His words almost had me confess everything that just happened, but just as I was beginning to think of an excuse to say in hurry, he just told me to get inside, without waiting for me to explain anything .
Once I was in the chariot, I saw that Lu Chiang was looking at me as if he had seen a ghost, I could've become one indeed, if not for the fact that I had a quite the strong hand hidden under my sleeves .
I sat on the chariot and once my tensed mind and body finally began to calm down, I didn't know what to think of, my brain was just buzzing all of a sudden, my body felt as if it was sinking in a muddy waters .
I was unable to raise a finger no more, I felt as if had become paralyzed, my tank of Blood Qi was now almost empty, but that secret technique didn't really absorb any of my Blood Qi at all, normally to execute that move, I would have to sacrifice my Blood Qi and Vitality in addition to my Life Force as well, but the loss of these things was completely negated by the panel .
Me feeling like as if I were paralyzed might be due to that, but I can't say it was this reason for certain or not, I can't tell anything currently, my head was buzzing like crazy, I was hearing drums being beaten inside my head, I was forced to kill another person in less than 24 hours .
The first was a guy that deserved death and death deserved him as well, but in the end, I concluded that it was indeed an accident, so this made it easier for me to not beat myself over it that much .
But what about this guy who I just chopped his head off, can that also be called an accident, I don't believe so no .
This was my second time killing someone in this life, even though I had myself already prepared for this and had only accepted this idea lately, I'm still beating myself over it, this time it was even more severer than yesterday .
The only common things that the two incidents shared, was the fact that I killed in those two incidents to give myself a chance of survival, killed them yes but they left me no other choice but to kill them to survive, it was either them or me, the next thing they had in common was that the two were brothers .
I couldn't help but find it a bit amusing, but then this sudden amusement turned into more headaches for me, I began thinking that I was turning into a bloodthirsty monster or something like that, that how bad was my state of mind was .
I kept staring at the ceiling and wondered whether after some period of time, I will be numb to that feeling, will I be able to kill people with closed eyes after killing some more people, sarcasm, that was the worst weapon that was currently being used against me by my conscience .
If I was able to, I currently wanted to get out of this chariot and run around Howling Wolf City, aimlessly wandering, wanting to see what made this world so chaotic, I don't even know if I might have left something behind me that could get me in trouble, or if the law enforcement team will be suspecting that I was the one who did it .
All these simulations and thoughts kept getting my mind to heat up, even though I had only strengthened my resolve about killing only a few hours ago, the moment I killed again, I was beginning to like it and that was in itself terrifying .
I wasn't afraid of killing in itself, I already had believed that to live in this world, innocence was the first thing I needed to kill, I can't be innocent if I want to survive in this world .
I was afraid that I will be turning into a killing machine and lose my ability to tell good from evil, killing people mindlessly over and over, so even though it was filling me with unnecessary amount of guilt, I was still thankful for my conscience, without it, I might have already went crazy .
If I was not in the chariot, I would have screamed what I was currently feeling out, but that currently was just not possible, I'm not only might sound weird, but I might engulf myself in another sort of trouble .
This was a world of a kill or be killed, if before in my past life, I maybe would have decided to be one of those who will be killed, but here it was different, here I believed that I had a chance to live a good life, doesn't mean that things will go always my way or that my life would be always happy, but I'm certain that it will be almost as I wanted it to be .
So no, unlike in my past world, I don't want to be killed, in fact from the first second right after I had understood how dangerous this world was, I was not wanting anything else but to survive and that hadn't change, killing is bad, but if it was killing for good, will it still be described as bad .
In my previous world, I had no ounce of doubt that it may have been indeed still considered bad, but in this world, where right and wrong are decided by who had the bigger fist, I don't believe that they might even call it killing with good intentions, they will just call it killing evil, whether was that person is actually evil or not .
