief.
Natasha adjusted her Widow's Bites and asked, "Lynn, since you're an 'apothecary,' are those potions for sale?"
'Like that blue one that slowed the demon?'
Natasha figured that if she had a few of those, they would be incredibly useful on future missions.
Steve was also interested. He was extremely curious about those potions.
"Of course. For friends, I can sell you some."
"But the price is... very high. The ingredients are extremely hard to find. It takes me forever to gather them. And the brewing process is complicated and fails a lot."
"No problem."
Before Lynn could finish, Natasha cut him off. "Trust me, if SHIELD has one thing, it's a full bank account."
"I can file an expense report for 'damaged equipment replacement' and get the money to buy your potions."
Steve, listening on the side, grew thoughtful.
'You can do that?'
"Okay. Right now, I can make healing potions—they restore stamina and energy fast—and the slowing potion you just saw."
"I also have a potential potion. After you drink it, your strength and speed double for a few seconds. The drawback is, half an hour later, you'll be completely exhausted for about an hour."
"I have a few others, too. Which ones do you want?"
Listening to the descriptions, Natasha said immediately, "Ten of each, for starters."
"Done."
At Natasha's generosity, Lynn's eyes lit up. "But, just so we're clear: this is for you. You can give them to SHIELD for analysis, I don't care."
"But don't tell them where you got them. I don't want to be monitored 24/7, and I really don't want to end up as a lab rat."
"Of course. I'm planning on this being a long-term partnership."
Natasha nodded, then looked at Steve.
"Same for me. These potions could be a big help in certain situations."
Steve looked at Natasha, then said seriously, "As for the money, my 'equipment replacement' request will definitely be for a higher amount than yours."
'Well, of course.'
If someone as straight-laced as Steve Rogers filed an expense report, the SHIELD logistics department probably wouldn't even look at it twice.
After all, who would ever believe that the one and only Captain Rogers would fudge his expenses?
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