Balevar Kingdom
Under a bright blue sky and across the glittering ocean—comfortably far from the geopolitical disaster unfolding between Murica and Dwargonia—a lone RHIB sped across the waves.
It left a clean foamy trail.
And intermittent splashes of fresh vomit.
"Bleeeeeeeeegh!"
Captain Irving kept his eyes forward and his hands steady on the helm.
On the passenger bench sat Ivy, Kovalski, and Bella—
Bella being the current source of maritime pollution.
"Bleeeeeegh!"
Irving sighed. "I genuinely want to know how much a vampire needs to eat to puke for two hours straight."
"Oh shut up, Captain… There's a reason I joined the army, not the navy—BLEEEEEGH!"
"If you keep throwing up like that," Kovalski added, "you'll be smaller than you already are."
Bella slowly raised her middle finger between retches.
"Bleeeeeegh…"
Meanwhile, Ivy leaned back in her seat, completely at peace.
"Kyaaahahaha! I still can't believe I'm finally liberated from that demonic sister!"
"I genuinely thought Ambassador Hannya would never approve our proposal." Kovalski said.
"Well," Irving shrugged, adjusting course slightly, "we are adventurers. Traveling is kind of the job description."
Bella wiped her mouth weakly. "…Actually, how did you get your sister to sign the assignment letter? You didn't steal her stamp or something, right? Hahaha."
Ivy smiled.
She said nothing.
She continued staring at the port town growing on the horizon.
"…Right?" Bella tried again.
The RHIB cut cleanly toward the coastal city, leaving any problem behind.
"…Right!?"
The biggest problems, however, were patiently waiting back home.
---
A Tavern in Port Town
By the time they reached port, the misfit party had already disguised themselves as humans.
Outside Ravendawn territory, demons walking openly was rare and definitely suspicious.
So they defaulted to the timeless disguises.
Irving dressed as a barbarian. The horned helmet hid his demon horns.
• Bella wore magician robes. Fangs retracted. Dignity questionable.
• Ivy become a thief. Fits her behaviour.
• Kovalski disguised himself as an elf ranger, so he can flirt with more accuracy.
"I can't believe you actually stole her stamp…" Irving muttered.
In barbarian gear, he looked deeply uncomfortable.
"I'm terrified of going home…" Bella whimpered, adjusting her glittering sleeves. "Will they jail me forever this time? Maybe I should just travel the world… but what about my parents!?"
"Oh relax, you two!" Ivy said cheerfully, adjusting her thief-class cloak with the dramatic flair of someone who absolutely planned to expense this trip later. "We're already in Balevar. Besides, once we return with amazing content, they'll forgive us!"
"That's easy for you," Irving replied flatly. "You're not military. And you're the ambassador's sister."
Which, unfortunately, was accurate.
One of Ivy's non-negotiable conditions for joining the content-creation misfit squad had been: 'I want Murican citizenship.'
Hannya approved it instantly.
By adopting her on the spot.
Which meant Ivy gained a passport, a nationality, and a terrifying older sister who now had legal authority to discipline her.
Ivy immediately regret it.
"You all need to chill," Ivy said breezily, waving away their anxiety. "Like Kovalski over there."
They turned.
Kovalski—currently disguised as an elf ranger—was leaning against the tavern wall, casually holding a waitress's hand with confidence radiating off him.
"For hundreds of years," he said smoothly, lifting the waitress's hand, "I have never seen someone as beautiful as you. Elf women are praised across the world… yet you outshine them."
"M-me?" she stammered, cheeks igniting. "No one has ever said that to me… and I've never seen an elf before so I—I don't know…"
"I'm serious," Kovalski insisted, voice lowering just enough to sound expensive. "If you had pointed ears, you'd be mistaken for an elf princess. Do you have a mirror in your room?"
"Y-yes…"
"Then allow me to escort you. I will show you just how radiant you truly are."
He pressed a gentle kiss to her hand.
The waitress's blush alarmingly.
The group watched in silence as Kovalski calmly guided his victim upstairs.
"Damn," Irving whispered. "He's smooth. And he's not even using incubus charm."
"Tch. That bastard is just lucky these small-town girls are naïve," Bella grumbled, glaring to the stairs.
Ivy cleared her throat theatrically, snapping her fingers once to reclaim narrative control. "Anyway! Back to business."
From her subspace bag, she produced a scroll and placed it on the table with ceremonial gravity. Irving and Bella immediately scanned the tavern for eavesdroppers out of habit. Old instincts died hard. Especially the illegal ones.
