Not long after, Mr. Anton arrived at the garden along with Eri and her group.
I stood in the corner of the garden, clutching a shovel in my trembling hands, trying to hold back the anxiety rising in my chest. I didn't know why they had moved from the training ground to here, but I could only hope that nothing bad would happen to me.
Everything about this world still felt foreign, and my heart pounded with an uncomfortable mix of fear and fascination as I watched them from afar. The magic they wielded looked so enchanting, so beautiful, it made me secretly wish that one day, I too could master it.
But, maybe that was just my wishful thinking. I had no talent at all, and always remained the useless Vira, not only in their eyes, but also in my own.
Watching them practice their spells felt like staring at a distant horizon I could never reach, no matter how hard I tried. All I could do was watch from the shadows, my chest tight with an ache that seemed to say this world had already decided my place.
Far from them. Far from everything I desperately wanted.
I gripped the handle of my shovel tighter, fighting back the tears that suddenly welled up in the corners of my eyes. It hurt so much, like something was being slowly crushed inside my chest. But I remained standing, keeping my head down, doing my best to appear invisible.
If any of them happened to glance in my direction, I hoped they would see me as nothing more than a passing shadow, something not worth their attention, so I could carry out my task in peace.
"In this garden, the soil, the water, and the plants are not just background scenery, they are part of your magic." Eldrin's voice rang out clearly across the field.
"Don't just release energy randomly. Feel its flow. From the roots to the leaves, and from the ground to the sky."
I happened to glance toward the group at that moment. There, Maya was looking directly at me with a smirk on her face, her eyes gleaming with something dark and intentional.
I didn't dare to respond. I simply let it pass, lowering my gaze and refocusing on my work, silently praying they would treat me as if I didn't exist.
Suddenly, a ball of water shot toward me with terrifying speed.
I didn't have time to move my body to avoid it. The impact hit my back directly, making me lose balance and fall to the ground. The impact hit me square in the back, and I lost my balance instantly. My body slammed into the muddy ground, pain radiating from my spine and spreading through every limb. Mud and water mixed together as I fell face-first, making my mouth taste bitter and dirty.
"AAAAH!" I screamed as my body collided with the ground.
At that moment, my heart shattered instantly. My hope not to be bothered, to just be a "passing shadow" vanished just like that. It felt like every small prayer I had been whispering in my heart was being laughed at by the world itself, as if I had been created for no other purpose than to be stepped on and humiliated.
Maya just laughed. "Oops, sorry! My magic isn't stable yet. He shouldn't have been standing there."
Eri and Dito laughed hysterically seeing my miserable condition.
"Look! He's like a pig playing in the mud!" shouted Dito.
Eldrin didn't even warn Maya. He just continued the lesson as if nothing had happened.
"Try again, Maya. This time try to focus more. Don't let small distractions disrupt your concentration."
I bit my lip hard until I tasted the saltiness of blood. I wanted to scream. I wanted to get angry, to fight back, but my voice was trapped in my throat, suffocated by fear and shame.
In the end, all I could do was let the hot tears trace paths through the dirt on my cheeks, the salt stinging my split lip.
I must not cry... not in front of them...
But those tears still escaped, flowing slowly down my dirty cheeks.
I knew I had nothing to fight back with. If I did something, I would only suffer more, be stepped on further. So all I could do was endure it, letting the pain tear me apart in silence.
I tried to get up from the mud puddle, my uniform dirty and my body trembling. Tears mixed with water and mud on my face, but no one seemed to care about my condition.
But then, while Eldrin was busy teaching the others, Mr. Anton approached with a concerned face.
"Vira! Are you okay?" he whispered urgently, his eyes filled with genuine worry.
I tried to get up, my body aching from the fall.
"I... I'm fine, Sir." I lied, my voice hoarse as I swiped at my tears and fought to ignore the stabbing pain in my back.
"you don't look well. Have you eaten anything since this morning?". His voice was slightly trembling, and I could see worry in his eyes.
I shook my head, my eyes avoiding his gaze out of shame.
"I... I wasn't allowed to eat today. Captain Gregory said I had to finish all my work first."
The moment I spoke those words, Mr. Anton's expression changed immediately. His forehead creased deeply, and his lips trembled as if he wanted to say something but couldn't find the words.
