The first candidate has been drawn, with the ID "[Thirty Minutes of True Man]".
The reporter glanced at it and noticed this was a new viewer, having only watched the live stream for less than half an hour, which made the reporter a little apprehensive.
At that moment, "[Thirty Minutes of True Man]" typed on the live stream screen: "[Can we connect with the streamer? That would make communication easier, right?]"
This was indeed true…
The reporter asked Xu Gui for his opinion, but Xu Gui, unfamiliar with this, had no objection.
The reporter thought for a moment and said, "Let's connect then? That would definitely make communication easier."
He activated the feature, selecting to connect with this viewer, and soon, the avatar of "[Thirty Minutes of True Man]" appeared in the lower right corner of the live stream.
Below the other person's profile picture, accompanied by a flashing megaphone icon, a man's voice rang out in Xu Gui's live stream:
"Hey, hey, hey, can you hear me?"
Xu Gui nodded: "Yes, I can."
The man laughed loudly, saying, "Hahaha, I didn't expect to be so lucky, I got picked on the first try! I saw from your introduction, you seem to be a celebrity? No wonder you're so beautiful.
With your looks, do many men like you?" The cameraman frowned upon hearing this, feeling a subtle unease from the other person's tone.
He looked at Xu Gui, who remained calm. Despite the man's question, "Why aren't you saying anything, streamer?" she pulled a QR code from her pocket and held it up to the camera.
"Scan to pay first, five hundred yuan, no credit," she said. "Scan and we'll chat."
The man: "?" What? Online chat is so expensive?
Xu Gui smiled and said, "This is a fortune-telling live stream. It costs 500 yuan per session."
The man blurted out, "Are you robbing me?"
Before Xu Gui could even respond, the viewers in the live stream were already complaining, saying things like, "[If you don't want to spend the money and don't want to have your fortune told, then give us your spot! We have plenty of people who want to have their fortunes told!]"
Millions of people, so many fans, and not a single one got a spot, but they got someone who had just joined the live stream. Where could they complain?
One viewer even said, "[Sorry, dear, this has always been our price. If you think it's too expensive, maybe you should reflect on whether you've worked hard enough all these years.]"
Besides, if this person didn't want to have their fortune told, why would they participate? The program only counts people who posted the words "fortune telling" within the last three minutes. If they didn't want to participate, they could simply not post those words.
The man initially wanted to say something, but seeing the discontent in the chat, he swallowed his words. The cameraman then chimed in, "If you don't want this spot, we can draw someone else." The man, however
, suddenly became angry, demanding, "You think I'm broke? Let me tell you, don't look down on me! I spend tens of thousands on drinks and meals alone when I treat people… I casually throw tens of thousands of money at people's livestreams!"
"Five hundred yuan? That's nothing!"
The cameraman's lips twitched slightly: …Actually, I think you really care about those five hundred yuan.
The man ultimately scanned the code and paid. Although he didn't say anything while paying, everyone could almost feel his pain, even through the internet.
[He probably doesn't have the money…]
[I think he definitely doesn't have the money!]
At that moment, the sentiments of the viewers in the livestream were perfectly synchronized.
After the man paid, his attitude towards Xu Gui changed drastically. He directly asked, "What can you possibly be?" His tone was undisguisedly contemptuous.
Xu Gui confidently replied, "I can calculate anything you want to know, whether it's the past or the future!"
"Oh?" The man's tone suddenly became subtly excited. He excitedly asked, "Then can you calculate how old I am?"
As soon as the man said this, the cameraman, also a man, instantly understood what he meant. His face immediately turned ugly, while Xu Gui's fans in the live stream truly exploded.
["Fuck you, you pervert! I'll fuck your dad! What are you barking at me for, you slut?"]
["Your dad's dead, and you're dead too, you idiot, Jianzhong, you f***ing*#*#@@, making lewd jokes in public, do you have any shame?"] [
From the very first moment this guy spoke, I felt a subtle unease, a strong sense of masculinity. Sure enough, my intuition was spot on; this guy is definitely not a good person.]
[Hey, cameraman, kick this guy out! He's insulting our Xiao Gui!]
...
The netizens were all incredibly angry, especially Xu Gui's "mommy fans." Their heads were spinning, and by the time they came to their senses, their furious insults were so intense they'd be blocked by the system screen.
But even so, their anger didn't lessen at all, because then they heard the man continue, "What, can't you figure it out? Didn't you say you could calculate everything?"
His excitement seemed to overflow as he said, "Want me to tell you how old I am?"
Xu Gui initially didn't realize what this man meant. After all, for the previous twenty-three years, "Xu Gui" had been in a state of confusion and bewilderment—to put it bluntly, "stupid." A fool wouldn't be sensitive to such things.
