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It was said that when the Lord of Geo and the mysterious noble Fae finally met one another amongst the sea of splendid flowers they quickly bounded through their shared ideals of culture and freedom.
They conversed with one another all throughout the night, exchanging stories and tales, all the while reveling at each others company.
Even without gifts of wine and rice, the two of them immediately became friends.
- The Lord of the Mountains and the Stargazing Fae, Chapter 2, verse 5 (Copperplate no. 1)
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"So ummm, are you like a god or something?"
"..."
"Are you like some sort of super important celestial official or minister related to some big and powerful divine honcho?"
"..."
"..."
"Ugh! Have you fall off from the sky, hit your head and somewhat develop a condition that rendered you mute and deaf?!"
"..."
'Argh!!! What the hell is wrong with this person?!' Altria wanted to scream in frustration at the mysterious (and somewhat handsome) young man in brown who's been following her for days now!
Ever since their 'meeting' more than half a day ago, this mysterious stranger had been constantly following her from afar, like a damn paparazzi with nowhere else to go!
He was...gracious and cordial to say the least. During their first encounter he was polite, even going as far as humor her attempts in being the mysterious gardener who suddenly created a vast field of glowing flowers in the middle nowhere.
Yet, after inquiring and confirming her involvement with the creation of the said flower field, the conversation quickly devolved into a very bizarre and somewhat one sided conversation with her as the unwilling instigator!
She had expected him to follow up his initial inquiry by asking her more questions - like any normal and sensible person would do! But instead, he just nodded satisfactorily then proceeded to straight up ignore her by shifting his full attention towards her floral creation! He spent the next few hours or so examining every single flower he came across, admiring them as if he was looking at a precious piece of art!
Leaving her - the great and powerful ruler of the Fae and savior of her world - utterly alone and ignored!
He didn't even ask for her name, goddamnit!
'The nerve of this guy! He's the one who approached me and yet he's ignoring me!' Altria internally screamed.
She had tried to ask him questions of course! Like what's your name? Or what exactly are you? Hell she even tried asking about the weather! But every single question she asked was either ignored or worse, answered with a very vague and cryptic phrase that left her more confused than before!
And when she finally decided to leave the man be, and continue her journey somewhere else, the apathetic dead ass simply followed her! Without any words or warnings!
'Dear Root above, this guy is both frustrating and creepy!' Altria screamed as she continued to keep glancing at her uninvited travel companion who is now walking a few paces behind her!
The fool had even started humming a tune! A very soothing and quite frankly, a beautiful tune if she's being honest with herself. But she's not in the mood to appreciate his weird intricacies! Not when this strange god-like person is stalking her like a creep!
"You know what? That's it! I've had enough of your weird antics and your damn humming!" Altria suddenly snapped as she turned around to face her stalker. She pointed her staff at the man who in turn appeared surprised, even going as far as raising both of his arms in a gesture of surrender.
"Listen up you...you BLOCKHEAD! I -"
"Ummm..I do have a name -" The man tried to interject but Altria cut him off.
"- I DON'T CARE IF YOU HAVE A NAME OR NOT! I TRIED TO ASK FOR IT SO MANY TIMES FOR THE LAST FEW HOURS BUT YOU KEPT RESPONDING IN SOME WEIRD CRYPTIC ASS RIDDLES! IS THAT HOW YOU TREAT A PROPER LADY YOU DUMB ASS CREEP?!" Altria ranted.
The mysterious young man, who Altria now identifies as Blockhead, was stunned at her outburst. He instantly became flustered even going as far as to lower his arms and nervously fidget. Altria would have found the scene comical if she wasn't so frustrated and annoyed.
"Ah... I...well, I -" He was once again cut off.
"OH! NOW YOU ARE SPEAKING! WHAT'S WRONG? CAT GOT YOUR TONGUE?! SPEAK UP BLOCKHEAD!" The Fae Queen snapped again.
The handsome young man in brown took a deep breath, seemingly trying to calm himself before he finally spoke.
"I...I apologize for my behavior earlier. It was not my intention to offend or cause you distress. It is just that one is not fairly accustomed to...talking...to other people like this. Especially those who are not of my kin." He said with a sincere and somewhat gentlemanly tone.
'.....Huh?'
Altria was taken aback by the young man's sudden change of demeanor. The apathetic and enigmatic persona he had shown earlier was gone, replaced by a much more sincere and somewhat embarrassed individual.
