Chapter 523: The True Meaning of 'Bafflingly Awesome', Aoandon's Strange Ideas
Lucifer's mind spun, tangled in the dark implications of the legendary contract Modeus had casually dropped into conversation. Every time she turned the details over in her head, a fresh wave of dread settled heavy in her stomach. Paired with Justice's earlier, far too cheerful explanation, the Queen of Hell realized with horrifying clarity that she had dug a massive, inescapable pit for herself.
Nakiri Mana tilted her head, observing the demon queen's erratic pacing. "Lucifer, you've been stopping and starting for the past ten minutes. Is something wrong?"
Lucifer rubbed her temples, trying to ward off an impending headache. "What do you think Modeus is doing right now?"
Somewhere far away, a certain lustful demon let out a breathy, satisfied sigh.
Justice flashed a brilliant, carefree grin. "Don't sweat it. You really don't need to worry about her. Modeus was bound to have this day sooner or later. Knowing her, she's probably already living up to her demonic title."
Lucifer let out a long, exhausted breath. "I just feel like I've completely screwed myself over..."
"Hahaha! It's a small matter, a tiny detail!" Justice laughed, clapping her firmly on the back. "Eh? Wait, where are you dragging me?"
Lucifer shot her a playful glare, her anxiety momentarily fading. "To pick out some actual civilian clothes for you!"
Justice stroked her chin, feigning deep thought. "Ren isn't here! If you had told me earlier, I wouldn't have let that girl Modeus drag him away."
Lucifer raised a delicate eyebrow. "What is that supposed to mean? What exactly were you planning to do?"
"Huh? What else?" Justice shrugged, her tone entirely matter-of-fact. "I'd let Ren pick my outfits, obviously. I trust his taste completely. I might even get so swept up in it that I wouldn't know which way is up."
Nami leaned in, whispering with a knowing smirk. "In a way... if you actually let Shopkeeper Ren pick your wardrobe, Lady Justice... I have a strong feeling your entire style is going to undergo a drastic shift."
Justice considered this for a second before nodding in approval. "Hmm, that makes perfect sense. As expected of Nami, your observations are as sharp as ever. Girls really should learn the fine art of speaking."
A few minutes later, a chorus of gasps echoed through the boutique's fitting area.
"Justice! How on earth did you get a physique like that?!" Lanterby cried out, her eyes wide as she took in the demon's sculpted core. "I want abs like those!"
"Wow! As expected of Ren!" someone else chimed in. "Can he really handle someone as intensely cool as Justice?!"
"Even though I've seen her in action once before, I still have to say it..." Mana murmured, her eyes tracing the former High Prosecutor's toned frame. "Lady Justice is just too cool."
Ignoring the chattering crowd, Justice adjusted the collar of her new clothes. She turned blindly toward the mirror out of pure habit and gave a satisfied nod. "Unexpectedly, this suits me pretty well."
Lucifer crossed her arms, narrowing her eyes at the display of raw athleticism. "I am seriously beginning to suspect you were just working out the entire time you were supposed to be doing your job back in Hell."
"Huh? Don't misunderstand..."
Lucifer let out a breath of relief, thinking she had misjudged her oldest friend, until Justice flashed a cheeky grin and added, "I'm still working out now!"
"So you really were just slacking off during your shifts?!"
"Eh? Why would you say that? I worked incredibly hard, you know. Staying fit is just a simple hobby. Since when is maintaining a perfect body considered slacking off?"
Lucifer stared at her, completely lost for words.
Cerberus blinked her three sets of eyes, her ears twitching in unison. "Let me think... if we use Ren's vocabulary, this situation should be described as... bafflingly awesome?"
Lanterby let out a heavy sigh. "That is definitely not how you use the phrase 'bafflingly awesome'!"
"I know!" Cerberus chirped. "But this is the Ren version of bafflingly awesome!"
Justice turned her head, genuinely curious. "The Ren version? What does that mean?"