"Listen," he whispered, making sure no one heard.
"Wait in your barracks tonight," he whispered, leaning closer.
"I'll try to bring you some food. I promise."
A glimmer of hope appeared in my heart. But it immediately faded... could Mr. Anton really bring me food? Or were these just comforting words like people always said to me?
"ANTON! Return to your training!" shouted Eldrin from a distance, his face tense yet firm.
Mr. Anton looked conflicted, his eyes teary. I could see the inner struggle within him, between wanting to help me and fear of Eldrin's command.
Finally with heavy steps, he obeyed the command.
But before he left, he managed to whisper one last time.
"I will bring you food tonight. Wait for me."
---
For the rest of the day, I worked in wet uniform and a painful body. Every step felt like torture, but the mockery didn't stop. Maya and Eri continued to throw cruel comments in my direction, while Dito laughed hysterically every time I stumbled from exhaustion.
When my work was finally done, Gregory came and ordered me to return to my room, promising he would bring food later.
I waited inside, clutching my empty, gnawing stomach.
As the sun began to sink below the horizon, Captain Gregory finally appeared, holding a single piece of dry bread in his hand.
"This is your food," he said in a flat tone while throwing the bread toward me.
"Don't expect more than this. You haven't proven yourself worthy of decent food."
The bread fell to the dirty floor, but I immediately picked it up because this was the only food I had - a piece of hard bread without side dishes, let alone drinking water. Gregory, who was still standing there, immediately added in a mocking voice.
"For water, just drink from the toilet outside! That's more than enough for someone like you!"he sneered.
"And make sure you wash yourself too. You reek!"
After uttering those cruel words, Gregory turned and left with a satisfied face, leaving me alone in agony.
I could hardly believe what I heard. Did I really have to drink from the toilet? It felt like a real nightmare. looked down at myself, my uniform was still soaked with muddy water from earlier, clinging uncomfortably to my skin.
The stench rising from my body was unbearable. I could smell the mix of sweat, dirt, and stagnant water on myself. My hair was matted with dried mud, and my skin felt grimy and sticky. Gregory's mocking words echoed in my head
'You reek!' He was right. I did stink. But what was I supposed to do? I'd just spent the day cleaning the stables and the gardens, with no chance to wash up from the day before.
And was this small piece of bread enough to fill a stomach that had been empty all day?
But in my ravenous hunger, that simple piece of bread seemed like the most exquisite food I had
With still trembling hands, I brushed off the dust and ate it slowly, trying to make this small bread fill my rumbling stomach.
After the bread was finished, thirst began to haunt me. Gregory earlier said I had to drink from the toilet, I didn't want to believe it, but my throat felt like it was burning. Finally, with weak steps, I decided to go to the toilet looking for tap water. Maybe at least there was a tap that could still flow clean water.
The corridor I passed was dark and damp, only illuminated by dim light from high windows. The foul smell grew stronger as I approached the toilet. The room was dark and dirty, its walls full of graffiti, the floor wet with puddles of unclear water.
In the squalid and smelly toilet, I reached for the rusty sink tap with my last remaining hope. When I turned the tap, what came out was turbid brownish water, my eyes widened in disbelief, what came out was turbid brownish water.
"No..." I murmured softly, "this can't be..."
Oh God... Do I really have to do this? Do I have to drink this filthy water?
My heart broke into a thousand pieces.
Is this truly my fate?
But unbearable thirst forced me. With closed eyes, I wet my hand and drank that turbid water. It tasted foul and made me nauseous, but at least it relieved my previously dry throat.
After drinking, nausea immediately washed over me. My body trembled as I fought back the urge to vomit. I slumped against the sink, overwhelmed by shame and regret at the circumstances that had forced me to do something so degrading.
Then I remembered Gregory's order, his words calling me stinking and filthy, commanding me to wash myself. my body itched all over from the layers of mud and filth clinging to my skin.
I had no choice but to step into the grim, stone-walled bathroom.
The old stone sheath, crumbly and cracked in many places, seemed like it could collapse at any moment. The air inside was thick, mixed with the smell of ammonia and mold that had settled for years.
Every step I took echoed off the decayed walls, making me feel as if I were standing in the middle of a medieval prison cell lost in time.