The way he spoke just now also piqued her curiosity. It was eloquent and the pattern as well as the tone was almost... archaic? The way he addressed himself as "one" also gave her the impression that he was either royalty or a high ranking status.
'Again, what the hell is wrong with this man? First he was all apathetic and mysterious then all of a sudden he's now all shy and cordial? Does he have a Bipolar disorder or something? And also what does he mean by 'not of my kin'?' Altria thought as she slowly lowered her staff, intrigued by the sudden development.
The handsome young man in brown took a step forward, closing the distance between them a bit, but still maintaining a respectful distance.
He then opened a small golden spatial rift with a wave of his hand and from it took out a bunch of...Glaze Lilies! All bundled up and neatly tied with a small ribbon.
'Wait a minute, did he took some of my flowers?! How?! I didn't even see him take them earlier!' Altria was genuinely flabbergasted.
He then held the beautiful bundle of flowers out towards her.
"I took some of the flowers you've created just before we left the field. You already went ahead so I wasn't able to properly ask for your permission, so...my apologies for that as well." He said with a hint of embarrassment as he looked away for a moment, scratching the back of his head.
The gesture, the sincerity, the apology... it all was so... normal. And yet, the raw power she felt radiating from him was unmistakable, supported by the fact that he was able to effortlessly tore a hole in space into some pocket dimension of sorts.
No doubt about it, this man is a god or a being similar to one.
Altria slightly narrowed her eyes towards her companion, to which the said companion interpreted as a sign of suspicion, prompting him to further elaborate lest he be misjudged further by the mysterious woman before him!
"I..*cough*... I've learned from a few of my 'compatriots' that it's customary to present a gift to someone you've wronged as a form of apology. Though I'm not sure if this is the appropriate gift for someone of your stature, still...I hope you would accept my humblest apology, kind lady." The god-like stranger bowed his head as he presented the flowers, now with both of his hands.
....
....
'Idiot.' Altria thought as she started blankly at the bundle (bouquet) of flowers in front of her then at the bowing god who is presenting them.
'Seriously, again what's wrong with this person?! He's getting everything all wrong! You're supposed to give these kinds of things to someone you're courting, not someone you've wronged! Hell, he didn't even ask me out for dinner yet! The timing is just so messed up!' Altria puffed out in indignation...before her face slowly started to flush bright red at the indecent thought she had just made!
'Ack! No, no, no! Where did that come from?! Get your act together, Altria! You're a Queen! You're better than this! This guy's probably a virgin...yes! A virgin!A lonely yet sophisticated godly virgin! That would explain everything! He's basically a godly shut-in or a hikikomori as that blood sucking friend of mine would put it! That explains why he's so socially inept!' The Prime of the Fae tried to rationalize the bizarre actions of her self-proclaimed stalker.
(Ignoring the fact that she herself is a 400 year old virgin! And is thus, also a queenly shut-in!)
Nevertheless, despite her initial misgivings, Altria decided to finally (albeit hesitantly) accept the bouquet being presented to her.
"Idiot, you could have just given me your name instead of...this." She whispered trying to look away to hide her blush, as she accepted the flowers.
The now named 'Idiot' god just looked for a few seconds before bowing once again, as if he just realized something profound.
"Once again, I offer you my deepest apologies! I...I was just so caught up, mesmerized even, by the beauty of your creation that I forgot my manners. My name is... Morax."
He hesitated before saying his name, as if it carried some sort of weight behind it.
"Morax? Hmmm..how demonic." Altria casually commented not noticing the slight twitch of Morax's eyebrow.
"Well, at least now I have a name to go with that handsome face of yours. By the way, before I forget, let me also introduce myself. My name is Altria." She curtly replied.
"Now with that out of the way, would you mind telling me who exactly are -" Altria's question was cut short when Morax suddenly and gently took her left hand with both of his own.
"!!!!!!"
"Altria, what a beautiful name. A name as pristine and pure as the flowers you've created." Morax spoke with a sincere smile that seemed to light up the world.
Altria's face was now redder than the finest wine and her mind suddenly went completely blank! She couldn't even form a coherent thought or sentence to properly respond to the sudden, yet unexpected, advance by her now named stalker!
Her centuries old composure as an ethereal ruler and god killing queen shattered in an instant like a cheap pottery!
What the hell is happening?!
