[Ding! Your favorite Mishearing Maniac has gone live!]
A crisp chime echoed across Teyvat.
In an instant, every citizen, archon, adeptus, and delinquent oni was yanked straight into the livestream—no consent required.
[Ryoma Shimotsuki]: Oho? Forced entry into a stream? That's fresh.
[Keqing]: Aaaaah! I'm drowning in paperwork—stop jumping out at me like this!
[Chongyun]: You get used to it eventually.
[Lisa]: So~ who's today's unlucky meme victim?
[Arataki Itto]: Hah! Obviously me!
[Sucrose]: …volunteering to be memed… Oni physiology truly defies science.
[Xiangling]: Yeah, no thanks. Not after last time.
[Mona]: Deeply understandable.
[Itto]: You nerds don't get it! Being memed makes you look badass—like Emperor Ye himself!
[Gorou]: Sure… if you ignore "Milky-Scented Slash" and "General Headbutt"…
[Beidou]: HA! Or "Wifey Face" and "Can't Cook"!
[Kaeya]: How about memeing Diluc next? Give him a morale boost—guy's been suffering lately.
[Diluc]: Charles, please escort this clown out.
[Yae Miko]: I, for one, wish to see my darling Shogun's next fan edit. Great art deserves patronage~
[Ningguang]: Excuse me—do you sell Intertwined Fates here? @The Mishearing Maniac
[The Mishearing Maniac]: Those drop from edits or quizzes. Edits have a much higher drop rate.
[Ningguang]: Understood. Thank you.
Then the bomb dropped—
[Raiden Shogun]: I request… a fan edit. @The Mishearing Maniac
The chat froze.
[Xingqiu]: Uh-oh. She's addicted.
[Kaeya]: Classic Stockholm Syndrome. Alice documented this.
[Kujou Sara]: GENERAL, NO! Preserve your dignity!!
[The Mishearing Maniac]: Pay-to-feature only, thank you!
But Bai Hao didn't even glance at her request.
Tonight's main course was already decided.
Zhongli.
[Raiden Shogun]: Sara. Transfer one hundred billion Mora.
[Kujou Sara]: Y-yes, General! At once!!
[Ding! You've received a tip of 100 billion Mora from Kujou Sara!]
[The Mishearing Maniac]: What a generous client! Your edit just climbed the queue!
[Xingqiu]: Money really can make ghosts dance…
[Paimon]: HEY!
[Itto]: WHO'S DANCING FOR MONEY?!
[Bennett]: A hundred… billion…? That's the power of a national treasury huh…
[Dori]: Ooooh~ rich customers are the best~ they make my heart melt faster than discounted stockings~
[Tighnari]: My heart… physically hurts…
And then—
the screen flickered.
The new fan edit began.
Title: "Zhongli: da-da-da!"
The scene opened on Mondstadt's Knights of Favonius headquarters.
Standing at the gates—
was Zhongli.
But not just any Zhongli.
A Zhongli…
with Klee's adorable face,
Klee's voice,
and the body of a tall, elegant gentleman.
He smiled up at the camera, soft and cherubic.
"Hmm? Are you here to play with Zhongli?"
He made a familiar "pay up first" gesture.
"Then, you'll be on lookout duty, okay?"
He wiggled down the stairs in an old-man wobble.
"(^▽^) Hehe~ let's go~!"
He hopped—arms raised like a child praising the sun.
Clover petals and glitter exploded behind him.
Text sparkled across the screen:
Name: Zhongli
Alias: The Penniless Street Rascal!
Subtext in tiny letters:
Frequent diner at Wanmin Restaurant & Xinyue Kiosk.
Liyue's legendary Archon of IOUs.
The VIP chat detonated.
[Cloud Retainer]: PFFT—!
[Moon Carver, Mountain Shaper, Moon Carver, Xiao, Ajio, Madame Ping]: PFFFFFFFT—!!! (collective meltdown)
[Shenhe]: Master!! Stay calm!!
[Ganyu]: T-this… oh dear heavens…
[Noelle]: W-who IS that supposed to be…?
[Xingqiu]: That's the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor consultant—Zhongli.
[Childe]: HAHAHAHA! Zhongli look! You're internet famous!!!
[Xiangling]: Why does Mr. Zhongli look… squishy and cute?!
[Xinyan]: Gotta admit… kinda precious.
[Hu Tao]: AHAHAHAHA! That crusty old fossil can make THAT face?! I can't breathe—help me—HAHAHA!!
[Zhongli]: ............
[Lisa]: Isn't that Klee's voice?
[Klee]: Wow! I'm on the screen too!!
[Kaeya]: Klee's voice, Klee's face, and a tall man's body—what unholy patchwork abomination IS this?!
[Albedo]: Frankly… it resembles something Alice would produce.
[Gorou]: The way he wiggles down those stairs—it's cursed!
[Bennett]: It's wrong… but… I can't stop watching…
[Kujou Sara]: "Frequent diner, Archon of IOUs"? Hmph! Just like that Arataki Itto!
[Itto]: LIES! I ALWAYS PAY! …Sometimes… when Shinobu forces me…
[Kuki Shinobu]: "Occasionally." At best.
And just like that—
"Zhongli: da-da-da!" spread across Teyvat like wildfire.
The meme surpassed the Milky-Scented Slash.
Surpassed Musou-no-Meme-tachi.
Surpassed even Guuji Miko's scandalous giggles.
It was official:
The Geo Archon had been socially executed.
And the world loved every second of it.
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