The water in this bathroom was no different from what I'd seen in the sink, the same murky, brownish liquid, unfit for any use.
Haaah... I have no other choice. This is my fate.
With trembling hands, I began wiping down my arms and neck with the contaminated water, scrubbing off the layers of dirt and sweat as best as I could.
It felt disgusting, but I had no other choice. I then tried to rinse the mud caked onto my uniform, rubbing the fabric roughly to get the worst of it off. The muddy water dripped onto the filthy floor, mixing with the puddles already there.
I bent down and attempted to clean my shoes too, scraping off the thick mud stuck to the soles. My hands were shaking from exhaustion and cold, but I kept going. Even though the water was dirty, at least I could remove some of the filth covering me.
When I was done, I looked at myself in the mirror, still damp, still dirty, but slightly better than before. My uniform clung to my skin, cold and uncomfortable
The journey back to the room felt heavier than before. The dim lit corridor seemed to mock every step I took. The sound of my staggering footsteps and my own crying were the only things breaking the sorrowful silence of this night.
I finally reached my room and entered, my clothes and shoes still damp and clinging unpleasantly to my skin. The residual moisture felt like a final, cold reminder of the humiliation I had just endured.
I stared at the uniform in despair, even if I asked for a change of clothes, it felt useless, no one cared about me...
I took off my shoes and lay on the hard bed, even though my clothes were still damp and the cold air bit into my skin.
My stomach was still rumbling, the piece of dry bread earlier was not enough to fill me. In the garden, I remembered Mr. Anton's promise and waited with small hope for his arrival, while hoping maybe he would bring a little food.
But as time passed, he never came. I realized it had likely just been empty words to placate me. Maybe, like everyone else, he was only telling me what I wanted to hear...
The night grew late. I lay on my hard straw bed, listening to every footstep passing outside the barracks. Every time a sound approached, my heart pounded with hope. Was that him? Would he really keep his promise? But each time, the sound just passed by, leaving me in loneliness and darkness.
The gnawing in my stomach intensified, a wild beast clawing at me from within. My head spun with dizziness, and my body shivered uncontrollably, still trapped in the slightly damp uniform.
I pulled the rough blanket tighter, hoping to warm my body, but it felt futile. Every second of this night felt long, and I could only endure the cold and pain in solitude.
I tried to remember my mother's face, trying to find strength from the beautiful memories at home. My mother's face that always smiled even though our life was impoverished.
But what appeared instead were the shadows of Eri and Maya laughing cruelly at me, the cold face of Captain Gregory, the servants and guards who toyed with me for their amusement, and the indifferent expressions of King Thorian and Archmage Eldrin when I was mocked and humiliated in front of them.
"Endure it, Vira," I whispered to myself, my voice hoarse from holding back tears.
"Mr. Anton will definitely come. He's a teacher, and teachers never lie to their students. He's different from the others."
But as time crawled forward and midnight arrived, my hope began to crumble.
My eyes felt unbearably heavy, my eyelids weighed down like stones, but I was terrified of falling asleep and missing his arrival. I kept pinching my own hand to stay awake, the small pain a desperate attempt to fight off exhaustion.
I lay on the foul-smelling straw, staring up at the dark ceiling. Tears slipped slowly down my temples, soaking into the straw beneath my head.
Maybe Mr. Anton had forgotten.
Or maybe he hadn't been allowed to come.
Or worst of all, maybe it had been nothing more than false pity, spoken without any real intention to follow through. Just like what people always did to me.
In the suffocating silence of midnight, I didn't know how long I had been waiting for him. Time felt like it was moving impossibly slowly, and yet Mr. Anton still didn't come.
With my stomach still growling and my heart hollow and aching, I finally couldn't fight sleep any longer.
I fell into a restless slumber, a sleep plagued with nightmares of hunger and endless humiliation. In my dreams, I saw Mr. Anton coming toward me with food in his hands, but when I reached out to take it, the food suddenly turned into hard, cold stones.
When I woke up to the morning sunlight, there was no food waiting for me. No trace that anyone had ever cared. There was only increasing hunger and bitterness starting to take root in my heart.
From this moment on, I realized.
I shouldn't trust anyone in this world. No one I can trust, except myself.
This world is too cruel to give place to naive people. Better I rely on myself, even if I have to bear these wounds and loneliness alone.