2023.
People say four years isn't long.
For me, it was a lifetime.
A quiet war only I remember, fought inside classrooms that smelled like chalk and disappointment, hallways filled with fake smiles, and nights where sleep felt like a stranger.
Back in 2019, I was just a silent sixth grader.
Nothing dramatic.
Nothing broken yet.
But somewhere between that year and this one, the world sharpened its edges against me.
Most kids my age learned trends, dances, fashion, gossip.
I learned how people think.
How they lie.
How they judge.
How they hide.
Psychology wasn't just a subject to me.
It was the only thing that made sense in a world that rarely did.
But the truth is…
I didn't face those years alone.
There were six people—six different storms—who walked beside me through the mess.
Leo
If I was the silence, he was the voice I never had.
Introverted like me—shy, distant, unreadable to most people—but around me, he transformed.
He talked nonstop, joked around, made stupid comments, ranted about life like he saved every word specifically for me.
He understood me in a way no one else ever has.
Because he wasn't just my friend.
He was the only witness to my depression phase—the fear, the choking nights, the emotional numbness.
And he never backed away.
Never walked out.
Never made me feel broken.
He stayed.
And sometimes, that's everything.
Mekito
The chill genius.
The guy who made intelligence look effortless.
He'd finish tests faster than anyone, give advice with that calm, tired voice, and weirdly… he understood psychology too.
Not as deeply as me, but enough to talk about the world, the mind, and humanity without sounding clueless.
Beside him, things felt less chaotic.
Ayori
The walking loudspeaker.
A one-man radio station.
You'd think his volume would be annoying—but it never was.
His voice filled the empty spaces around us, kept us awake when school felt suffocating, and somehow made everything a bit brighter.
He talked, we listened.
And honestly?
We needed that noise more than we admitted.
Kyo
My shield.
The strongest among us, but also the dumbest—and we loved him for both.
Since I hated conflicts, hated violence, hated even raising my voice, Kyo always stepped forward when things got dark.
The moment someone tried to bully me, the moment someone purposely pushed or mocked me…
Kyo stood there like a wall.
No hesitation.
No questions.
He fought, so I didn't have to.
Sol
The clown of destiny.
The roast master who spared no one, not even teachers.
When the world felt too heavy and my chest hurt from panic and fear, Sol somehow made me laugh—just enough to forget everything for a few seconds.
He wasn't Leo… but he was a light I didn't ask for and still needed.
Taki
The handsome, cool one.
Girls loved him without him even trying.
He acted confident, acted detached, acted like nothing bothered him—but I knew better.
Behind the smirk, he cared.
Quietly.
In ways that didn't need words.
---
We were a strange group.
A mismatched team of idiots and introverts.
But they were my home.
And even with them beside me, the world didn't go easy on me.
The Four Years of Suffering
While everyone else chased marks, relationships, popularity, and moments to show off, we were just trying to survive each school day.
The lessons drained us.
The homework felt endless.
The cringe couples made us want to bleach our eyes.
Events like Teachers' Day, Freshers', Sports—anything with crowds—felt like punishment.
And for me, those events were hell.
I wasn't shy.
I was terrified.
Presentations.
Group projects where teachers separated us on purpose.
Standing in front of people.
Facing crowds.
My voice would die in my throat.
My heart would punch against my ribs.
Breathing felt impossible.
And the worst part?
My silence created rumors.
People said I had no emotions.
That I was heartless.
Uncaring.
Cold.
They didn't know about the phobia eating me alive.
They didn't know my psychology obsession was me trying to understand why the world felt so sharp.
They didn't know each day felt like walking a tightrope over my own thoughts.
But the real damage came later.
When I failed Grade 9.
My first failure.
The one that shattered my confidence like glass.
I thought I was strong enough to handle anything.
Turns out, I was wrong.
My emotions spiraled.
My brain felt heavy.
My chest started hurting randomly.
I couldn't breathe sometimes.
My memory slipped—small lapses, seconds gone, names forgotten, moments missing.
Heart problems.
Short breaths.
Panic attacks.
Amnesia-like moments.
I didn't understand any of it.
Only that I was scared.
And while all this chaos burned inside me, the world kept spinning like nothing happened.
Teachers didn't care.
Students noticed just enough to gossip.
Life didn't slow down to wait for me.
Somewhere in those years—
between the chest pains,
the loneliness,
the failures,
the fear,
the spreading rumors,
and the pressure of pretending I was fine—
…I changed.
I killed versions of myself I needed.
And worse than all of that—
I betrayed someone important.
But that story isn't for this chapter.
Not yet.
Because something happened even before that betrayal.
Something darker.
Something that would change the direction of everything that came next.
It started on a quiet evening.
A day that felt like all the others…
until it didn't.
A knock.
On my door.
Soft, but sharp enough to split my entire life into before and after.
And when I opened it—
everything I thought I understood
about the world,
about myself,
about those four years—
collapsed.
—End of Chapter 2.