The river water flowed with a rushing sound, and moonlight scattered across the surface, casting a shimmering glow.
As Haruki approached the river, a sense of panic welled up within him, his fingertips trembling slightly.
He raised his hand and stared at his shaking palm. He didn't even know why he was feeling like that.
Why was he like this?
Was he afraid?
What was he afraid of?
He stepped into the water. The river was neither deep nor shallow, reaching just above Haruki's thighs, yet his panic intensified with each step forward.
A sense of suffocation washed over him, his heart pounding violently, as if an invisible pair of hands were squeezing his throat. His breathing became short and rapid.
Haruki realized something.
He was afraid of water.
Why was he afraid of water? The question circled in his mind without answer.
Did something happen in his past?
Haruki pondered, closing his eyes and forcing himself to scoop up the icy river water with both hands to splash on his face. The shock of cold helped. The coolness calmed him considerably.
He steadied himself and looked back, realizing Shinobu was no longer visible from where she'd been standing.
Had she left already?
He had wanted to talk to her more and ask if he could take one of the Nichirin blades. It will definitely make his work easier.
Haruki then meticulously cleaned the dirt from his body, cleaning methodically despite the lingering unease. The water felt wrong against his skin, but he pushed through it.
- - -
Shinobu emerged from the forest path. She had gone back briefly to explain the precautions to the arriving Kakushi—which injuries needed immediate attention, which slayers should be monitored for concussions—then returned to check on Haruki.
The first thing she saw was Haruki, who had just changed into the new clothes. He was standing by the riverbank, looking somewhat lost as he fumbled with his belt.
Shinobu leaned in for a closer look and sighed.
"Haruki, you've tied your belt wrong."
"I have?"
"Yes. Here, let me fix it."
Shinobu untied the belt around Haruki's waist, and his clothes, which had been awkwardly tight in some places and loose in others, now hung open.
The scars on his body were more visible now, crisscrossing his chest and torso in a pattern that told stories of violence.
"I thought you had already left," Haruki said quietly.
Shinobu didn't reply immediately. She was focused on the belt, but her eyes kept drifting to those scars. Each one raised questions she wasn't sure she should ask.
Haruki's golden hair was still damp, occasionally dripping water droplets that slid down his neck.
Due to the cold water, a slight flush colored his pale face, making him look younger somehow, more vulnerable.
His clear blue eyes stared at her, waiting. He had wanted to learn how to tie the belt properly, but Shinobu seemed distracted. Finally, Haruki asked,
"What's wrong? Is it difficult?"
Shinobu snapped out of her thoughts, quickly tying the belt into a proper knot, then let go and said, trying to cover her distraction, "I was just thinking about the best way to tie it. There, all done."
"Oh..." Haruki sounded disappointed.
Shinobu had tied it too quickly. He hadn't learned anything from watching.
For a moment, both fell silent. Insects and birds chirped in the forest, the evening breeze rustled the branches, and the river water made its constant rushing sound.
Haruki then sat on a large boulder near the riverbank. After a moment, Shinobu sat down beside him.
Haruki thought for a moment, then looked at Shinobu and said, "I remembered some things."
Shinobu's attention was instantly focused, and she smiled gently, turning to face him properly. "That's wonderful, Haruki! What did you remember?"
Haruki was silent for a moment before speaking.
"It's not good."
"Eh?" Shinobu blinked, unsure how to respond to that. "What do you mean it's not good?"
Why isn't he happy about remembering things? Were they bad memories?
"I'm afraid of water," Haruki said simply, as if that explained everything.
"You're afraid of water?" Shinobu repeated, processing this information. "Did something happen with water?"
Haruki nodded slowly. "Midway through cleaning, a memory appeared in my mind."
Haruki nodded slowly. "Midway through cleaning, a memory came back."
He paused, his hands clenching slightly as the images flickered through his mind.
His younger self was pinned underwater, cold water filling his nose and mouth. It was dark, and he couldn't breathe.
Survival instinct kicked in and he thrashed desperately, fighting against the grip. Water flooded his lungs, burning as it went down, but that hand pressing on his head wouldn't let go.
Just when unconsciousness started creeping in at the edges of his vision, he was yanked up for air. One breath, maybe two, before he was shoved back under. Over and over.
