Ulquiorra walked through the jungle. The Straw Hats followed behind him.
"This is insane," Nami whispered to Usopp. "We're following a complete stranger into a jungle to meet some giants." Her whole body shivered. "What if they decide to eat us?"
"I know!" Usopp's legs shook with each step. "I'm terrified too, but..." His eyes lit up slightly. "I mean... we're going to meet actual giants."
"You're supposed to be on MY side!"
"I am! Look at me!" Usopp pointed at his trembling legs. "But also... giants!"
Nami stared at him like he'd grown a second head. "Where the hell did the normal, cowardly Usopp go?!"
Luffy walked right up beside Ulquiorra, practically bouncing.
"Hey! What's your name?"
No answer.
"Heeeey! I'm talking to you!"
Nothing.
"Come on! Just tell me your name!" Luffy waved his hand in front of Ulquiorra's face.
Ulquiorra kept walking, ignoring him completely.
"Come on tell me your name." Luffy reached out to poke Ulquiorra's shoulder.
Ulquiorra appeared several centimeters ahead.
No sound. No movement. Just suddenly there instead of where he'd been.
Luffy blinked at his own finger. Then at Ulquiorra. Then back at his finger.
He shrugged and kept talking.
"How big are the giants? How many are there?"
Ulquiorra stopped.
He turned his head and looked at Luffy.
"Could you stay quiet."
"Sure!" Luffy nodded eagerly and started whispering loudly. "So how many are there?"
"..."
Ulquiorra turned and kept walking.
"HEY! I stayed quiet!" Luffy hopped closer. "At least tell me your name!"
"Ulquiorra."
"Huh?" Luffy blinked.
"My name."
"Oh!" Luffy grinned and pointed at himself with his thumb. "I'm Monkey D. Luffy! The man who's gonna become King of the Pirates!"
"Quiet."
Luffy's grin dropped as he kicked a nearby rock.
"You're no fun," he muttered.
Behind them, Zoro kept his hand on his sword hilts.
"Something's off about this guy."
Sanji took a drag from his cigarette. "This whole thing screams trap."
Vivi and Karoo followed a bit behind, both looking uncomfortable. Vivi kept staring at Ulquiorra's back. Something about him felt familiar, like she should remember something important.
But she couldn't quite grasp it.
Karoo watched her worriedly. "Quack?"
Vivi shook her head. "I'm fine."
The jungle opened into a massive clearing.
Nami stopped dead.
"What the..."
The ground was destroyed. Massive craters dotted the entire area. Two huge impact zones faced in different directions.
"Holy shit," Sanji breathed out smoke.
Zoro's eyes narrowed. "A battlefield."
Two enormous giants lay face-down in the middle of the destruction.
Both were covered in dried blood and burn marks.
Both lifted their heads.
"GABABABABABA!" Dorry laughed. "Welcome to Little Garden!"
"GEGYAGYAGYA!" Brogy's voice thundered through the clearing. "Make yourselves at home!"
"I am Dorry, warrior of Elbaf!"
"And I am Brogy, also warrior of Elbaf!"
Luffy's eyes went huge.
His grin stretched across his face. "Hi, I'm Luffy a pirate!"
Nami stood frozen, mouth hanging open.
"Gegyagyagya! A pirate!" Brogy lifted himself slightly. "How wonderful!"
"I am Usopp!" A voice shouted from below.
Nami's head snapped down.
Usopp lay flat on his stomach in the dirt, arms spread wide, mimicking the giants' exact positions.
"My dream is to become a brave warrior of the seas!"
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" Nami hissed down at him.
"Shhhh!" Usopp whisper-shouted back, somehow making it louder than normal speech. "I'm returning the traditional giant greeting! You should do the same!"
"THAT'S NOT A THING!"
"Of course it is, look at them!"
Zoro stepped forward, hand resting on his swords. "Roronoa Zoro."
"I'm Sanji." The cook's eyes swept across the destroyed clearing.
Vivi curtsied politely despite her shaking hands. "I'm... Vivi." She gestured toward Karoo. "And this is Karoo."
"Quack quack!" Karoo bowed his head.
Nami finally managed to steady herself.
"I'm... I'm the navigator..." She pointed weakly at herself. "I'm Nami."
Luffy looked at all the craters and destruction, then back at the giants.
"You guys had a fight?"
"Gabababababa!" Dorry laughed. "The fight of our lives!"
"Gegyagyagya!" Brogy pushed himself up. "A magnificent battle!"
Both giants turned their heads toward Ulquiorra.
Everyone followed their gaze.
Ulquiorra stood several meters away, expression blank.
Nami's face went white. "Wait... HE did that to you?!"
Zoro's hand tightened on his sword hilts.
Sanji's cigarette nearly fell from his mouth.
Usopp scrambled to his feet. "EHHHHH?!"
"But sadly..." Dorry's grin faltered slightly. "We couldn't give our little friend a worthy fight."
Both giants started standing up, their massive forms casting shadows across the clearing.
"Even if we fought again," Brogy laughed, "we'd lose just as badly! Gegyagyagya!"
"Gabababababa! We'll need to step up our game!"
They stood at full height.
Their voices synchronized.
"In the name of Elbaf, we promise to deliver a worthy fight to you, Ulquiorra Cifer!"
Usopp stood frozen, watching Dorry and Brogy laugh as they towered over everyone.
