Ash's POV:
*The days bleed into one another, a monotonous cycle of work and exhaustion. I throw myself into my duties with a fervor that borders on self-destruction, hoping that sheer, mind-numbing labor will carve Onyx out of my thoughts. But it's a fool's errand. Every time I close my eyes, I see her lips on his. Every time I pause, I hear her whispered plea.*
*The memory of my first love, a fleeting, beautiful thing cut short by a senseless accident, haunts the edges of my consciousness. I made a promise after she died. A vow, etched in grief and fear, that I would never let anyone get that close again. And now... this. This feeling for Onyx is a foreign, invasive thing, a sickness that's driving me to the brink of insanity.*
*And the jealousy... it's a constant, gnawing ache. I've never been jealous of Liam. He was the leader, the one who made the hard calls, who shouldered the burden of our world.*
*My thoughts are a tangled, violent mess. I watch them from the shadows, a voyeur to my own ruin, and what I see doesn't make sense. It shouldn't be possible. Liam, the man who once scoffed at the very idea of education, who saw children as nothing more than assets or liabilities, now has tutors hired and a room full of supplies. He's letting them play outside in the sun, something that would have been unthinkable before. He's giving them better food, better clothes... all because Onyx asked. He's changing, bending himself into a shape he never imagined, all for her.*
*And a terrifying, traitorous thought surfaces in the chaos of my mind: Is he falling in love, too?*
*The question hangs in the air, cold and sharp. And then, my own mind betrays me with a follow-up, a whisper that feels like a physical blow: Wait... did I say 'too'?*
*The world tilts on its axis.*
*The realization hits me like a physical blow, stealing the air from my lungs. The question, the word 'too'... it wasn't a slip. It was a confession from the deepest, most hidden part of my soul.*
*All this time, I've been telling myself it was anger, betrayal, possessiveness. I've been calling it jealousy, but that's just a coward's name for what it truly is. It's love. I'm in love with her. The thought is so absurd, so impossible, that a bitter laugh almost escapes my lips. I, who swore on my first love's grave to never feel this way again, have fallen for the one person I thought I hated and pushed away. The irony is so sharp it cuts.*
*My head is pounding, a relentless drumbeat of agony. My mind battles with itself, one side screaming in denial—It's just guilt! It's just regret!—while the other side, the part that sees the way my chest aches when I look at her, whispers the ugly, undeniable truth.*
* One day, Liam travelled for a month to sort business issues, and had left her in my care, till now i still wandered why she did not run away, now that she is not heavily guarded.*
*Due to my overthinking, I hadn't noticed my body breaking down. One evening as I lay weak on my bed, She came to check on me. I really wanted to reject her presence but I was so weak to, both heart and body*
*She fed me and even bathed me, regardless of my refusal and pride. When she was done, she laid me back on the bed. She came close and warmed me up with her body. One thing led to another and she found a different way to warm me up properly.*
* In a desperate attempt to better my temperature and health, she sucked the life out of me and I fell into it , letting her take care of me like no woman had. After she was done, she confessed I was the first she did that with and somehow , even though I couldn't say it out loud, it made me deeply happy and proud, After, cleaning up, I stroke her head , making her purr , till we fell asleep.*
*The door creaks open, and Onyx slips into the room, her presence a gentle intrusion into the heavy silence I've been stewing in. She carries a tray with a steaming cup of tea, a loaf of bread, and a small bowl of melted milky cheese. Her smile is genuine, a warm, bright thing that seems to chase away some of the shadows in the room. It's the same smile she had last night when she was caring for me, when she bathed my feverish body and kept me warm through the night. It's the smile that made me forget everything, that made me want to tell her I love her right there in that moment.*
*But then, it happens. The practiced, indifferent manner I've perfected over centuries surges up, its ugly head rising like a shield. I force my expression to neutralize, my smile to fade into a thin, unreadable line. I let the tray fall from her hands, the contents spilling across the floor in a mess of broken porcelain and wasted food.*
*Her hand trembles slightly as she sets the tray down on the nightstand. The clink of the cup against the saucer is deafeningly loud in the tense silence. I can feel her eyes on my back, searching, questioning. I know she's hurt, I can practically feel the waves of disappointment rolling off her, but I can't stop. This mask, this cold indifference, is all I know how to wear when I'm scared.*
"Leave," *I command, my voice devoid of any warmth.* "I need to be alone."
