This is how every scene with him ends. And exactly why the directors never put us together.
I turn away from Amid, forcing my breath to steady, but the moment I move, I feel a sudden wave of heat coil low in my spine. It spreads fast, too fast, until my body start to feel weak. Fear rises in me. "Not again."
I grip the edge of a prop table, pretending to adjust my shoe, anything to hide the unknown sickness that has been eating me up since I turned sixteen.
My name is Elara Beaumont, I am currently 22, I have been fighting an undiagnosed disease. It began when I first started menstruating, that was six years ago. It's deadly. It's killing me gradually. Sometimes I can't breathe, my chest seizes up as if someone is squeezing my heart from inside. Other times, I bleed from every hole in my body-gums, nose, ears, even… my most private parts, even when I'm not menstruating. "It happens so frequently that it forced me to have blood drawn every two weeks. The worst part? I feel weak every single day, especially as my period approaches. Every joint feels like it's being hammered with nails. My body aches, and every organ feels like it's shutting down. People call me 'fragile,' but they don't understand… I live in crisis almost every day of my life. I hide the sickness as much as I can. It's humiliating. It's terrifying. And the part is, no one can truly comprehend what I am going through, at times I feel utterly alone in my own suffering."
I have visited the hospital more than any other place in the world. I have undergone endless blood tests and scans. Treatments that work for a week and then stop. Hypotheses. Guesses. Despite all this effort, the doctors still have no name for what's wrong with me.
This has practically been a daily nightmare for me, and my intuition never fails to scream the same word—cancer. It has to be cancer. The thought paralyzes me. It sits in the middle of my mind like a shadow with teeth. But Dr. Vance, my personal doctor, always shakes his head disapprovingly whenever I say it. "This isn't cancer, Elara. Whatever you have… it's something we haven't identified yet," he always tells me.
That should comfort me, right? But no, it doesn't, because it is "unknown," and unknown is worse. It's like a monster with no shape.
And now right on set, it's happening to me again. Heat spikes up in my spine. My vision blurs instantly. I tighten my hand on the table, it's the only thing keeping me from collapsing. "Not here. Not in front of him… Amid."
I stumble toward the exit, masking the truth behind the fight with Amid, pretending my legs aren't shaking. I'm going to the hospital. Again. But this time… I feel death closing in.
"I can't drive. My fingers won't stop faltering, and the heat in my chest won't ease. I take a taxi straight to the hospital. The ride feels endless, every bump on the road jabs deep into my ribs."
He looks up the moment I step into his office, concern spread all over his face. "Welcome, Miss Elara. You may have your seat."
I move towards his desk and sink wearily into the empty seat before him. "Thank you, Dr. Vance."
He gives a slight nod in acknowledgment. "I have few questions to ask you, ma'am. Has anyone in your family ever experienced anything like this, now or in the past?"
"No, doctor," I say, tilting my head in quiet denial. "I have a sister and a brother. They're perfectly healthy. It's just me, sir. My parents never mentioned anyone in our family ever going through anything like this." I let out a heavy breath. "Have you found out what's happening to me? Please… just tell me if it's cancer."
Dr. Vance scoots his chair forward, leaning his elbows gently on the table. "I have explained this to you countless times, Elara. It's not cancer. Trust me, I've run every possible test. Whatever you have… it's different. Something we are still yet to identify."
A sharp pain shoots through my chest. I grip my shirt over my heart nervously. "Doctor… is what's happening to me worse than cancer?" My voice quivers. "Am I going to die? It's been six years. Six years of taking medication for a sickness we don't even understand. It hasn't been easy, sir. I'm the one feeling it. I'm the one fighting it. It is excruciating..." My voice breaks as tears spill out uncontrollably.
Dr. Vance rises from his chair and steps around the desk toward me, resting a gentle hand on my shoulder. "You need to calm down, please. It may not be as bad as you think. And trust me, we are working relentlessly on this. Pull yourself together. I promise you, Elara, you will win this."
I shove his hand off, anger rising with my fear. "Stop lying to me. If it's not cancer, then it's something worse. What kind of sickness stays undiagnosed for six whole years? What kind of disease hides from every test? I'm dying, please."
He bends down a little, trying to meet my eyes, but I turn my face away. "You have to stop crying, it can't help your condition. Let's proceed to the second question, please."
That makes me look at him instantly. "What questions?"
He hesitates, studying me carefully, then asks, "Elara… are you sexually active? Have you ever felt a strong… desire for intimacy?"
I blink at him, disbelief and disappointment swirling in my gaze. "What kind of question is that? How is this supposed to help me? Is this part of my treatment? I'm young… I'm dying… and you're asking me about sex?" I break down again, sobbing harder than before, my body shuddering with the weight of it all.
He returns to his seat, slow and patient. "I would never ask you anything unprofessional. Every question is connected to your condition. Please work with me. I'm trying to help you."
I wipe my face, confused and embarrassed. "I have never had… that urge. Not once. I just thought it was normal. I'm a virgin. Maybe I just don't know what it's supposed to feel like."
Dr. Vance exhales, relieved at the answer. "I'm scheduling you for a specialized genetic test," he says finally. "The results should be in next week. I'm hoping… truly hoping… it gives us the answers we've been searching for about your illness."
I nod numbly, my stomach twisting. But deep down, a shiver runs through me. What if the results reveal something far worse… something I'm not ready to face?