The moment the clash between the Ape King and Rylan exploded like thunder, Lisa stood frozen in place, mouth hanging open. She expected punches, maybe some heroic declarations, maybe a dramatic flash of muscles. What she did not expect was a massive smoke wall rolling over the battlefield like someone set a bonfire on steroids.
The fog was thick, choking, and definitely evil-looking—like the forest suddenly decided to cosplay as a haunted house.
Lisa blinked.
Then blinked again.
Then blinked a third time because the smoke did not go away.
"…What the hell?" she muttered.
And then she heard it.
ROAAAAR.
ROAR. ROAR. ROOOOAR.
"Ah. Yes. Lovely. Just what I needed. More screaming animals." Lisa slowly turned her head.
And there they were.
The remaining minions of the Ape King.
Dozens of them.
Big, small, hairy, drooling, frothing, and all very, very angry.
Lisa's soul left her body just a little bit.
"NONONO—NOPE—NOT TODAY—" She spun on her heel and attempted to run.
Attempted.
One heroic root decided it was time for her to die.
Her foot caught.
Her arms flailed.
Her dignity evaporated.
She face-planted into the dirt so hard the earth probably took psychic damage.
Before she could push herself up, a bright blue SYSTEM WINDOW popped up in front of her face.
In big, mocking, holographic letters:
〈 HOST, WHY ARE YOU LYING DOWN? 〉
Lisa's eye twitched. "I'm not lying down, you stupid glowing rectangle! I fell!"
〈 VERY UNPROTAGONIST OF YOU. 〉
She snarled. "I swear to god—if you weren't stuck in my head, I would THROW YOU INTO THE SUN."
The System cheerfully ignored her anger.
〈 REMINDER: YOU ARE THE PROTAGONIST. PLEASE STOP ACTING LIKE ROADKILL. 〉
"OH JUST KILL ME NOW!"
〈 ALSO, HOST, PLEASE ENGAGE THE ENEMY. THEY ARE APPROACHING. 〉
Lisa peeked over the edge of the screen.
The monkeys were indeed approaching.
The closest one licked its lips.
Lisa shrieked, "WITH WHAT POWER, YOU PIECE OF TECHNOLOGICAL TRASH?!"
The System chimed in, sounding smug.
〈 DID YOU FORGET ABOUT YOUR AWARD? 〉
Lisa paused.
"…What award?"
〈 THE REWARD YOU REFUSED TO CHECK, HOST. 〉
"Oh."
Silence.
"…Right."
Fine. Whatever. If it gave her a flamethrower, she would kiss the screen.
She opened the Gifts Panel, praying to every god from every religion.
A golden package shimmered into existence.
Lisa cracked her knuckles.
"Alright, baby, give mama a rocket launcher."
She tapped the package.
The golden light dissolved.
The item appeared.
And Lisa screamed.
"WHAT IS THIS USELESS CRAP?!!"
The item floated before her eyes like it was very proud of itself:
〈 ITEM: "Modern World Hunting Manual"
Rarity: Trash
Function: Contains knowledge on basic hunting traps. 〉
The System sounded way too casual.
〈 USE KNOWLEDGE, HOST. 〉
"USE KNOWLEDGE?! YOU EXPECT ME TO FIGHT SUPERCARNIVOROUS SPIRIT MONKEYS WITH A BOOK?!"
〈 YES. 〉
Lisa stared at the screen with the expression of a betrayed Victorian wife.
"You are actually trying to murder me."
〈 HOST, PLEASE HAVE FAITH. 〉
"FAITH DOES NOT STOP MONKEY TEETH."
The System beeped.
〈 SETTING REMINDER: KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. 〉
"NOT WHEN THEY HAVE CLAWS!"
The monkeys roared again.
Closer.
Lisa yelped. "FINE. BOOK IT IS. I HOPE A PAPER CUT KILLS THEM."
She grabbed the hunting manual, flipped it open, scanned the contents…
…and paused.
Then slowly, very slowly…
An evil grin curled her lips.
"Oh."
The book was basic, yes. Primitive.
But it had something.
Traps.
Lots of traps.
Dangerous traps.
Illegal traps.
Traps that would probably violate the Geneva Convention.
Lisa giggled.
Darkly.
"Well… If I can't beat them with strength…"
Her smile sharpened.
"…I'll just beat them with engineering."
She sprinted through the forest, still limping but now smiling like a psychopath with a coupon book.
