Lei Hua woke up to the sound of chickens screaming.
Not birds.
Actual chickens.
Screaming.
She sat up, hair a mess.
LEI HUA (mind): Please… please tell me I am dreaming. Why is this house never NORMAL?
Maid A burst into her room.
"Miss! Lei Rong tried to practice 'chicken training' but the rooster attacked everyone—"
LEI HUA (mind): GOOD. SERVES HER RIGHT.
The maid clapped a hand over her mouth.
"I—I didn't hear anything! Not me!"
System: Host, good-hearted count: 1 in room.
LEI HUA: "Okay but WHY are chickens running up the stairs? This is a HOUSE not a farm!"
A rooster chased Lei Rong past the door.
Lei Rong shrieked: "SOMEONE GET THIS DEMON AWAY FROM ME!!"
LEI HUA (mind): It likes you because you're evil. Animals can sense these things.
Lei Rong: "WHAT DID SHE THINK NOW?!!"
Lei Hua: "I D-I-D N-O-T SAY ANYTHING."
---
### **SUMMONED TO THE PALACE**
Before breakfast could even happen, an imperial guard arrived.
"Lei Hua, His Majesty summons you for immediate service."
LEI HUA (mind): Immediate WHAT? Why so fast? Am I a firefighter?
The guard blinked. "Why would you be a firefighter…?"
LEI HUA: "You can hear me?!"
Guard: "Only a little! I think! I don't know!"
Lei Hua groaned.
System: Host, good-hearted count: 1 detected. That is enough.
LEI HUA (mind): WHY is kindness the key?! Can't the system choose people who mind their business?!
---
### **THE PALACE COURT HALL — DAY TWO OF CHAOS**
The Emperor sat on the throne with a tired expression.
The Empress Dowager sipped tea like she was watching a comedy show.
Prime Minister Jun Lin massaged his temples.
Commander Xiao Long looked like he expected someone to explode any minute.
General Shen Wu had already given up.
Lei Hua entered and bowed.
LEI HUA (mind): They look so serious… someone probably committed a huge crime today. Or maybe the Emperor lost a bet.
Minister Feng Tain choked.
"YOUR MAJESTY SHE—SHE'S JOKING ABOUT YOU—"
The Emperor rubbed his forehead.
"Lei Hua, please stop thinking before you cause a rebellion."
Lei Hua immediately tried to think of nothing.
LEI HUA (mind): Don't think. Don't think. Don't think about roasted chestnuts. Don't think about how scary that minister's eyebrows look—
Minister Kang's brother (the witness): "Her thoughts… they don't stop…"
The Empress Dowager laughed again.
"Child, relax. We summoned you for something simple."
LEI HUA (mind): SIMPLE? Last time I came here someone confessed to corruption in five seconds.
Emperor: "Exactly. Do it again."
Lei Hua wanted to cry.
---
### **THE SECOND CASE**
Minister Zhen Ruo stepped forward.
Cold aura. Sharp eyes. Serious face.
LEI HUA (mind): He looks like he sleeps standing up. Scary. Next.
Suddenly—
System: Gossip detected.
Related person: Ku Lan.
Lei Hua gasped.
Zhen Ruo snapped his head toward her.
"What did she hear?! What does she know?!"
Ku Lan, who had just arrived, froze.
Ku Lan (thinking she's subtle): "Your Majesty I have nothing to do with anythi—"
LEI HUA (mind): She's lying. She's 98% guilty. Her face is screaming GUILTY.
Ku Lan: "I AM NOT SCREAMING ANYTHING!!"
General Shen Wu grabbed his sword.
Commander Xiao Long stepped forward.
Minister Feng Tain panicked.
Prime Minister Jun Lin sighed deeply.
The Emperor: "Lei Hua. What did the system show?"
LEI HUA: "I DON'T KNOW! It only told me who knows the secret, not the secret itself!"
The court erupted.
Officials: "That is even worse!"
Others: "So she points to someone and they collapse?"
Shen Wu muttering: "This girl is dangerous…"
LEI HUA (mind): YES I AM! PLEASE LET ME GO HOME!
Empress Dowager: "Quiet. Continue."
Zhen Ruo looked ready to interrogate Ku Lan himself.
Ku Lan looked ready to faint.
Lei Hua looked ready to run out of the building.
System: Host, congratulations. Host's reputation has increased.
Title obtained: The Court Loudspeaker.
LEI HUA: "THAT SOUNDS AWFUL."
---
### **AFTER COURT — WALKING BACK WITH TROUBLE**
Lei Hua walked out with her snack pouch and new problems.
She looked at the ministers whispering.
LEI HUA (mind): Why do they all look like they want something from me? I don't like this. They look like wolves. Hungry wolves. With nice clothes.
Prime Minister Jun Lin turned to Xiao Long.
"Is she mocking us?"
Xiao Long: "I think she is afraid of us."
Shen Wu: "…She should be."
The Emperor appeared behind her.
"Lei Hua. From now on, you will assist in morning court."
LEI HUA (mind): HELP. I didn't sign any contract. I'm being forced into employment. This is illegal!
The Emperor's lips twitched.
"Child, everything is legal if I say it is."
Lei Hua swallowed her scream.
---
### **RETURN TO THE LEI HOUSE — CHAOS 2.0**
Lei Rong sat waiting, smiling like she had won.
"Lei Hua, I heard you caused trouble again—"
LEI HUA (mind): You again. You don't rest? You don't have homework?
Lei Rong: "WHAT DID SHE JUST THINK?!"
The old madam stormed in.
"Lei Rong! Enough! You've embarrassed us more than she has!"
Lei Rong: "ME?!!"
LEI HUA (mind): Hah. Karma is real. Delicious.
Lei Rong lunged.
Lei Hua dodged.
Lei Rong tripped over a stool and fell into a basin of cold water.
Everyone gasped.
The maid whispered: "Should we laugh…?"
Another maid whispered: "But she might throw us out—"
LEI HUA (mind): Laugh. LAUGH. LAUGH. LAUGH—
The maids burst into hysterics.
Lei Rong screamed.
Old Madam: "ENOUGH! Lei Rong, pack your things!"
Everyone froze.
Lei Rong: "WHAAAAT?!"
Old Madam: "You will leave this house!"
Lei Hua blinked.
LEI HUA (mind): …Wow. That was faster than expected.
System: Host, your influence increased by +1.
Lei Rong's disaster score: Maximum.
Lei Hua sighed in relief.
LEI HUA (mind): Finally some peace in this house—
The kitchen suddenly exploded again.
Lei Hua: "…I spoke too soon."