Chapter 12— I see you pretty clearly
Afternoons on campus always had a certain kind of deadness to them — too late in the day to be energetic, too early to go home. A soft lull where students drifted like sleepwalkers between buildings, half-alive on caffeine and spite.
I was one of them.
By the time my 2 p.m. lecture rolled around, my ribs ached, my brain was mush, and the only thing keeping me upright was the faint, stubborn memory of Ava's smile the day before. A stupid thing to fixate on. Dangerous, even. But it stuck to me like a warm afterimage in a cold room.
The lecture began. Or so I assume, because I lasted about six minutes before my eyelids dropped like sandbags. One moment I was staring at a slide about "socio-behavioral pattern reinforcement." The next, the professor's voice became a distant hum wrapped in cotton.
I didn't mean to fall asleep.
I just… blinked.
Once.
And then thirty minutes disappeared.
I woke with a tiny jerk that shot pain through my ribs, choking off the gasp I almost made. I copied down exactly one line of notes — which was worse than copying none, because now it looked like I tried.
Great start to the week.
When class ended, I shuffled out with the rest of the exhausted zombies. The hallway buzzed with chatter. I adjusted my backpack, trying not to feel like I'd already failed Monday, and stepped into the late sunlight.
I barely made it ten steps before a voice cut through the crowd:
"There you are! Ethan—hey!"
I turned just in time for Cassie to skid to a stop in front of me, hair bouncing, glasses sliding halfway down her nose. She was breathing like she'd sprinted across campus — which she probably had.
"Oh thank god," she gasped. "I thought I missed you."
I blinked. "Missed me? For what?"
She gave me a look, unimpressed and dramatic. "Uh, for drinks? Ring any bells? I said you owed me a full explanation last week."
Right. That.
"I thought you meant later this week," I said with a shrug. "Like… not Monday. Not four in the afternoon."
Cassie grinned, wiggling her eyebrows like I'd said something adorable. "Why not? You only live once. Or in your case — twice."
I groaned. "Low blow."
"Please," she said, looping her arm with mine without asking. "After almost dying, you should be celebrating being alive. And the best way to celebrate is with mild alcoholism and trauma dumping."
"I don't—"
"Excellent, let's go," she chirped, tugging me toward the street.
I stumbled after her. "You didn't even let me answer."
"You didn't need to," she said matter-of-factly, waving off my protest. "I know your vibe. You say no but secretly want to say yes."
"That's… disturbingly accurate."
"Told you. I'm very wise."
She pushed the door open to the sidewalk café from earlier — the same one Ava and I had eaten at. The small, cozy place with hanging plants and low music. A soft breeze carried the smell of espresso and baked pastry.
"This place again?" I asked.
"It's cute," she said. "And half the student body forgets it exists, so we'll have privacy for all the gory details."
She dragged me to a table by the window and plopped down with a grin. I sat across from her, feeling like a deer caught in headlights.
"Okay," she said, leaning forward, elbows on the table. "Give me everything. Start from the beginning. And don't you dare downplay it."
I opened my mouth—
—and stopped when a waiter dropped off two menus.
Cassie didn't even look at hers. "Mango spritzer with vodka. And he'll have whatever is fruity and embarrassing."
The waiter turned to me.
I shrugged. "I'll… have whatever is fruity and embarrassing."
Cassie shot me finger guns.
"Okay," she said, folding her hands like she was about to hear a bedtime story. "So. The van? The girl? The death. How did this all go down?"
I exhaled slowly. Talking about it still felt unreal, like recalling a dream I hadn't fully woken from.
"It was… fast," I said. "I was walking behind her. She was filming something I don't know but she had her headphones on and was looking at her phone. Then I saw the van coming down the road...fast. It was heading straight towards us... so I—I didn't think —I just moved."
"You shoved her out of the way," Cassie whispered, eyes wide. "Like an action movie."
"More like a human speed bump," I muttered. "Trust me, I was not graceful."
"And then you woke up in the hospital?"
"Yeah... wait no I think I remember seeing Ava's face before I passed out... but it was pretty bad. My ribs a mess. My head a mess. Apparently I was 'died' for about forty-five seconds. no heartbeat. BEEEEEEP" I mimic the end of a monitor beeping sound to signify my death.
Cassie covered her mouth. "That's insane. don't just casually mention that you died. I mean what if they didn't bring you back?" she whispered the last part. Her beautiful brown eyes were wet with tears and she looked so sad and vulnerable.
"Well what can I say... I've accepted that death is part life and I was ready to die but I guess I was given a second chance, or maybe it just wasn't my time. Either way I've decided not to think about it. I was just glad that I managed to push Ava out of the way." I spoke with acceptance, Cassie knew enough about my past to know that when it comes to these type of things I'm very cut and dry.
She slowly took a drink, then spoke again this time there was something else in there tone that I couldn't quiet make out—Curiosity? Resentment? Anxious?
"Right," she said slowly, eyes narrowing. "Speaking of Ava. What's… um… going on there?"
I froze, just for a moment. Cassie caught it.
"We're not dating," I said immediately.
Her eyebrows shot up. "I didn't ask if you were dating."
"Oh."
"Well? Why's she visiting you every day?" Cassie asked. "Ava's never had a boyfriend. Ever. She's always been Miss Focused. Sports, grades, training. The girl lives on protein shakes and a color-coded planner. And then she shows up at the hospital every day for you?"
I shifted in my seat, uncomfortable.
"I think she feels guilty," I said quietly.
"Guilty?"
"Yeah. For the accident. For me getting hurt instead of her. She's… trying to process it, I think. She's also been under a lot of pressure lately and so I'm just—"
"You're what?"
I shrugged. "I'm being friendly. Supportive. That's all."
Cassie stared at me.
I continued, voice soft:
"I mean… yes she's beautiful. Obviously. And she's… kind. And warm. And she's been through a lot. But someone like her? She's not—she'd never be interested in someone like me. And that's okay."
Cassie blinked. Twice.
I kept talking before she could.
"Eventually, she'll move on. Once she stops feeling guilty. Once everything settles in a couple of months and some new drama appears... She'll just go back to her life. Her team. Her friends. People on her level."
I laughed weakly. "And I'll go back to being some guy she knew because he got hit by a van. And that's fine. Really. I just want to support her while she needs it." Besides I'll keep getting good rewards from the system.
Cassie's expression softened — something between sympathy and frustration.
"You don't see yourself very clearly, you know that?"
I looked down at my hands. "Maybe... Or maybe I'm the only one who see's what's actually happening."
She reached across the table and nudged my arm with hers — casual, friendly, warm.
"Well," she said gently, "I see you pretty clearly. And I think you're selling yourself short. By a lot."
I swallowed.
"Thanks," I murmured.
She smiled — wide, bright, genuine.
*********************
And outside the window…
A figure stopped.
Ava.
Her hair was pulled back from practice. She held her backpack strap in one hand. Her expression at first was neutral — a casual glance through the window…
Then recognition hit.
Her eyes widened.
Her body froze.
Just a second.
Then she took a step forward to see more of the sight:
A girl leaning forward, laughing.
A girl's hand on my arm.
Ethan's smiling faintly at something she'd said.
Ava's lips parted — not in shock, but… something deeper. Something tight. Sharp. Quick.
A tiny, silent inhale.
Her shoulders drew in.
She blinked once — slow — like steadying herself.
And then, quietly, without a trace of expression left on her face…
She stepped back.
Turned.
And walked away.