Katori POV.
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There's...so much regret.
It's all I feel at this point.
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I've been isolated in my room for the last week. My parents haven't been able to get me out.
"Life is long, you need to work on bettering yourself Katori. This is going to follow you...for a long time." My mom would lecture me, trying to get me to come out.
I didn't care.
I don't care about anything anymore.
All I care about is thinking about the horrible things I did, cooped up in a tomb of my own making.
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"Look how disgusting you are, I'm ashamed I was your childhood friend!!" I said, joking with my friends trying to show off.
I'd see his face blacken, and I thought to myself that I loved that look on his face.
That desperation...why did I enjoy it? What about being near Izumi did I like...? I don't understand this feeling. I thought it was curiosity, but I liked teasing him, I thought he enjoyed it.
He used to be so strong, he can take this, can't he?
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I'd harass him, over, and over. His shoes would be soaked by the end of the school day, we'd draw on his desk too, things like.
"Die you freak!"
"Disgusting pig!"
"Drop out!!"
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Then...the incident happened.
I wanted to bring him to karaoke with us, I didn't really want to bully him too much, only some light teasing.
Then it turned into something more, I brought a girl who was a little violent towards him and it spiraled really quickly.
"I'll tell them you raped me if you try anything." She said to him.
I tried to speak, I wanted to say "Hey, that's too far Saki." but it wouldn't come out of my mouth.
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Then she kicked him, and I never saw his eyes as angry as they were, then. I was...scared for a moment.
Her friend grabbed a vase...and smashed it over his head when he was standing up, causing him to collapse to the floor quickly.
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Then they started to pummel him.
"GET OFF OF HIM!!!" I screamed at Saki, who was repeatedly kicking him.
"Oh my god, he's convulsing, we need to go Katori!!" She screamed at me.
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That entire day is a blur to me by that point.
The blood on his face.
The violent shaking, his eyes in the back of his skull.
Then...
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He stopped moving, and I allowed them to drag me away.
I wanted to call an ambulance...I begged them to let me.
"Let...me GO!!" I yelled at them, trying to jerk away as they made me run with them.
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Eventually I broke away a few blocks down the road, and immediately ram back.
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ah...
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*THUD*
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I ran directly into him.
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I felt awful, I didn't mean for it to become violent. I just liked that desperate look on his face. I got it in my mind that if he became isolated...I could manipulate him to...
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Become mine....
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"I hate you Katori. I'm sorry we were ever childhood friends." He said to me, turning around and walking off.
"H-Hey wait up!!" I yelled at him as he limped away.
"P-Please, I didn't mean for all of that to happen!! I'm sorry, is that what you want to hear?!" I yelled at him, as he ignored me.
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He wouldn't listen to me. So I decided to give him some space.
That was the worst decision I've ever made.
Fuuka was desperate, I still remember her begging me in front of my own house as she was desperate to see her brother for some reason.
Something felt...wrong.
Then I decided to follow her.
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Then the sound of an ambulance.
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"IZUMI NOOOOOO!?! PLEASE GOD NO DON'T TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME, NO!!!!!" Fuuka yelled, screaming into the ground. She hit it repeatedly, until her knuckle broke.
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He...committed...suicide...?
No...
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I...killed the one I love...? I killed my childhood friend....?
..no...NOOOO....I COULDN'T HAVE.
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I dropped to my knees, stunned. I can't believe what I was seeing.
The animalistic cry I let out, I've never heard that before.
...I loved him. Why did it take me this long to realize that...?
I only wanted him...to be mine...so why did he look like this...?
HE WAS MANGLED...HIS BODY CONTORTED.
.... why....
Why was he dying in front of me...?
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He had his ribs broken...CPR was being performed in a stretcher in the back of an ambulance...
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The next hour was a blur...
...eventually the guilt ate at me. I had to tell her.
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"you...did...what...?" Fuuka asked me, while I was crying hysterically.
Izumi was still in surgery at this time; I couldn't take the guilt. I had to tell her it was my fault. It was all my fault.
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"you...FUCKING MONSTER!!" She yelled at me, punching me in my face.
She had a broken knuckle on her dominant hand, so it didn't really hurt much. But the emotional damage was...a lot.
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I fell to the ground crying. This was nothing compared to what I did to Izumi.
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"I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!" She yelled at me, as nurses held her back, along with her own mother.
