The udon noodles were burnt, so You Shulang went to buy another bowl. Before leaving, he kindly asked Fan Xiao if he could be alone.
The man leaned against the door, seducing him with his eyes, and said in a faint voice: "How about Director You leave the suit to me?"
You Shulang thought for a while before saying "Fuck" softly, then went out to buy noodles.
When he came back, it was twenty minutes later. Fan Xiao looked normal, but when he turned his back there was still a cold and bitter look between his brows.
"Come and have some noodles."
You Shulang changed into home clothes, with cool water vapor between his fingers. He rinsed the tableware with running water and sat down on the side of the low table.
The round noodles were picked up in the spoon and handed to Fan Xiao's left hand. Fan Xiao took it and ate it, then waited for the next spoonful.
In the steam rising from the hot food, You Shulang's expression became a little softer, his eyes were gentle and there was an inexplicable tenderness in them.
He picked up the noodles: "When I was a kid, I saw a stray kitten that also had a broken leg. Now that I think about it, it looks a lot like you."
The gloom between Fan Xiao's brows faded a little, and he asked with a smile: "Was he saved by Director You?"
The noodles were placed on a spoon. "After feeding it a few times, it became very alert and would not let anyone get close to it. It is quite similar to you in this respect."
Fan Xiao was startled, then he moved his chair: "Am I not very close to Director You?"
A spoon was stuffed into his hand, and he heard the man opposite him change the subject: "Eat quickly, or it will become mushy again."
"Handsome?"
"Um?"
"The kitten."
You Shulang took the empty spoon, smiled and shook his head: "It's dirty and ugly, which is unlike you."
Fan Xiao leaned closer: "So, Director You is saying that I'm handsome?"
The room was dimly lit, and the aroma of noodles was strong, lingering in the air. The small space became cramped because of a joke, and the distance between people suddenly became crowded.
The noodles slipped from the chopsticks, splashing a few drops of soup.
You Shulang, the old Taoist, naturally had a hundred appropriate replies to break the ambiguous atmosphere, but... he swallowed the words back when they reached his lips.
At this moment, the gloom between Fan Xiao's brows had faded, and the pain he had been hiding had disappeared. He looked relaxed and lazy, with a playful look in his eyes, and he had become the bastard he usually was.
The noodle soup was simmering slightly, and You Shulang picked up another spoonful and acknowledged him softly, "Boss Fan is indeed very handsome."
The forum lasted for a whole day, with one session after another, and the participants had piles of materials in front of them, including the promotional brochure of Bohai Shuxin Oral Liquid.
Fan Xiao's seat was next to the window, and not far outside the window was the blue sea and blue sky. Even with the window closed, he could still hear the sound of the waves as they surged.
You Shulang exchanged seats with him and placed his nameplate at the window. One body position could not block the sound of the waves. Obviously, this was a stupid move. But he still saw Fan Xiao's slightly grateful eyes. You Shulang sighed in his heart and thought, let's just be stupid for once.
With a stiff back and tightly pursed lips, Fan Xiao's forehead was covered with a little sweat. There was no winter in S City, but it was not hot enough to make him sweat in this season.
The old dream came back with the sound of waves, roars and fear, the desperate situation with no way to escape, the rapidly rising sea water, the voices of "you must live", and the face sinking into the water...
His breathing became increasingly rapid, his fists clenched so tightly that his nails almost dug into his flesh. Fan Xiao wanted to find a dark place to curl up and abandon everything, including his own dirty and tired life.
Suddenly, his legs felt warm, and the warm body temperature poured into the cold flesh, like dry land encountering a stream of sweet spring water, flowing along the veins to all parts of the body, warming the stiff body bit by bit, and pulling Fan Xiao back from the torn illusion.
It was You Shulang. He slowly moved his legs towards Fan Xiao.
The overlapping illusions before his eyes gradually faded away, and Fan Xiao's eyes became clear again. He adjusted his breathing, waiting for the accidental collision to leave.
