This was Ajax's first time being subjected to transhuman dread. He had read about it, and he had thought it was like the feeling of being in the room as someone who physically dwarfs you and you want to make sure not to piss them off.
'This is way fucking different. This feels more like being unarmed in a cage with an angry rhino. I know there is not a damn thing I can do if any of them want me dead. It feels like they are a different class of being, on a whole other plane of existence!' Ajax had to close his eyes for a second and ball his fists.
'Think of the Flames! Remember your entire being was lit aflame. The very concept of Ajax was burned and reborn from the Ashes! You survived that. Survive this.' Ajax's nails were starting to cut into his palm as he mastered his heart rate. Slowing his breathing.
Ajax opened his eyes after a few moments and he wished he hadn't. 'Jesus fucking Christ they're all right in front of me!'
All three Marines were standing right infront of Ajax, looking down at him. It took Ajax a few heartbeats to find his voice. "Lords? May I be of service?" asked Ajax to the three transhuman giants glowering down upon him. Ajax stood at parade rest trying to take some confidence from maintaining a military bearing.
The Marines watched him silently for long heartbeats. Though Ajax's heartbeat was no doubt going much faster than usual, each heartbeat seemed to last for an eternity. Finally, the bald Dark Angel barked, "What are you doing?! Who are you, human?!".
Ajax did all he could to not stand there mouth agape. Mastering his fear and anxiety, Ajax slowly swallowed to give himself a small beat to think before replying,"I came to this training hall to view the Legiones Astartes as they train for war, Lord. Permission was given for this activity for Old Hundred Officers to improve-""Not that!"cut in the blonde Dark Angel with close cropped hair. The Ultramarine cleared his throat and seemed to take a more genial tact than his cousins from the Dark angels "What my cousins want to know, Sir, is what are you doing with your footwork".
'Ah, that. Do I come out and say I was trying to copy the best duelist in the Dark Angels? I doubt lying will work against them as they can probably read my micro expressions like an open book and hear my heart beating. I guess I have to be honest and hope they just laugh at me for aiming too high, instead of thinking I am up to no good.'
Ajax took a deep breath and said "Well, Lord. I was watching your duel with Grandmaster Thrane because I wanted to see how to battle physically and numerically superior opponents with the blade. He seemed to be restraining himself physically, until the end. And I was attempting to glean some information about his footwork." The three Marines exchanged a look amongst themselves.
The blonde Dark Angel glowered at his fellows, either unhappy that any non-Astartes witnessed his loss or unhappy with Ajax's presumption. The bald Dark Angel seemed to be more puzzled by his audacity. The Ultramarine's expression would have proved inscrutable to most, but, with Ajax's logokine abilities, Ajax was able to sense that the Ultramarine somewhat admired Ajax's thought process. The blonde haired Dark Angel stalked off in frustration. The bald Dark Angel exchanged a further glance with the Ultramarine before walking off after his battle-brother.
The Ultramarine turned toward Ajax and said "Brooding fellows, aren't they?". A wry smile creased Ajax's features. "I couldn't say such things aloud, Lord" intoned Ajax with a hint of sarcasm.
"I don't believe I caught your name, soldier." said the Ultramarine. "Hetman Drogant Kjarrick, 10th Company, Geno Five-Two Chiliad, Lord." replied Ajax crisply.
"Well met, Hetman Kjarrick. I am Remus Venatus 4th Company, 1st Chapter of the XIII Legion. I approve of your initiative, so I'll give you a little help. The Grandmaster likes to duel with us three and others around 0800 hours shiptime. If you want to keep observing his footwork, I suggest returning then. Until next we meet" replied the Ultramarine as he turned and then walked off to a training cage in the distance.
Ajax appreciated the proffered information as that made his plan a lot easier. Ajax began to practice the 'Advance' and 'Parthian' steps for another half hour before he decided to retreat to Imperial Army training halls where less intimidating men could stare at him and
consider him a looney.
Thus began a period that was the first real mental break for Ajax since reincarnating. Ajax practiced the 'Advance' and 'Parthian' steps daily. He trained daily with the men of 10th company. Ajax more carefully managed his performance as he missed some shots on purpose in CQC training. But the shots he did intend to hit were starting to consistently hit vital points like head and the heart. He tried to make it appear as if he was slowly recovering his abilities to the level expected of Drogant Kjarrick Ajax also watched Hector Thrane duel with a multitude of Space Marines, most often the two Dark Angels and Remus Venatus, daily.
Ajax was trying to pick up every mannerism, every head movement, every twitch of the Grand Master. He wasn't yet skilled enough to sort the good from the bad. What was the brilliant movement of a master? What were movements of no value? Ajax felt he could determine that later. Copy first. Then produce a unique fighting style later.
Ajax identified other 'steps' that he wished to learn, but he was determined to first master 'Advance' and 'Parthian' first before expanding his repertoire.
Ajax also emphasized his psychic practice as he continued reading both the Eldar tome Silence in the Stream and the Dark Eldar tome. Reading the Eldar tome was fleshing out Ajax's knowledge of psyker powers and practices. Ajax was starting to understand the philosophy of the Eldar Seer.
An Eldar Seer did not attempt to influence the fabric of the warp as that would disturb their 'paths' of sight with turbulence. Instead, an Eldar Seer attempted to resonate with certain harmonies that already lay within the Warp. Then they would attempt to raise harmonies up that were advantageous to them and deaden harmonies that harmed the Eldar's goals.
Ajax found certain parts of the philosophy attractive, like the resonating with preexisting Warp energy. However, Ajax did not believe this path was one he could tread, nor one that could be used to truly defeat warp entities. Ajax felt that the Warp was so evil that there were times were adjusting and modulating flow was not decisive enough, only burning down the old evil and building anew would suffice.
Ajax resolved to read more on how Imperial Astropaths and Psykers differed from the Eldar in hopes of building a new hybrid path.
However, Ajax felt that he still needed to build up his will and his tolerance for suffering, thus he continued reading the Dark Eldar tome. Reading the Dark Eldar tome caused physical pain to Ajax. It was like his eyes were being flayed in the ways described in the book.
He was slowly understanding the human body in more granular detail. The web of nerves and blood vessels. How to activate nerves in sequence to create a symphony of pain. The book itself was evil. But this whole universe was evil.
If Ajax ever hoped to survive his future encounters with Chaos, he would have to be able to stare evil in the face and come away sane. As he extended his reading session of the horrid book, a little more each day, he began to become more at resisting the mental anguish and cleansing his mind.
The flames of his rebirth were a useful totemic touchstone that allowed Ajax to wash his mind clear of the horrid images, with a cleansing fire.
Ajax continued in this way for two months as the Truth's Razor sailed the warp lanes toward the Xana system in the Eastern Fringe of the galaxy.