However, although Xu Gui didn't immediately understand the other person's meaning, she instantly sensed the lurking, malicious intent in his words. It took her about five seconds to understand what he was saying.
But Xu Gui didn't show any anger on her face. She simply asked, "Are you really going to calculate this?"
The man was somewhat surprised and displeased with Xu Gui's reaction. He wasn't looking for her calm and composed demeanor, but rather for her to appear utterly ashamed and blushing.
"I'm sure, I want to calculate this!" he insisted.
"Okay." Xu Gui respected others' choices. She put away her phone and said, "Since that's the case, then I'll calculate it for you…"
She leaned back slightly and said in a declarative tone, "I just checked. According to research, the average length of an Asian man's penis is about seven centimeters. As for you, it's probably a little shorter than three centimeters."
"However, you should know this better than anyone else, since you even went to see a doctor about it. I must say, your proactive attitude in seeking medical help is commendable, but unfortunately, the doctor said there was nothing they could do."
Xu Gui's tone was as if she were talking about something trivial, very calm and composed. Even the netizens who were initially feeling ashamed and angry couldn't help but calm down.
She continued, "Oh, and then one day, you discovered that even your penis had a problem. To put it simply, you became impotent, a natural eunuch."
"From then on, you started to become a pervert."
Xu Gui's tone finally changed at this point. She clicked her tongue and said, "You developed a voyeuristic fetish. You put cameras in women's restrooms, and you even rented out your house, which also had cameras installed, to young girls..."
"You're despicable, you're filthy, you're like a dark rat, secretly watching the vibrant youth of girls..."
"Shut up!"
"Shut up!"
The breathing on the other end of the call had already become heavy when Xu Gui mentioned the number "three centimeters," and when Xu Gui mentioned his impotence, the other person completely broke down, shouting for Xu Gui to shut up.
Xu Gui took a sip of water and said, "Don't rush me, I'm not finished yet. Mr. Hong, isn't this what you wanted to know?"
The man: "...Did I tell you my surname is Hong?"
Xu Gui shrugged and said casually, "Didn't I say before that I'm a fortune teller? Of course I can predict anything. I not only know your surname is Hong, but I also know you live on Chunhe Road, Sifang Street, B City."
"Am I right, Mr. Hong Xingwen!"
Xu Gui's eyebrows curved, and his expression looked harmless.
"Snap!"
A busy tone came from the other end of the live stream. The next second, a notification popped up in the live stream room that [Thirty Minutes of a Real Man] had left the live stream.
The cameraman came to his senses and quickly disconnected the live stream, saying, "They hung up."
He looked at Xu Gui with a very strange look, like he was looking at a warrior, and there was even a hint of trepidation in his eyes. Looking at the other people in the car, the young policeman was silent, and Hu Tu was as quiet as a chicken. None of the four men in the car dared to speak, and their eyes were full of fear when they looked at Xu Gui.
Xu Gui pouted and said, "I already said I wasn't finished, and he just hung up like that..."
She looked up and met the cameraman's somewhat evasive gaze, asking with some confusion, "Hey cameraman, what's wrong?"
The cameraman chuckled dryly, unconsciously tightening his legs. He looked at Xu Gui carefully and asked the question that most men are most concerned about: "...So, how do you know so much about someone else's private matters?"
He put it tactfully, and it took Xu Gui a few seconds to understand what he meant.
Xu Gui thought for a moment and said, "For me, fortune-telling is as simple as eating and drinking for you. But just as you only think about eating and drinking when you're hungry or thirsty, it's the same with me telling fortunes."
"I only do fortune-telling when I need to, and only then do I learn about the other person."
Xu Gui smiled. "Let me clarify first, if it weren't for Mr. Hong insisting that I tell such private things, I wouldn't like to do such private things."
"You all heard it; he insisted I do it."
She shook her head and sighed, "It's just that this person's ability to accept things seems a bit poor. I only did what he asked, and he ran away halfway through."
Xu Gui pursed her lips.
The people following her could only laugh awkwardly, their eyes filled with fear as they looked at Xu Gui. The photographer secretly resolved never to offend Teacher Xu again—offending others might just mean suffering some indignation, but offending Teacher Xu could mean certain death, even if it meant social death.
Meanwhile
, Xu Gui's live stream was filled with jubilation.
When Xu Gui first agreed, they felt like the sky was falling, but as each word came out of his mouth, the more the other person broke down, the more excited they became.
[Hahaha, this is truly gratifying! This pervert finally escaped! Let him spout those lewd jokes, let him talk nonsense! Who knew our Xu Gui could actually tell fortunes? He almost stripped him naked!]