As I reached to this line of thought, I was beginning to feel that the heaviness in my chest began to ease up, my head that was clouded before, began to have rays of light piercing through those big clouds of doubts and confusion, my head became much clearer than before as I reached a conclusion, in this world I don't want to be killed and for that I will once again strengthening my resolve in killing those that want me killed .
As my head began to clear up little by little and more and more, I couldn't help but thinking about putting myself in their places, thinking what might have both of them thought if I was have been the one that died and not them, they were malicious people so they might have not thought much about me dying at their hands .
Deacon Lu actually boosted that he would be quite happy, if he was able to bury me, so why then would I be caring about their life or death, they cane at me with the intention to kill, their abilities weren't enough and died, the same that would have happened, if I were the one who was lacking in strength, killed on the spot .
I may not be completely okay with it, but I need to embrace that truth sooner than later, or else I will keep sinking in guilt time after time, until I may be no longer able to fight it, then I believe death at that time would be a quite merciful solution for me, but currently I shouldn't be held accountable for their deaths and me just wanting to survive .
As I was thinking this, the chariot suddenly cane to stop and I had almost fell on my face, but then I found that Senior Brother Fu's hand reached to me and helped me back up .
What was going on with the road ? .
That's what I was wondering about too, the sudden stop made me wake up from my trance in a quite rude way .
The driver turned his head towards us and spoke through a gap made in the front of the chariot, he said :
The Han Family seemed to be looking for some troublemaker and they were blocking the way and only allowing those who agreed to be inspected to be able to pass, should I go and ask them to open the way, Young Master .
After hearing the words that the driver said, I couldn't help but return back to my senses, it couldn't be a coincidence, those people from the Han Family was most likely looking for me .
I looked at Senior Brother Fu, who might not know this, but his decision could decide my fate, so I too waited for his response, he looked out of the window and seem to have noticed something, he stopped looking out of the window and said :
There really don't seem to be that many of chariots ahead of us anyway, so there would be no problem in waiting for a few minutes, right, junior brother Tian ? .
As he said these words, internally I had the illusion that my heart suddenly got pierced by his words, but outwardly, I was forced to nod my head stupidly and prepare myself for what might be happening next ? .
Luckily it didn't seem that Senior Brother Fu was interesting in pursuing the reason to why I was acting strange, another person who was acting strange was none other than Lu Chiang, he didn't moved his gaze away from me for even a second, he kept staring at me as calm as before, but I felt that his gaze had spoken volumes of what he was currently feeling .
He kept also looking at my waist from time to time, so I couldn't help but be on high alert, that guy's might or might not have identified the pouch strapped to my waist, the silence in the chariot was awkward to the extreme, but after a few seconds, we heard a knock at the door of the chariot and without opening the door, my senior brother looked out of the window and asked the person who was knocking about what he wanted .
It's young master Fu Liu, apologies, apologies, we were checking the chariot for a man that looked like this, he stole something quite valuable from our young master Han Jun, so we were here trying to catch him .
So that was the case, so do you want check our chariot then .
Surely Young Master Fu is jesting, your family's escort agency had helped us plenty of time and I might get punished by the young master himself, if a word about me doing this spread out, you can go ahead .
I hearing the conversation between the two, couldn't help but release a sigh of relief, I was already thinking that the worst case scenario might happen, but just as I was thinking of that, I heard Senior Brother Fu saying :
Well, show me that wanted poster, I might have seen that guy .
Sure thing, Young Master .
Senior Brother Fu then stretched out his hand and took a flyer out of the hands of the Han Family's guard, the chariot began to continue moving, I saw that Senior Brother Fu looking at the painting on the poster, then whether it was out of a coincidence or I was just overacting, I saw that he stared at me .
And bells of alarm began to ring in my mind, I saw that his look wasn't as normal as it was used to be, his glances towards me held some meaning to them, I was beginning to think that I might have been found out, after all the picture indeed didn't show much resemblance to how currently, I looked like, but the similarities was there nonetheless .
