"I SAID: FUCK OFF, YOU FUCKED UP OLD MAN!"
As an ancient god, Fukurokuju was above average in power among the gods, and he was in shock because he was experiencing something he probably wouldn't ever experience again in his existence.
"H-huh?"
My situation, however, was a little different. I couldn't remember a moment in my life when my mind felt this clear.
"I SHOULD GRAB THAT STINKING WHITE BEARD OF YOURS AND #@₺&@*#..."
Without breathing, without pausing, I kept talking. After two minutes of pure verbal destruction, Fukurokuju finally started to come back to his senses—just in time for the surroundings to begin trembling like an earthquake as a response.
"DO YOU REALIZE WHO YOU'RE DISRESPECTING, BRAT!?"
"I couldn't be more aware, old man!"
He clearly didn't appreciate my words, because he grabbed me by the neck. His aura shifted; for a second I regretted it, but then every shitty moment of my life rushed back to me and that regret vanished instantly.
"Brat! Because of what you said to me, I could drag you to the deepest corner of hell."
As Fukurokuju lifted me into the air, his eyes gradually grew colder.
"If I wished, I could erase you instantly. Remove you from this universe. I'm giving you one last chance: Kneel, beg, and take the blessing. Then I'll allow you to continue living."
Since he was squeezing my throat, I couldn't talk—so I answered with sign language: both middle fingers raised, smiling.
Judging by the vein popping on his forehead, he got the message.
As I closed my eyes and accepted death, I drifted into thoughts. I wish I had at least gotten a girlfriend. Too late for regrets, I guess... Wait. Why am I not dead yet?
I opened my eyes in fear, and there she was—a graceful woman who looked like a mix between bamboo and human. She was holding Fukurokuju's wrist tightly and glaring at him with a cold expression. Her hair was green, her eyes golden, and her clothing seemed to be made of bamboo. Hold up—was this the cliché "super powerful beautiful woman who saves the protagonist" moment?
"What do you think you're doing, Fukurokuju?"
"I don't understand what you mean, Gaia."
Even her voice was stunning. Wait—Gaia? Wasn't that a powerful name in mythology?
"You know very well what I mean. You have no right to touch this innocent soul. Release him immediately."
She pulled Fukurokuju back by his wrist. Bamboo lady was icy cold; personally, I wouldn't want to be in the old man's position.
"Innocent? Did you hear what he said to me!? In all my existence, I've never been insulted like that!"
"It doesn't matter. You seem to have forgotten the council agreement. Don't you remember what will happen to you if you harm a soul?"
Hearing that, the old man let go of me with obvious frustration. Bamboo lady let out a small sigh, then smiled gently and approached me—and… hugged me. I was stuck between two mountains. Yup. This was life. Even if it happened after I died—worth it.
After a moment she gently released me and smiled while looking into my eyes.
"Hello, little soul. What's your name?"
"My name is Reiner, bamboo lady."
"Hahahah, I have a name, you know. I am Gaia—you may call me by name, Reiner. I was sent here by the Council of Gods because of your conflict with Fukurokuju."
"What do you mean by conflict, Gaia lady?"
I hesitated to call her by name right away. After all, she was my only line of defense at the moment—and being rude to a beautiful woman wasn't exactly good manners. Definitely not because I wanted to go back between those two mountains again.
"Where should I start… First, I want you to understand something, Reiner: we gods exist thanks to living beings. We call this karma. When someone does good or evil, the gods responsible for that soul are held accountable through karma points."
"I understand…"
Gaia continued with a smile. Her smile was beautiful… Wait! I need to focus on the topic!
"Great! All of this began when Fukurokuju presented an idea to the Council. That idea is you, Reiner. Everything you experienced was a part of this plan. At first, the Council rejected it; after all, giving a painful life to an innocent soul wasn't right. But Fukurokuju insisted that he could convince the suffering soul, and eventually persuaded them. And here we are."
As I took and drank the green tea that floated toward me, I realized the story ended faster than expected. Still, to understand properly, I summarized:
"So what you're saying is: if I don't agree to reincarnate, this old long-bearded fossil will suffer?"
"Not only will he suffer; your karma points will be transferred to Fukurokuju, and that will lead to his complete erasure. So please, take the blessing and be reborn. You lived a painful life, but Fukurokuju is not a bad person; thanks to both of you, so many children's lives were extended..."
As I drank my tea and stared into Gaia's eyes, she continued telling me about my contributions to humanity. I cut her off once I got bored and my tea was gone:
"I refuse."
"H-huh? x2"
"I said I refuse. To be honest, the idea is great. I could be reborn in a new world. I can't even count how many times I dreamed of that in that tiny room."
Gaia looked at me in shock, stuttering:
"W-Why won't you accept then?"
"Because the one who forced me to imagine things in that tiny room was that old bastard. I'm someone who looks to the past. Long story short, I hold a ridiculous amount of hatred toward him. And on top of that, as far as I understand, even if I don't reincarnate, I'll still have a good afterlife. Heaven is guaranteed, and once I'm there, the old man disappears. Two birds with one stone—perfect, right?"
Both of them stared at me blankly—guess they agreed with my logic. I wondered if they'd let me watch the old man vanish before I entered heaven… Wait, what does heaven even look like? As questions spun in my mind, Gaia gently held my hands with soft eyes.
"Reiner, I know you suffered a lot, but there's something I want you to understand. I didn't come here to prevent Fukurokuju from disappearing. I came here so you could have a new life."
As she looked at me, I sensed a look I'd seen many times before. The eyes that always watched me from behind the glass all had that same expression. I wasn't expecting this, so I froze for a moment.
"Excuse me?"
"I didn't come here for Fukurokuju, Reiner. I came for you. I am also a member of the Council of Gods, and I was one of the first to reject this idea when it was proposed. Because no matter how great the reward was, causing suffering to a soul is an unforgivable sin. But sadly, once the votes were enough, it was approved. And after that, all I could do was watch you."
She paused. As if she wasn't gathering words—she was gathering breath. Her grip on my hands tightened.
"A body that never saw the sun… Covered in wounds, pain, loneliness…
And despite everything, a soul that dreamed every single day. I watched you every day. Even in that tiny room, even as a child, even through pain… you never stopped dreaming. A hero, a farmer, a police officer."
"So what if you watched? Do you think I'll feel sympathy for you? Do you expect me to go: 'wow thanks for watching me, let's follow your plan'? Do you think I'm a child?"
Even though my voice was cold and I wondered how my face looked, Gaia's reaction didn't change. No—her smile grew even slightly.
"I didn't come here to save Fukurokuju. I came here… so you could live your dreams. Tell me, Reiner… After all that suffering, is there truly not a single dream left inside you? Because if you choose heaven… you'll never reach any of them. There will only be peace, silence, and an ending."
She tilted her head, her gaze softening.
"If you truly had the choice… would you still choose heaven?"
The only thing I learned from those 23 years of torture was how to dream. I dreamed of many lives, but all of them I learned because of what I was shown. I always wanted to see the world with my own eyes.
"Alright, I accept."
"AMAZING!!"
Gaia must have been excited, because she hugged me tightly again—and again, being between two mountains felt incredible. But I gently pushed her away.
"But that doesn't mean I accept the offer…"
"H-huh?"
Both of them looked at me confused now. I sat down on the chair in front of them, crossed one leg over the other, and smiled politely.
"Then let's begin negotiations."