[Short and emaciated, tsk tsk tsk, no wonder this guy is called "Thirty-Minute Real Man," he really wants what he lacks most!]
[Being sick isn't an excuse for his perversion. Sisters, be careful when you go to public restrooms, watch out for hidden cameras. And girls renting apartments, be careful too, your landlords might have installed cameras in the rentals.]
[So, any girls renting Hong Xingwen's apartment on Chunhe Road, Sifang Street, B City? Run!]
[Sorry, you kicked our daughter, you really kicked a hornet's nest!] Of course
, some netizens praised her enthusiastically, while others felt that Xu Gui's actions went too far. They felt that Hong Xingwen was already so pitiful, yet Xu Gui's words seemed to strike at his sore spots, making him incredibly upset.
Some netizens, seeing these comments, wondered: "Are you alright?"
Others considered Xu Gui shameless, saying she spoke about such vulgar things without batting an eye, and these people's words were particularly harsh, thoroughly criticizing Xu Gui from beginning to end, as if she had committed some heinous crime. One
person who was following Xu Gui's live stream frowned upon seeing these harsh comments. After
hesitating for a moment, he looked up and asked Xu Gui, "Ms. Xu, don't you feel embarrassed talking about this kind of topic?" He felt that Xu Gui might give an unexpected answer.
Then he heard Xu Gui say, "The person who brought this up didn't feel embarrassed, so why should I?"
Xu Gui genuinely didn't think it was anything special. Creatures in nature don't understand shame; for them, sex is a common occurrence. Xu Gui had enjoyed living in the sea for a while, and she had seen even more explicit things there.
Besides, while the Xuan Turtle, as an auspicious beast, does know shame, it's still much more open and frank than humans in many matters.
Xu Gui thought nonchalantly: It's just sex anyway!
And she didn't bring it up first, so why should she be embarrassed?
*
Xu Gui's frank attitude disgusted some people, who called her shameless, but others suddenly came to like her because of it. However, she herself seemed completely unconcerned about what others thought of her.
After taking another sip of water, she asked the cameraman to draw the next person—she had now found the fun in live-streaming fortune telling.
Because of the first person's mistake, the person filming was terrified. Fortunately, the second person they drew was a normal person and didn't cause any more trouble, which relieved him.
After the second person finished their calculations, Xu Gui and the others had almost arrived at Hu Tu's hometown, a place called Meng County.
When they arrived, it was bright sunshine. Hu Tu led the way, and the group arrived smoothly at Hu Tu's village, where he took Xu Gui and the others to his house.
However, surprisingly, Hu Tu's mother wasn't home; the house was empty, not even a dog.
"Did my mother really go to find someone to perform a ritual for my father?" Hu Tu felt a bit overwhelmed.
The police officers said, "Let's go to your father's grave first. The officers here should have arrived already… but why haven't they called yet?"
According to this timeline, the officers here should have already dug up Hu Tu's father's grave and seen the person (corpse?) inside. But if things had developed that way, they should have already called to explain the situation.
However, they haven't received a call from the officers here yet.
Police: ...Could something have happened?
"Hey, Hu Tu! What are you still doing here?" Suddenly, a cry of surprise came from outside Hu's house. It was someone from Hu Tu's village. The person saw Hu Tu and called out, then said, "Why don't you hurry up and check on your father's grave on the mountain? A few people came today, pretending to be from the fire department, saying they're here to dig up your father's grave!"
After saying this, the person added a shocking statement: "Now the whole village is at your father's grave. We can't let them dig up your father's grave."
"..." Hu Tu took a breath, his voice weak as he asked, "They haven't started fighting yet, have they?"
The villager replied, "Soon! I need to get there quickly too. We can't let our village lose! You hurry up too, don't let your dad's grave really get dug up. He won't rest in peace in the afterlife."
He was carrying a hoe, rushing off in a flurry, clearly heading somewhere with it.
Hu Tu closed his eyes: he dared not open them, hoping it was just his imagination.
He felt that he was the one about to be tormented.
...
Xu Gui and his group hurried up the mountain. When they reached the hillside where Hu Tu's father's grave was located, they saw two groups of people facing off. One group was dressed in red firefighter uniforms, and the other was clearly the villagers from Hu Tu's village, each holding hoes and rakes. The atmosphere on both sides was extremely tense.
As Xu Gui and his group ran up, they heard one of the villagers shout, "...You still want to fool us? What firefighter would dig up someone's grave? I think you're the grave robbers!"
"I'm telling you, we've already called the police. You'd better get out of here quickly, or you'll be arrested and thrown in jail!"
Upon hearing this, Hu Tu stumbled and fell flat on his face, instantly attracting the attention of both sides.