I saw the pain that she and her mother both held in their eyes.
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They hated me, they felt...so betrayed. Why did I do this to them...?
I just wanted Izumi to myself...
I wanted to cherish that...look in his face. That look of desperation.
Now....he might be gone forever.
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I was forced out of the hospital, but not before I was able to hear word that he had pushed through...
"...he's...alive...?" I asked myself. My eyes black, and broken tears falling down my face.
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I muddled back to my empty house, where my parents heard everything that happened, Izumi's mom had informed they're bringing criminal charges I guess.
I didn't care...I just wanted to apologize.
I wanted Izumi to come back.
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I never meant for him to...kill himself. I'd have never done this if I didn't think he was strong enough...
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I was a stupid girl.
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I'd go to his house, and beg them to allow me to see him.
"P-Please...Fuuka-san...let me see him. I...can't live like this anymore..." I'd beg, prostrating on my knees.
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I even was a witness in the criminal proceedings that followed, so they didn't arrest me.
No charges were filed against me since I was cooperating against the ones who actually hurt him.
But I knew...I was the one who started this. Who caused this to happen.
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They only suspended me and didn't expel me for that reason, but I wouldn't continue going to that school anyways. I needed to switch.
"I said GO AWAY!!" Fuuka would yell at me, and shut the door in my face.
This was a daily occurrence.
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Eventually, she told me something. After I came day, after day, after day.
"He's awake." She said, telling me not to follow her.
It took everything I had to listen to her. He was moved from the local hospital somewhere else, where I didn't know.
I'd have seen him by now if I knew...but they wouldn't tell me where he was at.
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So, all I can do now...is wait.
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Then the next week I'd beg them again.
"Please...allow me to apologize to him directly....I want to see him..."
They were desperate to get me to leave.
"You'll NEVER see him again, you monster."
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But today...was different.
He's home now...isn't he?
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I can see the ramp leading up the stairs, it's made for a wheelchair.
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He...can't walk...?
I know he was hospitalized for a long time...but no one would allow me to know the extend of his injuries.
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I could only guess at this point.
I felt so much regret, I couldn't stop crying. All I wanted was Izumi, I can't live without him I realized.
I want to cherish him, I want to give him everything.
If he wanted money I'd get a job for him!! Or if he even wanted my body, I'd give him everything!! I don't care...I just...love him so much.
Why did I not realize this...?
That infatuation with isolation I had regarding Izumi...why didn't I realize...? That face that I loved looking at.
It was just...innocent love.
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I'm a disgusting human.
I'm lower than dirt.
I betrayed the only thing that matters to me, and made his family hate me.
Everyone that I used to know is gone, the school hates me, and now I have a police record.
My family is disappointed in me, and I can't ever forgive myself for it.
All I can do, and all I am stuck with is attempting to console myself with a desperate apology, one that is unheard.
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I cry myself silently to sleep every single night, because even when I close my eyes I'm reminded of the disgusting thing I did.
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"I love you...Izumi...please....I love you so much..." I'd whisper to myself, trying to console what little humanity I had left.
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I don't have anything anymore.
My friends are all gone.
My classmates hate me.
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What's the point in living...?
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Then...I looked out the window.
I haven't been to school in weeks by this point, I was an emotional wreck...so...when I looked outside my windows, I was shocked.
"Izumi...?" I whispered out loud, wiping the tears off of my face.
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His sister was pushing him out of the house, down the road.
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Huh...?
What's wrong with his face...?
Why does he have an eye patch on...?
Why are...both of his legs wrapped up...?
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Then I felt sick to my stomach.
I ran to the bathroom as fast as I could.
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"Uuu...rgghh"
I emptied my stomach out into the toilet, the guilt I felt was overwhelming.
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He really...lost his vision? Both of his legs are broken as well?
I didn't think I'd react like this after seeing him for the first time in a month.
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A monster.
I was a monster worse than what Fuuka thought of me.
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I just collapsed by the toilet, crying to myself softly while my parents were both at work.
Why can't we go back to how it used to be? How I wish I could turn back time.
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I'd never have teased him, I'd have told myself that I loved him, that was the feeling I felt.
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I was...so confused I didn't know what to do.
...now it's too late to continue.
I want to make it up to him.
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Maybe...I can catch him by himself sometime...? I wonder what he would say to me after all this time.
Does he...still hate me...?