"If only I've known that these lands which were once of dragonkind have been blessed by a majestic soul of your caliber, I would've descended much sooner." Morax continued, gently caressing Altria's left hand with his thumb.
'WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT?!' Altria's mind screamed.
"But it seems that I'm truly blessed by the powers that be, for they have guided me to you. To witness your pure radiance and beauty that emanates from you. Truly, no gemstones or riches could ever compare."
Morax then slowly and gently lifted Altria's left hand towards his lips intending to place a kiss upon it. That was until...
"YOU FUCKING PERVERTED IDIOT!!!"
...the head of Altria's reinforced wooden staff smacked Morax squarely in the face with such tremendous force that it sent him flying several meters away from her! He then crashed into a nearby boulder with such a loud THUD that it created a small crater around him!
"B..BAKA! PERVERT! BLOCKHEAD! I..I'm going to melt you into slag and then sell your remains to some dwarves in some far off world!" Altria cursed as she stomped her feet in anger and embarrassment, her face still flush bright red.
But before Morax could even recover from the sudden unexpected attack, an angry Altria with her face still blushing red, stood over him with the tip of her staff aimed at his groin!
"YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR YOU CREEP!!!" Altria roared in fury! Golden energy already started to coalesce in her staff!
Morax, for the very first in a long while, found himself in a very precarious and somewhat embarrassing situation. Never in his existence had he been struck in such a way! True that he had been cut, blasted, and even beaten before, mostly in his training. Yet this... this felt personal!
Not just physically but emotionally!
And through it all, one line of thought dominated his mind as he laid there on the ground with a stinging pain on his cheek and a glowing staff aimed at his throat.
'What did I do wrong?!'
Seriously, that was his thought! The young god was clueless, questioning as to why the woman that he complimented suddenly went berserk and attacked him!
Was it not the proper etiquette that was thought to him by the angels before he descended into this realm from his celestial abode?!
*****
(Flashback - In some mysterious garden high up in the heavens)
"My dear Lord Heaven's Star! When you encounter any of the mortals inhabiting the human realm, do not forget to show them proper grace and courtesy!" A peppy blonde haired angel instructed Morax who was sitting cross-legged upon the green grass listening intently.
"Yes, just as my sister had said my Lord, one must show them proper cordial etiquette in order to foster good and harmonious relationships between the divine and mankind. This is the very foundation of our existence as Celestial beings!" Another, more mature looking angel added. She had the same blonde hair as the other but had a more dignified and sagely air about her.
"Hmmm, I see. So does this method apply to all humans then? The young, the old, the fair and the wise? The men and the women?" Morax inquired, curious about the concept of social interactions between mortals.
The two angels looked at one another and nodded.
"It does! But my Lord please keep in mind that one needs to have a more careful approach when dealing with the fairer sex." The matured angel replied.
"More careful approach? How so?" Morax asked in genuine curiosity.
"Well, for starters, human women are more delicate than their male counterparts. So, one must be more gentle with them!" The peppy angel added.
"Indeed, some of them, particularly the younger ones, appeared to have a penchant for fancy and grand things! So, giving them gifts such as flowers would be a nice gesture!" The matured angel once again added.
"Yes! And also, according to our scholars, the young women tend to open up more if one is to approach them with an air of mystery! So, if one were to ask you questions, you must answer them in riddles or in vague terms! It will make them think that you're deep and enigmatic!" The peppy angel now appears to be gushing like a school girl, which Morax found a bit odd.
"And also, do not forget the fact that some of them like it when you show a little bit of dominance! For example, you can follow them around even without their consent! Also being a bit forceful like taking their hands without asking and placing them on your lips for a gentle kiss, is a sign of dominance and shows that you're a 'man' who wanted to be their friend!"
"Wait, but doesn't it sound a bit invasive and disrespectful? If we are to treat the mortals with grace and courtesy, shouldn't we also respect their boundaries and give gracious replies whenever they ask for questions?" Morax interjected, now starting to feel a bit suspicious with the advice that the two angels were giving him.
"NO!" Both angels answered in unison.
"My Lord, this is the latest and trendiest form of etiquette according to our sources! Not only that, but if done correctly, it will surely bring out the love that the mortals have for us! It would even be more thrilling compared to the euphoria we get after successfully guiding some humans into hidden treasure chests!"
"???"
