Did you ever think… that night would be the last night?
The night you lost your mind?
When your mind couldn't take it anymore, and your heart chose to let go of everything —
to end, to cut off, to stop the torment, the anger that smoldered in your chest.
The phone was still on.
The song you liked was still playing.
The words in the letter on the table were still there —
but the person who needed to hear it couldn't hear it anymore.
The dog barked loudly, the sound of small feet running,
but for a long time, no sound reached you.
Mom came home with a bad feeling.
She was exhausted after her overtime shift just to give you a present for your eighteenth birthday.
She opened the door, the dog rushed straight to your room as if to warn you,
but Mom didn't rush to believe the fear that was rising in her chest.
Then the door opened.
And her world collapsed in a bottomless fall.
My breath was gone.
She screamed, calling me back, calling until her throat was burning…
but all the words came too late.
My friends received the news, didn't believe it, then ran over in panic —
but all that was left was a cold void.
The people who had bullied me stood there with a feeling of guilt choking their hearts,
apologizing hundreds of times in their heads, wishing they could come back,
wishing I was still here to hear them say "sorry" once.
But I was no longer there to hear.
My father sat motionless, his beer glass on the table unfinished.
He didn't know how to express his love,
he only knew that now, that love had no place to be sent.
My mother no longer had the strength to cry,
no longer had the strength to speak, no longer had the strength to eat.
She just wanted to be by my side, next to the little figure that had grown in her arms.
The two people used to be far apart in thoughts, in everything…
but before me, they stood next to each other like soul mates.
People say time will heal all wounds —
but there are pains that just lie still, not healed.
The world still turns, the sun still rises,
but without me, that house is immersed in a thick layer of fog.
They don't sleep, don't eat, just afraid that if they close their eyes,
the moment you left will repeat itself again.
And maybe, if I could look back from somewhere,
I would see my mother give up alcohol to replace my father,
my father willingly say things he never said,
friends running to hug each other and crying,
those who hurt me standing there with regrets heavy as chains.
I created a cruel change by disappearing.
A change that everyone wishes I didn't have to pay for with myself.
If I could turn back, just one step,
just one breath slower —
everyone would have begged me to come back,
so desperately that their hearts would stop.
But my room was silent now.
The music was off.
The lights were off.
There was no one there —
except the memories of those who loved me,
and the pain they would carry with them for the rest of their lives.