This is what it means to be a brave warrior of the seas.
They'd been defeated, but instead of shame or regret, they swore to get stronger to be worthy opponents.
"But before that! We should have a feast to celebrate!"
"Gegyagyagya! A feast for our new friends!" Brogy turned and started walking toward the jungle. "Come, follow us!"
Both giants headed back towards the camp where the three of them stayed for the past month.
Ulquiorra followed them without a word.
"MEAT!" Luffy's face split into a massive grin as he tried to take off and run towards them.
Nami grabbed Luffy's shoulder and yanked him back.
"Are you just going to ignore that this guy—" she jabbed a finger toward Ulquiorra's retreating back "—just beat up TWO GIANTS?!"
"Yep!" Luffy nodded happily and immediately ran after the giants again.
Nami just stared.
Her eye twitched.
I might have picked the wrong captain.
The thought didn't even surprise her anymore.
Sanji took a long drag from his cigarette. "Well. This is happening."
"Apparently," Zoro muttered, already following.
Vivi looked at Karoo. Karoo looked at Vivi.
"Quack?"
"I... don't know either."
Nami threw her hands up. "FINE! Let's just ignore how weird everything is! Why not?!"
She stomped after them anyway.
Usopp remained standing in the clearing for another moment, staring at the craters where the giants had fallen.
Then at the path where they'd walked away laughing.
He clenched his fists.
That's the kind of warrior he wanted to become.
Someone who could laugh after defeat.
Someone who could promise a better fight next time.
"Hey! Usopp!" Luffy's voice echoed from afar. "Hurry up or there won't be any meat left!"
"Coming!" Usopp sprinted after them, new determination burning in his chest.
The giants and Luffy's laughter echoed across the clearing as meat sizzled over the fire.
Luffy sat cross-legged on a half-eaten slab of meat, tearing into another chunk with both hands. "You sure know how to cook, giants!"
"Gabababababa!" Dorry held a tiny plate between his massive fingers—food from the Merry's kitchen, prepared by Sanji. "Well, thanks for the compliment, your pirate goodies are excellent to my little friend."
"Gegyagyagya!" Brogy lifted his own miniature plate. "Although the portions are a little small!" He popped the entire thing into his mouth in one bite.
Luffy swallowed the piece of meat, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "Sanji especially made it for this trip! And I'm glad you like it, because otherwise I'd have to beat you up."
Every eye snapped to Luffy.
Nami's jaw dropped. IDIOT!
Zoro's eyes went wide. Moron!
Sanji's cigarette nearly fell from his mouth. Not the time!
Usopp's face went white. We're dead. We're all dead.
Vivi froze mid-breath.
Karoo's beak hung open. Juice streamed from his mouth in a thin waterfall.
Both giants stopped laughing.
Dorry leaned forward, his massive form blocking out the sun. "Was that a threat, shorty?"
Silence.
Complete, absolute silence.
Nami grabbed Usopp's arm so hard that her fingers dug in.
Sanji slowly stood up, ready to kick Luffy into next week.
Then—
"GABABABABABA!"
"GEGYAGYAGYA!"
Both giants threw their heads back laughing.
"I like you, little pirate!" Dorry slapped his knee. "You're really funny!"
"Gegyagyagya!" Brogy wiped tears from his eyes. "Besides Ulquiorra, you're the second group we encountered that hasn't attacked us immediately after seeing us!"
The Straw Hats stared.
Luffy just grinned wider, completely oblivious.
Nami muttered under her breath. "They're becoming fast friends..."
Vivi's gaze drifted across the fire.
Ulquiorra sat on his boulder, expression blank as always. But his eyes tracked the crew's movements. Specifically, they kept returning to Nami.
Vivi's breath caught.
That's it.
She stood abruptly.
Everyone turned.
Luffy blinked up at her, mouth full of meat. "Hmmf?"
"He's the one Igaram talked about." Vivi's finger trembled as she pointed directly at Ulquiorra. "The one who destroyed Whisky Peak." Her voice climbed higher. "The pirate with one hundred fifty million berry bounty, The unknown!"
"Gabababababa!" Dorry's laughter boomed. "He's got us beat on the bounty!"
"Gegyagyagya!" Brogy nodded enthusiastically. "Ours is only one hundred million each!"
EACH?!
The word hit the Straw Hats like a cannon blast.
Nami's face drained of color.
Her mouth opened and closed like a fish.
"One... hundred... million..." She looked at Dorry. Then Brogy. Then Ulquiorra. "Each..."
Usopp's legs gave out.
He collapsed face-first into the dirt.
"We're sitting with THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY MILLION BERRIES OF BOUNTY!"
Sanji's cigarette fell from his mouth.
Zoro's eye twitched.
Karoo just fainted.
Luffy swallowed his meat and grinned. "That's so cool! I wonder when I will reach such a bounty!"
Nami grabbed Luffy's collar and shook him violently. "DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT THIS MEANS?!"
"We have strong friends?"
"WE'RE SITTING WITH MAJOR WANTED CRIMINALS!"
"So?" Luffy blinked at her. "I'm a wanted criminal."
Nami's brain short-circuited.
She slowly turned to look at the giants, then Ulquiorra, then back at Luffy.
She released him.
Sat down.
Put her face in her hands.
"I want to go home."