You Shulang pushed open the bathroom door. He had moved into this room for nearly a month, but today he re-examined every corner.
He walked to the mirror and looked at himself in the mirror. He didn't look very good, and he was depressed and irritable.
What did he do in this bathroom yesterday?
The finger bones that were gripping the sink gradually bulged, the joints turned blue and white, and You Shulang's body trembled slightly.
Yesterday, he read by himself here for the first time after being separated from Fan Xiao for nearly two months.
Turning his eyes, he seemed to see himself in the mirror 24 hours ago...
The figure turned on the shower, and mist from the hot water began to flow in the small space.
He took off his clothes and stood naked in the water column. He gathered his hair, which was soaked by the hot water, behind his forehead. He supported himself against the wall with one hand and let the other hand flow down along his scalding skin along the water flow...
Slowly, in addition to the sound of flowing water, there were also some ambiguous sounds trapped in this small space.
It sounded suppressed and hoarse, not like joy.
I did it for a long time, so long that my arms began to feel numb and the corners of my eyes were steamed red by the heat, but it still seemed like something was missing. I was always hovering at the critical point, but never approaching the threshold of explosion.
You Shulang was furious and didn't care about anything. But in the end, it was useless. Apart from pain, it didn't bring any pleasant experience.
Finally gave up. The water flowed down the drooping hair and dripped in front of his eyes, covering up the man's sad and self-deprecating smile.
What did Fan Xiao bring to him? In addition to deception and harm, there was also a body that was broken.
Now, he can no longer obtain the happiness that belongs to a man through simple means.
"Fuck!" You Shulang punched the slippery wall with his fist. After a moment, he raised his hand hesitantly, dipped his fingertips in a little bath gel, and reached behind himself...
The memories were forced to end. The water pipe hanging above the sink was suddenly unscrewed, and cold water rushed out with strong water pressure. You Shulang scooped up a handful of water and splashed it on his face. When he looked in the mirror again, there was a hint of anger in his eyes.
He still remembered Fan Xiao's expression just now, as if he was looking at a toy with a unique label on it that he was holding in his hand.
"Don't you think you can only feel good if you get fucked?"
The man's humiliation was direct and sharp. You Shulang felt like a clam shell pried open by a sharp blade, revealing the most private inside, with nowhere to escape. And the fragile and tender soft flesh was not wrapped in expensive pearls, but in the dirty desires that embarrassed and disgusted him.
He suddenly remembered the isolation and bullying he suffered when his sexual orientation was exposed in high school. The obscure or blatant scrutiny from all around, the deliberate or unintentional contempt and insults, the bullying with malice or just for fun.
Those years were extremely difficult, but not even a fraction of what he was enduring now. This was the first time in all these years that You Shulang felt like he couldn't hold on, the first time he felt discouraged in a difficult situation, and the first time he didn't dare to look forward to the future.
Fan Xiao is the biggest gamble in his life. His handsomeness, gentleness, enthusiasm, even fragility and unpredictability, all become the charm to seduce You Shulang.
Even the most self-restrained person could not resist the premeditated attack. You Shulang allowed himself to fall into it step by step, and fell into the malicious web woven by Fan Xiao with his desperate love.
I really look like a joke, You Shulang thought.
He didn't look at Fan Xiao, but looked over the man's shoulder at the lights in the building opposite. In those windows, there were occasional blurry figures moving around. In every warm light, there was a happy home and some happy people.
That's great. But the light is too far away from me.
"Congratulations to Mr. Fan for storing another restricted video in his computer." You Shulang smiled lightly, "Do you understand? If not, I will perform it for Mr. Fan on the spot."
Fan Xiao had already prepared himself for a beating, and even tensed his muscles when You Shulang made a slight move. But now he received such a nonchalant ridicule, and he frowned slightly, suddenly feeling that he was not worthy of a beating.
"Shu Lang..."
"Do you need it?" You Shulang's eyes turned cold. "If you don't need it, please go back."
He pushed Fan Xiao away, his tone already a little impatient: "I'm tired today, let's move tomorrow. I don't mind you peeping for another night."
"Also," he walked into the living room and poured some wine into the glass, "I will go to Changling to resign tomorrow. You can do whatever you want. People always have to pay the price for their actions, including me and Mr. Huang."
"Of course." You Shulang drank the wine in one gulp, "Including you, Fan Xiao."
"Are you going to give up Changling? Give up your teacher?" Fan Xiao's tone was filled with impatience due to miscalculation.
"Fan Xiao, you don't seem to understand one thing." You Shulang's expression was indifferent, and his deep eyes were calm. "The sin is not mine. All this has nothing to do with me."
He walked to the entrance and opened the door: "Fan Xiao, I am not the Bodhisattva you mentioned. I can't even save myself, how can I save others?"
"Although until now, I still don't know why you have such great malice towards me. But it doesn't matter, nothing else matters." He tilted his head, "Please go in, Mr. Fan."
The sky was getting darker, and only the bedroom in the house was lit. The light leaked out from the door, gradually weakening, and by the corner of the living room, it was no longer enough.
Fan Xiao stood in that dark corner, his dark eyes and eyebrows blending into the night, making him unclear. He stood there in silence for a long time before he said, "Nothing matters anymore?"
At this moment, his voice no longer contained the panic and impatience from before. It was like the waves rolling in the night, low and dangerous: "Does everything include me?"
"Fan Xiao, I don't have time to play word games with you, nor do I want to argue with you. You only have two choices now, either get out by yourself, or I will make you get out by force." The door was opened a little more, and You Shulang became more annoyed. "But I really don't have the mood to beat you up right now, so please, Mr. Fan, do me a favor and get out by yourself."
In the past, You Shulang rarely spoke harshly, and even when he was annoyed or angry, he would maintain good manners. He indulged Fan Xiao more than he restricted him. Before the two of them were together, You Shulang had never said a harsh word to Fan Xiao. Since they confirmed their relationship, Fan Xiao enjoyed all of You Shulang's tenderness and tolerance without any taboos.
But now, the man opposite was full of disgust and impatience. This made Fan Xiao, the perpetrator, suddenly feel aggrieved.
He had never tasted defeat before, and for the first time he felt great anxiety and panic. He subconsciously touched the watch on his wrist, which was another habit he formed after his Four-Faced Buddha was thrown into the trash can by You Shulang.
The watch was given by You Shulang, who said at the time that he hoped he would be happy all the time. But now, You Shulang's biggest wish is to get out of here in disgrace!
I don't care whether I'm happy or not, I don't even care about myself anymore!
He once said that he would love me all his life, on a beautiful night.
Afterwards, Fan Xiao said "I love you" thousands of times, and then asked You Shulang: "Will you always love me?"
The man held a cigarette, stared into his eyes, and said in the most affectionate tone Fan Xiao had ever heard: "As long as you still need my love, as long as you still love me."
But now everything has changed.
You Shulang no longer cares about his own needs, let alone his own feelings.
The hand in his sleeve slowly clenched into a fist. In the dim light and shadow, Fan Xiao lowered his eyes and pursed his lips. He walked towards the door step by step, stepped out of the threshold according to You Shulang's wishes, and before the door closed, he left a sentence without much care: "Director You seems to want to stop caring about it. Do you still need me to say hello to your brother for you?"
You Shulang frowned suddenly: "What do you mean?!"
"It's nothing, it's just that your brother is now my personal property consultant." Fan Xiao leaned back halfway into the door and whispered in You Shulang's ear, "I'll turn off all the cameras, Director You, you can have a good sleep tonight."
Footsteps were heard in the corridor, and every step Fan Xiao took seemed to step on You Shulang's heart!