We walked the rest of the way in silence. I kept sneaking glances at Big Brother, but his gaze was fixed forward, as if he were miles away. I tugged at my scarf higher, adjusting the wool until it pressed against my jaw.
Still not gonna say anything, huh?
The silence finally broke with the sharp *click* of the key in the lock. He swung the door open and stepped inside first, leaving the cold air to swirl around me as I followed.
Before we even had the chance to take off our shoes, a familiar figure greeted us from the living room.
"Welcome back, you two. I hope you had a good day today."
Mom wore that same soft, unwavering smile—the one that always felt like it was made of porcelain.
"Yeah. Hi, Mom."
Big Brother's voice was as cold as the winter air. It felt like the chill from the street had followed him right into the hallway. Mom didn't even flinch; she just kept smiling, her eyes bright and empty of any real concern.
I dug the nail of my thumb into the side of my index finger as I looked between them. The contrast was suffocating. I gave him a hard look, my brow furrowing.
"Hey! You shouldn't talk to Mom like that!"
He didn't even look in my direction; Big Brother moved past me as if I didn't even matter to him. He took off his shoes with slow, unhurried movements and walked past her toward the kitchen.
"What do you mean? This is how I always am."
He grabbed a cup from the counter, filled it, and downed the water in one long, calm gulp.
How can he just act so calm?!
I kicked my shoes off—one of them clattering loudly against the wall—and rushed toward the kitchen. I wanted to give him a piece of my mind. But before I could reach him, Mom grabbed my wrist. Her grip was gentle on my arm, and yet, I couldn't budge. I opened my mouth, but she simply shook her head, her expression unchanged.
"It's okay, Lily. Really," she said with her usual soothing tone. "This is just who he is, so don't worry about it."
My jaw clamped shut. The words I wanted to scream still lingered in my throat, turning into a hard, bitter lump.
What kind of bullshit is this? He gets to act however he wants, and she doesn't do anything about it? She would never let me get away with that!
I snapped my wrist away from her hand and ran for the stairs. I didn't look back, but I could feel her eyes following me. My legs carried me faster until I reached my room and slammed the door shut. Back in the comfort of my room, I was finally able to relax.
"Haaah..."
I leaned against the door and slowly slid down until I was a heap on the floor.
This… isn't fair at all.
I pulled my knees to my chest and buried my face in them. The room was cool, and that coolness seemed to sink into me. I closed my eyes and just sat there. My mind drifted as I became lost in the rhythm of the clock on the wall. *Tick* *Tick* *Tick*.
After what felt like an eternity, my stomach growled, breaking the silence and clearing my mind.
Ah, that's right, I haven't eaten since lunch.
I tried to push myself up, but my body refused to budge, my strength failing me.
Ugh, this isn't working.
I twisted around on the floor, reaching blindly for the doorknob. C'mon! Just a little more. I strained my arm, stretching it as far as I could. When I finally caught the handle, I pulled too hard.
The door swung toward me, and because I was leaning so much weight on it, I lost my balance, tumbling face-first onto the hallway floor.
Ow…
Strands of hair stuck to my tongue, causing me to lurch up and spit them out. That's when I noticed it.
A plastic bag was sitting right there, right in front of the door frame to my room. Curious, I reached out and peeked inside. I let out a small, breathless gasp. There were two packs of avocado rolls—my favourite.
But the only one who knows they're my favourite is…
My head snapped towards the door to Big Brother's room. It was shut tight, permitting no entry.
Jeez, you can't even give them to me directly now?
I shook my head, yet a smirk still managed to find itself on my face. I grabbed the bag and went back into my room, closing the door softly this time.
I spread the contents out on the floor. Everything I needed was already there. Chopsticks, a bowl, napkins, and even the little packets of soy sauce.
I opened the first box and took a bite.
These taste… horrible.
The rice was cold and stale, the seaweed was moist, and the avocado was turning gray, probably from sitting outside for who knows how long. Yet, I continued to pick up one roll after the other—not even leaving a single grain of rice behind.
By the time I realized it, both boxes were empty.
Usually, two boxes of sushi wouldn't be enough to satisfy me, but as I finished the last one, the gnawing emptiness in my chest finally felt full.
I packed the trash back into the bag, my movements slow and thoughtful. My eyes wandered to a certain wall in my room. This wall, specifically, was the one separating my Big Brother's room and mine.
Without really thinking about it, I stood up and walked over. I pressed my palm flat against the wall, then rested my forehead against the surface. In the chill that lingered in my room, this wall was the only thing that felt… warm.
In the quiet, Yuka's words echoed in my head. "All that matters is that you love him, right? So, that just means that you have to keep trying!"
I let out a long, quiet breath.
Yeah. That's right, I can't give up now.
I stepped back and gave a firm, singular nod.
Tomorrow. I am going to thank him tomorrow, no matter what.
I climbed into bed, pulling the blanket up to my nose. If I'm being honest, even though I'm a first-year middle school student, sleeping alone made me feel small and scared. But tonight—those fears didn't reach me. I fell asleep before I could finish my next thought.