"Wait—Texas, when did you figure that out?"
Lucian felt mortified. Truly, painfully mortified.
He knew Texas was sharp, but getting called out right after losing his composure in front of Blaze made him want to crawl into a hole.
Texas kept ruffling his hair, holding him in place so he couldn't turn around. "You don't get worked up like that often. I was curious."
"But if you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. I told you about my past because I wanted to, not because you owe me yours. Even if you never said anything, I wouldn't think you didn't trust me, and I wouldn't feel cheated. Heck, even if you told Croissant and the others and they stopped talking to me, I still wouldn't get mad… probably."
Lucian's eye twitched. "With wording like that, how am I supposed to not say something?"
Her jealousy was practically choking him; even he wasn't dense enough to miss it.
Everyone at Penguin Logistics had their secrets. Even Croissant—walking ball of sunshine that she was—had a past she didn't talk about.
No one crossed those lines. It was an unspoken rule.
But lately, things between Lucian and Texas had been heating up fast.
Not only had there been a lap pillow, but they'd even kissed. At this point, wrestling was the only thing left unchecked.
And as someone who could kiss her and still call her a good friend, Lucian felt it was only right to tell Texas more about himself.
Where to begin, though?
He thought for a moment. "First off, just saying, this isn't some exciting story."
"But don't overthink it either. I just never brought it up because there wasn't a point. As long as you and Croissant keep treating El like you do now, that's enough for me."
Once Texas nodded, Lucian cleared his throat.
"All right, straight answer: the injury on her arm? She did that to herself."
Texas's eyes flew wide.
Exusiai had a gunshot scar on her arm—clean through. And from the look of it, the bullet had grazed bone. It must have been bad when it happened.
Texas couldn't imagine the usually cheerful Sankta hurting herself like that—and with her favorite gun, at that.
Lucian began, "You know I ran away from home because I was chasing a woman."
"But back then, I had no intention of taking El with me. I was going to leave alone."
Understandable.
After Mostima committed that atrocity and fled, Lucian's first reaction had been to investigate what happened to her.
But what he found overturned everything he'd believed in for his fifteen years as a Holy Son.
"I didn't want to stay in Laterano for another second. I figured I'd rather die outside of it. So I made no preparations whatsoever and tried to run… but El caught me."
Lucian had been fifteen then. Exusiai too—barely a high schooler.
He was ready to die. But he couldn't drag her down with him.
If she stayed in Laterano, her talent alone meant she could easily become a war Sankta. And if nothing else, after graduating, she could leave Laterano openly.
But two clueless kids who didn't know anything about the world beyond their walls—who didn't even know where they were going—had no chance of surviving out there.
Lucian gave Texas a crooked smile.
"You can guess, right? I told El I wasn't taking her with me. Didn't matter how hard she cried or yelled—I ignored her."
Texas arrived at the conclusion immediately. "So she hurt herself. And she used an Originium round."
Lucian nodded.
"Honestly, even if you get hit by an Originium-based weapon, as long as you treat it fast enough, you can avoid infection. Oripathy isn't as monstrous as people make it out to be—most cases happen because treatment wasn't immediate."
"But after shooting herself, she pointed the gun at her own head. I really thought she'd pull the trigger."
Lucian didn't doubt it for a second.
One hand dripping blood, hanging limp at her side.
The other pressing the gun against her temple, staring at him like he was the only thing left in her world.
That image had carved itself into Lucian's mind—a trauma on par with being trapped under Mostima's weight.
Texas frowned. "She was too reckless."
"I know."
Lucian sighed helplessly. "But I was the one in the wrong. I tried to abandon her. She'd just seen one family member severely injured and another exiled. If I left too, she'd have nothing."
"…Severely injured?"
Texas caught the word instantly.
Lucian explained, "Mostima fell after shooting one of her own. Her squad had an accident on a mission—things spiraled, and in the end, El's sister was gravely wounded. Mostima fell from grace after that."
It should have been a bombshell.
But Lucian added that the circumstances were complicated—everyone who needed to know already knew. It wasn't something he could summarize in a few sentences.
And after that, Mostima did something even more outrageous, dealing Exusiai another blow.
He'd explain that later. For now, he continued.
"According to Laterano's laws, Sankta aren't allowed to shoot their own kind. And suicide is forbidden. Hurting herself with a gun was already a violation. If I didn't take her with me, the Notarial Hall would've taken her."
"So I had no choice. I brought her with me."
"From then on, she changed. She never clung to me or acted cute again."
With no way to treat the wound properly, Exusiai inevitably developed Oripathy. Originium Crystals grew from the gunshot scar in her arm.
But with Lucian around, that was manageable.
He made her drink his blood every day. The two wandered aimlessly across the endless Wilderness, drifting wherever their feet took them.
They both had guns; even with one arm unusable, Exusiai was still one of Laterano's finest shooters. Originium beasts weren't the real threat.
What troubled Lucian was how she changed.
"After that, she didn't speak. Not once in an entire day. She'd hold onto my coat and follow me everywhere like a shadow. If I told her to do something, she did it. If I told her not to, she froze. Like a puppet with its strings pulled taut."
Texas's ear flicked. "She was terrified you'd abandon her."
Having lived among wolves, Texas understood that feeling well.
Exusiai had forced Lucian to take her with him. The guilt crushed her—but the fear of being left behind was even worse.
So she shut herself down completely.
Listening to everything Lucian said. Becoming his devoted little follower. It was the only way she knew to keep him from leaving.
Lucian chuckled at the memory. "Because of that, everyone we met on the road thought I was some kind of child trafficker. I tried pretending we were an eloping couple, but she couldn't pull it off at all, so I had to say we were siblings."
Texas blinked. "Then she definitely lost out. She must regret that now."
"Maybe, maybe not."
Lucian went on, "Because back then, we did everything a couple would do anyway. And thanks to that, her Oripathy cleared up in a few months. Her arm took much longer to rehab, though—ow, ow, ow! Texas! What was that for?!"
Texas had thought she had a pretty high tolerance.
But listening to him breeze past something that important made her anger flare.
She frowned sharply. "If you and Exusiai were already like that, then why are you two pretending—pretending in front of us? Do you act like a couple when we're not around?"
Lucian rolled his eyes. "Of course not. Do you really think I'm that kind of guy?"
He pulled her closer, guiding her to sit beside him.
"Texas, you really think I'm oblivious? Sure, call me a scumbag if you want—I'd accept that. But I know the difference between relationships."
"Then you and Exusiai are… what, now?"
Lucian held her hand and sighed.
"She was the one who said it."
"Right before we reached Lungmen, when she finally started acting like herself again, she told me: 'Before we find Mostima, let's reset everything.'"