But he didn't. Instead of leaving, You Shulang's entire calf pressed against her. Under the conference table, two long legs pressed against each other, blending each other's body temperature through the material of their trousers.
This kind of consolation, which was similar to an affair, made Fan Xiao's heart tense. He looked at the man beside him. In his eyes, You Shulang was still sitting upright, his suit was straight, his shirt was neat, and his buttons were fastened all the way to his throat. He looked calm and restrained. Only his frequently fluttering eyelashes betrayed his nervousness and embarrassment at the moment.
Facing Fan Xiao's almost burning gaze, You Shulang looked straight ahead and said, "Listen carefully. This expert is very forward-looking."
Fan Xiao could hear the gentleness in the soft and gentle instructions, and he looked at the expert on the stage as he was told.
But it's hard to see clearly through the mist.
The forum lasted for a day, and there was a dinner after the meeting. Several people took the opportunity to promote new products. You Shulang was calm and professional, and Fan Xiao was able to control the situation, and the effect was very good.
Walking out of the banquet hall, the crescent moon was hanging low in the sky and the light of the lighthouse was surging on the sea, like a distant road with no destination.
Fearing that Fan Xiao would be provoked again, You Shulang urged: "Let's go back to the hotel."
Fan Xiao, on the other hand, did not move. He looked at the dark sea and spoke softly after standing there for a long time.
"Shulang, come with me to take a closer look." His voice was unusually hoarse, with edges and coldness.
"Are you sure?"
"You can't escape forever."
After hesitating for several times, Fan Xiao finally took a step forward and stepped onto the soft sand.
There were still some scattered tourists on the beach, in groups of three or four, and it was not noisy.
The fine sand was wrapped in the residual warmth of the sun, but it was blocked out by the leather shoes.
The sea surface, which crushed the starlight, seemed even deeper and darker. It was impossible to tell where the sea was and where the sky was. It was like the end of the universe, making people fearful for no reason.
The closer they got to the beach, the faster the man in front of them walked. The incoming waves extended to their feet, almost soaking Fan Xiao's shoes and socks.
You Shulang followed closely, walked to Fan Xiao's side, and grabbed him. He put his hand on his shoulder and found that the man was shaking violently.
"Fan Xiao! Stop!"
After hearing this call, his empty eyes regained some color. Fan Xiao raised the corners of his lips and smiled: "Why, are you afraid that I will commit suicide?"
You Shulang's hand slid down the man's shoulder and arm, clasping his wrist, and turned around and said, "If you want to desensitize, you can't be so impatient."
There were rattan chairs on the beach, and he sat down with the man. Fan Xiao was very obedient, letting others manipulate him like a puppet.
The two of them sat very close, with the tips of their shoes touching, and the corners of their clothes touching. Fan Xiao subconsciously moved closer to You Shulang, entering the intimate area.
You Shulang sat still, took out a cigarette and rubbed it between his fingers slowly. He slowly asked, "Have you never been to the beach since the accident?"
Fan Xiao nodded and shook his head: "After the accident, I received psychological treatment intermittently for several years. When I was 18, I felt that I was strong enough to face the past. At that time, I went to Pattaya, but I lost control just by hearing the sound of the waves before I saw the sea."
Fan Xiao rubbed his face with both hands, as if the bitterness deep in his heart had penetrated every inch of his skin. "Later, I received desensitization treatment, watching videos of the sea and listening to audio of the waves over and over again. But I was tired of not being able to control myself, and I didn't want to face that nightmare again and again, so I finally gave up."
He glanced at the dark sea, then quickly looked away, and said sadly to himself: "I have been running away all these years, like a coward."
"I don't dare to swim." You Shulang suddenly said in the dim light and shadow. His voice was slow and heavy, like a heavy weight hanging on his body. "Do you know why?"
Without waiting for a reply, he continued, "I used to be a good swimmer and an expert at catching fish. When I was a kid, my family was poor, so in the summer, we boys would go to the nearby ditch to cast traps and catch fish."