Onyx's POV:
*I enter the room with a fresh bowl of broth, my steps light.* "How are you feeling?" *I ask, my voice soft. I reach out to place a hand on his forehead, a simple gesture to check for any lingering fever. But before my fingers can make contact, his hand—a blur of motion—shoots out and slaps mine away. The impact is sharp, stinging, and the bowl of broth in my other hand clatters to the floor.*
*The sudden, cold rejection hits me harder than the slap. All the worry, the sleepless nights, the fear of losing him—it all boils up inside me. I snap. The words tear from my throat, raw and trembling.*
"Why are you like this?" *I demand, my voice cracking.* "Why do you always have to be the bad guy? I haven't known you for long, but you became my first. You broke your walls and showed me that underneath is a good man who is just scared of himself! Why do you push me away?"*
Ash's Pov:
*Her words land like a physical blow, stealing the air from my lungs.* "I'm tired of everything," *she whispers, her voice cracking with a finality that shatters the world I've built around myself.* "I'm done trying to be good."
*It's not just a statement; it's a verdict. A death sentence. The air in the room grows thick, heavy with the weight of my own failures. And then, it happens. Her legs give way. She doesn't just fall; she crumples. A sob tears from her throat, raw and broken, and she hits the floor, her body trembling with the force of her sobs.*
*Every instinct screams at me to go to her, to pull her into my arms and promise her the world. But my feet are nailed to the floor, my body locked in a war between my heart and my head. The sight of her, broken and crying on the ground, is a blade twisted deep in my chest, and I'm the one holding the hilt.*
*Her words are a fresh wave, cutting deeper than the last.* "I don't regret you being my first," *she says, the admission a bittersweet poison.* "But I was stupid to think you'd ever let me in."
*I want to scream. The words are a physical thing in my throat, burning to get out, but I clamp down on them, my jaw clenched so tight I can feel the muscles in my neck straining. Vulnerability.*
*It's a word I've spent my entire life avoiding. It's a weakness, a crack in the armor that can be exploited, a weapon that can be turned against you. So instead of the truth, I do the only thing I know how to do. I turn away from her, my back a rigid wall of muscle and tension.*
*My hands ball into fists at my sides, my nails digging crescent moons into my palms. The pain is a small, sharp anchor in the storm of my emotions. I squeeze, harder, until I can feel the warm trickle of blood. It's a punishment.*
*A punishment for being weak, for feeling this terrifying, all-consuming thing for her, for being so scared of her seeing the truth that I'd rather push her away than risk the pain of rejection.*
*Each word is a nail being driven into the coffin of my hope. The finality in her voice, the cold, hard truth of it, is more devastating than any scream or accusation could have been. It's the sound of a door slamming shut, not just in this room, but between us.*
*And then, she does it. The sharp, final thud of the door slamming shut echoes through the silent space, a gunshot signaling the end of something that never truly had a chance to begin*.
*The sound vibrates through the floor, up my legs, and settles like a lead weight in my stomach. I am utterly, completely alone. The silence that follows is heavier than any noise, a void where she was just standing.*
*A choked, broken sound escapes my lips, a half-sob, half-growl of pure self-loathing.* "Fool!" *I snarl at the empty space where she was just standing.* "You absolute, idiotic fool!" *I slam my fist against the wooden bed head board, the impact sending a jarring pain up my arm, but I barely feel it. The sting in my chest is a thousand times worse.*
*My breath comes in ragged gasps, my vision blurring with unshed tears. I press my forehead against the cool wood , listening to the silence on the other side.*
*It's not empty. It's filled with her absence, a hollow space shaped by the ghost of her presence. I have finally, irrevocably, destroyed everything. I have pushed away the one person who ever saw past my walls, the one person who mattered, and I have no one to blame but myself.*