The first riff was reality-warping.
But the second?
The second was Ork-Cataclysmic.
Green lightning ignited the sky as the Goff Rockers roared with renewed energy. Erik nodded to the boss, stepped up to the mic, and all hell broke loose.
The drums thundered.
The chainblade-guitar shrieked.
The amps howled with living necrotic fire.
And then, with a stomp that cracked the ridge beneath them, The song began.
For once the Orks were synchronized, a feat almost thought impossible.
__________
(Song - Warhammer 40k song - 'Guns of WAAAGH!' by Colm R. McGuinness. A MUST LISTEN)
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
Every Ork on the battlefield froze, nostrils flaring, ears twitching like radar dishes.
WAAAGH-energy surged.
Then, as one, "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH YEAH!!!"
The entire Ork horde went into overdrive.
Trukks roared to life without drivers.
Dakkaguns began firing in rhythm.
Stormboyz accidentally achieved jet-assisted breakdancing midair.
A Weirdboy screamed as green electricity surged through him.
"DA WAAAGH… IZ SINGIN', LADZ!"
All around him, Orks inhaled sharply as if receiving a holy prophecy.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
And then Erik belted out the first verse.
"The Mekboy's banging hammers, the trucks are roaring loud
The boys all have their banners as they're tearing through the crowd
Big Mek is roaring engines, the Stormboyz moving fast
The truck-crew rams their men, now this is fit to be their last"
The music hit the Orks like a divine vision from Gork & Mork themselves.
Mekboyz immediately began upgrading their weapons mid-fight using only hammers, spit, and blind enthusiasm.
Stormboyz launched straight up, rocketing with such speed they caught fire.
Trukks rammed through Tyranids with twice the force, because the lyrics told them to.
It was power through suggestion, and Orks were nothing if not suggestible.
(POV - Guardsman)
Guardsmen stared in open horror as Orks doubled in speed, fury, AND volume.
"Emperor preserve us, they're powering up!"
A Commissar raised his sword.
"Hold the line!"
Then the next lines hit:
"The Imperium of Man, we'll purge them from the land
The Eldar will fall by the strength within our hands
The Tyranids, we'll stomp all their bones into the sand
So come on, we're off to war and—"
The entire Imperial line visibly deflated.
A Cadian sergeant muttered.
"If the lyrics call us out specifically… we're screwed, aren't we?"
The Commissar nodded somberly.
"Yes."
(POV - Eldar)
A Farseer screamed as she felt the psychic shockwave.
"THE ORKS HAVE MANIFESTED A MUSICAL PROPHECY!
THIS IS NOT ONE OF THE FUTURE'S I FORSAW!"
A Warp Spider paused mid-teleport.
"Wait, they mentioned us in the hymn?!"
All Eldar collectively agreed: Time to leave.
(POV - Tyranids)
The Tyranids… Immediately formed ranks.
To the beat.
The Hive Mind was not pleased.
—THEY ARE TAUNTING US THROUGH VOCALIZED AGGRESSION—
—THIS IS PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE—
—ADAPT—ADAPT—ADAPT—
All across the swarm, backs split open as even more sonic organ-pipes grew.
It didn't help.
The Orks were too loud.
(POV - Erik)
Erik rolled into the chorus, and Orks everywhere exploded into synchronized violence.
"So let's go, me boys, wе roll into the void
Whatever stands within our path, prеpare to be destroyed
So let's go, me lads, we're tearing through the stars
The waaagh's begun, so grab yer gun and show 'em who we are"
The ground shook.
The sky split.
The WAAAGH flared like an erupting volcano.
A single Guardsman summed up the situation,
"We're dead."
"Ley-ley-ley-ley-ley-ley-ley-ley-ley
Ley-ley-ley-ley-ley-ley-ley-ley-ley
Ley-ley-ley-ley-ley-ley-ley-ley-ley
Ley-ley-ley-ley-ley-ley-ley-ley-ley"
This was the worst part.
Because Orks all across the battlefield chanted it too.
Perfectly.
Thousands of throats bellowing "LEY-LEY-LEY—" in unison created enough psychic pressure to bend reality.
A Tech-Priest watching from afar screamed,
"THEY'RE CREATING A MUSICAL WARP RESONANCE!"
A Weirdboy exploded into green flame, laughing.
Orks were glowing.
Weapons were glowing.
The air crackled with pure, weaponized enthusiasm.
Even Lady Death raised an eyebrow.
"…They might blow up this planet," she said calmly.
Erik grinned and kept playing.
"He sent yis' here, the coward upon his golden chair
Says "take their heads", the Warboss with our sluggers in the air
Go send us all yer Kriegsmen, or Cadians on the field
And watch them fall, we'll crush them all beneath our iron wheels"
Imperial morale hit absolute zero.
Kriegsmen stared emotionlessly as they realized the lyrics specifically invited their deaths.
Cadians just watched quietly. Fear long forgotten.
A Commissar muttered, "Emperor… we can't even argue.
They do crush us with wheels."
(POV - Necrons)
When their verse hit—
"The Necrons, our oldest enemies of all
Load the guns and start the trucks, don't stop until they fall"
A Tomb World woke up prematurely.
A Cryptek, confused, checked sensors.
"Are the greenskins… threatening us through ritualized sound?"
A Monolith vibrated ominously.
(POV - Chaos)
When Erik hit,
"The sons of chaos, why do we not like those ones?
Ugh, they're not us, I knew it was something like that, that'll do"
A Thousand Sons sorcerer sputtered.
"THAT'S NOT EVEN A REASON!"