Morax just tilted his head and continued listening, still trying to digest the bizarre advice.
'Considering that they have spent more time observing and interacting with the humans, then surely their advice must have some merit behind them.' He rationalized as he continued to listen to the two 'professional' 'human behavior' experts' before him.
While all of this was happening, another group of angels was observing the bizarre scene from a distance. Unlike the blonde duo who were 'teaching' the young god their so called 'trendy' human etiquette, the angels of this group all appeared to have donned a mask of concern on their immaculate faces.
"Are those two talking about the 'Teyvatian Etiquette on Courtship story' that Nicole had read to us about a week ago?" One of the observing angels sighed in exasperation.
"Looks like it. I'm pretty sure that Nicole had explicitly stated that the events and rituals that were described within that story were nothing more than works fiction! Yet those two seem to have taken them as factual!" Another angel lamented.
"Should we call for some of our more experienced sisters such as Zibai to intervene? I fear for the safety of the young Lord."
But, alas such intervention didn't come to pass as most of the angels at that time, including the four archangels, were busy with their own given directives. Thus the young god, the one who was bestowed with the title of Heaven's Star, was left to the 'tender' mercies of the 'experts'.
(End of flashback)
*****
Altria was still seething in anger and embarrassment, her golden aura flaring uncontrollably. Morax, despite being a powerful being in his own right, could feel the raw, untamed power emanating from her. He was starting to realize that he was in deep, deep trouble!
"My Lady please! I mean no -" Morax tried to explain, flaying both hands as he tried to pacify the now enraged Fae, but he was cut off once again by a very angry Altria who now jabbed the glowing tip of her staff directly towards the groin of the god!
"SHUT UP YOU PERVERT! SO YOU WANNA TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME?! HUH?! WELL LETS SEE WHAT WILL HAPPEN ONCE I SMASHED MORAX JR. HERE ALONG WITH YOUR LITTLE BALLS TO KINGDOM COME!!!" Altria roared as she slowly pushed the tip of her staff further, the glowing tip now mere inches from the poor god's family jewels.
Morax's eyes now widened in panic!
"PLEASE! I SWEAR I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS WRONG! IT WASN'T MY INTENTION TO CAUSE YOU DISTRESS! PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!"
Altria momentarily stopped her assault. Her eyes narrowed towards the now panicking god with her staff merely inches away from delivering divine punishment to the young lord's manhood.
"I SWEAR! I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS WRONG! MY COMPANIONS TOLD ME THAT IT WAS THE PROPER WAY TO TREAT A WOMAN OF YOUR STATURE! I SWEAR TO THE NAME OF PHANES, I'M TELLING THE TRUTH! PLEASE YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME!"
Altria kept her glowing staff poised, her anger still simmering yet looking at the downed god's plea she could not sense any deception from him. His panic was genuine, as was the confusion in his eyes.
'Maybe this pervert is telling the truth.' She thought before retracting her staff.
Seeing this, Morax breathes a sigh of relief thinking that he was safe from being castrated by a pissed off magical woman!
"Oh, thank you my Lad-"
STOMP!!!
Unfortunately for him, Altria's anger and embarrassment had not yet subsided. And so she delivered a stomp onto the poor god's privates with her now reinforced leather shoes causing him to wriggle in agony like a worm!
"GAH?!!!!" Morax let out a high pitch scream as the memories of his young life flashed right before his eyes!
To add insult to injury, Altria threw the bouquet of flowers that was previously given to her straight into Morax's screaming face causing the god to almost choke on the very petals that he himself picked!
"THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR BEING A GOD-DAMNED CREEP YOU BLOCKHEAD! DON'T YOU EVER SHOW THAT STUPID FACE OF YOURS TO ME EVER AGAIN!" Altria roared before grabbing her staff and storming off, leaving the now bruised and battered Morax to suffer in agony and humiliation.
The young god, while still clutching his bruised manhood, pitifully looked at the receding form of the beautiful yet terrifying woman who had nearly made him a eunuch.
"Wa...wait! Ple...please wait!"
With great tremendous effort, the young Lord of Geo, forced himself to stand up despite the overwhelming pain! He then slowly began limping towards the retreating Fae Queen, determined to make things right.
Little did both of them know, that this small and yet chaotic encounter would be the start of a grand and wonderful journey that would take them across every corner of the known world.
A journey that would in time, change the very fate of Teyvat.
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