"I just mentioned that military service was helpful in many ways, didn't I?"
"Hey, you crazy bastard."
"Why are you being like this? Honestly, who's crazier—the guy who said he learned a lot in the military, or the guys who disappeared saying they'd enlist after hearing that?"
"Both of you! But among all of you lunatics, you're the craziest!"
Wow. That hurts. Why am I the craziest one?
Huh?!
What kind of twisted logic is this?
"You're asking because you don't know? You're the first person in imperial history to enlist as a common soldier despite being a high noble's son! And now you're trying to send your peers to hell because you felt it was unfair that only you experienced life as a soldier!"
Sending them to hell? On the contrary, I rescued these pitiful creatures from the hell of rejection!
They were crying, wailing, practically begging for an escape from heartbreak—
I simply showed them the door marked National Defense.
I'm wronged! This is so unfair!
Though I can't really argue that the military isn't hell...
"Argh... what on earth have you done right after coming back..."
"Why do you keep saying that? They chose to shoulder the sacred duty of national defense."
"That's not the problem, Leon. Damn it, that's not the issue."
After saying that, the senior suddenly rummaged through something and threw it in front of me.
"This is the problem. This."
"Aren't these leave of absence forms?"
"Look carefully."
Wondering why he was acting like this, I examined the four leave of absence forms.
Schlieffen, Wilhelm, Alexander, and Joachim. They filled in their real names correctly.
They also wrote in detail why they were suddenly taking leaves of absence, so that checks out.
Although the approval stamp hasn't been applied yet, they've submitted the forms, so no problem.
"...Everything looks normal?"
"Normal, you say?"
"Yes. They didn't misspell their names or write anything strange. If you just process these for approval, won't their leaves be confirmed automatically?"
The senior muttered, "Not the content. Look at the very top again."
The very top. It says "Leave of Absence Form." Well, that's written correctly. They're applying for leave.
Pass.
Below that, the form type is written as medical leave for the student below...
"Uh."
Oh shit...?
My stomach drops.
My hands freeze mid-air.
In that moment, every instinct honed from the battlefield whispers the same thing:
Retreat. Retreat right now.
Because suddenly, I finally notice it—the tiny, innocuous-looking line that destroys everything.
Medical leave.
All four of them.
Four healthy, loud, constantly brawling idiots… suddenly applying for medical leave?
I can feel a headache forming.
Oh shit indeed.
"Wait. This can't be, right?"
"Finally noticed? What kind of leave of absence form those guys filled out?"
"No..."
"Medical leave is three months at most. But military service is at least 24 months, isn't it? You can't do anything with that leave form."
"..."
Guys... Guys! You male leads! You protagonist bastards!
Even thinking their title makes my stomach twist.
Even so, how could you put military service leave on a medical leave form!
How!? What part of that makes sense!?
Did you misunderstand "soldier enlistment" as "medical leave" because I said being a soldier was the best?
Who in their right mind hears "enlistment" and thinks, Ah yes, that sounds like bed rest and herbal tea?
Even so, it's not medical leave. Are you sick? Do we have Covid-19 here too?
Why would you even think that made sense in this world!?
Has someone been secretly writing modern illnesses into this damn fantasy setting?
You're protagonists. Male leads!
You're called the academy's handsome quartet!
The shining stars of every girl's dream! Chosen by the plot itself!
So why are your heads full of flowers?
How did you even make it to your fourth year!!
Did charm carry you through exams? Did good looks substitute for common sense?
"Can't we just change this to another type of leave somehow?"
"If it were that easy, would I be like this? That's document forgery. Leave of absence forms are very important documents that can only be filled out by the person themselves."
"But they did fill out the forms, didn't they?!"
"I know! But it's medical leave! It's only for three months!"
The situation is truly bizarre. The troublemakers aren't even here.
They're probably off somewhere, smiling and flirting like their world isn't on fire.
Instead, the senior and I are sitting in the assistant's office, tearing our hair out.
This feels less like a school matter and more like a crisis caused by four idiots destined to be heroes.
And somehow, I—Leon—am the one paying for it.
Ah, this is suddenly making me angry. I really only told them out of goodwill.
These guys wrote strange leave forms and now this mess happens?
Damn it. I'm busy living my own life—why should I worry about their academic careers!
"...Teaching Assistant Marcus."
"Why are you suddenly not calling me senior? Don't. I can already see what you're going to say."
"Either way, this seems like something for you to worry about as the teaching assistant, not me."
I push the responsibility toward him with the gentlest smile I can muster, which only makes him scowl harder.
"Hey, hey!"
I quickly stood up and gave him a spirited salute.
The kind a model soldier would give right before sprinting away from danger.
"I wish you luck!"
"Hey, you bastard!!"
This is where I bow out, senior. It's unfortunate, but what can we do? Run for your life!
I can practically hear my inner drill sergeant yelling: Retreat is also a tactic!
I narrowly escaped the senior's grasp as he tried to grab my collar.
The man lunged with surprising speed, but a soldier's reflexes are sharper—especially when escaping responsibility.
By the time he blinked, I was already halfway down the corridor.
Survival instincts never fail.