Eventually he was tossed aside like trash, left to lie there coughing and choking as water poured from his mouth.
leisurely took out a handkerchief to wipe away the water stains. Then he crouched beside the small, gasping body, his voice low and satisfied: "This is what happens when you don't listen. Just be an obedient dog. Why make it so difficult for yourself? Still want to defy me?"
His younger self had lunged up without warning and bit down hard on the man's wrist, sinking his teeth in until blood came.
After struggling free, the man had grabbed a nearby whip and lashed it violently through the air, striking his body.
"That's..." Shinobu started, then stopped, unsure what to say.
"These are the only things I remembered," Haruki concluded. "These are not good memories."
"Haruki..." After hearing Haruki's account, Shinobu felt sympathy mixed with anger at whoever had done this to him.
Were the scars on his body also injuries from his past? How much did he suffer?
Haruki shifted slightly, lowering his head closer to Shinobu, like a child seeking comfort but not quite knowing how to ask for it.
Shinobu couldn't help but compare him to the three troublemakers at the mansion—Sumi, Kiyo, and Naho—when they had nightmares. She did what she usually did for them: her small hand reached up to touch his still damp golden hair, gently smoothing it down in soothing motions.
"Haruki, perhaps sometimes forgetting is a good thing, you know?"
Haruki was quiet, listening.
"If you can forget bad things, maybe you should let them go. If all your past memories are painful ones, it might be better not to remember them at all." Her voice was gentle. "There's no rule that says you have to remember everything."
Not remember? Abandon past memories?
Haruki closed his eyes, feeling Shinobu's touch. It was so warm, so reassuring. It reminded him of something important, though he couldn't quite grasp what.
He was very familiar with this feeling. It was the same as the voice he could sometimes hear in his mind—the one whose face he couldn't see but whose presence he could always feel. That person had also gently stroked his head like this.
He had a strong feeling that person, buried somewhere in his subconscious, was someone important he shouldn't forget. Someone who made everything else bearable.
Even if the past was painful, if that person existed within it, then it was worth remembering. He was sure of it.
"No," Haruki said quietly but firmly. "I want to remember. I need to remember."
Shinobu's hand paused in his hair. "And why is that, Haruki?"
"I have a person I cannot forget."
"A very good... very good person."
There was more emotion in those words than Shinobu had heard from him in weeks.
"Is that so?" Shinobu withdrew her hand and shifted her position, bending her knees, hugging her ankles, and resting her head on her knees as she looked at the distant river. "I see."
She was quiet for a moment, thinking.
"I thought so too, you know. I thought there must have been someone in your past who was especially kind to you. Otherwise, Haruki wouldn't be the way you are."
"What do you mean?" Haruki asked, genuinely confused.
"Kind," Shinobu said simply. "You protect people. You don't eat them, even when you're hungry. Those aren't things demons typically do." She smiled at him, warmer than her usual practiced expression. "Someone taught you to be good. Someone loved you."
Haruki absorbed these words slowly.
"It's wonderful that Haruki could meet such a person," Shinobu continued. "Even if you can't remember their face yet, the important things they taught you are still there. That's what matters."
"Mm," Haruki agreed softly.
The young man's tone was not as empty as usual. There was a hint of something warm in his voice—not quite happiness, but close to it. Relief, perhaps. Hope.
His usually expressionless face softened, and the corners of his mouth turned up slightly in what could almost be called a smile.
When Haruki smiled, his eyes curved just a little, and the blue of his irises seemed brighter, clearer.
The wind ruffled his golden hair, still slightly damp from the river.
So this is what Haruki looks like when he smiles, Shinobu thought. He should do that more often. He looks less like a demon and more like the boy he probably used to be.
"You should smile more often, Haruki," Shinobu said aloud, her tone taking on a teasing quality. "It suits you better than that blank stare you usually have."
"Blank stare?" Haruki touched his own face, confused.
"Yes, that one. The one you're making right now." Shinobu couldn't help but laugh a little. "You look like you're always trying to solve a very difficult problem."
"I am," Haruki said seriously. "I'm trying to understand things."
"Well, you don't have to understand everything all at once," Shinobu said. "Understanding comes with time. For now, just focus on remembering the good person you're searching for."
"Okay," Haruki said.