You have no fucking idea how confusing being eleven and tortured by your own father is.
You don't just get over it! It's stays. It lives with you for the rest of your fucking life! Even long after you stop being eleven years old.
"Is this a game, papa?" My confusion made everything so much worse then. "I don't want to play anymore. It's going to rain, father. I will get sick"
"How long do I have to stay here? Let me go. I will be a good boy, I promise" I yelled as he disappeared into the door we came through.
The answer to my question was throughout the night…I was confined to that cage throughout the fucking night.
That night, heaven was angry and it took it out on earth. So great was the downpour it came with lightning and thunder and wind.
And when the lightning hit the little cage…it stopped my heart.
It was my first brush with death and worse, I had no idea what would prompt a father to do such a thing.
There was no explanation whatsoever.
And so he became this huge monster I ran from and feared as a child. He became what kept me awake at night and what haunted me during the day. He became the terror in my soul and the pain in my lower back. He became the demon of apocalyptic proportions and no one offered an explanation as to why…no one ever did.
And now, he is implying that the same horror awaits my son and it would be by my hand.
Why?
No, really…why?
"You are a horrible…horrible person, your Majesty" I let out a shaky breath and turned to leave in time to see Bastian pull out a little dagger and he took a step forward towards the king.
He had his back to Bas, completely oblivious.
Bastian!
I have never moved so quickly in my life. Bas might think we are alone but hidden in those chambers were about three dozen soldiers and knights armed to the teeth with a lot of weapons and he would be killed.
I enclosed the blade with my own hand just as the king turned around and for the first time in a long time, I said a little prayer that he was oblivious of Bastian's lapse in judgment.
I stood in front of Bastian, blocking him from the king's view.
"I want him dead, Abbott. I will kill him" Bas whispered under his breath.
"What is he doing here?" The king asked when he saw him.
"He is here to stop me from doing something drastic, your Majesty" I said as I forcefully pried the blade from him.
"Then you should listen to him" the king said and walked out leaving both of us standing there.
Bastian tried to follow him but I got in his face.
"What were you thinking?! You could have gotten yourself killed!" I snapped at him.
"I am going to kill him. If you don't help me do that, I will find someone to" his voice was low and his eyes were vacant. He was dead serious.
Fuck!
The Restrained, lazy eye Bastian was gone and in his place was the bloodthirsty vengeful Bastian of Fort Enoch…this Bastian was harder to control.
"Come on, Stabby"
He wouldn't bulge, so I twisted his arm so hard till he obeyed.
He laughed it off and started walking back to my part of the palace, my eyes never left him
***
I walked back to my rooms, my father's words still screaming in my head.
I hate you. She will hate you too.
What else was new? Eventually, everyone does. Why the hell should I care if Abby Spencer hates me too?
I pushed the door to my bedroom open. And I stopped.
She was there. Abigail. Sitting on the edge of my fucking bed, her hands folded in her lap, practically shaking in terror.
I looked to the side and her things were here, too. A small valise by the wardrobe. How brave of her to think I will let her move in without caving the words NO on her back.
She put her toad, Charlie, down on a table and walked toward me.
"Did he grant it?" she asked, her voice quiet. "The annulment?"
"No," I said. "The king offered his congratulations, instead. You know my father, he absolutely wants what's best for me" I told her sarcastically.
"Oh"
She clasped her hand. I watched her. She was gathering the courage to speak, and I didn't have the patience for it but I kept quiet and waited anyway.
Then she moved closer. "Maybe… maybe we can try to make this marriage work, dear Abbott."
My jaw tightened.
"I can grow to love you." she said, her voice gaining a little strength. "And you could try to love me, can't you?."
Love me? Very hilarious.
This naive, stupid girl and everything she represented, pissed me off. Especially her lie.
"You love another man!" I snapped at her. "So, don't pretend this marriage will ever be anything more than an inconvenience!"
She flinched, but then her own temper flared. Her eyes flashed.
"You love someone else too, your highness! Daphne, right?! You think I don't know?" she yelled. "It's no secret in your household! Everyone knows she's the apple of your eyes. The one person you will set the world on fire for! You love her! Deny it if you must! But don't you dare judge me for loving someone else when you are guilty of the same thing"
I just stared. It used to be a rumor that she loved Markle. It used to be just a rumor but hearing her admit it. Wow.
She took a shaky breath, trying to calm herself. "You have stabbed me. Had me kidnapped. Fed me horse tranquilizer. And you've done all that in the past three weeks. But here I am, calling for a truce."
She moved closer still, so close I could see the tears she was fighting. She grabbed my hand. I flinched at her touch. It was too warm. So warm.
"I swear I can love you, Abbott," she whispered, her voice breaking. "I want to be on your side. I want to feel your fears and your happiness. I want to be sad when you are sad… happy when you are happy. I want to want you"
Every word was a knife. She was painting the life she wanted with Markle.
"But you don't...want me, do you Abby Spencer?" I asked her.
"I can. I could. You are my husband now," she told me "Maybe, we can have a real marriage and a couple of babies, I am thinking three or maybe ten" she laughed like she was recalling a dream. "And I want that one day, you will look at me and you wouldn't hate me so much. I want a lot of things. What do you want, Abbott?" She grabbed my hand tenderly.
It was too much.
What do I want?
I leaned in. Touched her hair purely out of instinct. "Do you know what I want?" I asked her.
She shook her head, her hopeful eyes watched me curiously.
I ripped my hand from hers suddenly. I strode to the table, snatched up her toad, and in one swift motion, I hurled it out the open window.
Her scream tore through the room.
She didn't even look at me. She just ran, racing out the door and down the stairs, her cries echoing back up at me.
I walked to the window and looked down. I saw her burst into the courtyard below. She practically crashed into Markle.
He caught her as she collapsed against him, sobbing.
She fitted perfectly in his arms, if only she knew what a backstabbing weasel the spineless nephew of mine really was...she would take a step back from him.
I opened my hand.
Charlie the toad sat there, blinking slowly. I hadn't thrown him. I'd just made it look like I did. I placed him back on the table and closed the window so he wouldn't escape.
When I turned around, Bastian was standing in the doorway.
"You are cruel," he commented, his voice flat.
I ignored him, walked past him, needing to get out.
"Why didn't you tell her?" Bastian asked quietly. "Why didn't you tell her that Daphne is your daughter, not your lover?"
I stopped. I stared at him, but I said nothing. I just gestured toward the toad on the table.
"Tell her you found the blasted thing," I said, my voice empty, "before she pulls my house down with her screams. Then move her out of my bedroom. Before I do something as outrageous as fling her out of the damn window"
Then I walked away, leaving the wreckage of the room, and of her heart, behind me.