A World Eater shrugged, "Yeah, but it's Orks. It checks out."
A Keeper of Secrets hissed, "I AM FEELING… INSULTED."
(POV - Orks
The chorus thundered again, twice as strong, fueled by every Ork's joy:
"So let's go, me boys, we roll into the void
Whatever stands within our path, prepare to be destroyed
So let's go, me lads, we're tearing through the stars
The waaagh's begun, so grab yer gun and show 'em who we are"
The WAAAGH peaked.
A literal green shockwave blasted outward, flattening forests, vaporizing spore clouds, and launching Tyranids into orbit.
Stormboyz blasted high enough to hit low orbit before crashing back down screaming "WAAAAAAGH!"
Every faction panicked.
Every single one.
Even the Warp flinched.
__________
(POV - Khorne)
The Warp trembled.
Not metaphorically. Not spiritually. Literally. The Immaterium itself started vibrating like someone had strapped it to a subwoofer the size of a moon.
And somewhere inside that infinite madness, atop a throne of skulls stacked high enough to blot out galaxies, Khorne slowly lifted his horned head.
A river of blood paused mid-flow.
A burning daemon engine froze mid-scream.
A Bloodthirster stopped sharpening its axe.
All because Khorne was… confused?
"WHO," his voice boomed across the infinite warp, "IS PLAYING THAT NOISE?"
A skull-bearing servitor daemon shuffled up, terrified and melting slightly from just getting close.
"L-Lord Khorne, the Orks appear to be… performing music…"
Khorne leaned forward.
The sound bled into his realm. A roaring, impossible hymn of WAAAGH-energy, Erik's eldritch symphonics, Lady Death's necrotic resonance, and the Goff Rockers playing instruments that by all logic should have exploded already.
The lyrics thundered across the Warp like a battle hymn written by a madman with a concussion and several rocket engines strapped to his back…
No literally, with some unknown miracle an ork, laughing like it's the proudest day of his life. Was drifting in the warp with a massive speaker strapped to his back. Surrounded by a dark translucent bubble protecting him from the warp.
(How he will ever get back, only the gods will know… RIP Bratha')
Khorne listened, and watched the anomaly happening in front of him.
'The Mekboy's banging hammers, the trucks are roaring loud…'
The skulls on his throne vibrated with every beat.
The rivers of gore rippled in perfect rhythm.
A nearby Bloodthirster tried headbanging accidentally…
His skull fell off.
Khorne muttered the closest thing he had to a compliment:
"Hmph. At least they're LOUD."
And though he would never admit it, the beat was… catchy.
__________
(POV - Emperor)
Far, far away, sitting immobile on the gigantic techno-relic known as the Golden Throne, the Emperor of Mankind experienced something unusual.
He frowned.
Not because of Chaos.
Not because of Orks.
Not because of the constant dull screaming of a thousand psykers being immolated per day.
No.
He frowned because, for the first time in ten thousand years, someone was making MORE noise in the Warp than the Imperium's bureaucracy.
A Custodian ran into the Throne Room, helmet tucked under his arm, panting.
"MY LORD! Something is happening in the Warp!"
"I know," the Emperor replied telepathically, voice echoing through the Custodian's mind, weak enough not to kill him. "It sounds like, a band of Orks, a human of unusual power, yet oddly familiar… and,"
He paused.
"is that… Lady Death?"
The Custodian blinked. "My lord, the Lady?"
"I wasn't aware she was dating."
A pause.
Then, in a very small voice, the Custodian asked:
"Should we intervene?"
The Emperor looked out through the Warp, observing the battlefield where Imperial Guard regiments were staring at the Orkish stage-show in sheer, existential horror.
He watched a Guardsman throw his lasgun down and yell:
"I AM NOT PAID ENOUGH FOR WHATEVER THIS IS!"
He watched a Commissar try to execute the guardsman for cowardice but missed because the beat made him involuntarily tap his foot.
He saw a Lictor trying to stalk forward only to start involuntarily vibing to the ley-ley-ley-ley chant.
He saw a Bloodletter turn toward the sound and say aloud,
"WHAT IN THE NAME OF—"
only to be hit by a shockwave bass drop, flattening it instantly.
The Emperor sighed.
Then… impossibly, he chuckled.
Just once.
A single, golden, psychic chuckle that sent every psyker in the galaxy into a moment of bewildered happiness before they remembered they were still in the grim darkness of the far future.
"No," he declared. "Let them continue."
The Custodian blinked. "My lord?"
"This is the first entertainment this galaxy has produced since the Horus Heresy. Let the Orks… have their concert."
He leaned back.
"And pray they do not decide to do an encore."
__________
(Back on the Battlefield)
The Waaagh surged.
The music intensified.
Erik ripped into a guitar solo that bent space-time so hard a nearby Tyranid Warrior warped into a pretzel-shaped creature the Hive Mind immediately disowned.
Lady Death spun gracefully above the stage, turning kill-lasers and bio-plasma into sparkling lights.
The Goff Rockers screamed:
"SO LET'S GO, ME BOYZ!"
And the Orks answered with a planet-shaking:
"WAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
Chaos forces fled.
Imperials prayed.
Tyranids re-evaluated their food chain.
And somewhere in the Warp…
Khorne nodded along.
And on Terra.
The Emperor, for the first time in millennia, felt entertained.
__________
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Hey all, hope you had a fun Thanksgiving. Since i didnt get to post yesterday i tried to add a little more than usual. Kinda hard to do that when you already have certain sequences planned out.
Anyway I hope you liked it and leave a comment, seriously it keeps me going.
Any questions or concerns? (comment it here).