That's why I was beginning to think that I might get in trouble, but soon I saw that Senior Brother Fu put the wanted poster like flyer down and began looking at me then at Lu Chiang, seeing that none of us might start talking, he took the initiative in saying :
Junior Brother Tian, how does it feel to be a free man, I sensed that you had a pale face earlier, so you might have been under quite the strong pressure, leaving the family's ground for the first time and being on your own from now on .
His question caught me a bit off guard, but soon comprehending what he was saying, I couldn't help but be thankful to my senior brother misinterpreting my expression from earlier as such, not wanting to make him worry for nothing :
" It's a bit daunting if I were to tell Senior Brother the truth, but it also feel quite good to be able to walk freely now .
It isn't wrong to be feeling like that, but I would still suggest that when you walk freely, you still need to make sure that you don't offend people who are stronger than you, otherwise you might die without even understanding what took place, keep my words in mind, you're now free but you have also lost your first backer as well .
I understood what he was trying to tell me and nodded my head in understanding, but then I couldn't help but ask about what happened with Young Master Lu Jian earlier and whether was he acting like that for the sake of my senior brother's face or something else .
Well, let me ask you a question first, do you think the current you, could be able to shake the foundation of the Lu Family ? .
" No, with my current strength, I wouldn't even dream of it, even if I had 100 lives to try .
I said this but in my heart, I thought that I might be able to create quite the ruckus inside the family, he hearing my answer nodded his Head in appreciation and said :
It's good that you are aware of this and didn't let what happened earlier to get into your head, knowing your limits is indeed good, but what do you think would happen if you came back to solve all your grievances with them in the future, once you have become much stronger .
Feeling that I had grasp what he was trying to tell me, I said :
" Then Senior Brother Fu mean that the other reason to why young master Lu Jian was acting like that was because he was afraid of the future me, coming to take revenge for all the grievances that I had with the Lu Family .
To be more precise, he was afraid of the potential that master and me saw that you might have, that is why he wouldn't have let you left without removing those seeds of enmity if they had existed away, you should have really asked for him to compensate you some way, you had wasted a big opportunity back then .
Even though I understood all that he said, one sentence in particular caught my unwavering attention, I couldn't help but blurt it out, saying a bit bewildered .
" Dojo master approved of my potential ? .
Yes, junior brother, what, did you think that I came up with that an excuse to get you out of trouble ? .
I fell silent, I really did think that he might just spitting these words about the Master of the Dojo summoning me, he looked at me with an intense stare, then he started laughing while saying :
You actually did, what a shrewd guy, but no Uncle Li had informed the master about what happened yesterday and he wanted to meet you to check on whether are you worthy to accept the opportunity he was willing to give you .
So the Dojo's Master wanted to see me, that Dojo's Master Chen who Deacon Lu mentioned before, I had caught that man's eyes and was even going to be given an opportunity by a big strongman like him, how can I not be excited, but even though I was excited, I was still unable to help but look at the guy Lu Chiang and saw that his expression darkened but he was still trying to look calm .
Seeing him like that, I raised his threat level in my heart, after all,he seemed to have already aware of what kind of opportunity that Dojo's Master was going to give me judging by his appearance, but that opportunity made his expression darken and his composure didn't falter, that boy was good in controlling his emotions which made him to me, quite the dangerous individual .
With the enmities between us two and the fact that he might have already recognized that I might be the culprit behind the death of his father or had some links to it, I had no doubt that he wanted to skin me alive, but thanks to Senior Brother Fu's existence, he wouldn't try and do anything, he was even showing much expression on his face other than the one he had shown earlier, to be able to keep calm like this still, made me wary of that guy .
Wanting to know more about that opportunity that Senior Brother was talking about, I said :
" Can Senior Brother please tell me what kind of opportunity was the Dojo's Master going to give me .
It completely depends on your qualifications, but if everything went well, you would be receiving a pie from the sky, you would probably become my Master's 8th Close Disciple .