"The legendary treasure left by the mythical bandit king, Diamon D. Roger…"
She unrolled the incomplete map with dramatic precision.
"The Single Piece."
One month earlier, during a dungeon run that had gone moderately wrong in all the expected ways, they had stumbled upon the map. Ivy, instantly recognized the infamous myth.
And thus, a reckless plan was born:
Treasure hunting in the Meridinia Continent.
They submitted the proposal as a "travel-content trip."
The 75th Ranger Regiment approved it instantly.
After all, this mission conveniently removed:
the base's slickest contraband smuggler (Irving),
• the clumsiest property-destroyer (Bella),
• and the most narcissistic sexual offender (Kovalski).
General Hanz had stamped the paperwork with a warm, paternal smile and said only:
"The longer the better."
Their final obstacle had been Ambassador Hannya…
…but Ivy had "handled" that.
"With the map Captain Irving found," Ivy continued enthusiastically, tapping the parchment, "and the brilliant plan Captain Irving designed, we'll be filthy rich—just like Captain Irving dreamed!"
Irving blinked. "…Why does every sentence have my name in it?"
"Because you're the smart one! Hahaha!"
"Well… I am pretty clever." He puffed his chest slightly.
"Hahahahahaha!"
"Hahahahahaha!"
"Hahahahahaha!"
They laughed together.
Loudly.
Confidently.
---
Port Town Entrance
The misfit party marched out of town with full of excitement.
"Rations check! Maps check! Lots of ammo check! Yep—we're ready!" Irving declared proudly, adjusting the straps on his pack.
"I can't wait to see the world!" Bella chimed, practically bouncing.
"And the women," Kovalski added reverently, hands clasped behind his back as if he were embarking on a spiritual pilgrimage.
Ivy raised her fist toward the horizon with all the confidence.
"Alright! First destination—Balevar Sacred Forest!"
She pointed dramatically at absolutely nothing in particular.
"MISFIT PARTY, GREATEST ADVENTURE BEGINS—NOW!"
"YEAAAAAAAH!"
They marched forward.
Triumphant.
---
1 km from Port Town
The triumphant marching slowed.
Then it became walking.
Then it became… walking with questions.
"Say," Irving began carefully, "how far is the sacred forest?"
Ivy unfolded the map and squinted at it with intense concentration.
"About… six hundred and thirty kilometers."
Silence.
"WHAT!?" Kovalski shrieked. "WE'RE WALKING!?"
"NOOOOOOO!" Bella cried, dropping to her knees in despair. "I WANT A HUMVEE!"
Irving stared at the distant road ahead, which looked suspiciously endless.
For generations, adventurers had crossed continents on foot, facing danger with grit and determination.
Muricans, however, had tasted air-conditioning.
Modernity, it seemed, had stolen much of Murica's adventuring spirit.
---
Washington DC, The Black House
"Still no reply from the Dwargonians?" Solo asked.
"None," Lilith replied. "They say they'll get back to us."
Solo, Lilith, Stan, and Monny were gathered around the long conference table for what had officially been labeled an emergency meeting. Two days earlier, Ravendawn forces had sunk a Dwargonian merchant vessel. The dwarves retaliated. Then Murica lost contact with its embassy.
Stan leaned back in his chair and sighed. "Man… remember when we used to go to war without thinking? I miss those simple times."
"No," Lilith snapped instantly. "If we fight, we do it cleanly and tactically. Casualties must be minimal. No more free meals for the goddess."
"I know, I know." Stan exhaled. "No more open season like Vandoria… My poor nuke… sitting alone in that dark bunker… never seeing the blue sky…"
He sounded genuinely mournful.
Solo rubbed his temples. "I still hate this. Of all nations, why Dwargonia? They don't even worship the goddess. Why not some church-controlled kingdom in Meridinia?"
"Yeah," Stan agreed. "And I was excited to get dwarven liquor in supermarkets."
Monny nodded gravely. "And their minerals. Thanks to Luke's trends, Muricans will riot if they can't buy a new phone every six months. We need their lithium and cobalt."
Solo leaned back in his chair. "What about Ravendawn?"
"Still confused," Lilith replied. "It was their patrol ship that killed the dwarves… but there's no survivor to explain anything."
Stan frowned. "Convenient."
"Then we wait," Solo said after a moment. "A few more days for the dwarves to respond."
Everyone nodded.
A heavy silence settled over the room.
A beat passed.
Solo's brow furrowed slightly.
"…Why do I feel like we're forgetting something?" he murmured.