The moment he heard the gossip, Tobika stopped chewing his food and set the metal can down. He pushed a cup of water toward Fuyu, his orange, perpetually unimpressed summon cat. His eyes lit with a kind of predatory curiosity.
"You're telling me the Fourth Kazekage—Rasa—is cheating?"
"Only what I heard." Fuyu sniffed the new can of meat, satisfied. "That male shinobi said Rasa's keeping two women with kekkei genkai. Then he got too excited to keep talking." The cat lazily flicked his tail. "I waited by their window all night hoping for more details. Waste of time."
Tobika clicked his tongue. "Figures. Next time don't stake out till sunrise. You're my summon, not a scandal-hunting tanuki. If they catch you spying, they'll assume I'm digging for intel."
"I almost was caught," Fuyu grumbled. "Male homeowner came back early. The lover tried to jump out the window and shoved me. I kicked him back in. The couple started fighting. Everyone watched them. Nobody saw me."
Tobika paused mid-wipe of his table. "Wait. They were… having an affair?"
"Obviously. Normal households don't produce that much drama."
"Address?" Tobika asked.
Fuyu narrowed his eyes. "You planning to cheat too? That woman's popular, but she likes married men and married women. I doubt she'll add a Konoha stray like you."
"Don't be stupid." Tobika snorted, offended. "You've known me for years. Do I look like someone who touches that kind of trouble?"
Fuyu squinted, reluctantly nodding. "She lives on Desert-Snow Street, No. 77. Husband's an honest, hardworking genin. Wife's name is Mari. Body's good, morals nonexistent. I've seen her sneak in men dozens of times."
"And her latest boy toy?"
"Yusami. Connected to Chiyo."
"She's with Chiyo's lover?"
"No. He's Ebizo's apprentice." Fuyu gave a lazy yawn. "By the way, the daimyo's concubine also had a thing with a guard named Yusami. Probably the same guy. Suna doesn't have many duplicate names."
Tobika leaned back, expression shifting from disbelief to admiration. "So Ebizo's apprentice plays in the big leagues. Not bad."
Fuyu preened. "I'm good at gathering intel. Took you long enough to admit it."
Tobika squeezed a handful of his fat fur. "When I signed you, I thought you'd be a pillow. Didn't expect you to shed more than a porcupine."
Fuyu's fur puffed in indignation. "You pervert! Say it. You thought about using my Transformation to make me a catgirl!"
"Not anymore. You got too fat."
"You bastard!"
The apartment erupted with claws, yelling, crashing plates, and Tobika's pained yelps echoing through the walls.
Three days later.
"Grandmaaa, you wouldn't let a genius rot into a failure, right?"
Kankuro's whining stopped when his mother smacked him on the head.
"You little brat. Who taught you that idiotic speech?"
"Uchiha Tobika. He talks to himself a lot." Kankuro puffed his cheeks.
Karura's face darkened. "That man taught you puppet techniques?"
"He said the only weakness of puppetry is the human body, so I need better physical conditioning. He also said—"
"Stop. Stop right there." Karura pinched the bridge of her nose. "Two months unsupervised and you turned into whatever he is."
She dragged Kankuro to Chiyo's workspace. The room was huge, empty save for a large indoor pool for testing chakra threads. Karura bowed and explained the request.
Chiyo's eyes slid to Kankuro, then narrowed with resigned annoyance. "I'll teach him basic puppet knowledge. Yusami—fetch the training puppets."
"Yes, Chiyo-sama."
Kankuro's eyes widened. So that's Yusami.The one sleeping with Mari.The one crushed under a three-hundred-kilo concubine in Fuyu's retelling.
"What are you thinking, child?" Ebizo murmured.
"Yusami is a true shinobi," Kankuro declared proudly. "To withstand three hundred kilos and still fulfill his mission… incredible willpower."
The room froze.
Chiyo dropped her fishing rod. Ebizo stared blankly. Karura grabbed her son's ear and dragged him out.
Ebizo turned to his sister. "…He means the daimyo's mistress, doesn't he?"
Chiyo sighed. "The daimyo slashed our funds, so you tried appealing to his concubine's attendants. Desperate, but understandable."
"Sand's finances are at their limit." Ebizo stood. "I'll handle it."
Later that day—Tobika's house.
Ebizo knocked.
Tobika opened the door. "Well look who's still alive. Ebizo-sama."
"Let's talk." The old man entered, eyeing Fuyu sprawled on the table. He cut straight to the point. "You know… that matter."
Tobika blinked. "The one where your apprentice wrestles with three hundred kilos?"
Ebizo rubbed his temples. "It was a desperate political play."
Tobika shrugged. "You're lucky the daimyo's taste is… unique." He poured tea. "So what do you need?"