She spotted a soft patch of earth.
"Perfect."
Lisa dug a hole.
An unnecessarily deep hole.
A hole that screamed "forest OSHA violation."
She stuffed the bottom with sharp wooden spikes she carved with a rock, because apparently adrenaline turned her into a survivalist god.
Then she grabbed a blossom fruit — the favorite snack of these monkeys.
She placed one over the hole, carefully covering the pit with leaves and branches.
Lisa stepped back.
"Okay. Big hole of doom is ready."
But she wasn't done.
Not even close.
Lisa climbed a tree, tied vines, looped branches, and set up a massive cage suspended right above the trap.
"If they jump, boom—cage."
She giggled.
But then she froze.
Frowned.
Tapped her chin.
"…But what if they BREAK the cage?"
Her smile turned… wicked.
She pulled out the last items she'd found earlier.
A bundle of dynamite.
Lots of dynamite.
Suspiciously modern dynamite.
She didn't question it.
"Okay, my babies," she whispered to the sticks of explosives. "Mama Lisa's going to need you to work very hard today."
She wired them around trees.
Under leaves.
Behind rocks.
All around the trap area.
A full 360° explosion zone.
She stepped back and admired her work.
"…This is beautiful."
Then she inhaled deeply.
"Time to commit forest war crimes."
The monkeys crashed through the smoke wall.
One by one.
Ten by ten.
Dozens.
Lisa's nervous system shut down for a moment.
But then the first monkey smelled the blossom fruit.
Its eyes sparkled.
It jumped.
Lisa mouthed the words:
"Got you."
The monkey dropped.
A scream.
A splatter.
A very satisfying crunch.
The next monkey saw it fall…
And EXACTLY as expected…
It also jumped.
They were emotional support idiots.
One after another — THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD.
At least seven fell into the hole.
Perfect.
Then the biggest of the minions roared from a tree.
It leapt through the air.
Straight toward Lisa.
But mid-jump, it sprang right into her cage trap.
CLANG!
The cage slammed around it, locking tight.
The monkey roared, shaking the bars.
And to Lisa's shock…
A CRACK appeared.
"OH COME ON! EVEN STEEL ISN'T SAFE?!"
More roars.
The monkeys in the pit were clawing their way up.
The caged monkey smashed again.
Another crack.
Lisa's eye twitched.
"…Alright. Plan C."
She lifted the detonator.
Smiled sweetly.
"Bye-bye."
CLICK.
A second of silence.
And then—
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!
The shockwave lifted leaves.
The trees trembled.
Birds evacuated the country.
The explosion was huge.
Colorful.
Violent.
Lisa was thrown backward, rolling across the dirt, laughing like a sociopathic pyromaniac.
"HAHAHAHAHAHA! YES! EXPLOSIONS! I LOVE TECHNOLOGY!"
Chunks of monkey landed nearby.
She wrinkled her nose. "Ew."
The pit was destroyed.
The trees around her were half-charred.
Smoke everywhere.
And the System, ever cheerful, popped up:
〈 HOST HAS KILLED A SPIRIT-RANK APE
+1000 POINTS 〉
Then:
〈 TOTAL APES KILLED: 7
TOTAL POINTS GAINED: 7000 〉
Lisa blinked.
Then grinned.
"Well, hello, money~"
But the System wasn't done.
A second window appeared.
〈 KILL 100,000 SPIRIT-RANK BEASTS
TO UNLOCK 'BEAST GENE' 〉
Lisa choked.
"A HUNDRED THOUSAND—?! Are you INSANE?!"
〈 HOST CAN START NOW. 〉
"…You just want me to die, don't you?"
〈 100,000 BEASTS = POWER, HOST. 〉
"…power…?"
Her greed twitched awake.
Her eyes sharpened.
Her lips curved into a wicked smile.
"…Fine."
She stood up.
Cracked her knuckles.
Surveyed the devastation she had caused.
Smoke.
Blood.
Charred fur.
Destroyed wildlife.
The forest probably added her to its Most Wanted list.
Lisa smiled.
"Let's… continue this. A little bloodbath never hurt anybody."
The System beeped nervously.
〈 HOST… WHY ARE YOU SMILING LIKE THAT? 〉
Lisa chuckled.
Dark.
Unhinged.
Very explosive.
"Because…"
She pulled out another stick of dynamite.
"THIS FOREST HASN'T SEEN ANYTHING YET."