The rest of the girls leaned in, their interest piqued. Cerberus tapped her chin thoughtfully. "According to Ren, 'bafflingly awesome' means... you don't quite understand what just happened, but you still feel like it's incredibly impressive. Hence, bafflingly awesome."
Mana burst into a fit of elegant laughter, covering her mouth with a hand. "I feel like I need to re-evaluate my entire understanding of that phrase. But Cerberus, why do you remember his exact definition so clearly?"
"Because Ren said it about me!"
Lucifer's eye twitched dangerously. "You? What exactly did you do?"
Cerberus shrank back slightly, her voices dropping to a collective mumble. "It was nothing... just earlier... I told him I wanted to learn how to cook! Ren just commented that it was bafflingly awesome. He said he didn't quite understand why I suddenly wanted to learn how to cook—and to make crepes, of all things—but he felt my intense gaze was very impressive."
Lucifer's mouth formed a grim line. "Making crepes? Chocolate crepes?"
Cerberus nodded innocently.
In a flash, Lucifer closed the distance, pinching Cerberus's soft cheeks and pulling hard. "Have you learned absolutely nothing?!" she hissed, her voice dropping into a dark, threatening register. "You still dare to touch chocolate?! Are you out of your mind?!"
"I wasn't just learning that..." Cerberus whined through squished cheeks. "I wanted to learn other flavors too..."
Lucifer released her grip, exhaling a sharp breath. "In short, you are to stay far, far away from chocolate! No chocolate whatsoever! Do you hear me?!"
"I know, I know... I don't even want to eat it anyway..."
Mana watched the exchange with utter confusion. "What's wrong? Why won't you let Cerberus have chocolate? The child clearly loves sweets. Are you worried she'll ruin her teeth?"
Cerberus shook her heads violently. "I wouldn't eat chocolate even if it killed me!"
Lanterby stared in disbelief. "This has to be a fake Cerberus. I literally cannot imagine Cerberus refusing food, let alone hating something to this extreme extent."
Courage and the others nodded in silent agreement.
Justice tilted her head. "Lucifer, what actually happens to Cerberus?"
Lucifer rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Her eating the chocolate is fine in the moment. But shortly after, her stomach will cramp with a pain that mimics actual death, and absolutely nothing relieves it. Then she'll have diarrhea so violently she looks like she's on her literal deathbed."
Mana gasped, her hands flying to her cheeks. "Eh? Is it really that severe? Cerberus, have you tried eating higher quality chocolate? Was the one you ate expired?"
Lucifer sighed, her tone flat. "Of course not. Ren made it."
Mana froze, her culinary logic short-circuiting. "Then there's nothing more to say... Cerberus, you really are pitiful... But in that case... can you still eat cream?"
Cerberus perked up instantly, nodding vigorously. "Cream cake! Blueberry cake! Strawberry cake! And also—"
"Alright, that's enough," Lanterby interrupted, exasperated. "It seems Cerberus can eat literally everything in existence except chocolate. And it clearly has nothing to do with fat or sugar content."
Mana offered a sympathetic smile. "That really is a tragedy. Sweets made with chocolate are some of the best..."
Justice and Pandemonica exchanged a knowing look. They naturally understood the underlying biological reasons. But the fact that even high-tier demonic magic and healing spells couldn't cure the stomachache? That was genuinely outrageous.
Hiratsuka Shizuka took a long drag from her cigarette, exhaling a thin cloud of smoke before speaking in a deadpan voice. "It really matches the headwear you're sporting, Miss Cerberus. Dogs can't eat chocolate, right?"
Cerberus froze completely, her three bodies stiffening before she gave a slow, defeated nod.
Standing off to the side, Aoandon tilted her head, her mystical blue eyes gleaming with a sudden, dangerous curiosity. If Cerberus, a legendary Hellhound, couldn't handle chocolate... did that mean a mere Japanese Inugami couldn't eat it either?
Somewhere in the distance, an Inugami suddenly felt a terrible chill run down its spine.
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