The moment he said that, Makarov was left speechless, just glaring at Kabe with bulging eyes.
Erza took the two tails that were their only spoils of the day from Kabe's hands and set them on the counter in front of Makarov.
"Master, we only ran into two Grian today. The job will have to continue."
Makarov did not seem surprised at all. He had expected this from the start.
"That is normal, this is basically the only troublesome part of this job. Just keep at it tomorrow. Speaking of which, Kabe, these guys are your kin, right, you hit pretty hard for a brat."
He lifted one of the Grian tails and waved it in front of Kabe's face, grinning as he teased him.
"Who are you calling a wild monkey, you Mediterranean old man? Believe it or not, I will transform into a Great Ape right now and stomp you into a shiny bald freak."
"Idiot brat, who are you calling a bald old corpse? How many times have I told you, I just have a slightly higher hairline than everyone else."
"Huh? Whose hairline starts at their forehead and runs all the way to the back of their head? Did a Grian mistake your skull for an egg and chew on it?"
"You little punk, you are getting more and more out of control. I will show you what the guild master's authority looks like today."
"Come on then, old fossil, I will blast your last two strands of hair clean off with one wave."
...
As they watched Kabe and the Master trade insults the moment he got back, the three little ones looked at each other and could not help smiling helplessly.
They had seen this scene countless times in the past month, they were almost used to it.
The rest of the guild saw the two of them arguing again and immediately started egging them on from the sidelines, delighted to watch the show. They were all hoping it would not stop at trash talk and that the two of them would actually trade blows for once.
Nobody noticed that at the entrance of the guild, a blond boy with spiky hair and punky studded headphones was standing just outside the door, staring expressionlessly at Kabe as he bickered with Makarov.
Suddenly, he spoke and cut off their shouting match.
"Hey, old man, and you, monkey tailed brat. I am back."
At the sound of that voice, both Kabe and Makarov froze for a moment, then turned toward the speaker.
When he saw who it was, Makarov's face shifted from anger to joy. He waved cheerfully.
"So you are back, Laxus. How did the job go, all smooth?"
"Eh, it was alright."
He brushed it off casually. Under everyone's gaze, Laxus walked in with one hand in his pocket, the other holding his pack slung behind him, and came to a stop right in front of Kabe, locking eyes with him.
Kabe had seen Laxus before, but the two of them had never exchanged a single word.
Now that Laxus was staring so openly, Kabe frowned and asked in a not-very-friendly tone,
"What is it?"
Laxus did not answer. He just kept staring at Kabe with an intense pressure, like he could attack at any second.
Everyone else felt the strange tension between them and slowly lowered their voices until the whole guild grew quiet.
Kabe might not know exactly what kind of tsundere Laxus was in the original story, or what he had done to offend him, but he was absolutely not afraid. If Laxus dared to make a move on him, then even if he had to take a beating, he was going to give this guy a proper thrashing in return.
Just as everyone began to sense that something was wrong, and even Makarov was about to speak up, Laxus suddenly looked away, visibly awkward.
"So your tail really is real. I thought it was just decoration."
Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
A few people almost fell over on the spot.
"So all this time, that is what you wanted to ask?!"
The entire guild exploded, shouting in disbelief.
Kabe was so stunned by the sudden turn that he toppled off his chair head first.
He sprang back up at once, grabbed the chair, and snapped,
"Of course it is real! Who in their right mind would stick a tail on themselves just for decoration? And where would you even attach it, your... backdoor?!"
Makarov immediately bonked him on the head.
"Idiot, what goes on in that brain of yours!"
After disciplining Kabe, he turned to scold his grandson with the same helpless expression.
"Honestly, Laxus, you clearly inherited my handsome face from back in the day, can you not smile a little more? Do you have any idea how scary you look walking over in silence like that? You almost gave me a heart attack."
Beside them, Erza, Cana, and Gray all nodded vigorously. Laxus' stone faced approach had scared the life out of them too.
Laxus froze for a moment, not expecting his idle curiosity to cause such a big misunderstanding.
Instantly, he felt like he had lost face. His cheeks burned and he turned, ready to leave.
"Wait."
Rubbing his sore head, Kabe got up and called out to him.
"Seriously, next time you are curious about something, just ask. What are you doing acting like a grown up at your age?"
He waved at Evie behind the bar.
"Miss Evie, bring some food for me and this blond idiot. Put it on the baldy's tab."
"Who are you calling an idiot, and who are you calling a baldy, you poser of a brat?" the two of them snapped at the same time.
Grandfather and grandson spoke in perfect unison, then both paused and looked at each other in surprise.
It had been a long time since Makarov had seen Laxus this flustered. He forced down a laugh and cleared his throat lightly.
"Well, anyway, you are here, so you might as well sit down and eat. Laxus."
Before Laxus could react, Makarov raised his mug high and shouted,
"To celebrate Kabe completing his first job and Laxus' safe return, let us all drink together!"
"Cheers!"
Everyone echoed him at once.
Kabe, Erza, and the others all raised the glasses of juice Evie had just brought over and shouted along with the rest.
Looking at everyone raising their drinks for him, something stirred in Laxus' chest. He muttered two quiet words.
"So lame."
Then he dropped his pack on the floor, plunked himself down at the bar, picked up his drink and started sipping it in small gulps.
...
Over the next few days, Kabe and Erza were busy with their mission to subjugate Grian.
Finally, on the sixth day, they met the job's quota and could return to the guild to turn it in.