"The truth is... I couldn't face you..." My shoulders stiffened.
Hums from the vending machine filled the silence between my words.
"I thought—" My fingers trembled as my lungs hesitate.
A column of orange light spilled through the glass door from the rear exit nearby. They painted me, and her, in a warm shade that only made my heart struggle even harder.
"I thought my heart would combust... the moment I saw you—"
"Huh?—"
My hands rose to hide my face. "I can't help it..."
"That night... You looked so stunning... So lovely... Too lovely..." The words started to spill uncontrollably. "And after we had dinner, I was inches away from a cardiac arrest—so I ran..."
"W-Wait—"
"But if it makes you worry like this," I lowered my hands and gripped my knees. "Then I'll face a heart attack head on—"
Then—
A tug.
I raised my face over my shoulder to find her trembling fingers pinching the sleeve of my sweater, holding me in place.
"Slow down..." she whispered in a voice so soft I almost missed it. Her digi-pad shielded her face—flushed bright red, practically glowing under the dimming orange light.
Only then did it finally hit me—the ridiculous, raw, and absolutely mortifying things I had just spewed out.
The silence that followed between the two of us was overwhelming.
My whole body went absolutely stiff when her trembling fingers tightened their grip on my sleeve. And the only sounds that existed in that moment, were the faint hums of the vending machine, the trembling whispers of her breath, and the thunderous rumble of my pulse.
"...Ayase-san—"
She tugged. Her face still buried behind her digi-pad—bright red and glowing.
A small, brief inhale.
"Don't... say anything else..." She squeaked, faint and miniscule.
Her digi-pad lowered—slowly, hesitantly—showing the glowing, adorable mess that was her face. But her eyes peered elsewhere, anywhere else except my eyes.
"If you keep going..." She gripped her skirt. "You'll give me a heart attack..."
The words echoed endlessly in my mind, and my heart buckled.
Here,
Beside a vending machine,
At the corner of the hospital,
Practically isolated from the rest of the world,
Two fully grown adults,
Two functioning and active members of society,
Sat side by side,
Wearing faces absolutely scorching with embarrassment,
Suffering silently from cardiac arrest.
After an insufferably long beat, Ayase-san relaxed her grip. Just slightly, as if letting me go would make me disappear... again.
I lowered my hand, letting it land gently on the cushioned bench. "...Ayase-san..."
"You didn't need to avoid me..." She murmured.
My breath hitched.
"Don't avoid me..." Her voice trembled as her grip slipped down my sleeve.
"I don't want you to disappear again..." She whispered.
Her hand finally released my sleeve, landing gently beside mine.
"If your heart is going to combust..." Her eyes peeked at me from behind her hair.
"Then combust near me."
And combust, I did.
Ayase Risa.
A caramel haired nurse with the euphoric grace of an angel,
Had sent a five-hundred-kiloton Intercontinental Ballistic Missile,
Straight into my heart.
My face burned so hot it made me dizzy. And the faint warmth radiating from her hand—sitting just millimeters from mine—only added to the situation.
"So, Rion..." She whispered—quiet, shy, and meltingly soft. "Don't go anywhere... okay?"
I nodded.
For that was all I could manage.
Then,
Amidst the heat of my body,
The quiet hums of the vending machine,
The gentle embrace of late afternoon sunlight,
"Ayase-san..."
I shifted a finger closer to hers, brushing it ever so slightly. She twitched, startled by the gesture.
"If..." My lips trembled.
"If I hold your hand right now..." I lowered my gaze. "Would you pass out?"
Hesitantly, her hand shifted away, and I felt my heart physically drop.
"I..." She squeaked. Then shifted her hand back, letting her finger come into contact with mine. "I'll take the risk."
Something rippled, deep inside of me.
I lifted my trembling hand, and slowly, carefully, I slide it under hers. Her body curled as my hand squeezed on its own. A motion so natural, I did not recall any trace of effort.
A warm and fuzzy beat passed as she hesitate. Then—with a trembling breath—she squeezed back, fully acknowledging the presence of my hand around hers.
And everything stilled. The faint hums of the vending machine vanished into the edge of my awareness. The restless pounding inside my chest seized, though only for a moment.
Calm...
The only thing I could sense was...
Her hand,
Soft...
Warm...
Small...
Yet it fits perfectly on my hand.
Yes,
This...
This feels... right.
For a long moment... A long moment that I had wished could have lasted forever... We stayed, hand-in-hand, feeling each other's warmth in a quiet isolated corner, at the back of the hospital.
"Rion..." she breathed.
"...Yes?"
"I'm... still on my shift." She shifted her weight slightly—and strands of caramel fell from her ear, glinting in the light.
I stayed silent, just for a bit.
"Do you have to go?" The words came out softer than I intended.
She eased her hand. "Yes..."
I felt something compress, deep within my chest.
"But..." She squeezed my hand again—soft and gentle. "Let's stay like this..." She brushed the fallen strands back behind her ear.
"Just a little longer."
...
"Mm." I nodded, returning her gentle squeeze with my own.
***
The door hissed shut behind me, sealing the sterile hospital smell into my lungs. Mom sat propped up against a pile of pillows, a soft lamplight warming the corners of the room.
"Ah, Rion." She closed her book with a whisper. "You took your time."
I walked to her bedside—steady steps, a perfect mask. Except… she frowned. Even sick as she was, she caught the tiny hitch in my breathing.
"Everything alright, sweetheart?"
My fingers twitched. Then my hands. Then the tremble crawled up my arms until my whole chest felt like cracking glass.
"Mother…" My voice frayed.
Then my knees... simply gave out.
I hit the floor for the second time this week, harder than before. The impact rattled up my spine.
"Hah?! Rion?! Rion—again?! What happened?!"
I folded forward, hands gripping the cold tiles.
"Everything!" The word came out high and thin.
"Everything happened… all at once."