"Hu Tu!" A joyful voice rang out from the crowd, followed by an elderly woman in simple clothes, looking somewhat frail, running over. She looked at Hu Tu with delight and said, "Why are you back?"
Then, glancing at Hu Tu's posture, she said, "And the first thing you do when you get back is to give your father such a grand salute! If your father knew this in the afterlife, he would be so happy."
Hu Tu's face showed a hint of embarrassment.
"Brother Hu Tu!"
"Hu Tu!"
Most of the villagers who were confronting the firefighters rushed over. An elder in the village, his beard bristling, exclaimed, "Hu Tu, you've come at the right time! There are thieves trying to dig up your father's grave! They're practically trying to make sure your father doesn't rest in peace!"
Hu Tu's mother said, "...I even received a scam call earlier. The caller pretended to be you and lied, saying they received a call from your father in the middle of the night, telling me they felt your father was still alive!"
"Not long after, a group of people came over, saying they received your emergency call and asked them to come and dig up your father's grave! The person who made the call is clearly in cahoots with them!"
Mrs. Hu said proudly, "Luckily, although I'm old, I'm still sharp-witted and not easily fooled. Humph, I watch anti-fraud videos every day, so I won't be so easily fooled!"
Hu Tu forced a smile that looked more like a grimace, and said desperately, "But that call, it really was me who made it! These firefighters, they're real firefighters! I specifically invited them to help dig up the grave!"
Mrs. Hu was stunned, and the rest of the villagers were stunned too.
"Why, why?" someone asked. "Why are you digging up your dad's grave?"
Hu Tu: "...Because my dad might not be dead yet! I really did get a call from him in the middle of the night last night!"
He turned to look at the newly erected grave next to him and muttered, "At this point, my dad can't be completely dead, can he?"
The villagers: "..."
The sky has fallen. They meant well but did something terrible, and the whole village did it together.
Hu Tu's mother: "..."
Good news: Her dead husband seems to be alive.
Bad news: Her seemingly alive husband seems to be dying again soon.
"Honey!" Hu's mother suddenly shouted, and she lay down on the grave and started digging. "Honey, hold on, I'm digging you out now!"
Hu's mother's shout brought the stunned others back to their senses.
"Dig! Dig!" the villagers shouted frantically, cold sweat dripping down their faces—they hadn't meant well and had accidentally killed Hu Tu's father.
The more they thought about it, the more panicked they became: This damned man, dig!
This time, no one stopped the firefighters, and the villagers rushed to help. With everyone's combined efforts, the grave, which had only been built yesterday, was quickly dug open, revealing a black coffin.
Seeing the coffin, everyone present tensed up.
"Should we open this?"
"Should we open it?"
Firefighters used tools to pry open the coffin. As the lid was lifted, the person lying inside was revealed.
The person was dressed in clean clothes, a cell phone on their person, pale-faced but with an extremely peaceful expression.
Hu Tu leaned closer and whispered, "Dad?"
At that moment, the atmosphere was so tense you could hear a pin drop. Everyone stared intently at the person in the coffin.
One second, two seconds…
the person's eyes remained tightly closed.
Hu Tu's tears instantly streamed down his face. He cried, "Dad, why are you dead again! Waaah, it's all my fault for being late, Dad!"
He cried harder and harder, collapsing onto the coffin. Then, as he sobbed, his gaze met the open eyes inside.
Hu Tu: "…"
Hu Tu: !!
The next second, everyone saw Hu Tu, who was crying so hard he was about to collapse, actually collapse, his body going limp, and he fell to the ground.
Everyone was shocked and was about to help him up when a voice came from inside the coffin:
"Huh? It's dawn?"
Then a figure sat up from the coffin, yawning, "What a good sleep!"
Strangely, the rooster next door, usually so noisy, hadn't crowed today, allowing him a peaceful night's rest.
Just then, Mr. Hu turned his head and met the subtle, almost frightened expressions of the group around him.
"?" Mr. Hu looked bewildered: "You guys, are you watching me sleep?"
What's wrong with you?
The others: No, we're witnessing a corpse come back to life…
This corpse, no, this person, is actually alive?!
A few seconds later, Mr. Hu, inside the coffin, suddenly screamed, "Waaaaah, where am I?!"
"Damn it, how did I end up in a coffin?!"
"Aaaaaah! Am I seeing ghosts? Are you all ghosts? No, no, no, I must be dreaming, it's all a dream, an illusion!!"
Everyone watched as Mr. Hu jumped and scurried around the grave mound in a short time, his face turning deathly pale with fright, before finally lying back down in the coffin, muttering to himself, "I'm dreaming, I'm dreaming. "
Everyone: "..."
Netizens: [This family, they really are a family!]
There's an abstract beauty to it all.