Silence. Then:"Can you keep this quiet?" Ebizo asked.
"Sure."
Ebizo frowned. "No conditions?"
"Nope."
"Money?"
"I'm rich."
"Women?"
"I'm pure."
"Jutsu?"
"I've copied nearly a thousand techniques."
Ebizo stared. Hard.
Tobika raised a hand solemnly. "I swear on the Uchiha name. Only me and three cats know this. No one else in Konoha ever will."
That caught Ebizo off-guard. Uchiha oaths were not jokes.
"…I don't trust free favors," Ebizo muttered. "At least take something."
Tobika thought. "I'm a medical-nin. Chiyo-sama created a forbidden jutsu—Self-Reincarnation. Can I buy it?"
"…You want that?" Ebizo's jaw tightened. "Fine. Price?"
"Let me get my wallet."
He returned with a pile of cash. Ebizo stared like someone had just dropped treasure in his lap.
"You should save money," he whispered.
"This is my gesture. Suna earned it. Not Konoha."
Ebizo gripped Tobika's hand with unexpected emotion. "I'll bring the scroll."
Three days later — Morning.
Yakura walked through Suna, dust swirling around her ankles. Two months away on missions, and everything looked… different. The villagers were rounder. Healthier. Suspiciously plump.
"Sensei!"
A small but noticeably rounder girl, Mari's daughter Jun, came bouncing toward her.
"You got fat," Yakura said bluntly, pinching her cheeks.
Jun poked her stomach. "I feel the same."
Tobika arrived with a bucket of fried chicken. Jun grabbed a piece so fast it blurred. The culprit behind all the weight gain became obvious.
Yakura dragged Tobika aside by the arm, glaring. "THIS is how you 'take care' of my student?"
"I feed her. Train her. Teach her. She's healthier than me."
"She can't even run, Uchiha!"
When Yakura left, Tobika sighed. "Jun… can you beat your teacher?"
"No."
"I can."
Jun suddenly found no joy in her chicken.
Yakura's meeting with Rasa.
Rasa explained the ceasefire terms with Kirigakure: compensation, troop support, and one envoy sent personally to the Mist. Yakura's face darkened with every word.
"Another surrender?" she muttered. "Daimyo will cut our budget again."
"This is confidential," Rasa warned. "You will go alone."
She accepted, expression colder than steel.
Tobika's house — same day.
"Your superior sent orders," Fuyu said, dropping a sealed letter. "Her husband's missing. She wants you to go to the Land of Water."
"Why me?" Tobika muttered.
"The village already sent people. She just wants extra help."
After hearing the rumor of how Sarutobi Shinnosuke got exposed while drunk Suna shinobi snitched on him, Tobika muttered, "Suna backstabs faster than Grass Country. Impressive."
The door opened. Yakura entered, exhausted.
Tobika glanced at her pale face. "You're sending me off?"
"No." She dropped onto the sofa with Fuyu in her lap. "I have one day off. One. I'm going to rot on this couch."
"So what's your next mission?"
"Classified. We're allies, not friends."
"We're friends," he said softly.
That startled her. She looked him over carefully. Then:
"Even friends have secrets."
Tobika fell quiet.
After a long moment, he asked, "What's your future plan?"
"Same as always. Missions. Students. Maybe death in some desert."
"My future's simple," Tobika said quietly. "Survive. Maybe find someone. Maybe have a kid."
He glanced at her sleepy face.
Should he practice the confession now?Warm-up before the real one?
Her eyes drifted shut.
Tobika whispered silently:"Yakura… I like you."
Her eyes snapped open.
She had been pretending to doze. She had clearly read his lips.
"Is that how you treat your friend?" she said icily.
Tobika froze.
"I only meant—"
"You're my only female friend," he said honestly.
Her fingers twitched. She looked at him, saw no lie, and… looked away.
"…You have two days left. Go stay at an inn." She shoved Fuyu into his arms and shoved him out the door.
SLAM.
Outside, Tobika stared at the cat."…Was that a failure?"
"Absolutely. You and that woman have zero future," Fuyu declared.
The door creaked open. Yakura yanked Fuyu back inside.
"Actually," she said coolly, "I can pet a cat properly."
Fuyu blinked. She stroked him the right way. He melted instantly.
Then he realized something.
He turned just in time to shout through the doorway:"Traitorous Uchiha! I was lured by canned meat!"
Tobika scratched his ear outside."…Did her breathing get faster just now?"
Next morning.
Tobika showed up with steamed buns, but Yakura was gone.
Fuyu poked his head out the second-floor window."Idiot. She left last night."
Tobika squinted. "You're alive? She didn't break you?"
Fuyu leapt down and attacked his face."She tortured me, you bastard! Die with me!"