As his gaze extended along the sea surface, You Shulang seemed to see the time of his youth again: "Whoever lowered the trap farther and deeper would have a better harvest. At that time, there were only me and another boy in the slums who were good at swimming, so we caught more fish than others."
"I don't know why he thought of me as his competitor. He always looked down on me and bullied my brother. Then one time, he wanted to catch fish and put the trap too far down. When he went down to get it, his feet got tangled in the water plants."
"You went to save him?" There was a cold tone in Fan Xiao's voice.
"I saved him, but he almost dragged me into the water. He was already panicking at that time, holding on to me and restraining my hands and feet. Later, he was choked by a mouthful of water and fainted, so I dragged him to the shore."
Fan Xiao sneered and said nothing.
"Laugh at me for being a saint? But I'm really not that good." You Shulang held the cigarette in his mouth and tilted his head to miss the match that Fan Xiao had lit. "Smoking is prohibited on the beach, so I'll just take a bite for a while."
"I saved that man, but he didn't treat me well. He even accused me of stealing his catch." You Shulang looked at the crescent moon, his black hair scattered on his forehead, his eyelashes pressed down like crow feathers, covering up his heavy emotions. "A year later, he made the same mistake, but this time... I hesitated."
It was late at night, and the tourists had dispersed. The beach suddenly became eerily quiet, and even the sound of the waves became distant. You Shulang said slowly, "I stood on the shore and watched him struggle and call for help, and watched his head go up and down in the water. The feeling of being bound and sinking a year ago suddenly suffocated me again."
His superior jawline made him look elegant and distinguished. The man bit his cigarette butt and said, "So you asked me if I would lend a helping hand to others in times of disaster. I said I don't know."
"Is he dead?" Fan Xiao asked.
"No. I still went down to save him, but I hesitated for a while." You Shulang took out a match from Fan Xiao's pocket and lit a cigarette, breaking the rules for the first time. "Although he didn't die, he became stupid because his brain was deprived of oxygen for too long due to drowning."
"Afterwards, his parents came to thank me and almost knelt down to kowtow to me. Since then... I have stopped swimming."
"Do you think you're the reason he became stupid? Would he be healthy if he had those two more minutes?" Fan Xiao's thin lips curled up slightly, revealing a hint of sneer. "Oh, there are two possibilities. He's not stupid, but dragged you down to become a water ghost; or you saved him, and he turned against you again."
You Shulang smiled softly, somewhat helplessly: "Fan Xiao, can you please say something to comfort me?"
The evening breeze was salty and moist, gently lifting my hair.
"You Shulang." Fan Xiao's call was as soft as white sand.
"Um?"
"You are indeed a good man."
"…"
You Shulang smiled, looked at Fan Xiao, and slowly said, "You said we shouldn't decide life and death for others, but I think as long as he is still alive, there will always be someone to tell him that this world is not bad, it is beautiful."
The voice is deep, calm and gentle, gently lingering around the heart.
"So," Fan Xiao looked back at You Shulang, "you are that person?"
"The one who told me that the world wasn't such a bad place?"
You Shulang rarely avoided Fan Xiao's eager gaze. "I just want to tell you that everyone has old wounds in their hearts that they don't want to look at. Since you don't want to look at them, why do you have to force yourself to open the wounds again and again? It's not shameful to escape, nor is it a cowardly act. If we can't see the sea, we won't look at it. If we can't swim, we won't swim."
"Fan Xiao," You Shulang stood up and held out his hand, "Let's go back to the hotel, close the windows and lock the door, then we won't be able to hear this damn sound of the waves."
The sea breeze blew gently, blowing his shirt. The moonlight poured in from behind You Shulang, making him look like an apostle walking on the clear light.
But at this moment, Fan Xiao had only one thought in his mind, to pull this person down from the altar, to dirty and destroy him, and to imprison him as his own exclusive property!
He took that hand and asked hoarsely, "Go back to the hotel and lock the door. What are you doing?"
A dirty joke that all men can understand.
You Shulang's expression changed slightly. He put down his cigarette, shook off Fan Xiao's hand, and said as he turned around: "Fuck you."