8 Dec 2025 — Entry #2
I'm on the train right now. I got a job 2000 km away from home, and my joining is on 10 Dec. I didn't even get a proper reserved ticket because nothing was available. I forced my way into 2nd AC just because it was the least crowded, got caught by the TT, and ended up paying double the fare. Now I'm in a new city with only 5000 rupees, collected from every corner of the house like pocket crumbs.
Everyone back home is worried — my mother, my brother, my aunt. And honestly, I'm scared too. The train I was supposed to catch at 11 pm left around 2 am, so I spent half the night shivering near the door. The TT even took a 400-rupee bribe just to let me sit there.
But then an old couple, on their way to meet their son (who coincidentally has the same name as me), saw me freezing and gave me their seat to sleep for a few hours. I'm grateful to them. Small kindness feels huge when you're falling apart.
Even with that, I feel restless. Nervous. Scared. I want to run away. I want to go back home. Every minute that passes, it feels more impossible. Like I'm getting dragged into some fate I didn't choose. I cried before writing this. I want to cry again while writing it.
The money isn't enough to feel secure. The excitement of a new job doesn't exist — only fear does. All I can think is: run away. But I can't. I don't have the funds. I don't have the courage. I don't even have a plan.
The train is running late. I've been riding from night to night. I don't know if I should call HR, tell them something, anything… or stay at the station until morning and figure something out. I feel too young for this distance. Too fragile for this loneliness. I want to be home, in my normal environment, with my family close.
But I'm here. Far. Alone. Moving forward because going back isn't an option. My insides are screaming. Crying. But the train keeps moving.